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Old 01-29-2011, 03:55 PM   #1
DVCDan36
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Dilemma

I have been working on and off in term jobs since I have not been able to find a permanent job here in cold Northern New York. This is where my family is and where we've bought a house and became foster parents to adopt a child and created a life for us.
Here is the problem, I have a job interview on Monday, for South Carolina. This will be a permanent job where I would not longer have to hope that another term job will pop up anytime soon. My DP has a permanent job up here and may not be able to transfer to SC, or it may take awhile. We want to adopt, but have no idea how SC is for the gay community (I am guessing not the best). On the plus side, we will be 8 hours away from Disney as opposed to our 22 hour drive.
We talk about moving after we get the adoption and things are a little more settled. I applied for the job because I was out of work and didn't want to not find a job. What are you suggestions, anyone live in SC?
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Old 01-29-2011, 05:06 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DVCDan36 View Post
I have been working on and off in term jobs since I have not been able to find a permanent job here in cold Northern New York. This is where my family is and where we've bought a house and became foster parents to adopt a child and created a life for us.
Here is the problem, I have a job interview on Monday, for South Carolina. This will be a permanent job where I would not longer have to hope that another term job will pop up anytime soon. My DP has a permanent job up here and may not be able to transfer to SC, or it may take awhile. We want to adopt, but have no idea how SC is for the gay community (I am guessing not the best). On the plus side, we will be 8 hours away from Disney as opposed to our 22 hour drive.
We talk about moving after we get the adoption and things are a little more settled. I applied for the job because I was out of work and didn't want to not find a job. What are you suggestions, anyone live in SC?
My partner's company was purchased (read as acquired, absorbed, taken-over LOL) a little over a year ago by a company based in NC...and while they maintain his office here in Rochester, NY (so we can't be too far from you since we're in the FingerLakes---Central/Western NY)...there was a lot of pressure for him to move to the NC office. We looked into it and realized there is absolutely no way we could live down there----sure the WEATHER climate may be a lot nicer, but the LGBT climate is certainly not. For instance, his health insurance was transferred from a NY company to a NC company and the rules changed so that he no longer had the option to cover me on his insurance. Luckily for us I am employed full time and am able to access my own health insurance...but we live in fear at this point of the day that I lose my job or decide to stop working or change to a job without good benefits because then I would not be able to get insurance. I know that NC and SC are different states....but I can't imagine they're THAT different......if you did decide to move I would definitely do it after an adoption in NY state is legal and complete.
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:31 AM   #3
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I also wanted to add a vote for moving AFTER you have finalized any adoption, if you decide that moving is your only option. I have spoken to several people around the SE who live in fear that their rights to their children (not a bio child, but the non-bio parent) will be taken away.

We live in NY also, and it makes me nervous to think about living in a state that does not have the civil liberties that I have become accustomed to by living in a state that cares about my rights too.

In a lot of tolerant states, you say that you are gay, have a partner, have children in a same sex relationship and they don't even skip a beat. For me, I refuse to go back into the closet because of less tolerant people. I refuse to ask my children to lie, or to "cover" up our family because I fear the repercussions, it's just not how I choose to live. For us, it made more sense to stay in a more tolerant state.

The final straw for me, was listening to a non-bio mom telling me about how the political signs during an election were so inflammatory that they would purposely drive out of their way to avoid them. NO WAY am I going to purposefully put my family up for that kind of scrutiny by choice!

Here's what I found about SC laws - my personal choice, based on this information, and being a parent to small children, would be to stay clear of SC.

Issues

Marriage
2006 – Anti-same-sex marriage constitutional amendment banned marriage for same-sex couples

1996 – Anti-same-sex marriage statute banned marriage for same-sex couples

Domestic Violence
Has domestic violence laws that explicitly exclude same-sex survivors of domestic violence

Second-Parent Adoption
It is unclear whether the state adoption law permits second-parent adoptions.

Hate Crimes
Does not have hate crime laws that include crimes based on any characteristics
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Old 01-31-2011, 08:03 AM   #4
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My two cents. Stay put. Easier said than done. But as you've said your DP has a "regular" job. And who knows if you decide to adopt you may want to be a SAHD and contract from home. I feel it's so important (when you can) to have family close by.

Obviouly it's your decision and I may be biased with having my in-laws in your area.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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Old 01-31-2011, 06:22 PM   #5
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Thank you for your input. I had the interview today, which did not go over very well. The interview was suppose to be at 2pm, they called my cellphone even though I asked them to please call my work phone. I asked if I could call them on a land line which they gave me a bum number. The number on my cell phone came back to a "number not in service." Finally they called me back and provided me with a better number. I then called and the person interviewing me was tied up with someone else, would I call back at 2:45. They called me at 2:40 and said they would call me back. They called me back a few minutes later and they told me the interviewer was tied up some more, they would call me. They finally got a hold of me a little after 3pm.
It was an ok interview, not my best, and admittedly, I was working at the same time (I am very busy at work). They did ask if offered the job, how long before I could start. I did ask for enough time to replace me or at least prepare for my lose.
But, after discussing it with family, our goals are set in New York and we need to complete that before we make a move. It is going to be tough when my job ends and there is nothing open. I should clearify that I work for the Fed Govt and would be moving on with them to SC. As of last year, the gov cannot discriminate based on sexual orientation anymore. But yes, SC attitude towards others was a contributing factor right now, but I don't shy away from a challenge.
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