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Old 12-26-2010, 02:22 PM   #1
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Help with daughter deal with deployment

My DD8 is usually a very happy, upbeat, bright and loving child. My DH was deployed in July and I thought she was handling the deployment very well. Turns out I was wrong.

On Christmas Eve she told me that she is having "bad thoughts" about me. Thoughts like she wishes I would die or that she hates me. Normally we are very close, so I am taking this seriously. She is also very close to her dad and I know she misses him terribly.

She is having so many bad thoughts about me that it is totally stressing her out to the point where she pounds her head with her fists and cries and cries. She also said last night that she wishes she would just die so these thoughts would go away.

I am looking for some thoughts or guidance on how to help her through this. Has anyone's child been like this before during a deployment? most of the time she is happy-go-lucky and very loving, but when she has a "thought" it is hard for me to break her out of it. I have tried distraction, hugs, talking about Disney, etc., but she is still having these thoughts.
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Old 12-26-2010, 02:49 PM   #2
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Your poor daughter. I'm sure it is difficult having one person being both mom and dad for her especially if one was the "fun" one and the other did the discipline.

Have you taken her for any professional help? Military One Source can refer you to a child's therapist in your area with 12 free sessions. There is also something called Military Family Life Consultant(MFLC) in every state for both adults and children. MFLCs are licensed therapist who take no notes, nothing but a first name and are solution based counseling.

Do you have any military support groups around you? Maybe she needs to be around other children suffering through a deployment as well. There is a big military 4H group in every state that does sleep away camps and monthly meetings which might be good to be with others in the same boat.

Military One Source has tons of materials for children and parents who are going through this. You and your sweet daughter are not alone.
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Old 12-31-2010, 11:56 AM   #3
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I would definitely look into the couseling options suggested by the above poster.

Being a Navy spouse, I dealt with far too many deployments with a child who had a very difficult time adjusting. Do you think perhaps her reason for wanting you dead is because she thinks if you die, then her dad will have no choice but to come back home to her? I know it is unsettling to have a child wish you were dead, but it could be an unconscious wish.....not thinking of the consequences of your death, but the reward would be to have dad home. Are there any families close by dealing with this? Perhaps she could make some friends with people who were dealing with the same situation. I hope you the best of luck. She sounds like she is having such an internal struggle.
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Old 01-02-2011, 07:17 PM   #4
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I second what LovemyGoofy suggested. Our school which is mostly military has military family life consultants in the school. My DS6 has more anger issues now that my DH is deployed. The MFLC has helped him and myself cope with the changes. The MFLC has numerous sources as well that can help you and her. Because we try and be strong but we need help as well. I would check out military one source, ton of material. I know it may seem childish because she is 8 but Sesame Street has some good articles as well. I would start today with Militaryonesource and then contact the MFLC asap. I am sorry you are having to deal with this but know there is help. BTW my DS6 is doing really well with his MFLC. They have helped me react to his anger issues and it has helped diffuse some situations. Now DH is coming home soon but we will continue just in case, we issues with reintegration.
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