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Old 09-10-2010, 07:25 PM   #1
bnts1993
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My Father in law sorry really long...

My FIL was the healthiest man I know he worked out 3 days a week and walked every night. Years ago he was a runner and has always taken really good care of himself. A few months ago he complained that he woke up with a pain in his arm and chest and it kept him up all night and we said that he should have gone to the hospital but he said the pain went away so we didn't think anymore about it. Then end of July he stopped going to the gym and he started doing strange things like forgetting names and things that just happens so we thought maybe he had Alzheimer's or his brain tumor that he had in 93 came back. I told my MIL that I thought we should take him in to see a doctor, he had not seen a doctor since 93-94 when he had the brain tumor removed anyway and of course nothing was done. he was complaining that his stomach hurt and it started keeping him up at night and he would say to his wife you really look like my other wife or to my husband that he felt like he was staying at a hotel and I told them if he didn't want to go see a doctor we needed to trick him to force him to go. 3 weeks ago we noticed he lost a lot of weight and he didn't even know how to put a seat belt on and he was not being his normal self...no more working out, and no more reading nothing he was like a zombie. We made him an appointment to see a doctor Monday but Saturday come and he said I really need to go to the hospital my stomach really hurts I can't sit still my stomach feels better moving around. I rushed him to the ER and that was the last time we say him awake. By Sunday he was in the ICU and had to have emergency surgery to remove a part of his intestines that had dies due to a blood clot. he never recovered and died 9/2/10. We felt like we had no answers as to why this happened he was so healthy, I have 2 girls 15, 11 and a boy 2 and my husband who will be hurting for a long time he was a great father and grandpa that my son will never get to play with like my girls did. We are mad at my MIL because she should have made him go she saw him day to day instead of telling him to lay down or that he wasn't eating she just ignored it, now she wants us to leave our home and live with her which her or our house is not big enough for just because she doesn't want to be alone. Our Disney trip is 70 days away and are wondering if we should even go.
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Old 09-10-2010, 07:45 PM   #2
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I am so sorry for the loss of your FIL. My sympathies and prayers are with your family. I know how hard it is to not have your children have your FIL be a part of their lives growing up.

I know you are all really hurting right now, and it is easy to be angry with your MIL. Anger is definately part of grieving. Sometimes we get angry because we wish it were different, that maybe it would have made a difference and he would still be here. But that anger toward your MIL won't bring him back now. You all need each other and patience and love is what everyone needs.

As far as your MIL wanting you to move in with her, wow, that's a really hard request. A hard one to say no to, but a hard one to go along with if it won't be a good fit for your family. I have no advice on how to handle that situation other than to do what you know is best for your immediate family.

70 days from now will feel totally different than right now feels. Keep your trip as planned, you can always cancel at the last minute if it doesn't feel right. Many times a Disney trip can be the getaway you will need at that time, ready to have some fun and smiles.

I will keep you in my thoughts.
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Old 09-10-2010, 09:00 PM   #3
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I agree totally with MinnieBeth

Anger is so easy. It is part of the process indeed. However, it will do none of you any good at all.

You, and only you know if you could possibly handle, or even WANT TO TRY to handle living with MIL.

For us it was the opposite, MIL passed, FIL is here daily, and if and when we purchase the house of our dreams, there will be a room/area for him. I love him dearly, and have ZERO issues. However, MIL that NEVER would have happened.

Tame time now for your family. I would not think of canceling, but that is me. We are all different. No right and wrong here. I would think that your children need this as well.

My daughter was 2 the week my MIL passed. We have kept her memory alive (or try to) with old videos, pictures, cards. We often speak of her, what she looked like, how much she adored the children. It is hard, but not impossible.

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Old 09-15-2010, 09:35 AM   #4
Stitch1231
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I am so sorry for your loss
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Old 09-15-2010, 10:13 AM   #5
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I'm sorry for your loss {{hugs}}.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. MIL couldn't really force your FIL to go to the doctor. Your FIL was an adult and made his own choice not to see a doctor and he must have been very doctor-phobic if he had not seen one since his surgery 17 years ago. I know it's frustrating thinking about what might have been if he had been seen and diagnosed earlier. Sad too .

I would keep your vacation unless the money spent would make other choices difficult. As for your MIL ... selling your house and moving to be with her seems to be a pretty drastic solution. Can you move her into an apartment nearby instead? Maybe a senior living arrangement? My in-laws live in a senior apartment complex in FL and my DH's aunt and uncles (2 families) live in one in the Chicago area. Both provide transportation around the area and plenty of activities.
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