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Old 05-16-2010, 09:54 PM   #16
LuvOrlando
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Funny how they are the moochers yet you feel bad about saying no. Personally, I would do what others suggested and tell them you'd love to see them here and there but staying overnight just doesn't work for you guys right now. Friends don't ask friends unreasonable requests and get mad when the other person says no, they know it was too much and let it slide. Seriously, if they cut you off for this they aren't really your friends, they've just been using you for a vacation spot.
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Old 05-16-2010, 09:57 PM   #17
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If you tell them that it isn't a good time, then they will probably just pick another time. I think you might need to tell them that you would love to see them if they don't mind staying in a hotel because of......(think of something). Maybe the size of your house, I don't know. But there has got to be a reason that no time of year would be good for them to stay in your house.

Honestly though, I would not entertain people in my house if it caused undue stress for my family unless it was a very, very close relative. Even then, I might still suggest a hotel.

Good luck. I think it is a bit rude to for those people to try to push their family on you.
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Old 05-16-2010, 10:10 PM   #18
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" No. You cannot come because my home is not available for guests. When I am ready for it I will tell you. There is a hotel 6 nearby and I am sure there are discounts. Peace out."
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Old 05-16-2010, 10:13 PM   #19
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Errr, open door to my friends, not hers.
But you're an outgoing man - her friends can become your friends !
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Old 05-16-2010, 10:14 PM   #20
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But you're an outgoing man - her friends can become your friends !
Depends, do they drink?
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Old 05-17-2010, 12:16 AM   #21
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Depends, do they drink?
Or, perhaps--do they feel their underage teens are mature enough to drink and do they let them?

OP--I would jsut tell them that you have realized that so many people in the house is too stressful for your family. Let them know you would love to spend time with them if you can find an affordable place for them to stay and help them look for a house to rent (with kitchen), cabin at a campground, etc.
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Old 05-17-2010, 12:26 AM   #22
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"Great, it will be wonderful to see you! Where are you staying?"

Repeat as necessary, until it sinks in that staying with YOU is not an option.
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Old 05-17-2010, 01:35 AM   #23
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If "not right now" elicited the response, "great, how about summer?" then they may not be getting the message. I'd probably politely say "You know, honestly we don't really feel like the house is up to hosting guests - we've realized sometimes it feels like we're stepping on just each other here! We hope you understand. We'd love to see you though - I'd be happy to suggest some accomodations in the area, or if you'd prefer we visit you this time, maybe you could suggest some places we could stay there and we can see if we can work out a trip?" You're shutting them down from staying with you, and showing them in return that you don't automatically assume you can stay with them either. If they're close enough and/or blunt enough to ask if their family of six can "crash" with you when a "real" vacation isn't in the cards, then hopefully they're thick-skinned enough to hear a polite no answer.
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Old 05-17-2010, 01:38 AM   #24
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I'd probably say, "We would TOTALLY love to spend time with you. One favor, though -- our house just isn't going to accommodate everybody. Is there any possible way you could swing the hotel just down the street? I looked into it and it's about x-number of dollars a night."

If they pull the, "oh, we can just crash on the floor" thing, just say, "I really don't think that would work for us. I want to enjoy our visit and that just sounds like a nightmare for everybody."

Or you can you tell them you'll check with your spouse -- and then blame it on your spouse that they can't stay with you. (Just kidding!)
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Old 05-17-2010, 06:56 AM   #25
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I think you have to be clear that you are not up to hosting. some of the previous responses are good and could help with that. However, if you give them false reasons, like it being bad timing or financially unfeasable, they can easily overcome them (we'll buy some groceries!, let's plan a different time!). be enthusiastic about seeing them, make sure it isn't about them personally, but be clear that hosting does not work for you and your family.
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:14 AM   #26
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Their repy, okay, let's plan to do it some time in the summer. We have been friends with these people for years, but we do not want to host them in our home, done that before and was very stressed after they left and a little poorer keeping them all fed. We got out of it this time, but do not know how we will keep putting them off and do not want to hurt their feelings.
If your only concern is money, be honest with them and tell them that you love having them but cannot afford to entertain right now. Explain that they are welcome if they help with the groceries while in town.

If you just don't want them staying in your home anymore, you have to decide how much their friendship means to you. There is no nice way to say that they are not welcome to stay with you anymore. Since you have done so in the past and they thought it went well, they will be hurt - possibly insulted.

Edited to add: We have a family that stays with us for one week every summer. We love having them, but they are on vacation when they come, and we are not. They want us to take them all over the place - NYC, Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island, Hiking, canoeing, etc. Last year we told them that they could come but we would not be on vacation during their trip, so they would have to do those things on their own. They did, and they had a great time. We spent mornings and evenings together and had a great time. A compromise that worked for everyone. They are returning this summer under the same understanding.
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:24 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mtemm View Post
I think you have to be clear that you are not up to hosting. some of the previous responses are good and could help with that. However, if you give them false reasons, like it being bad timing or financially unfeasable, they can easily overcome them (we'll buy some groceries!, let's plan a different time!). be enthusiastic about seeing them, make sure it isn't about them personally, but be clear that hosting does not work for you and your family.
ITA! Honesty is the best policy. I don't know why but it seems like every summer my mom gets loads of family/friends who stay for a week or more. Its so stressful and costly for her to keep them but she never turns anyone down. When they leave it takes her a week to get her house cleaned back up and de-stress. I keep telling her that she needs to just tell them no, but she won't. Best of luck Op and keep us posted.
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:28 AM   #28
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We have an open door policy and purposely bought a large home to welcome guests - so we would say, "Great! We look forward to seeing you!"


I have a CLOSED door policy!! I HATE visitors and also hate BEING one!!

I also don't have a problem letting people know. No one has the right to invite themselves to YOUR house unless they're immediate family.... and sometimes not even then!!
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:40 AM   #29
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Here's what you tell them: "That's great! We aren't taking a vacation either! The whole family will be volunteering all this summer at these places instead; ____________________ (VBS, Habitat for Humanity, Food Bank, etc.,) and we would love to have your help! It's overwhelming all of the work that we have signed up for. Gosh, you're coming couldn't have been at a better time! We are really looking forward to having more hands to pitch in, and of course catching up too! Let us know when you can come so we can sign you all up with us!

Bet "something came up" will be the reply.
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LOL, better than my contagious disease idea with tons of bodily fluid details.
LOL. I'll save the contagious disease one as a back up.

Op, try having a dvc and family members trying to invite themselves on your vacation.

Good luck!!
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:48 AM   #30
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A good reply:

Great, we'd love to see you too! We just purchased a large tent that we'd love to put up in the back yard for you. I think a neighbor even has a new camping toilet we can borrow. I hear those solar shower things are fairly warm in the afternoon's. But, we can only host on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays as the sprinkler system is on the other days and I can't remember how to reprogram it.

Can't wait to see you!!
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