The DIS Book Club Discussion Group: Round 2 - The Help

[CBisMe]

Originally Posted by *NikkiBell*

:

It brought to mind the AIDS crisis in the 1990s and how so many people were afraid to be near someone with the disease. I remember watching television shows with individuals who were afraid to even sit near someone who had AIDS because they were concerned that they could contract it. Did anyone else have the same reaction to this scene in The Help? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt alienated against because of a physical trait like skin color, gender, etc.? How did you cope and what did you learn from the situation?

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It made me think about the AIDS crisis in the 1990s as well. As a lesbian living in North Carolina I was volunteering at an AIDS crisis organization in the 90's. It was down-right dangerous.
We had to have security escort us to our cars at night, we had people follow us in our cars, honking, pulling aside us, threatening to kill us. When we were at an event we were always surrounding by protesters and folks saying mean and dangerous things to us - for helping people with AIDS.

Funny though how time changes things. I now run an volunteer AIDS meal program that delivers food every holiday to people with AIDS and their families. The make-up of the clients have changed to a lot of poor african-americans now. And although it's certainly not dangerous anymore (which is still a bit weird), the crisis it's becoming invisible again in a different way.

I can't help but think that has to do with the people now who make up the majority of our clients. Sometimes when we are driving the meals out into the poorer neighborhoods I feel like I am traveling back in time, and in a lot of ways it reminds me of the "colored section of town" described in the book.

[tammyroo]

This book really made me reflect on my own childhood experiences. I was born in the mid-sixties and my parents hired a black babysitter/housekeeper to take care of me and the house. This is important because my dad is about as racist as they come. I didn't think much about it then, but now it is so ironic that someone SO racist would allow a black woman such intimate access to raising his child. I mean, I was not allowed to be seen talking to a black kid let alone being friends with one while growing up--but yet this woman could help raise me. Go figure.
I remember Corina fondly and she was such a good, humble, hardworking woman. I could fill a book with great stories about her. Abileen reminds me of her so much. My mom was nothing like the socialite women in The Help though. Corina remained a part of our family in many ways until her death several years ago.

One particular memory comes to mind, when thinking of awkward situations like the one Abilieen experiences. I was probably about 5 or so, with very little awareness, if any, of the differences of race, bigotry, etc and what it all meant. One evening my dad was driving Corina home and I wanted to ride along. I don't remember anything about the conversation, but I remember saying the "n" word (because I had heard it used all the time and didn't know any better) and there was a deafening silence. That was the first time I learned how horrible that word was even though I had never been taught that. I don't know if my dad was embarrassed, angry or what but I hope there was some shame and embarrassment on his part. I was confused but I understood it was wrong on some level. Needless to say, although no words were spoken, I got the message that that word was to not be used again.

[maroo]

I am late to this party - but I just have to jump in. I hope you don't mind a late arrival.


I have listened to this book 4 times as an audio book.

This book was a great read - but I have a different perspective than most.

The first chapter takes place about 2 miles from where I am typing this. I am currently living in Jackson, MS. I was appalled to read about the ignorance portrayed in this time period of history. And when I think that this was only 50 years ago - it really saddens me.

I really wish I could tell you that all of those "bad roots" are gone here in MS - but that would be a lie. Of course, the younger generation has been raised to treat all people with respect. But the socioeconomic status still varies (generally) between the white population here in Jackson and the black population.

I am not proud of that fact as a resident here.


I grew up in Little Rock, AR. Another place that has been the subject of several books and movies. When I was a senior in high school, I was cast in Disney movie shot at my high school (Little Rock Central High). There was a scene in the movie where we were filming a group of white students throwing soup on one black female student. As we were filming - we were asked to yell, throw things, etc...totally acting...at this young lady. There were grown men crying at the end of filming that scene. The horror of what that time in our history really was...not just the IDEA of it - but the reality of it. HOW in the world could someone actually have that much hate for someone that they don't even know based on the color of their skin?? It is something I really still don't understand today.

Anyway. I am in on this discussion. Maybe I can add some perspective from someone that is still living here today.

[nmoore14]

This book brings up stories that my grandmother told me about this time. I can remember her sharing stories about not being able to drink out of the "white" water fountain and not being able to use the "white" restroom. However, my grandmother was a rebel. She would sneak a drink and have a friend watch out for the police while she used the "white" restroom. I think that the characters in this book are an accurate portrayal of the way it was. I am trying to find time to read the next part (in Grad school and it is kicking my butt ).

[*NikkiBell*]

Originally Posted by CBisMe

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It made me think about the AIDS crisis in the 1990s as well. As a lesbian living in North Carolina I was volunteering at an AIDS crisis organization in the 90's. It was down-right dangerous.

I can't help but think that has to do with the people now who make up the majority of our clients. Sometimes when we are driving the meals out into the poorer neighborhoods I feel like I am traveling back in time, and in a lot of ways it reminds me of the "colored section of town" described in the book.

CBisMe, thank you for sharing this with us. I can't even begin to imagine what your experiences in the 1990s must have been liked. I remember it being a heightened story, but I was only in middle and high school at the time and did not know much about the AIDS crisis. I do remember people freaking out and thinking you could catch it from sitting next to a person or using the same toilet seat.

Originally Posted by tammyroo

This book really made me reflect on my own childhood experiences. I was born in the mid-sixties and my parents hired a black babysitter/housekeeper to take care of me and the house. This is important because my dad is about as racist as they come. I didn't think much about it then, but now it is so ironic that someone SO racist would allow a black woman such intimate access to raising his child. I mean, I was not allowed to be seen talking to a black kid let alone being friends with one while growing up--but yet this woman could help raise me. Go figure.
I remember Corina fondly and she was such a good, humble, hardworking woman. I could fill a book with great stories about her. Abileen reminds me of her so much. My mom was nothing like the socialite women in The Help though. Corina remained a part of our family in many ways until her death several years ago.

That is so interesting to be able to relate on this level to the book. The name of your maid brings to mind one of my favorite Whoopi Goldberg movies, Corina, Corina, in which she played a maid working for a white household around the same time period.

Originally Posted by maroo

I am late to this party - but I just have to jump in. I hope you don't mind a late arrival.


I have listened to this book 4 times as an audio book.

This book was a great read - but I have a different perspective than most.

The first chapter takes place about 2 miles from where I am typing this. I am currently living in Jackson, MS. I was appalled to read about the ignorance portrayed in this time period of history. And when I think that this was only 50 years ago - it really saddens me.

I really wish I could tell you that all of those "bad roots" are gone here in MS - but that would be a lie. Of course, the younger generation has been raised to treat all people with respect. But the socioeconomic status still varies (generally) between the white population here in Jackson and the black population.

Anyway. I am in on this discussion. Maybe I can add some perspective from someone that is still living here today.

Maroo! It's great to have the perspective of someone living in the area our book is set in. I'd love it if you could post a few pictures of the area for a visual, even if things have significantly changed since the time period.

Originally Posted by nmoore14

This book brings up stories that my grandmother told me about this time. I can remember her sharing stories about not being able to drink out of the "white" water fountain and not being able to use the "white" restroom. However, my grandmother was a rebel. She would sneak a drink and have a friend watch out for the police while she used the "white" restroom. I think that the characters in this book are an accurate portrayal of the way it was. I am trying to find time to read the next part (in Grad school and it is kicking my butt ).

This reminds me of Minny. I could definitely see her sneaking into a "white" bathroom or using a "white" water fountain. She's got a lot of spunk about her. Part of me thinks that Aibileen would do this, too, but she really has been steering clear of doing anything of the sort especially with Miss Leefolt around.

[DisneySunflower]

I am enjoying this book! Every time I try to put it down, I find that I have read another chapter and can not stop.

I am also enjoying this discussion. Very good questions and very good sharing.

[Mississippianna]

Well, I stayed up until 2 a.m. to finish this book last night, I couldn't put it down. I'm glad I bought the full version on Kindle for iPhone, too. I have to give the hardcover I got to my mom. She was born in '53 and grew up in Jackson. Though she was barely a teenager at the time of this book, I can't wait to hear her perspective.

I can remember, when I moved up to middle school in Jackson, going home and asking my mom why a black girl had asked to touch my hair. I didn't understand at all what that was about. She said, even then, they probably came from a school or neighborhood which was still all black despite integration and may never have sat beside a white girl in class before. I had come from an elementary school that I'd guess was about 50/50, and I had never before imagined all schools weren't like that.

[maroo]

Wow! Taking pictures would be a great idea!!

I will see if I can do that! I need to relisten to the book and see if I can come up with some good shots.

Originally Posted by Mississippianna

Well, I stayed up until 2 a.m. to finish this book last night, I couldn't put it down. I'm glad I bought the full version on Kindle for iPhone, too. I have to give the hardcover I got to my mom. She was born in '53 and grew up in Jackson. Though she was barely a teenager at the time of this book, I can't wait to hear her perspective.

I can remember, when I moved up to middle school in Jackson, going home and asking my mom why a black girl had asked to touch my hair. I didn't understand at all what that was about. She said, even then, they probably came from a school or neighborhood which was still all black despite integration and may never have sat beside a white girl in class before. I had come from an elementary school that I'd guess was about 50/50, and I had never before imagined all schools weren't like that.

Are you still living here in MS? If so, hello neighbor!!

[Eeyores#1Fan]

Hi All! Getting in late but have read the book so I hope you don't mind if I still participate. My book club just discussed this book last Fri. April 9th.....very good discussion too.

Originally Posted by *NikkiBell*

Have you ever been in a situation where you had a "conversation" without saying something? What led to this taking place and how was the tension resolved?

Actually even though this book takes place a few decades ago, I believe people still have these 'silent conversations' today. For example, being a women working for a Networking company around Engineers all day and NOT being an Engineer myself I always seem to find myself in 'conversations' where I'm looking at people and asking without speaking 'So am I beneath you in smarts and skill level simply because I'm a women that's not an engineer???' It always leads to them either trying to back peddle or just walking away. If they do walk away they always try to explain themselves later. I wouldn't say it's resolved but at that point I know where I stand with that individual and our relationship is forever changed.

Originally Posted by *NikkiBell*

What are your thoughts on the role of women in The Help and how they are portrayed thus far? Do you feel that this portrayal is accurate for the text's time period? Which woman, if any, can you identify with the most?

I do believe that the role of housewife was portrayed accurately for the time period however it does bother me that women acted so highschoolish and followed the popular girls rules and demands. I was always the outsider...didn't buy into doing what others wanted just for the sake of being their friends so I'm sure it would have been hard for me to live in that time. But I imagine that it would be hard for any of us to live in that time given how some things have changed. I say some because racisim still exists, especially for women. If I had to identify with anyone it would be with Minny in the way she speaks her mind but she's also aware of when she needs to bite her tounge whether she does or not! That's the only part of me I see in her though. I see a little of me in Abileen too in the way she cares for Mae Mobley. My life is ALL about my girls! In writing this I think there's probably a little of several of the women in all of us (the women participating in this discussion anyway...lol).

Originally Posted by *NikkiBell*

Did anyone else have the same reaction to this scene in The Help? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt alienated against because of a physical trait like skin color, gender, etc.? How did you cope and what did you learn from the situation?

Yes, even today I'm in situations where I'm alienated due to my skin color or gender. At work, at cheer competitions, out and about. Certain times my race plays a factor because there are still small parts of NC where a few people still have that mentality. How do I cope? Ignore it. I can't live my life to change other people. If they don't want to be around me or talk to me so be it. As long as they don't attack me I let it go. Live and let live.

[Hankshouse]

First, I am so loving the posts from everyone! I read this book last month with my "other" book club and still have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. I found it so moving on all sorts of levels. Although this story is fiction, characters like Abilene and Skeeter were brave women, taking great risks to change their piece of the world.

I am the caucasian mom to two amazing children, my son (age 12) who was adopted in Russia and is Asian and my daughter (age 9), who was adopted domestically and is Biracial (African American and Caucasian) and who is also physically disabled. So, you can imagine how this tale struck a chord in my heart. In my family, we are colorblind. This time period in our country would never have "allowed" a family like mine to exist! Our nation has come very far. But, is it perfect? Absolutely not. Have I felt alienated because of skin color, etc.? Sadly, there was one moment that stands out very clearly in my memory where a neighbor made some shocking comments in front of my son, regarding his own experiences in Vietnam. My reaction was utter disbelief that someone could be so racist. My reaction was to shut up and walk away and I never pursued anything other than a polite relationship with that family again. Living in a cosmopolitan suburb of New York, you just don't "expect" those kinds of comments to come out of someone's mouth anymore and certainly not to someone's face. In hindsight, I would have liked to kick him right in the ...!!!

I do have to relate one funny incident though, nothing to do with my kids. My husband is British and on our first "road trip" to visit family in Miami, we drove from NYC. I gave him strict instructions on the way down, that if we pulled off our route in some of the more remote parts of our trip - to let ME do the talking...I didn't want any trouble from people who picked up on his accent and would make him an "easy target"....so I guess I had my own prejudices regarding southerners vs. northerners I'm happy to report after multiple trips down south, my attitude has changed.

[Mississippianna]

Originally Posted by maroo

Are you still living here in MS? If so, hello neighbor!!

Hiya! I am! We live in Oxford, and my mom lives up here now, too.

Originally Posted by Eeyores#1Fan

I do believe that the role of housewife was portrayed accurately for the time period however it does bother me that women acted so highschoolish and followed the popular girls rules and demands.

That bothered me, too. But, if you think about what was expected of them, which was nothing, I'm not at all surprised their high school/college sorority type relationships continued into adulthood. They weren't expected to work, and had hired someone else to raise their kids, cook and clean the house. All that's left for them is talking on the phone, shopping, and being in all these little clubs, just like teenagers. I think they were treated like children by society, and by their husbands, and so they acted like it.

[TSWJan78]

Hi Everyone,

I know I have been quiet and I am sure I iwll add more as we go on but I had to share with you that I downloaded the Audio version to my IPhone... I am so engrossed with this book that while at Costco I bought the hardcover so I could read it at home and not just have to listen. It seems like forever since I have actually read a book and I love to read. Although the audio is great I needed that feeling of holding it and smelling it as Julie would say.

I am loving the fact the Skeeter is being so rebelious, so daring and sees nothing wrong with what she wants to do, but sees it as completly normal. She would in no way describe herself at this point as a free spirit or be looking to break new gound it is just in her. That fire I think we all have inside but surpress sometimes.

[robind]

I have very much enjoyed this book, it is not something I would normally have picked up, but it came highly recommended so I'm glad to have the opportunity to discuss it with this group.

I find that I am comparing these women to my mother. She was about their age at that time period. I like to think she was like Skeeter. She was born in the rural south (VA) and I know her mother was very racist up until the day she died. However, my mother was always concidered "different" because she didn't think the same way as the other members of her family.

My dad was in the Air Force so we moved around alot, most the east coast. I've always wondered if she 'thought' differently then they did because she got out of that environment, or if she got out of that environment because she 'thought' different.

Personally, I can identify with Skeeter and Nikki's comments as well. I'm in my 40's and never married and a lot of my extended family does not understand why I never married. Although they were more than happy that I was willing to take care of my grandmother for years while they had their families.

[*NikkiBell*]

That's it! I just cannot believe it!!! Elizabeth is....PREGNANT?!!

I found myself screaming these words outloud the other day. On Page 157, Elizabeth reveals that she is again expecting.

"Well, while we wait, I have some news," Elizabeth says and I recognize the look on her face already, the secretive nod, one hand on her stomach. "I'm pregnant." She smiles, her mouth trembling a little.

Now, don't get me wrong, pregnancy can be a great thing. However, I am shuddering at the fact that Miss Leefolt is going to have another child when she doesn't show an ounce of affection towards her first one. Aibileen raises Mae Mobley; Elizabeth can barely stand to be in the same room as her. She smacks her on the legs for things so trivial as interrupting her phone conversation. Why on Earth is she now putting on a facade and pretending she loves children? Why would she get pregnant again?

Documented birth control methods date back to the early 1800s; some reports suggest even earlier (Yale-New Haven Teachers Institute, 2010). I even remember learning about Medieval birth control methods in college during a literature class. The question is what role do they play in The Help?

Because of the time period our book is set in and the social class Miss Elizabeth enjoys, pregnancy was considered to be a normal right of passage. It's obvious that it will be celebrated as we move through the remainder of the text. Even Hilly rejoices during this scene. Still, I find myself troubled by the fact that Elizabeth will repeat the cycle we can only predict happened with Mae Mobley ---- celebrate pregnancy, give birth, and quickly turn over parenthood duties to "the help." Even though this was relatively acceptable during the 1960s, I still find it irksome. What are your thoughts? Can we look down upon Miss Leefolt for getting pregnant again knowing full well that she would not care for the child? Is she just a product of the time period and social class and thus her behavior excusable?

[dreamlinda]

Originally Posted by *NikkiBell*

That's it! I just cannot believe it!!! Elizabeth is....PREGNANT?!!


What are your thoughts? Can we look down upon Miss Leefolt for getting pregnant again knowing full well that she would not care for the child? Is she just a product of the time period and social class and thus her behavior excusable?

Hi Everyone - this is my first post although I have been in from the beginning. I was born in '51 so remember the 60's well although not as an adult. Born in rural Iowa I have a feel for country life but moved to Denver at age 12 so also have a surburban background.

Although birth control has existed for century's, reliable methods such as the pill were not readily available until the mid 60's, and even then most women were discouraged from taking the pill by their Doctors. (Abortion was also still illegal.) There is nothing about Miss Leefolt that I find likeable, but I can understand getting pregnant and having to act pleased about it due to social mores'.

I am enjoying the book very much, and only have 40 pages to go (no spoilers coming). I grew up in "milk-toast" suburbia and never meet a black person until college. I was fortunate in a way because my parent's never discussed race so I was not raised with an opinion, but had the luxury of learning first hand that all people are truly the same. Later I learned my parents had a problem with mixing races - but that is a different and long story. This is when I understood that we can be taught hatred just as we hopefully learn love and tolerance. What the children in this book are learning from their families vs from the Help must have been very confusing for them.

Can't wait to finish the book - I find myself hopeful yet scared about what is coming next!