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Old 04-08-2010, 08:28 PM   #16
Scrappy_Tink
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Stand up for YOU! Do not bring your other son into the conversation - obviously he deserves a home that is happy and harmonious but that is a completely separate issue and bringing his name into it could cause your older son to act out against him.
Thanks, I wish I'd thought of this earlier! I did bring my other son into the conversation when I was talking with "J". I mentioned to him that I still had responsbilities to his brother, to give him a safe and happy home enviornment (just as he deserved the same), and he started on things his brother had done to "make" him to behave that way.

Believe me, my youngest is no saint (typical teen procrastinator, a little mouthy now & then, etc), but he has never been into trouble or hurt anyone. My mom, who is the hardest person to tell this to (I've basically kept many things from her, because she is elderly and I don't want to make sick) made the comment "Maybe "J" doesn't feel as loved as _____ ". That comment tore me. If anything, "J" has gotten more attention than my other son ever has, because everything has been about him and his current crisis.

Ironically, my youngest is a "geek" and is very much into computer programing, and will be going to State competition soon through SkillsUSA...he credits his computer saavy to his brother, because that was his "escape" when things were bothering him. I'm blessed that he turned to that instead of drugs, alcohol, or sex, like some teens would.
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Old 04-10-2010, 06:43 PM   #17
Kat&Dom
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Originally Posted by Scrappy_Tink View Post
Thanks, I wish I'd thought of this earlier! I did bring my other son into the conversation when I was talking with "J". I mentioned to him that I still had responsbilities to his brother, to give him a safe and happy home enviornment (just as he deserved the same), and he started on things his brother had done to "make" him to behave that way.

Believe me, my youngest is no saint (typical teen procrastinator, a little mouthy now & then, etc), but he has never been into trouble or hurt anyone. My mom, who is the hardest person to tell this to (I've basically kept many things from her, because she is elderly and I don't want to make sick) made the comment "Maybe "J" doesn't feel as loved as _____ ". That comment tore me. If anything, "J" has gotten more attention than my other son ever has, because everything has been about him and his current crisis.

Ironically, my youngest is a "geek" and is very much into computer programing, and will be going to State competition soon through SkillsUSA...he credits his computer saavy to his brother, because that was his "escape" when things were bothering him. I'm blessed that he turned to that instead of drugs, alcohol, or sex, like some teens would.

I think that you are a very wise and loving mother dealing with a very difficult situation - I will keep you in my prayers. I am a single mom too and I know how exhausting it is to be the only one to discipline. You did the very best you could with all the love in your heart for both sons so don't beat yourself up with guilt.

I have come to believe that who are children are is from birth and as parents, we nuture and try to guide and hope and pray that they turn out to be happy, well adjusted, loving human beings. I see really awesome parents that have very difficult to deal with children and some not so great parents have wonderful children.

My son is such a loving, kind and sharing person. He has always been that way - it was nothing that I taught him, it is just who he is. My best friend has a great little boy that struggles really hard with sharing and playing with other children. On his own, he is fine but with other children, he struggles socially - my friend and her husband are wonderful, kind, loving people and she asked me one day, how I got my son to be so good at sharing. I shrugged my shoulders and said, it is who he is - I can't take credit for it.

I think that your older son is who he is and I hope that he is able to work through his issues and become a happy and kind person. And just because it is who he is does not mean that there are not consequences to his actions - he needs to make some major changes and it starts with how you are handling things - once he knows that you know you deserve respect and love, he will change because I can see how much you love him and I know he knows you love him. Good luck and I will be praying for you.
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