Darwin awards

[rie'smom]

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in t he register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [ If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed? ]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [* A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER ]

10.. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

[douglisa]

Thank you!

[lovetoscrap]

I needed that!

[freckles and boo]

Regarding #3 There are unwritten but well-understood RULES about shoveling and parking spots in Chicago.

[tchrrx]

I don't think #4 needs to be on that list. That man was a genius!

[rie'smom]

My dad sent this to me. He always seems to know when I'm craving a good laugh.

[Cheshire Figment]

These are all very interesting to show stupidity. However, only #1 is actually eligible for a Darwin nomination.

To be considered for a Darwin award the individual must be removed from the gene pool. The most common way is by death; second would normally involve some physical impairment imposed on oneself (such as removal of, or severe damage to, certain body parts) which would make reproduction impossible.

[ammo]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Figment

These are all very interesting to show stupidity. However, only #1 is actually eligible for a Darwin nomination.

To be considered for a Darwin award the individual must be removed from the gene pool. The most common way is by death; second would normally involve some physical impairment imposed on oneself (such as removal of, or severe damage to, certain body parts) which would make reproduction impossible.

Good point, but I think that the woman in #3 is also eligible for the award (assuming that her wounds were fatal). Everybody in Chicago who is qualified to remain in the gene pool realizes that you do not take a parking space cleared by somebody else. Ever.

[rie'smom]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Figment

These are all very interesting to show stupidity. However, only #1 is actually eligible for a Darwin nomination.

To be considered for a Darwin award the individual must be removed from the gene pool. The most common way is by death; second would normally involve some physical impairment imposed on oneself (such as removal of, or severe damage to, certain body parts) which would make reproduction impossible.

I don't pick 'em, I just post 'em.

[christineann]

Here's some Dumb Crook News:

Note on bill leads to suspect's arrest
Saturday, May 10, 2008


The bank robbery suspect who wrote his stick-up note on his cell phone bill Thursday left with about $16,000, but he was soon parted with the money, police said.

Charleston police found the suspect within an hour of the 9:18 a.m. robbery at his house less than a mile from the S.C. Federal Credit Union at 1317 Folly Road, according to an affidavit. Officers found the clothing worn during the robbery outside the house, they said.

Police said the suspect poured gas on the bank counter and floor and threatened to ignite it during the robbery.

Police arrested Carl Lee Mikell, 51, of James Island, on a charge of entering a financial institution with intent to steal. Magistrate Linda Lombard set bail at $25,000 Friday.

Seriously.....you can't make this stuff up.

[Carly_Roach]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Figment

These are all very interesting to show stupidity. However, only #1 is actually eligible for a Darwin nomination.

To be considered for a Darwin award the individual must be removed from the gene pool. The most common way is by death; second would normally involve some physical impairment imposed on oneself (such as removal of, or severe damage to, certain body parts) which would make reproduction impossible.

Agreed. The train guy one almost makes it, though. File that one under God looking out for fools and children.

The one about shoveling snow for an hour and someone else taking the spot is totally understandable. Personally, I wouldn't have shot her. I'd have drained all the air from her tires and probably put a sweet "additive" into her gas tank. You don't take ownership of someone else's hard work during the cleanup of a major blizzard around here. It WILL get you shot.

Thanks for the laugh this morning, OP!

[Guy Incognito]

Originally Posted by tchrrx

I don't think #4 needs to be on that list. That man was a genius!

actually #4 is made up....

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin05.asp

the posted list is actually from an email that was going around back in 2005... if you go to the darwin awards site, you can browse through the current 2008 list of stories

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html


oh, and forget about sugar in the gas tank.... that's a myth as well.... use bleach in the gas tank if you want to muck things up... episode of 'mythbusters' showed that sugar did nothing, but bleach really screwed up the engine; and if it's left to sit in the gas tank, will completely rust it out, so the entire tank/fuel system will need to be replaced*

*(poster disavows any responsibility for the use of this technique, and is only posting for purposes of information)

[rie'smom]

Originally Posted by PaulaSB12

Oh come on you missed the funniest honourable mention

Scrotum Self-Repair
I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

By Dr. William A. Morton, Jr

Originally Posted by Guy Incognito

actually #4 is made up....

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin05.asp



oh, and forget about sugar in the gas tank.... that's a myth as well....

y friend
Actually, sugar in the gas tank does work. My friend poured some into her professor's gas tank. When Sue went to take a make-up test, the professor was telling her husband that the mechanic said that the sugar in the gas tank caused big problems and the repairs cost thousands.

[Guy Incognito]

Originally Posted by rie'smom

y friend
Actually, sugar in the gas tank does work. My friend poured some into her professor's gas tank. When Sue went to take a make-up test, the professor was telling her husband that the mechanic said that the sugar in the gas tank caused big problems and the repairs cost thousands.

http://www.snopes.com/autos/grace/sugar.asp

if they were charged thousands for repairs, they got scammed by the mechanic... little bit from the above link:

"Because sugar doesn't dissolve in automotive fuel, it doesn't carmelize, and so it does not turn into the debilitating gunk this well-known entry in the revenge canon calls for. Instead, sugar poured into a car's gas tank stays intact. While sugar could still cause harm if it reached the engine (but in the same way sand would, by virtue of its being a granular contaminant, not because the sugar would turn into a syrup), even that potenetial harm is generally prevented by a filtration.

A little sugar in the tank could be dealt with by no more than having to change the fuel filter a few times, but a heavier sugaring would require the gas tank to be removed from the car and dumped out. Tom and Ray Magliozzi (hosts of radio's 'Car Talk') say it's not a big job for a good mechianic to drop the tank and clean it out; the process would likely cost the car's owner somewhere between $100 and $200."