Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Coping and Compassion
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 08-25-2007, 07:30 PM   #46
CarolynU
Proud Mum twice over
The TF enjoys making people stare at the screen in amazement! :)
The TF thanks Carolyn!
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Kent
Posts: 1,140

There are no words that can compensate for your awful loss. I'm so glad that you made it through the funeral, and learnt so much good about your brother to add to what you already knew. I am so so sorry.
CarolynU is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2007, 07:49 PM   #47
Charleyann
Someone spilled the beans
Just 70 more days till that smell comes again
 
Charleyann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Beaver Dam, New Brunswick
Posts: 2,895

16 weeks since my brother was buried...

Today is just 4 months since my brother was buried. Today has been rough. Christmas songs bring tears because it reminds me of him at Christmas. My mom loss total recongition of us the night we found out my brother was killed (lucky for her , she didn't have to go through this) I've cried several times today.

Thank God I am going to Disney for Christmas. There is no way I could stay here. Friends are coming along and it will make the first Christmas without my brother more bearable. I wish the pain would go away.He is the first person I think of before I go to sleep and the first I think of when I wake. The way he died is hardest to swallow.

Please tell me this is normal. That it will go away or get easier? I thought after 4 months things would get better. I guess I need more time....

Thanks again for listening and your prayers

Charleyann
__________________
Charleyann is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 12-08-2007, 08:45 PM   #48
frdeb1999
DIS Veteran
 
frdeb1999's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,193

Charleyann...Hope you have a wonderful time in Disney. You deffinately deserve some good times with all you've been through. I can tell you from first hand that it does get easier with time. Although it's never gone away. You are deffinately a strong person. My thoughts and prayers to you.
frdeb1999 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2007, 09:39 PM   #49
angel*lady
DIS Veteran
 
angel*lady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Northeast Florida
Posts: 704

__________________
March 2000 - first trip ever to WDW! Went for the day came home with season passes!!!!

Too many WDW trips to list! My car is on auto pilot to Disney World!!
July 2003 - Disney Wonder

March 2005 - Costa Atlantica
January 2007 - RCCI Soverign of the Seas
August 2008 - Beijing Bound - 2008 Olympics!!!
angel*lady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2007, 11:58 PM   #50
JudyS
Disney Lover, DVC Member, and Timeshare Fan!
 
JudyS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Ann Arbor
Posts: 1,029

I am sorry for all that you are going through, Charleyann. I think going away for the holidays is a good idea. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and feel like you're supposed to feel great every minute just because you're at Disneyworld, though. Just let Disney be a pleasant distraction and enjoy whatever magical moments come your way.

As for how long it takes to heal, I've often heard that the whole first year can be very hard. The first holiday season with the person you lost, the first birthday without them -- it's all tough. But, it does get easier with time. When I lost my mom, it was maybe two years before life reached its new equilibrium.
JudyS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 02:05 AM   #51
dee47

"I can't unleash my full potential in a two page summary."
 
dee47's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: WA
Posts: 1,499

DVC Gold Member
Paid DVC Rent/Trade
Gold Membership

Charleyann,



One thing I remember from my hospice work is that, according to studies, UNCOMPLICATED grief takes about a year (on average) to resolve. I think in your case, with your mom's AD and your child's CF, your grief is anything but uncomplicated. So really, there is no timetable. Just take each day as it comes. It's great that you're going to WDW, though you'll have intense grief moments there, I'm sure. When I lost my beloved grandma, we went to WDW on a planned vacation only 3 weeks after she died. I broke down during Fantasy in the Sky (I think that's what it was in 2000, but it's all a blur). I just felt her loss so intensely when I looked at the fireworks, I don't know why. So you may have some triggers there as well. Just allow yourself to grieve. It will get easier, but not right away.
__________________
Dee





dee47 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 02:37 AM   #52
Charleyann
Someone spilled the beans
Just 70 more days till that smell comes again
 
Charleyann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Beaver Dam, New Brunswick
Posts: 2,895

I was Christmas Shopping yesterday....

Quote:
Originally Posted by dee47 View Post
Charleyann,



One thing I remember from my hospice work is that, according to studies, UNCOMPLICATED grief takes about a year (on average) to resolve. I think in your case, with your mom's AD and your child's CF, your grief is anything but uncomplicated. So really, there is no timetable. Just take each day as it comes. It's great that you're going to WDW, though you'll have intense grief moments there, I'm sure. When I lost my beloved grandma, we went to WDW on a planned vacation only 3 weeks after she died. I broke down during Fantasy in the Sky (I think that's what it was in 2000, but it's all a blur). I just felt her loss so intensely when I looked at the fireworks, I don't know why. So you may have some triggers there as well. Just allow yourself to grieve. It will get easier, but not right away.
And started crying some in the store. I understand your intense moments.I was buying for my mom and the thought came over me that I should be buying for my brother. A friend made a beautiful neckless and earrings for my mother from my brother for Christmas. My biggest fear is that my mom will have lucid moment at Christmas and not receiving anything from my brother will hurt and confuse her (she doesn't know he was killed) I had to do this for me too. Something needs to be there from my brother....
__________________
Charleyann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 02:45 AM   #53
darlak
By the way, if my children ever see this, I'll deny writing it
I think that may just be one of those things southern girls are born knowing how to cook
 
darlak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: "The River"
Posts: 3,212

My baby brother (37) died in June after his battle with cancer. I still miss him every day, but I'm beginning to realize that the times when I think of him everyday are now more often warm and bittersweet than grief-filled and heart-wrenching. That's not to say that I don't still have those heart-wrenching moments though. Just less and less as time is going by.

That is also how I remember the grief process being after the death of my parents. This will be my 6th Christmas since the death of my mother and I still feel an emptiness at our holiday table. I feel it when I'm trying to prepare the holiday dishes that I will never make as well as she did and I feel it when we're opening presents on Christmas morning. This was her favorite time of year. I will never stop missing her, but I can take joy now in remembering her. We can laugh about some of her antics, but still cry when we remember our loss. These days, we spend more time smiling and laughing than crying.

This Christmas will be hard, but the next will be just a little better and they will continue getting easier over time. I'm keeping you in my prayers.
darlak is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 04:43 AM   #54
safetymom
Have will travel
ABD trips = clothes optional
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Now living near the parks!
Posts: 42,141

Christmas is a tough time if you have lost a loved one. My mother died in December. When we went to the house we found the Christmas presents she had bought for us. She will always be in my heart but I sure do miss her.

Just remember to be good to yourself and it will pass.

Disney is a great place to be to remember your loved ones at Christmas.
safetymom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 06:31 AM   #55
lookingforward
DIS Veteran
 
lookingforward's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Boca Raton, FL
Posts: 3,313

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charleyann View Post
And started crying some in the store. I understand your intense moments.I was buying for my mom and the thought came over me that I should be buying for my brother. A friend made a beautiful neckless and earrings for my mother from my brother for Christmas. My biggest fear is that my mom will have lucid moment at Christmas and not receiving anything from my brother will hurt and confuse her (she doesn't know he was killed) I had to do this for me too. Something needs to be there from my brother....
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Perhaps you can sign your name and your brothers name to your mother's gift so she won't be confused when she opens it.

I am so glad you are going to WDW with friends for the holidays. I hope you get the space and comfort there that you need.
__________________
Breast Cancer Survivor...Fighting For a Cure
lookingforward is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 07:37 AM   #56
Charleyann
Someone spilled the beans
Just 70 more days till that smell comes again
 
Charleyann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Beaver Dam, New Brunswick
Posts: 2,895

Sorry for the loss of your mom....

Quote:
Originally Posted by safetymom View Post
Christmas is a tough time if you have lost a loved one. My mother died in December. When we went to the house we found the Christmas presents she had bought for us. She will always be in my heart but I sure do miss her.

Just remember to be good to yourself and it will pass.

Disney is a great place to be to remember your loved ones at Christmas.

Especially near Christmas. I think I would have trouble with Christmas after that. You are strong! Thank you for the comforting words.

Charleyann
__________________
Charleyann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 01:54 PM   #57
safetymom
Have will travel
ABD trips = clothes optional
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Now living near the parks!
Posts: 42,141

Thank you Charleyann. I can remember my late husband being so worried about how I was going to handle life without my mother. She died in Dec. He died in April just months later. He was only 47.

Then several years after that I was in the hospital over Christmas with a blood clot in my entire left leg. The scary part of that is my late husband died from a blood clot when the Dr. screwed up his surgery. My kids were worried to death that I was going to die.

So now I always feel really bad for those that have lost a loved one because you are faced with all those family memories. I also feel so bad for those folks in a hospital that can't spend the holiday with their family.

So this is the season of the year I like to do lots of random acts of kindness towards someone else. When I can do something to put a smile on someones face it warms my heart.
safetymom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 07:17 PM   #58
Charleyann
Someone spilled the beans
Just 70 more days till that smell comes again
 
Charleyann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Beaver Dam, New Brunswick
Posts: 2,895

You have had your share....

Quote:
Originally Posted by safetymom View Post
Thank you Charleyann. I can remember my late husband being so worried about how I was going to handle life without my mother. She died in Dec. He died in April just months later. He was only 47.

Then several years after that I was in the hospital over Christmas with a blood clot in my entire left leg. The scary part of that is my late husband died from a blood clot when the Dr. screwed up his surgery. My kids were worried to death that I was going to die.

So now I always feel really bad for those that have lost a loved one because you are faced with all those family memories. I also feel so bad for those folks in a hospital that can't spend the holiday with their family.

So this is the season of the year I like to do lots of random acts of kindness towards someone else. When I can do something to put a smile on someones face it warms my heart.
You too have had your share of heartache! So sorry for your husbands death at such a young age.

My DS who has CF and juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, two years ago developed a large mass on his foot growing up his ankle. Doctors thought it was cancer. I didn't think I would make it through that. I knew CF, amputation, chemo and all else would surely spell death. My dad had just passed away from lung cancer. It ended up being a synovial tumor (benign) caused by arthritis. They found this out after surgery and after biopsy. He lost endurance to this, but he lives. Last fall he was attacked by a rottie and almost killed. He was in hospital for days....

It seems otherwhelming sometimes. However, if I look around and can gain some perspective, I know there is someone else out there who is worse off then me. This keeps me going.

God Bless you all for listening. Yesterday was a hard day. AS you can tell from the post, I didn't sleep much. Today was better.

Charleyann
__________________
Charleyann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2007, 05:47 AM   #59
safetymom
Have will travel
ABD trips = clothes optional
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Now living near the parks!
Posts: 42,141

Charleyann, thank you for posting your feelings. It really does help to write it down.

I learned to take life minutes at a time. Sometimes even that was overwhelming. Every day you have a fresh start to try all over again. I took lots and lots of baby steps and sometimes even stepped backward to get to where I am today.

I am here to listen anytime you want to "talk".
safetymom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2007, 08:37 AM   #60
Chuck-PA
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Phila PA
Posts: 564

My wife and I are a bit tired of hearing "God only gives you what you can handle"
We also have a son who has CF. He is 19 now. Every time he gets a cold, we worry how much lung damage will this cause. We worry about how many good years do we have left. We do create lots of great memories with him. He has a feeding tube. Life is harder with him having his own mind too and that ole invincible feeling. Those "arguments" are always fun.

I have MS, neurocardiogenic syncope (passing out), sleep apnea, anxiety,
prostate trouble, and as of a week ago, Pulmonary Hypertension (high blood pressure in the lungs and fluid retention in the body and limbs). It is a disease that CF'ers die from.

My wife was just diagnosed last week with extremely high blood pressure.
I wonder why?...lol..... no stress here dealing with all the ailments is there?

My wife lost her father last year to cancer, diagnosed and gone in one week's time.

The best way we have dealt with each diagnose or each little speed bump in life is with laughter. We find the humor or a funnly moment in the past and laugh about it. If not, I am sure we all would be moping and crying 24/7.

Our thoughts are with you....if you would like to share your experiences with CF, we are here for you. Since there are so few people with the disease, you may feel all alone at times.

Have a great time at Disney.
Chuck and Joanne
Chuck-PA is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:38 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.