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Old 02-09-2006, 04:38 AM   #1
tink2dw
Pixie Dust or Bust!!
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Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Earth From Drizzling Rain to Blazing Sun! With towering wind storms!!
Posts: 7,125

ADD from a Mother and Daughters View

I know what ADHD girls are like and I know ADHD boys are very different in that the boys are less able to express themselves hence the behavior problems happen more often with boys. I said all that to explain that my ADHD Dd starting talking very early and can express herself and her problems in terms that I as a Normy can understand.

What she has told me since she was 2 yrs old is she NEEDS me to be on her side. Period. To stand up for her when she is trying her best because she trys so hard ALL the time even if it doesn't look like it to me. It took till 5th grade for me to become fully aware what goes on at school, what an anti- teacher she had that year. That teacher did years of damage to my child and because she was a TEACHER Dd believed her over us her loving parents and her truely concerned Dr. It took another AWESOME TEACHER to convince Dd that the first teacher wasn't anywhere near right about how much Dd could do and learn.

So I become my childs Best Advocate I stood up and fought for her rights and Fought the system to get her what she needed to learn.

This is what she told me goes on in her head. You see if you could PAY ATTENTION and get All the info you would need?

All the file drawers are open spilling papers everywhere in her brain, 3 radio stations are playing a different type and kind of song at the same time plus 1 more station has only static on it. The other students in the class sound very loud and she hears each conversation seperately but at the same time and can follow all of them at once.Through this din she has to pick out the teachers voice and try to hear and follow directions. But she can't find the buttons to turn off the radios they are stuck on. The music isn't so bad but the static station is way too load. And the niose of the other students is horrible hard to make queit. So, she has to have the teacher or Me repeat things 3 times so she is sure she got all the info, as a mother I got use to this.

What the medication does for her is to make it so she can tune out the other students somewhat and turn down the static and music enough that they are a low roar in the background. And can concentrate more on the teacher.

Ritalin worked but it made her over emtional with her girlfriends. So beware of this with your child!

But Teachers immeadate are offended by having to repeat things 3 times and of course it is the childs FAULT. The spilled files are all she has learned, but because they are unorganised it takes her longer to take out the info to do homework or take tests. Plus she is a perfectionist everything needs to be done just EXACTLY as the teacher taught it or she is totally lost. Oh yes she has a photographic mind. But where Dd's learning difficutilty comes in is that she learns it, retains it, But then can't get it back out of her head on to paper. Which is what our state says teachers must grade on!!!!!!! If they could grade on oral work the child would get straight A+'s because she can tell what they learned that day and explain to me so I understand it.


An IEP is great IF teachers will do what it says, most won't!! Because they would have to teach all the other students one way and then come back and teach your child differently and they can't be bothered!! Or if your child only does part of the work I HAVE to dock her grade because the other students did it all. How I hated that system!!

Dd is now in Comm College where she is learning ASL -American Sign Laugage as a foreign laug. And although her 1st love is Theatre Tech[no acting, but all the behind the scenes work.] She has decided to become a Sign laugage Interpeter for Medical offices[That so,so teacher should see Dd know! She is working extra hard to learn all the medical terms! She impressed her LPN father tonight with some of her new knowledge. He beamed!!] and Legal offices with a certificate. She can work now without a certificate and be paid $35. an hour but it is more dollars with the certificate and she will be able to work more places. She goes to the Deaf church and loves the silence at their services. She says it is a relief to be there where it is so utterly quiet. She has many deaf friends now,too. And she chats as much in sign as she does with her hearing freinds,and is a lot!!

This is a book that really helped my husband and I find our way with ADHD and how to pick our fights well. I learned that if your child needed glasses that of course you would take him to get the best glasses for him. Well, ADHD needs to be looked into and treated with the same concern and care you would take with his precious eye sight!! Only in this case we need special communication skills to help our children. Dd gave me the sight to see what each and every day was like for her. And that she was trying hard and that is what we ask her to do, try hard and do your best. Which is all any of us can do.
This the book.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...2547789-4350569

I know this long. But I so wanted to share our on going story with you. We are going to work on teaching Dd how to Organize her room, she has finally ask for this. And maybe it will carry over to the file drawers in her brain. Sometime it works.
We will see.

I hope this will of help to you and your child and may, it spark some, one on one quiet chats about what he lives with in his head. It has ALWAYS been the queit mother/daughter chats when I have been able to teach Dd the lessons that have stayed with her [don't take drugs,smoke, drink because it is way harder to stop than it is to start.and so on.]and have become part of the wonderful person she is. Now I can you tell that those quiet talks were sometimes preceeded by loud fighting matchs. But most were in that hour after school when we had a few minutes before homework and Dad's arrival home.

One more important thing. Dd would never learn certain things from me such as manners, to wear proper clothes or homework. But she flurished when she went to modeling school,and after payng $1500.00 She said oh I guess you did know!! But it took that extreme for her to see that maybe Mom might know a thing or two.But to me it was money well spent. Know if you have this problem I suggest, asking friends to help, or do what I did and pay someone. But do all you can to help them in spite of themselves!! It will pay off.

please feel free to pm me if you want to.
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Now My Darling Daughter

02-05-2006, 05:49 PM #9
captsparrowslady
Earning My Ears


Hi, I'm the A.D.D. daughter of Tink2dw. My mom told me about your frustrations with your son. I can understand what you and your son are going through. I've had to struggle all my life with being ADD. I also understand your concern about giving your child a label. One thing that I've had to fight and prove to people is that ADD does NOT mean retarded or stupid. It just means that we [ADD Kids and adults] just think different. We will come to the same answer as you, but we will get there a different way and the journey there may take us a bit longer. Everything in an ADD child's brain works completely opposite compared to a normal person. For example, if I were to drink coffee in the mornings, you would think that I would be awake and up and on my caffeine buzz, right? Wrong! Caffeine does the opposite. It will make me feel more tired. That's because chemically, my brain is wired differently than a normal person's. My advice to you is don't be afraid of labeling your son. Yes, it will be a struggle and some people will look down on him, BUT he will get the help he needs. He will go from being labeled as a lazy, unmotivated student with behavioral problems to a boy who is struggling with a learning disability, that is not only in school but at home, with his friends, in his every day life. There will be teachers who disagree with the system and believe that ADD is a cop out, that it's not a real disorder. But trust me, believe me when I say that it is a real problem that kids and adults have to struggle with every single day. It's not just a class room issue, it's something I have to deal with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every single year. There is no break, but there are ways to deal with it. For me, I was on Ritalin from the time I was about 7 until I was 13, then I was on my own for a while.

When I was 15 I tried some holistic ways to help myself, now that I'm an adult in college, I've gone back to a prescribed medication. Your son is lucky, now there are more options of ways to treat ADD. When I was a kid, it was pretty much some kind of holistic method or Ritalin. I'm glad my parents put me on Ritalin, until I hit puberty when I was 13, it worked. I still struggled, but it made things easier. I went from having the attention span of a 5 year old when I was 10, to having the attention span of somebody more my age. During the time when I was taking no form of medicine I learned how to do things so that it could work for me. Also I'm not ashamed of being ADD it's just a part of who I am. The more I understand the way my mind works, and the kind of learner I am the better off I am, as will be your son. Once I was able to verbalize the way my brain worked to my mom, she better understood my frustrations. If you can open up a dialogue with your son by asking him how he feels when heís trying to do his school work and ask him if he could think about how his mind works you will be more in tune to your son and why he does the things he does. You will become a better advocate for your son. For me, the way my brain works, like my mom described, is very chaotic. I have about 50 million songs running through my head all at once, plus random facts thrown about, plus Iím thinking about all the things I need to do for that day or the next day, all of the information stored in my brain is just thrown about in no specific way and is very disorganized, and if Iím in a class room setting, Iím unwillingly paying attention to every little conversation around me, and in between all that Iím trying to listen to the teacher, take notes, and do my class work. Itís very frustrating to say the least. But in elementary school, middle school, high school and now college, I have been able to get the help I need so all those internal and external ďbackground noisesĒ are quieted down and I am able to have the extra help. In elementary school, I had to go to special ed for math because I was behind my peers. Now I am good with mathÖI still have some trouble with it, but I am at the same level as my peers. I am what I like to call C.D. ÖÖ Calculator Dependant lol.

In Middle school, I was able to have modified class work and home work. I was to do only the starred items. Just to let you know, everybodyís paper had the stars next to the questions, so it wasnít like the teacher made it a point to single me (or any other special needs kid) out and embarrass me in front of my peers. In high school, I was given extra time on things if I needed it and if I asked for the extra help from the teacher, they were expected to help me. Now I will be honest, I did have some teachers unwilling to give me that extra help, but I have also had teachers that really cared and devoted their time and effort in helping me to achieve and do good in their class. My 5th grade teacher was horrible. At 10 yrs old she told me I was dumb, stupid and shouldnít even try because I am ADD. That really has affected me over the years. I took what she said to be true. I had to over come that. My freshman English teacher had one way of teaching and would not bend at all. Her idea of teaching was to lecture about the subject then have you do the class work and if you have a problem ask your classmates BEFORE you go to her. Thatís all fine and dandy if the student has friends in the class, but I didnít. I would raise my hand and ask her for help and she would respond with ďHave you asked your peers for help first?Ē Of course I would say no, and then she would tell me to ask them first and if they couldnít answer my questions then raise my hand and ask her. Now, Iím not telling you that to scare you, itís just a part of my reality. Iím not saying those exact situations will happen to your son, but as is life, we all will have our Nay-Sayers. Thatís just part of reality unfortunately. But rising above and proving the Nay-Sayers wrong is how we become stronger.

Even though I had a few bad teachers, I had more teachers that I loved and adored. My weakness is English class because of all the essays required for the class. My sophomore year my school introduced a new way of writing essays. It was called chunk paragraphing. The concept was simple enough, Topic Sentence, Concrete Detail, 2 commentaries and then a concluding sentence. And that equaled a 1 chunk paragraph, it could become more complex by adding more concrete details and commentaries but thatís beside the point. When that system was introduced, I was completely lost and confused. I was sure I was going to fail. But my teacher, she was the most wonderful English teacher Iíve ever had. Every single day, Monday - Friday, she stayed after with me helping me write my essay. Thatís the first and only time in high school I passed English withÖif memory serves me correctly a B or C. Before that it was Fís and Dís.

My math teacher has got to be one of the best teachers ever. She understood that kids learn in different ways. Some kids learn by listening, some by watching, some by doing, and some by feeling. Also, nobody learns in just one way. Itís usually a combination of all of them, but one or two will be stronger than the rest. With her every day teaching she would teach in a way that would cover all the ways you can learn. And if a student still did not understand, she would sit down and teach the students individually until they understood then once the student understood she would tell that student to help somebody with the same problem they were having. So to sum all this up, donít be afraid to get your child the help he needs because of what others might say. Also learn to be your childís advocate. Open a dialogue with your son, learn from him how his mind and brain works and what his difficulties are. Once your son can understand how he learns, and how his brain functions the better off he will be. I hope the words of wisdom, experience, and advice will help you and any other parent struggling with an ADD child. If anybody needs or wants to talk to me please feel free to contact me. I am always willing to be a friendly ear to hear you and offer any advice I can.

As AlwaysÖTake What Ye CanÖGive Nothiní Back!
Capt. Sparrowís Lady.
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