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Old 06-19-2013, 10:25 AM   #1
Luv'sTink
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Why I Regret Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/grown-...b_3402691.html


I don't regret being a stay at home Mom. I don't think a daycare is the ideal place for children to be raised, but I do recognize that one parent staying home is not an option for everyone and some would rather work than be home.
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Old 06-19-2013, 10:39 AM   #2
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There are regrets enough to go around whatever choice you make. She made some valid points. I stayed home. It has definitely impacted our finances and my career possibilities. I could relate to everything she said. However, I do NOT regret staying home. For me, it was worth it! My guess is that there are lots of working moms who could list things they have regrets about as well, but probably most feel it was worth it also.

I think it's sad whenever people look back at their lives with regret, but it's not really a SAHM/WOHM thing.

It also drives me crazy when people think we should limit people's choices after women especially have worked for generations to HAVE choices. SAHM/WOHM, whatever works for your family IS A VALID CHOICE!
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:23 AM   #3
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Oh I have so much to say and none of it would be well-received.

I'm a SAHM, don't regret it in the slightest. The potential of a second income was never a factor and still isn't. We have a "traditional marriage" and I don't regret that either. SAHM does not = helicopter mom for me, either (I am very "free-range"). I don't think anything I do is "trivial," from my work at church to homeschooling to playing in the backyard. I feel sorry for this woman that she seems to have lost so much of herself.
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Old 06-19-2013, 10:40 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luv'sTink View Post
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/grown-...b_3402691.html


I don't regret being a stay at home Mom. I don't think a daycare is the ideal place for children to be raised, but I do recognize that one parent staying home is not an option for everyone and some would rather work than be home.
A daycare doesn't raise children, parents do. I imagine a SAHM has someone else watch her kids on occasion to go to an appointment or just have a few hours of down time. In the big picture it really isn't much different.

To be honest the woman in the article makes some good points that all parents should consider when making childcare decisions. Pulling out of the workforce to stay home has an upside and a downside just as continuing to work does.
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Old 06-19-2013, 10:48 AM   #5
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A daycare doesn't raise children, parents do. I imagine a SAHM has someone else watch her kids on occasion to go to an appointment or just have a few hours of down time. In the big picture it really isn't much different.

To be honest the woman in the article makes some good points that all parents should consider when making childcare decisions. Pulling out of the workforce to stay home has an upside and a downside just as continuing to work does.
I will respectfully disagree with you. When children are spending more time in daycare than at home, the daycare workers are raising them, when they are very young. I don't consider sleeping as time spent with parents.
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Old 06-19-2013, 10:51 AM   #6
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And we're off to the Judgmental Races! I'm out.
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Old 06-19-2013, 10:52 AM   #7
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And we're off to the Judgmental Races! I'm out.
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Old 06-19-2013, 10:53 AM   #8
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And we're off to the Judgmental Races! I'm out.
Isn't that the truth.
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:11 AM   #9
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And we're off to the Judgmental Races! I'm out.
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Old 06-19-2013, 01:28 PM   #10
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This will end well --- just wanted to get in before the lock.

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Old 06-19-2013, 03:14 PM   #11
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I'm choosing NOT to read the comments after the OP... I have a good idea of how they'll go. Instead, I'm responding to the article about my own experiences.

In 2000, I quit my job as a high school math teacher to be a SAHM. Five years later I returned to the workforce. When I left, my 2 older kids were 2 and 4 months, respectively. Five years later, I had a 2 year old, a 5 year old and a 7 year old when I returned to the same school I had left in 2000.

"I let down those who went before me." Not me. Those women did NOT fight for my right to teach math. They fought for my right to CHOOSE to teach math. And I did, and do now. But I'm not living my life about any sort of cosmic debt to anyone, particularly at the risk of making the wrong choice for my family.

"I used my driver's license far more than my degrees." My Master's Degree is not a work permit. I got an education not just a a means to teaching, but as a means to education. That education is never wasted. And, as a PS, I did a lot of tutoring and education writing during the years I was home.

"My world narrowed. " I'm guessing the OP was home a lot earlier than I was. But during the years I was home, I had a TV and internet access. If anything, my world probably broadened because I had the time to stop and see what was going on in that world. In the days after Katrina, I went online and wrote school after school, in an effort to get other teachers to forward worksheets and other materials online to the schools that had lost so much.

"I got sucked into a mountain of volunteer work." "Suckered????" Sorry, I'm no one's sucker. I did lots of volunteer work, but it was all completely by choice. And it was incredibly meaningful. I worked as a greeter at JFK, bringing infant adoptees to meet their new families for the first time after they and their escorts had landed in NY. And I was president of the parent's board at my son's Preschool. I used my background in education a bit, and during my tenure a school that had been on the verge of closing rebounded. I still smile each time I pass the school.

"I worried more." I've been around kids my whole life; I have 4 siblings and 2 of them already had teens by the time I became a mom. I'm lucky enough that I found a pediatrician who trusted my instincts. So, for example, the time my middle daughter swallowed a quarter, I called and said she was breathing fine. He said to keep an eye on her and see whether she continued to throw up (just a little, but consitently.) He said to check back in two hours. When I did, and he found that she was still throwing up a bit, he said to bring her in. There was no emergency 911 call because it wasn't an emergency and I was educated enough in the basics to know that. I never was an alarmist. I would think that a born worrier would probably worry MORE about a toddler with the sniffles who had been sent to daycare than one who was with her, because she could see that he was OK.

"I slipped into a more traditional marriage." My marriage-- it will be 24 years in 2 weeks-- has changed as we have changed. Sure, during my SAHM years, I did more of the traditional roles. But last year when my husband was hospitalized for 5 days after our return from WDW, I took on some of the more traditional "dad" jobs. It's not about who has to do what, it's about who's in the best position to easily do what. Again those women who fought for change 100 years ago fought for the right for change to happen. While finances were tighter then, both my husband and I had a much easier work load during my SAHM years.


"I became outdated." Not me. When I was ready to return to work, I turned down several job offers to return to the school I had left 5 years ago. And during those years I did a lot of freelance writing-- there was quite a bit to add to my resume in 2005. Not to mention the fact that being a mom (SAHM or not) has made me a far, far better teacher than I was in 2000.

"I lowered my sights and lost confidence." Again, not my experience. My sights were always on what was best for my family. When I returned to work, it was bacause that was best; the finances were simply becoming too much of a burden. But I never for a moment doubted that what we had decided on was best for my family and that, most days at least, I was doing a good job of it. Whether it was in the classroom or the playroom, I was confident that I was good at what I was doing. And memories of those years of puddle stomping in the rain and newspaper hat parades will warm my old age.

Again, that's been my own experience, and not that of the writer of the article. Now I'll go back and read all the other posts, probably with sadness, and see the Mommy Wars commence.

It's sad, really. There are so many battles that parents have to fight on behalf of families and kids in particular. Yet too many moms persist in battling each other instead.
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Old 06-19-2013, 10:53 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Luv'sTink View Post
I will respectfully disagree with you. When children are spending more time in daycare than at home, the daycare workers are raising them, when they are very young. I don't consider sleeping as time spent with parents.
I am not going to get into this debate, but I can guarantee you that I also never got someone to watch my kids for as many hours as they spend in a daycare. They went with me, or stayed home with their father. And I don't consider sleeping as time spent with parents either.
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:01 AM   #13
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Sounds like your standard article regarding the subject. Not a lot of new ground to be broken on this topic, it seems.
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:15 AM   #14
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In the end of her article, it sounds like she doesn't regret staying home, just wishes she had kept her foot in the working world in some way. Probably not bad advise for women.

I am a SAHM, have been for 18 years. DH is an accountant and we knew what impact it would have on our finances, he made a spreadsheet for that! I was a teacher, so I wasn't making millions and knew I never would. It probably made the decision to stay home easier.

I still have kids at home, but at this moment, I do not regret the decision. It was the right decision for my family.

When I was home with young kids and we were counting every penny, a friend of the family that had recently become a Grandma said the saddest thing to me. She told me that her daughter wanted to stay home with her new baby girl, but just couldn't, because she was paid too well at work and just didn't want to give up the money. She told me that her daughter was making $70,000 and her son in law was making $120,000. This was about 1997. That made me very sad.
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:00 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Luv'sTink View Post
I will respectfully disagree with you. When children are spending more time in daycare than at home, the daycare workers are raising them, when they are very young. I don't consider sleeping as time spent with parents.
Oh yay, a SAHM being judgemental about a working mom . I didn't see that coming .

Since you chose to stay home and never actually experienced daycare you have no 1st hand experience by which to base your oh so misguided opinion. Unless children are sleeping 15+ hours a day they are spending time daily with their parents.
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