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Old 06-17-2013, 09:57 AM   #1
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Victim of Domestic Abuse Fired

Not really sure how I feel about this. While on the one hand I think it's abhorent, on the other I can't imagine how I would feel if my child was in this school. Curious to hear other points of view.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...6pLid%3D330387
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:01 AM   #2
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At first I was suspicious of the school but then I thought about it and I could see where they are coming from.

I think they are trying to prevent another school tragedy, like a shooting. What if her ex was so angry and came and shot his children then his ex-wife, then her class? He already had the balls to violate the order once.

If that is why they did it, I totally get it. I feel for her and her children but the school has a bigger responsibility.
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:10 AM   #3
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So much for the Catholic church helping and supporting it's members. So much comfort and help was given to her by the church...NOT. Sounds like she has everyone turning their backs on her and her kids. Maybe that's why so many abuse victims stay with their abusers.
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:18 AM   #4
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I feel bad for her.

I completely understand what the school was thinking and how they came to their decision.

However, this is a religious school and I feel like they owe her better support. I'm not sure exactly what should have happened, but it isn't very Christian to just turn someone away without offering to help them in some way.

Such a shame all around.
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:40 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by tigercat View Post
So much for the Catholic church helping and supporting it's members. So much comfort and help was given to her by the church...NOT. Sounds like she has everyone turning their backs on her and her kids. Maybe that's why so many abuse victims stay with their abusers.
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:51 AM   #6
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What would people say if they let her return and her ex came to the school and other kids got hurt?
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Old 06-17-2013, 11:03 AM   #7
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What would people say if they let her return and her ex came to the school and other kids got hurt?
I think that's what was behind the decision, not trying to blame or punish this woman. But just look at the protective parenting threads on the dis. I could definitely see parents not wanting their kids in this teacher's classroom, for example. Maybe they were already getting feedback from other parents, who knows. Especially after the school shooting in Newtown. I do think maybe there is some other way they could have handled it. I'm sure someone on this thread will come up with something.
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Old 06-17-2013, 11:14 AM   #8
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What would people say if they let her return and her ex came to the school and other kids got hurt?
The first thought that entered my head was that he should have been arrested by now and put away were he can not hurt her or anyone else ever again. Now chances are this woman and her children will end up going to a domestic violence place to seek shelter and safety since she can no longer support her family.
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:13 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by JaneBanks View Post
At first I was suspicious of the school but then I thought about it and I could see where they are coming from.

I think they are trying to prevent another school tragedy, like a shooting. What if her ex was so angry and came and shot his children then his ex-wife, then her class? He already had the balls to violate the order once.

If that is why they did it, I totally get it. I feel for her and her children but the school has a bigger responsibility.
I agree with this.

And if anything it shows how pathetic a "restraining order" actually is. If someone wants to ignore it they can.
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:05 AM   #10
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I don't know that the school could have handled it differently - they have to protect the children first.
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:13 AM   #11
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So if you have chosen to be a teacher you better make sure you keep your domestic violence private and just suck it up. How man teachers are now going to stay in an abusive relationship for fear of losing their job? How many are going to be another statistic? There are other ways to handle this. Move schools and keep it private. Make sure they are informed by law enforcement when her fine upstanding ex is released. Somehow I think the divorce played a factor. They just aren't saying it.
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:33 AM   #12
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So if you have chosen to be a teacher you better make sure you keep your domestic violence private and just suck it up. How man teachers are now going to stay in an abusive relationship for fear of losing their job? How many are going to be another statistic? There are other ways to handle this. Move schools and keep it private. Make sure they are informed by law enforcement when her fine upstanding ex is released. Somehow I think the divorce played a factor. They just aren't saying it.
My thoughts exactly. It is like she is being punished for being abused. It is like they are saying it is all her fault and she deserved it. Now she and her children have to suffer even more. IMO it is all wrong.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:45 PM   #13
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So if you have chosen to be a teacher you better make sure you keep your domestic violence private and just suck it up. How man teachers are now going to stay in an abusive relationship for fear of losing their job? How many are going to be another statistic? There are other ways to handle this. Move schools and keep it private. Make sure they are informed by law enforcement when her fine upstanding ex is released. Somehow I think the divorce played a factor. They just aren't saying it.
It wasn't just a secret, he came to the school and in doing do puts the other students in potential danger.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:25 PM   #14
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So if you have chosen to be a teacher you better make sure you keep your domestic violence private and just suck it up. How man teachers are now going to stay in an abusive relationship for fear of losing their job? How many are going to be another statistic? There are other ways to handle this. Move schools and keep it private. Make sure they are informed by law enforcement when her fine upstanding ex is released. Somehow I think the divorce played a factor. They just aren't saying it.
That probably isn't an option open to most private schools, because the hiring decisions are made by the school committee and apply only to that specific school. It isn't like a public district with multiple schools within their jurisdiction. And even if it were, teaching isn't a profession that lends itself to secrecy. My kids have attended 4 different public schools and 1 private, and every single one has a staff listing on their web site. It isn't as though transferring her across town would make her hard to find.

It is a horrible situation all the way around, but in the end I don't think the school had much choice. Private schools, particularly parochial schools, are struggling right now. Ours has a whopping 70 students, pre-K to 8, which is about half the students they served a decade ago and few enough that even a few families leaving the school over a perceived danger like this poor teacher's ex-husband would have a major impact. The news story mentioned a "movement" among parents to pull their kids out of school if nothing was done. And of course, there is also the liability... If they keep the teacher on and her ex comes back and shoots up the place, the school will take the blame both in the media and likely in civil court as well.

I want to know why all the outrage in this case seems to be directed at the school, rather than at the laws that will have this man back out on the streets in time for the next school year. So long as restraining orders go unenforced and domestic violence is a slap-on-the-wrist offense abusers will continue to terrorize their victims. One article mentioned a 20 year history of domestic violence, another said he faced two felony charges stemming from the January incident, and yet there's this, buried deep in the end of one news story: "Her ex-husband is scheduled to be released from Jail at the end of June." That is what people should be angry about - years of violence, ignoring a restraining order, terrorizing a school full of children, and what does he serve? Six whole months.
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Old 06-17-2013, 11:08 AM   #15
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I don't know that the school could have handled it differently - they have to protect the children first.
Thats true....
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