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Old 05-02-2013, 11:29 PM   #1
amg35
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Exclamation Turning 40???

I watched This is 40 and one of the things that stood out to me was when she said she didn't want to shop in the old people stores like Chicos...

But I'm turning 40 and freaking out!!

I don't feel 40, I don't look 40, but I don't want to be a 40 year old that still is dressing/acting like she's in her 20's!! But I'm not ready to wear khakis and button down shirts and be done with it all either!

It's so hard now, I don't feel different. My friends and I who are late 30's/early 40's feel the same as we used to!

I'm not married, but live with my boyfriend. We have no children and no plans to.
I hear other women at work who are my age and my life sounds so different than theirs. They seem old to me, and I look at myself and I don't see them in me.
I mean I've changed in that I'm not out in bars every night and my idea of a great night is now a long, late dinner at a fantastic restaurant, but I'm not dead!

I never, ever thought I would be this person, who didn't want to admit their age, but here I am! Apparently women are no longer attractive, should pretty much cut off their hair, buy mom jeans and be done with it when they are 40? You read as much on this board.

I fully realize I'm in the midst of a meltdown, my boyfriend just left to go buy a bottle of wine and I will get over this.

Just had to get it out Anyone else have a 40 freak out????
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Old 05-02-2013, 11:41 PM   #2
Wendy31
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Count me in!

I turn... 40. In July. I still have a hard time saying it.

I don't feel 40. I don't think I look 40. I don't think I dress like a 40 year old.

But, really, what does 40 look like? Cindy Crawford is over 40. Jennifer Aniston is over 40, isn't she? I keep telling myself that 40 is the new 30.

And I tell myself that I'm more confident & self-assured than I used to be - or I just don't much care anymore... either way works! I've got better hair too, & I finally quit biting my fingernails so my nails look good...

But, yeah....

I'm married w/ 3 kids, a mortgage, & a mini-van, so, yeah, I guess I fit the "profile"... but, oh my goodness, I don't want to be 40.

There's a scene in "When Harry Met Sally" where Sally is crying hysterically & Harry's like "OMG! What's wrong?!" And Sally runs through a list of things she's upset about & then adds, "And I'm going to be 40!" & then just starts wailing. And Harry gently asks, "When?" to which she replies, "Someday!"

And I'm so like that... except my "someday" is getting closer & closer! LOL!

(Oh, & DH & I watched "This is 40" too, &, at one point, I said, "This isn't funny... it's hitting too close to home." LOL!)
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Old 05-02-2013, 11:52 PM   #3
RadioNate
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I'm nearing 40...I got about 2 years still but I look better, younger, now than I did when I turned 30.

I probably dress too "young" but I don't care. No Chicos, lol. I can hardly stomach the Ann Taylor for work clothes.

I'm a single mom. My married, same age mom friends don't want to do anything so most of my friends are younger.

Be you.
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Old 05-03-2013, 12:13 AM   #4
KimR
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I turned 51 today I refuse to grow up. I still wear 'young' clothes and wear my hair long. I don't worry about dressing or acting a certain way just because I've reached XX age. I wear my hair the way I like, I dress in a way that makes me feel sexy and feminine and I've long since stopped caring too much about what other people think of me. I actually look much better now than I did when I was younger.

I, too, was depressed when I turned 40, but that was actually the best decade of my life and so far, my fifties are turning out to be fantastic, too!
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Are two-year-olds too young to go to Disney? It depends upon their temperament. One way to find out: take them there. After all, they're only young for a short time. You're sure to enjoy your trip if you plan ahead! AND - don't forget those all-important dining reservations; they fill up so fast it's ridiculous. Have I forgotten anything? Oh yes - I'd advise you to carry a small purse or bag for loose items so you don't lose them on rides. You'll have a great vacation if you follow my advice!
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Old 05-03-2013, 01:37 AM   #5
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I'm a 42 year-old newlywed. First marriage for both, and I'm a few years older than my husband. I probably dress too young, my hair is loooong. I don't worry about my appearance because, like you and others here, I don't look like the stereotype of 40. And yes, Jennifers Aniston and Lopez and Mariah Carey are all 43.

But, I do feel you on being depressed about it. I hate the number. I don't tell my age unless asked, and I hate being asked. But the PP reminds me, my 30s weren't anywhere near as good as my 40s are shaping up to be.
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Old 05-03-2013, 05:34 AM   #6
Kathryn Merteuil
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Denial is the easiest thing...

It was really hard thing for me, and really I have not really dealt with it yet. I just try pretend it didn't happen. I pretty much adopted 1976 as my birth year and on anything that isn't a legal document put down that year instead of the real one. I think (I HOPE) most people are assuming im somewhere in the mid-upper 30s when they see me.


Some of those things you said also ring very true for me too. I look at other people my own age and think WOW they look old. Some of them are on Facebook talking about their grandchildren.
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Old 05-03-2013, 06:50 AM   #7
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I'll be 40 in June. This birthday is bothering me more then any of the others have. So much in fact that I've got my DH bringing me to Disney in October to cheer me up.
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Old 05-03-2013, 07:05 AM   #8
benji2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amg35 View Post
I'm not married, but live with my boyfriend. We have no children and no plans to.
I hear other women at work who are my age and my life sounds so different than theirs. They seem old to me, and I look at myself and I don't see them in me.
I mean I've changed in that I'm not out in bars every night and my idea of a great night is now a long, late dinner at a fantastic restaurant, but I'm not dead!
This is me! I have a little over a year before I turn 40 and it order to stave off a freak out I,m planning a major trip to WDW....which I think is it's own kind of freak out!
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Old 05-03-2013, 07:16 AM   #9
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LOL.

Hey guys, what's going to happen when you turn 50!!!

Now I'll give fair warning. I'm one of those "take lemons and make lemonaide" type of gals.

Right now I'm loving my 50's so I can't remember much of my 40's but here's my why I love the 50's list.


1) No longer worrying about "the latest" styles and trying to wear totally butt ugly clothes that don't flatter me because some movie star did. Sorry youngesters but I'm confident in my style and I know what works. I'm seen way too many 40's trying to look like 20's and just come off looking like old pole dancers. I find my 50's friends are also way more honest!! LOL they will tell me flat out, "yes, that dress makes you look fat" and they don't have to worry about me having an emotional melt down because of it. I can handle the truth.
I have seen way to many 30 year olds and 40 year olds try to squeeze their hindsides into gap low rrise skinny jeans and know darn well anyone past puberty can't wear them and yet still think they look good.
Yes Jennifer Aniston is over 40, she is also a multi millionaire with a legion of trainers, dietary specialist and chefs to make sure she doesn't go one ounce over the hollywood weight standards. The rest of 40 year olds? not so much.

2) my children are older. LOL. Love this aspect, I spent my entire 30's and 40's focused solely on my kids. Now I am having a blast rediscovering myself. I'm just finishing a french class, Merci beaucoup and seriously considering going back to school to get my MBA. I can actually go to a movie that does not have a disney character or a comic book character and I can go to the art museum without kids whining that they are bored.

3)You look at your coworkers and see old, I look at mines and shake my head and think "was I ever that stupid". If I have to hear one more "my man done did me wrong over the weekend" from some 35 year old drama queen, I'll throw up. Really you can't entertain yourself while he watches a football game?

Nope, you could not pay me to be 35-40 again. I had a great time at that age but I have so much less drama, I don't feel the need to put up with stupidity for the sake of keeping the peace and me and my friends are enjoying new discoveries.
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Last edited by eliza61; 05-03-2013 at 07:48 AM.
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Old 05-03-2013, 07:40 AM   #10
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I'm turning 45 this month, and yes the initial introduction to my 40's was a little jarring. I think it's important to remember that age is just a number. So far, the best thing about my 40's has been letting go of worrying about what other people think of me, very freeing.

I agree about the clothes. I hate shopping now, even though I'm in better shape than I was in my 30's. Everything is too old or too young. I would rather chew off my own arm than go into Chicos, but I can't find anything that I want to buy in any of the stores.

Dealing with aging is all about your attitude IMHO. I know people who are settling in to get old and die at 50, and I know people who approach every year as the beginning of a new adventure. I choose the second one.
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:36 AM   #11
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I freaked out too, but then I realized there is not one thing you can do about it. There is no way to turn back time or stop the clock at "29." Time marches on.

Oh, and I found that I started to fall apart at 40,
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:46 AM   #12
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I'm not sure where you got the idea that a woman in her forties is supposed to be unattractive. Let me tell you from a man's perspective that there is nothing more attractive than a woman in her forties who has stayed in reasonably good shape. You don't have to dress or act like you're 22, but that doesn't mean just giving up and going for the old lady look either.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:14 AM   #13
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44 here. The 40s haven't bothered me too much. I have noticed a few things the last year or so. I distinctly remember when I noticed my first gray hair in 2007 on the way to Disney lol.

But I don't feel my age and often have to stop and count up my age! And no my mind isn't going lol.

I have been updating my wardrobe with more classic pieces that will last a few years, as I did feel my clothes were a bit young.

I had this convo with my mom and Gran ny a few years ago and neither felt their age. My grandmother is 93, lives by herself and has just recently been frustrated by her body wanting to give out on her. She has degenerated discs in her spine and that has caused mobility issues but she refuses to use a cane or walker!

Age is only a number.
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Old 05-03-2013, 10:04 AM   #14
nd5056
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amg35 View Post
...

I don't feel 40, I don't look 40...
Are you sure?




Just think of yourself as of wine, the older - the better
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Old 05-03-2013, 10:15 AM   #15
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I remember turning 30. After years of infertility, I had a 2 week old baby in my sleep deprived arms.

I turned 50 this week, so tried for the life of me to remember what it was like to turn 40. I don't even remember it. (I guess that's not a good sign!)

I had a little more trouble with the 50 landmark, but I'm hoping to be over it soon. It doesn't help that 2 people on our block died in the past week, then Tuesday night my BIL died.

I think most of these transitions just have a lot to do with where you are in life and with your family. Because it took so long to get our family started, we are still at a very high need time with our kids, complete with our middle one gearing up to be the first to leave home for college soon. (I think that part will be harder than the birthday.) When my mom and dad turned 50, they were on the down side of life's responsibilities. The kids were all gone or about to go. I'm still running kids to piano, play practice, softball practice, etc.
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