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Old 02-21-2013, 10:00 PM   #1
dakcp2001
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My feelings are hurt

I know, get over it. My best friend of 15 years has always enjoyed being the center of attention. She can best described as attention seeking. She likes big parties for her birthday, she had a gigantic wedding, her Facebook statuses are always uber dramatic. You get the drift. I don't normally mind any of that, her parties are fun. But man if you forget to do something for her or celebrate her big day ( I had to miss a party once to go to an in laws funeral And she didn't speak to me for a week). My issue is that she does not reciprocate. She always forgets my birthday. Now with Facebook reminders, she didn't forget, I got a text just now at 11 pm. If she attends a party for me, it ends up being about her. Sprained ankle with crutches. A big fall on the way in. She had to be wheelchaired down the aisle for another wedding she was in due to an ankle injury that disappeared the next day. It's just her world and we are living in it.


Would it have killed her to call and say happy birthday? I did call after getting her text, I went to voicemail. I guess it doesn't help that my husband doesn't care for her.
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:04 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by dakcp2001 View Post
I know, get over it. My best friend of 15 years has always enjoyed being the center of attention. She can best described as attention seeking. She likes big parties for her birthday, she had a gigantic wedding, her Facebook statuses are always uber dramatic. You get the drift. I don't normally mind any of that, her parties are fun. But man if you forget to do something for her or celebrate her big day ( I had to miss a party once to go to an in laws funeral And she didn't speak to me for a week). My issue is that she does not reciprocate. She always forgets my birthday. Now with Facebook reminders, she didn't forget, I got a text just now at 11 pm. If she attends a party for me, it ends up being about her. Rained ankle with crutches. A big fall on the way in. She had to be wheelchaired down the aisle for another wedding she was in due to an ankle injury that disappeared the next day. It's just her world and we are living
Would it have killed her to call and say happy birthday? I did call after getting her text, I went to voicemail
I think it's time to make a list of positives and negatives of having this self absorbed character in your life. FWIW, I don't do drama so I would have backed away from her by now.
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:05 PM   #3
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Happy Birthday!

No advice on the friend issue - sounds high maintenance!
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:09 PM   #4
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I think your husband is a smart man.

Happy Birthday to you!! Tomorrow is my dd's!
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:09 PM   #5
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Does not sound like such a great friend.

Happy Birthday!!
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:12 PM   #6
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I know a few like that. She won't change so it's up to you to decide if you want to deal with it or not. I get it because people like that are a lot of fun but I pulled back from two because I got tired of the wild stories/exaggerations and their lack of interest outside of their own issues.

Happy Birthday!!!
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:16 PM   #7
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Fifteen years is a huge investment. What qualities kept her around this long?

But I totally see your point, it is hurtful, it makes me wonder if you have more invested in the friendship than she does. I agree with the poster who said it MAYBE time to cut some ties. If this isn't a mutual relationship, then she's not really your BFF, because she's her own BFF.

Ask yourself, Is the relationship worth saving? If yes, then I think it maybe time for a talk.
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:40 PM   #8
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Sorry, to me this is not a friendship. This is a narcissistic person who sees herself as the "star" and you are one of her adoring audience. Narcissistic people will suck the lifeblood out of you and give you nothing in return. And it will never stop. They will be this way for a lifetime. Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder for more info. My next-door neighbor was this way, and he disrupted the whole neighborhood for the 5 years he lived here. When he moved out-of-state, we all had peace again. He calls constantly, but thanks to caller ID, nobody takes his calls. I know he will make victims out of his new neighbors.

Glad you finally put the pieces together and are beginning to see this person for what she really is. You need to make a clean break. Unfriend her on FB, don't answer her calls, let your DH field her calls. Good you are standing up for your own self-respect.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:14 AM   #9
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I don't do high maintenance people, either. If someone texted me happy birthday at 11 at night I wouldn't have called her. That tells me I'm not worth anything more than a text to her.

Time to cut her loose.

Happy Belated Birthday!
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:22 AM   #10
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I"m going to tell you the same thing I tell my 36 y/o dd...this is not a real friendship!!! You are expecting people to treat you the way you treat them...and real friends do.
A for instance. My dd always remembers her 'best friends' birthday. Buys her something thoughtful, takes her out to dinner, etc. When my dd's birthday comes around? Nada, zip, bubkis. My dd will sit and be miserable. Now, this is a high school friend, but as the years have passed, the 'friend' has moved on to other people, has gotten married and basically treated my dd as a 'ancillary' friend....there to be noticed if no one else is around.
I have told my dd that she can not expect everyont to act the way you want. You have to realize that some people care most about themselves and how things impact them. Your life will be awful if you just sit around waiting for people to do nice things for you or to behave in the way you expect them to. They won't!! Plain and simple.
So...OP...move on. This is the kind of person that is a sort of friend. We all have them. But best friend? Surely not. There must be other people out there that would value you for what you bring to a friendship. Go out and cultivate those friendships and move away from this attention stealer.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:30 AM   #11
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eh, use her for the parties and otherwise, quietly stop involving yourself in her life and her in yours. She should be on the lowest tier of 'friendship'; people who don't rate high enough for gifts and extra attention.

And-HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:03 AM   #12
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Fifteen years is a long time, but people grow and change, as they should. If this was once a fulfilling friendship but more one-sided now, you might want to reevaluate her place in your life, or let the relationship go entirely.

If you decide to call it quits, you don't have to have a big blow out, (in fact, I wouldn't recommend it, so you can comfortably attend the same social gatherings within your circle of friends.) Perhaps, just let contact fade out, less and less over time. If she notices and confronts you, you can decide then if it's worth addressing. If she doesn't notice, she doesn't deserve the title, "best friend" and it really isn't much of a loss.
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:15 AM   #13
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Tell me again why she's your best friend???

Oh, and happy belated birthday.

It just seems odd that you've gotten more birthday wishes from strangers here than from your "best friend of 15 years."
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:18 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dakcp2001 View Post
I know, get over it. My best friend of 15 years has always enjoyed being the center of attention. She can best described as attention seeking. She likes big parties for her birthday, she had a gigantic wedding, her Facebook statuses are always uber dramatic. You get the drift. I don't normally mind any of that, her parties are fun. But man if you forget to do something for her or celebrate her big day ( I had to miss a party once to go to an in laws funeral And she didn't speak to me for a week). My issue is that she does not reciprocate. She always forgets my birthday. Now with Facebook reminders, she didn't forget, I got a text just now at 11 pm. If she attends a party for me, it ends up being about her. Sprained ankle with crutches. A big fall on the way in. She had to be wheelchaired down the aisle for another wedding she was in due to an ankle injury that disappeared the next day. It's just her world and we are living in it.


Would it have killed her to call and say happy birthday? I did call after getting her text, I went to voicemail. I guess it doesn't help that my husband doesn't care for her.
Do you see an issue here OP? You state that your issue is that she does reciprocate and then say would it have killed her to call and say happy birthday?

You are describing the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing and expecting different results.

This post reminds me of someone who is HOPING that one day things will change. You know she is not going to reciprocate so you have to go through the motions of "hurt" every birthday or major event.

You can be "friends" with this person casually but I would be more realistic and not expect anything from her. IF she actually does something one day then you can be surprised and happy. Until then expect nothing.

Would I go all out for her birthday? Hell no. I would do what she does to me and see if the friendship is real or not.
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Old 02-22-2013, 08:15 AM   #15
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I agree with cutting her out of my life. BUT I understand it isn't that easy to do. SO I defiantly would start cutting down my time with her.
She does it because everyone lets her act this way and doesn't call her out on it. You deserve a better friend then her.
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