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Old 01-25-2013, 02:39 PM   #1
indimom
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Spinoff of "Too Young to be Married"

Were you "warned" that you weren't ready to get married by family/friends? Not necessarily because of age, but for any reason?
And not a joke warning (doesn't every man get one or two of those?), but people who were seriously trying to make you reconsider.
And how do you feel about people sharing their feelings on this issue?

Both DH and I were warned.
His father told him he should be out enjoying his youth/sewing his wild oats. That he was too young to get married (we were both 22).
A friend of my aunts (yeah, a stranger) told me that my long-distance relationship with a military guy was doomed to failure (because is didn't work out for her in her youth).
We were not offended by DFil's suggestion. He said it kindly and was trying to be helpful. I was pretty annoyed with the stranger who just assumed she knew all about us based on her own failed relationship, but it did make me think twice, and consider whether I was making a good choice.

We both ignored the warnings and have been happily married for 17.5 years.

I have never told anyone I thought they were making a mistake when they got married. I admit that in two instances I did have concerns, but I took part in both ceremonies and held my tongue. In the long run, neither of those marriages lasted. I really doubt it would have made a difference if I had said something.
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:42 PM   #2
SaraJayne
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indimom View Post
Were you "warned" that you weren't ready to get married by family/friends? Not necessarily because of age, but for any reason?
And not a joke warning (doesn't every man get one or two of those?), but people who were seriously trying to make you reconsider.
And how do you feel about people sharing their feelings on this issue?

Both DH and I were.
His father told him he should be out enjoying his youth/sewing his wild oats. That he was too young to get married (we were both 22).
A friend of my aunts (yeah, a stranger) told me that my long-distance relationship with a military guy was doomed to failure (because is didn't work out for her in her youth).
We were not offended by DFil's suggestion. He said it kindly and was trying to be helpful. I was pretty annoyed with the stranger who just assumed she knew all about us based on her own failed relationship,but it did make me think twice, ande consider whether I was making a good choice.

We both ignored the warnings and have been happily married for 17.5 years.

I have never told anyone I thought they were making a mistake when they got married. I admit that in two instances I did have concerns, but I took part in both ceremonies and held my tongue. In the long run, neither of those marriages lasted. I really doubt it would have made a difference if I had said something.
Yes, we were. It really strained my relationship with this person. Though I can be smug about the fact we're still happily married almost 17 years later and he told me we'd never last.
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:59 PM   #3
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Yes. It was less than 10months from the time DH and I started dating until we were married.
Everyone thought we were nuts. (I was also expecting and I know many people thought that was why we were doing it.) The only one who said anything to us though, was DH's brother. He did come to the wedding, but refused to be in it.

In our defense, we had known each other for 10 years, had been friends off and on during that time and had even dated a little in our teens. I'll never be able to explain it, but I knew after our first official adult date, that we would be getting married. He felt the same way and thus the wedding plans began.

We'll be married 15 years in July.

Oh, and DH and his brother quickly made amends and he has been a fabulous uncle but I think it was about 5 years before he decided that we might actually last. LOL
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:51 PM   #4
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Oh yes, endlessly. To be fair, we were both 18. I understand certain people, like our parents, kindly expressing that they thought we were too young and should wait, but it wasn't like that. It was people (read, his family) calling us idiots, telling us they refused to attend the wedding because they didn't agree with it, making fun of and degrading choices we made for the ceremony/reception, calls from tearful relatives expressing how disappointed they were and that they just couldn't support us in any way. Actually, his dad flat out told him he would pay full ride to any college he wanted, if he would just call off the wedding.

My family let me know they thought I was too young, but that I was an adult and if it was what I wanted, they'd be there in their finest and love and support me no matter what.

Everyone has an opinion, and a right to it. Everyone also has a right to express themselves. I just think there should be some attempt at tact and consideration for others, especially in regards to something so major and personal as getting married. There's a HUGE difference between grandma calling to say "It's not what i'd choose for you/I wish you'd wait a while, but as long as you're happy.." and saying, while crying "how could you do this, you're ruining your life! you're shaming this family! i'll never forgive you for this!"

Then again, his family was always a bit of a sideshow and flat out hated me, and quite openly too. Their behavior toward and treatment of me put a never-ending strain on our relationship, and was ultimately a large part of the reason we divorced after 5 years.
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:58 PM   #5
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Not about getting married, but I got pregnant on our honeymoon and several people told us that it was "too soon" we needed to wait and "enjoy life together" etc. I'm not exactly sure what they wanted us to do about it at that point
It was mostly DH's very Catholic family saying this--I'm pretty sure they were not encouraging an abortion, and really do not think they were wanting us to put DD up for adoption--so I have no idea what their point was

And, it did make us much less likely to share info of any kind for a number of years.
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:12 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NHdisneylover
Not about getting married, but I got pregnant on our honeymoon and several people told us that it was "too soon" we needed to wait and "enjoy life together" etc. I'm not exactly sure what they wanted us to do about it at that point
It was mostly DH's very Catholic family saying this--I'm pretty sure they were not encouraging an abortion, and really do not think they were wanting us to put DD up for adoption--so I have no idea what their point was

And, it did make us much less likely to share info of any kind for a number of years.
Same situation... Catholic and all! My family had the gall to tell me (numerous times) that we were lying about when we got pregnant to save face! I have no idea why they had such an issue and what they wanted us to do about it either! It didn't help matters either when I was induced almost 5.5 weeks early due to complications making his birthday only 8 months after our wedding! It annoys me to no end that people didn't believe us about his conception (talk about awkward dinner conversations to begin with) and even if he was conceived before our wedding, in this day and age what the heck does it matter!!!
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:21 PM   #7
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Yes.

I was 21, DH was 35. So not only was I young, he was old. In addition to that, we are an interracial couple. My parents "disowned" me and everything.

We have been married 11 years, have two beautiful children and have been on a bunch of Disney trips, . Now my mom keeps asking my sister why she can't settle down and find someone nice like my husband
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Old 01-25-2013, 05:26 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissMichigan View Post
Actually, his dad flat out told him he would pay full ride to any college he wanted, if he would just call off the wedding.
While it's obvious you had issues with your inlaws, actually, without it being personal about a specific relationship, I think many people make this offer to their kids. For many families unmarried = financial support through college. We like our son's girlfriend just fine, but I don't think she likes us very much based on this. Thankfully she knows that in our case it has nothing to do with her.
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Old 01-25-2013, 07:04 PM   #9
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Yes, I was warned by every single family member because of my age (20) and because are an interracial couple.

My mother actually didn't talk to me for a year

18 years later, and 3 kids later, I am the only one in my entire family not divorced. Not only that, but everybody loves my husband. Sometimes they call and don't even want to talk to me, they want to talk to him.

My mother and DH are BFFs
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:21 PM   #10
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Yes, my sister thought I was too young and she let me know it, lol. I was 22 and I WAS too young but we've been married for 25 years this past August.

My FIL came to me before I went down the aisle and told me if I had any doubts that could back out and he would handle telling everyone. I think he was afraid of having another child's marriage end in divorce. We'd had a roller coaster courtship so I do not blame him. He loved me like I was his own though--it wasn't that he did not like me. (Thank God or I probably would not have married!)
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:25 PM   #11
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We both were. His side thought he was too young (23) and had his life before him and I guess I was out to screw all that up. On my side it was because they felt I could do better.....

Anyway, 20 some years later, still married.
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:43 PM   #12
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My MIL, due to religious differences. She even called the pastor that was performing the ceremony to express her 'concerns'. I was not pleased.
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Just the basics:
Are two-year-olds too young to go to Disney? It depends upon their temperament. One way to find out: take them there. After all, they're only young for a short time. You're sure to enjoy your trip if you plan ahead! AND - don't forget those all-important dining reservations; they fill up so fast it's ridiculous. Have I forgotten anything? Oh yes - I'd advise you to carry a small purse or bag for loose items so you don't lose them on rides. You'll have a great vacation if you follow my advice!
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:58 PM   #13
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we didn't get you were too young,but more you should wait,why?!

also,when we informed same person,we were pregnant,got treated like it was bad news also- there's no pleasing some people,so I don't even try.

44 this year,dh 47,and will celebrate 21 years of marriage later this year,22 years since we met.
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Old 01-25-2013, 03:01 PM   #14
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I was. My dad, just as we were starting down the aisle. He whispered "if you aren't sure, we can turn around. you are too young." Later wished I had taken him up on it (this was my first marriage).
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Old 01-25-2013, 03:04 PM   #15
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Actually no. I was almost 30 when got married. i was the one who ignored my instincts. Who didnt enough self esteem to back out. No one was surprised the outcome due to our previous experience.
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