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Old 01-06-2013, 08:00 PM   #1
FlyingDumbo
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Having a pity party

Ok, I am pregnant with my first baby. No one has offered to throw a baby shower, and I know no one probably will. I have thrown numerous baby and bridal showers, I have spent thousands to be in friends weddings, but when it comes to me, no one seems to care or notice. I have thrown birthday parties for my friends, but I am lucky if they even remember mine. I never had a bridal shower. After the fact my best friend said "Oh I meant to do it but got busy, and you are the party thrower in our group". My mom and sister just never said a word. Now I live out of state, so I know it will never happen. I am starting to feel very alone and like my friends are not really my friends or there when I need them. The only thing that can make you feel worse in this situation? My husband blabbed to his best friend that I was upset about this and I got an email from his wife (who is an acquaintance) that basically said her husband is trying to make her throw me a shower and isn't there anyone else that can do it. So now I am humiliated and depressed. I know the hormones are making it worse but I am a mess.


PS I should say my coworkers have been wonderful and are going to throw a work party. So they at least make me feel loved.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:15 PM   #2
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Ok bestfriend's wife is a witch

I love to throw baby showers. So fun! Brunch ones are my favorite.

How about we throw you a virtual baby shower? I'll bring the mimosas, virgin one for you!

By the way I loved my work shower. I worked with a bunch of guys. Big tough guys. Who went all baby out! Little blue monkeys everywhere. They bought lunch for everyone. Gave me a giant stuffed FAO Schwartz monkey and a biggi card. Best part they got me a car service to take me home.(long NYC commute 2 subways and then a train)

I hope someone surprises you with a shower if that's what you want.

Congratulations on your baby!
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:24 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by java View Post

Ok bestfriend's wife is a witch

I love to throw baby showers. So fun! Brunch ones are my favorite.

How about we throw you a virtual baby shower? I'll bring the mimosas, virgin one for you!

By the way I loved my work shower. I worked with a bunch of guys. Big tough guys. Who went all baby out! Little blue monkeys everywhere. They bought lunch for everyone. Gave me a giant stuffed FAO Schwartz monkey and a biggi card. Best part they got me a car service to take me home.(long NYC commute 2 subways and then a train)

I hope someone surprises you with a shower if that's what you want.

Congratulations on your baby!
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:33 PM   #4
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Just wanted to give you a
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:44 PM   #5
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I am sorry you are having such a down time right now. I would not hesitate to let DH know that he made a mistake speaking about your private feelings to his friend. His wife is not worth wasting another thought over.

How pregnant are you? Could it be that some of your friends are waiting to plan a shower for you?

I understand how hurt you feel by not being acknowledged by your friends. Maybe this is a sign for you not to be so concerned with them. After all, soon your won't have much spare time for awhile.

Congratulations!
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:48 PM   #6
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I'm sorry, that stinks.

I would tell dh that I would NOT be seeing his friend and wife anymore. It's not a big deal to host a small shower and she shouldn't have complained. Some people just can't be bothered.

It's GREAT that your work friends are throwing a shower for you and I'm sure you'll have a fun time. I was surprised with a work shower, I honestly did not expect it, and it was very much appreciated.

You don't think your family or in-laws will plan something? Are they too far away and you can't travel there or vice versa? I'd come right out and say something to your mother or sister, or a friend that you've thrown a shower for. Let them know what you would like.

You're already having the work shower, and even without a 2nd one, I'm sure you will get gifts from your family and friends.

Congrats and enjoy this time!
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Old 01-06-2013, 09:08 PM   #7
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I think there are many people that understand being overlooked and forgotten. It hurts even more when you are the type of person that HAS remembered others and made efforts to make things special for them. Life just isn't fair sometimes.

These kinds of inequities fall upon many of us, even though you may feel like you are the only one. Concentrate on what you DO have. A husband who loves you (try and forgive him for 'blabbing'), a new little life growing inside you, a job with friends who care about you. Look at all your blessings, and try not to let the hurts define you.
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Old 01-07-2013, 08:13 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by java View Post

Ok bestfriend's wife is a witch
I love to throw baby showers. So fun! Brunch ones are my favorite.

How about we throw you a virtual baby shower? I'll bring the mimosas, virgin one for you!

By the way I loved my work shower. I worked with a bunch of guys. Big tough guys. Who went all baby out! Little blue monkeys everywhere. They bought lunch for everyone. Gave me a giant stuffed FAO Schwartz monkey and a biggi card. Best part they got me a car service to take me home.(long NYC commute 2 subways and then a train)

I hope someone surprises you with a shower if that's what you want.

Congratulations on your baby!


This bolded exactly!

I would TOTALLY love to through you a shower! All of my friends are past the birthing age and I only got to do one of them. And I am a party-thrower person!!
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Old 01-07-2013, 09:50 PM   #9
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Flying Dumbo, I'm so sorry that your friends wouldn't make the effort to give you a proper baby shower, and even more, a proper wedding shower. That's really low class of them, and I agree with the others who've suggested that you need to work on some new friends. Bless your co-workers!!

May your new adventure -- motherhood -- be as exciting and rewarding as parenthood has been for Mrs. Tex and me. Know that you're NOT forgotten, and that there are those of us who care that you're bringing a new new little life into the world this Spring.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:19 PM   #10
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I'm really sorry this is your situation. Honestly, it sounds like you have a bunch of user friends.
I would respond to the classless woman who emailed you, thanks but no thanks.
Personally, I'd much rather have no shower than one given by someone who could obviously couldn't care less.
And then I'd make 2013 the year of making new friends. Join a mommy group with your baby and see if you can find other moms that you have a lot in common with and go from there.
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:49 PM   #11
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Just tell her, "yeah, you're the last person I'd expect to have a party for us." OR....you have to be a really ballsy person to do this but she deserves it....Say, "you're the only one, when do you want to have it? I'll get you a guest list, and thanks!!!"
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:00 PM   #12
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I have to difference in my opinion in that I don't see why DH's co-worker's wife is the "bad" one. I gather from OP that they are just acquaintances. Why would a baby shower fall to her? I'm assuming they don't have the same friends or acquaintances and co-worker's wife doesn't know OP's family, so who do you think she would invite? Why doesn't OP's DH throw the shower? While not the norm, he's the one who knows everyone? Why can't a husband do that for his wife, particularly when the supposed "family and friends" are such inconsiderate people? If my husband came home and told me a co-worker's wife wasn't getting a baby shower I certainly don't think it should fall on my shoulders. Would I call her and tell her? Probably not, but who knows.

OP, I think you should go register at Babys R Us or some other registry and at the end of your pregnancy send a FB or email to your "family and friends" and tell them you realized having a shower wasn't going to happen since everyone has busy lives and lives far away, but give them the link and tell them you thought you'd made it easier for everyone who wanted to send a gift by registering. Passive/aggressive? Yep, and who cares. They obviously don't take your feelings into consideration, so I'd be spiteful and make them all feel horrible. But that's just me.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:25 PM   #13
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I just want to point out that my husbands best friend has been a friend since childhood. His wife and I are not close. We did spend over 5K (which we are still paying off) to go to their destination wedding in Mexico, my husband was the best man, and she (the witch) mentioned several times that she would have asked me to be a bridesmaid " to even out the number of girls" if I hadn't had an ugly walking boot after my foot surgery. She is not someone I consider a friend nor would I ever want or expect a shower from her.

You can't have a surprise shower for someone who lives out of state and works full time. I don't have weekends off and I don't have a set schedule. When we got married and I was planning all the showers and parties for everyone else, we lived in our home state. We moved about a year and a half ago to this new state. So when I got married, I lived in state and a surprise shower would have been possible, it just never happened. Thank you to those who were supportive, I appreciate it. ANd I was not wanting a shower for gifts, to the poster who mentioned that, I was just hoping to be recognized. I just feel very isolated and alone. I really have no social life outside of work since we have moved here, I just have not really had much interaction with anyone other than coworkers and neighbors.

I really think it comes down to out of sight and out of mind. My friends were not willing to make the effort when I lived close, so I am not under any delusion that it is going to magically change now. I am actually really excited about the idea of joining a mommy an me group! I think it will be awesome to meet some other people in my area! And I do love my coworkers, they really are like a family.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:38 PM   #14
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i like the idea of a virtual shower but take it one step further. since you are out of state maybe you could make up registries at a few places and creat a face book event. Make a cute flyer type "invite" saying that since you are all so far away and cannot get together.... you get the idea.
Sure it would be best comming from your sister or one ofour friends.
Maybe you should just talk to one of them and see what they think about it. Perhaps they could virtually host it?
As far as them offering seems like you might have to be blunt with them and say "hey what about having a shower for me? please and thank you"
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:49 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessKsMom View Post
I have to difference in my opinion in that I don't see why DH's co-worker's wife is the "bad" one. I gather from OP that they are just acquaintances. Why would a baby shower fall to her? I'm assuming they don't have the same friends or acquaintances and co-worker's wife doesn't know OP's family, so who do you think she would invite?
I don't think the co-worker's wife is rude for not wanting to host a shower. I think she's rude for telling the OP that she doesn't want to host a shower. She could have just let it go and not said anything, or she could have made up an excuse (busy at work, etc.). But I can totally see how her e-mail was hurtful to the OP.
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