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Old 11-19-2012, 01:01 PM   #1
jen0610
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Uggghhhhh! I hate being thrust in the middle.

I am getting the pleasure of calling our neice on DH's side of the family and letting her know that we will not be coming to Thanksgiving dinner.

We talked about 3 weeks ago about plans. At that time, I let her know what DH's work schedule was for Black Friday. He has to be there at 4, so it's up at 3 for us, so we need to be back home around 7 so he can get to bed.

Friday night, she calls me back and said that after checking with everybody, here is what we need to bring (not an issue, we all bring something) and that they are going to eat at 5:30, which actually means eating at 6. OK...ummmm we are suppose to eat and run??? And when we get home, DH is suppose to go to bed an hour or so after a big, heavy meal???

Needless to say, DH is not a happy person and yesterday he went and got the stuff needed to fix thanksgiving dinner for the 4 of us, plus my dad. My dad eating with us is another touchy subject, because as of last thursday, my mom is flying out on wed to go to my brothers for thanksgiving, leaving my dad to fend for himself.

If left up to DH to call, it wouldn't get down and then they would be waiting of 4 items for the meal. I can't do that to them.

Last edited by jen0610; 11-19-2012 at 01:06 PM.
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Old 11-19-2012, 01:05 PM   #2
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You aren't "supposed" to be doing anything! You made your excuses, can't go and that should have been the end of it. If they are being unreasonable, just explain once again the dilemma and that's it.
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Old 11-19-2012, 01:12 PM   #3
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Bite the bullet and make the call.

I would just tell her that a 5:30 meal does not work for us. Thanks for being gracious and thinking of us for dinner though.

Then if peeps are uttered, you say, sorry we can't come but thanks for the invite.

It is just too bad he has to work early, so we are having dinner at home.

Good Luck and report back.
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Old 11-19-2012, 02:00 PM   #4
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Call and get it over with- don't let the fear eat away at you!

Your DH cannot make it, because he has work commitments and must make it to bed by 7pm. That is a perfect excuse for not going and if your niece is funny about you cancelling then just ignore it! My mum's family is a little like your DH's sound like and that's the best way. They'll get over it. And honestly, you can't go! They surely will at least understand that
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Old 11-19-2012, 02:08 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jen0610 View Post
that they are going to eat at 5:30, which actually means eating at 6. OK...ummmm we are suppose to eat and run??? And when we get home, DH is suppose to go to bed an hour or so after a big, heavy meal???
Maybe they WILL eat at 5:30.

Do they normally have T'Day dinner at 7:00, but are adjusting hoping you will join them?

Can your husband just this once go to bed an hour after eating a meal?

Can he just eat a regular amount instead of a "big" amount, just this once?

Kind of sounds like you just don't want to go.
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Old 11-19-2012, 02:21 PM   #6
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Maybe they WILL eat at 5:30.

Do they normally have T'Day dinner at 7:00, but are adjusting hoping you will join them?

Can your husband just this once go to bed an hour after eating a meal?

Can he just eat a regular amount instead of a "big" amount, just this once?

Kind of sounds like you just don't want to go.
They've already indicated their availability and the niece did not accommodate them.

There's no shame in simply saying, "Sorry, we're not available - we'll see you next year!" Why bother with everyone being miserable when you can simply do your own thing?
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Old 11-19-2012, 02:54 PM   #7
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Maybe they WILL eat at 5:30.

Do they normally have T'Day dinner at 7:00, but are adjusting hoping you will join them?

Can your husband just this once go to bed an hour after eating a meal?

Can he just eat a regular amount instead of a "big" amount, just this once?

Kind of sounds like you just don't want to go.
I have to agree. Which is perfectly fine if they just don't feel like going, their choice.

But in bed by 7 and up at 3 is a full 8 hours sleep. I don't know any adult that gets 8 hours of sleep in this hectic day and age

Is it possible for your husband to be in bed by 8 and get 7 hours of sleep?

But don't feel bad if you really don't want to go. Holidays should be a holiday, a break from stress.

Just call and let them know. But don't make them feel guilty either that they are having a later dinner.

Why can't your father accompany your mother to your brother's Thanksgiving?
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:00 PM   #8
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I have to agree. Which is perfectly fine if they just don't feel like going, their choice.

But in bed by 7 and up at 3 is a full 8 hours sleep. I don't know any adult that gets 8 hours of sleep in this hectic day and age

Is it possible for your husband to be in bed by 8 and get 7 hours of sleep?

But don't feel bad if you really don't want to go. Holidays should be a holiday, a break from stress.

Just call and let them know. But don't make them feel guilty either that they are having a later dinner.

Why can't your father accompany your mother to your brother's Thanksgiving?

I agree. My husband work every day at 5 and doesn't go to bed until after 9. Can't your husband put on big boy pants get to bed before 10 and take a nap when he gets home.
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:38 PM   #9
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I agree. My husband work every day at 5 and doesn't go to bed until after 9. Can't your husband put on big boy pants get to bed before 10 and take a nap when he gets home.
Wow-besides the fact I hate that expression (along with "big girl panties"), maybe he needs a good night's rest to stand the madness of the following day. My husband absolutely requires 8 hours to be able to do the job he does. Not everyone can just suck it up when it comes to sleep.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:28 PM   #10
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But in bed by 7 and up at 3 is a full 8 hours sleep. I don't know any adult that gets 8 hours of sleep in this hectic day and age
Me! I need 9 hours of sleep, minimum. I am in bed by 10 pretty much every night, unless I know I can sleep in the next day. This year I'm only getting 8 (because my daughters school is an hour earlier )and it's really hard! Usually on Wed when my husband does the am carpool I sleep in to catch up.

If I had to be up early, on my feet all day, working retail, I would absolutely be in bed early enough to get 8/9 hours of sleep.

It's just Thanksgiving. I might make an exception for Christmas, but Thanksgiving, nah.
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Old 11-19-2012, 11:04 PM   #11
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Men USUALLY don't make those phone calls we women do. Sheesh we women will never learn and stop being the go between. Can you tell I am divorced?? lol Men lawd don't get me started.
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Old 11-19-2012, 11:38 PM   #12
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Men USUALLY don't make those phone calls we women do. Sheesh we women will never learn and stop being the go between. Can you tell I am divorced?? lol Men lawd don't get me started.
Lol. Go between annonymous!
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:08 PM   #13
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Kind of sounds like you just don't want to go.
My thoughts exactly.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:18 PM   #14
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I guess I thought that it is a little late to cancel 3 days before the holiday. I am sure the niece has all the food bought and has probably planned the menu around what the OP will bring.
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Old 11-19-2012, 07:32 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Bob NC View Post
Maybe they WILL eat at 5:30.

Do they normally have T'Day dinner at 7:00, but are adjusting hoping you will join them?

Can your husband just this once go to bed an hour after eating a meal?

Can he just eat a regular amount instead of a "big" amount, just this once?

Kind of sounds like you just don't want to go.
^^^Yup. He doesn't have to eat like a pig, he doesn't have to get the recommended 8 hours sleep, and you don't have to get there right as the table is being set, either. When we get together for Thanksgiving supper, most folks arrive hours ahead of time leaving plenty of time to socialize pre-meal, and then those that have to leave early do eat and run.
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