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Old 10-01-2012, 10:51 AM   #1
Kristi391
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Venting-Visiting the World with someone who doesn't want to be there

So another thread about people not having fun got me thinking and worrying about my upcoming trip so I decided to vent here.

My family and I are going for a long weekend next weekend, checking in on Friday the 12 and leaving late on Monday the 15. It is going to be myself, my parents, my youngest brother and his girlfriend, my middle brother, his wife and 2.5 year old nephew.

The problem is my middle brother. He does not want to go and is being miserable about the whole thing.

A bit of back story:
I had wanted to go down to celebrate my upcoming 40th birthday with all of us. When I presented it to middle brother over the summer he immediately said "No" He said he and his wife were going down next spring (renting DVC points from my cousin) and couldn't justify spending $$ to go down in the fall. A few days later my mom told me that my dad might have lung cancer (He has already had bladder and throat cancer) and he was seeing a pulmonary doc in the next week. At that point I made the decision that I was going to get us all down there. Since my nephew was born, dad has been talking about taking him to WDW. So, I decided I would book the rooms and tickets by either taking out a 401k loan or just using my Disney Visa, which has no balance (I know not a smart money move) so my dad would get this chance to spend with his grandson. So, fast forward and brother agreed to go, stating he had no choice. Dad is beyond excited. (Just polyps on his lungs, btw so that is good news)

So, knowing brother is not excited about the trip, I haven't brought up anything about it to him, just telling him when we were going and what hotel we are staying at. I have talked to his wife and we made some ADRs and talked about things that would be good for the toddler.

So last weekend we went out for ice cream and sister in law and I are talking about breakfast at Hollywood and Vine and brother pipes in, "We have to go to breakfast on this vacation?" Then started asking some other questions and complaining about things such as, busses, the hotel, getting up early and the halloween party. I have told him he doesn't have to go to any of the things planned but he just grumbled that he wasn't going to skip it.

SIL says that he will be fine once we get down there, but I am just frustrated. I am trying to do something nice for my family and brother just seems intent on being a PIA about it. I just feel that he agreed to go so he should suck it up and stop complaining! I am also nervous tht every little thing that might go wrong (weather, long lines, a spider in his room) he is going to blame on me. Which, clearly I know isn't my fault, but I don't like to have to listen to it.

Everyone else is very excited about going and busy making Peter Pan themed costumes!

Ok, thanks for listening
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Old 10-01-2012, 10:58 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristi391 View Post
So another thread about people not having fun got me thinking and worrying about my upcoming trip so I decided to vent here.

My family and I are going for a long weekend next weekend, checking in on Friday the 12 and leaving late on Monday the 15. It is going to be myself, my parents, my youngest brother and his girlfriend, my middle brother, his wife and 2.5 year old nephew.

The problem is my middle brother. He does not want to go and is being miserable about the whole thing.

A bit of back story:
I had wanted to go down to celebrate my upcoming 40th birthday with all of us. When I presented it to middle brother over the summer he immediately said "No" He said he and his wife were going down next spring (renting DVC points from my cousin) and couldn't justify spending $$ to go down in the fall. A few days later my mom told me that my dad might have lung cancer (He has already had bladder and throat cancer) and he was seeing a pulmonary doc in the next week. At that point I made the decision that I was going to get us all down there. Since my nephew was born, dad has been talking about taking him to WDW. So, I decided I would book the rooms and tickets by either taking out a 401k loan or just using my Disney Visa, which has no balance (I know not a smart money move) so my dad would get this chance to spend with his grandson. So, fast forward and brother agreed to go, stating he had no choice. Dad is beyond excited. (Just polyps on his lungs, btw so that is good news)

So, knowing brother is not excited about the trip, I haven't brought up anything about it to him, just telling him when we were going and what hotel we are staying at. I have talked to his wife and we made some ADRs and talked about things that would be good for the toddler.

So last weekend we went out for ice cream and sister in law and I are talking about breakfast at Hollywood and Vine and brother pipes in, "We have to go to breakfast on this vacation?" Then started asking some other questions and complaining about things such as, busses, the hotel, getting up early and the halloween party. I have told him he doesn't have to go to any of the things planned but he just grumbled that he wasn't going to skip it.

SIL says that he will be fine once we get down there, but I am just frustrated. I am trying to do something nice for my family and brother just seems intent on being a PIA about it. I just feel that he agreed to go so he should suck it up and stop complaining! I am also nervous tht every little thing that might go wrong (weather, long lines, a spider in his room) he is going to blame on me. Which, clearly I know isn't my fault, but I don't like to have to listen to it.

Everyone else is very excited about going and busy making Peter Pan themed costumes!

Ok, thanks for listening
You cannot control how people act. You can only control how you react to them.

Don't allow your brother's sour attitude to steal your magic. If he begins to complain, remind him that he isn't attached to you at the hip. He can go where he wants to, when he wants to and he can join up with the family when he decides to. Something tells me that since you're paying for all of this, he might feel obligated to do what you want. Just remind him that you would rather spend quality time with him. The quantity is not important.
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Old 10-01-2012, 11:09 AM   #3
Nancy F
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I'd tell him to shut up about it or stay home! But that's just me.

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Old 10-01-2012, 11:39 AM   #4
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Seriously? Your brother didn't want to go, therefore, you decided that he would go? It doesn't sound like he really agreed to go. More that you guilted him into going using your father as an excuse.

Don't let him spoil your mood, but don't dictate his. I would be very pissed off if someone told me where I had to go on vacation.
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Old 10-01-2012, 11:40 AM   #5
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It sounds like your brother feels like he was forced into a trip he never wanted to take. Maybe the spring trip he had planned was something special, and he feels like this trip will ruin it. I hope you trip turns out well, and the bad apple doesn't spoil the bunch.
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Old 10-01-2012, 11:50 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancy F View Post
I'd tell him to shut up about it or stay home! But that's just me.

Nancy
He tried to stay home, but was guilted into going. I'm sure that he'd be more than happy to take the "stay home" option of that threat - but the OP wouldn't allow it.
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Old 10-01-2012, 11:58 AM   #7
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He told you that he didn't want to go, and you pretty much decided for him that he would. That's uncool, IMHO. A few thoughts...

Have you talked to SIL about them backing out at this point? It would be nice if you set aside your dream of this big family vacation, and actually let yoru adult brother decide (with his family) what is best for them.

If he feel obligated to go anyway, consider letting him off the hook for some of the ADRs. There's no law that says that a family (of mostly adults, especially) has to do everything in lock-step. When I went down with DH's family (BIL and his family of 5, MIL, etc.), we found it best to do 1-2 sit-down meals together a day. Beyond that, we'd be in the same park, but not do everything together. This way, when we met up for dinner, it was fun to catch up on what each other did, and actually enjoy time together, instead of it feeling forced.

I would also consider letting him off the hook for early morning touring. Not everyone wants to getup at the crack of dawn and race to Space Mountain. That's okay--it's a vacation, after all.

I really feel like you owe your brother an apology, and you should back off on forcing him to go. But, if he does end up going, try giving him some time and space to vacation in his own style. Naturally, this also gives you the chance to enjoy the parts of WDW that are important to you, as well.
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:11 PM   #8
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Let it go. I would say nothing at this point. He didn't want to go and clearly it's not an objection to WDW in general, sounds more like the timing. Maybe he wanted just he, his DW and son for their first trip. And now this "spoils" his plans. Now instead of revolving around how his DS is doing, there are others to consider. Just refocus your attitude, be gracious with their needs to make this vacation what they want as well and have a great time.
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:17 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BuzznBelle'smom View Post
He told you that he didn't want to go, and you pretty much decided for him that he would. That's uncool, IMHO. A few thoughts...

Have you talked to SIL about them backing out at this point? It would be nice if you set aside your dream of this big family vacation, and actually let yoru adult brother decide (with his family) what is best for them.

If he feel obligated to go anyway, consider letting him off the hook for some of the ADRs. There's no law that says that a family (of mostly adults, especially) has to do everything in lock-step. When I went down with DH's family (BIL and his family of 5, MIL, etc.), we found it best to do 1-2 sit-down meals together a day. Beyond that, we'd be in the same park, but not do everything together. This way, when we met up for dinner, it was fun to catch up on what each other did, and actually enjoy time together, instead of it feeling forced.

I would also consider letting him off the hook for early morning touring. Not everyone wants to getup at the crack of dawn and race to Space Mountain. That's okay--it's a vacation, after all.

I really feel like you owe your brother an apology, and you should back off on forcing him to go. But, if he does end up going, try giving him some time and space to vacation in his own style. Naturally, this also gives you the chance to enjoy the parts of WDW that are important to you, as well.
I have to agree. The OP should never have guilted the brother into going. The OP wanted this trip for herself for her birthday. Other family members shouldn't have been forced to go. So, now that he is going, give him some space to do it his way.
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:42 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BuzznBelle'smom View Post
He told you that he didn't want to go, and you pretty much decided for him that he would. That's uncool, IMHO. A few thoughts...

Have you talked to SIL about them backing out at this point? It would be nice if you set aside your dream of this big family vacation, and actually let yoru adult brother decide (with his family) what is best for them.

If he feel obligated to go anyway, consider letting him off the hook for some of the ADRs. There's no law that says that a family (of mostly adults, especially) has to do everything in lock-step. When I went down with DH's family (BIL and his family of 5, MIL, etc.), we found it best to do 1-2 sit-down meals together a day. Beyond that, we'd be in the same park, but not do everything together. This way, when we met up for dinner, it was fun to catch up on what each other did, and actually enjoy time together, instead of it feeling forced.

I would also consider letting him off the hook for early morning touring. Not everyone wants to getup at the crack of dawn and race to Space Mountain. That's okay--it's a vacation, after all.

I really feel like you owe your brother an apology, and you should back off on forcing him to go. But, if he does end up going, try giving him some time and space to vacation in his own style. Naturally, this also gives you the chance to enjoy the parts of WDW that are important to you, as well.
I agree with you.

Your brother is nicer than I would have been. The only 2 people that get to decide when and where we go on vacation is DH and I. My sisters would be getting an earful if they tried that on me.
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Old 10-01-2012, 01:44 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Nancy F View Post
I'd tell him to shut up about it or stay home! But that's just me.

Nancy
It sounds like someone already did. Whether it was the OP, his wife or the parents is unclear.

I'm all for extra opportunities to go to WDW, but not everyone is. I feel for him. He's probably all alone on what many call the dark side (turning down an opportunity to go to Disney World).

If he agreed to do it because of the father's health scare, then he should be allowed to back out. The little boy won't know any different. if you do make the trip, I'd be careful about so many ADRs and I think I saw MNSSHP mentioned too. It sounds like a short trip. You don't want him soured on the place. It could dampen this trip and the one he has planned with his family.
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Old 10-01-2012, 11:48 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marionnette View Post
You cannot control how people act. You can only control how you react to them.

Don't allow your brother's sour attitude to steal your magic. If he begins to complain, remind him that he isn't attached to you at the hip. He can go where he wants to, when he wants to and he can join up with the family when he decides to. Something tells me that since you're paying for all of this, he might feel obligated to do what you want. Just remind him that you would rather spend quality time with him. The quantity is not important.
This! Some people are happiest when they're miserable. You can only control how you feel.
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Old 10-02-2012, 07:19 AM   #13
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I will never again go with other people that are not as gung ho as my family for an extended stay. It's a waste of money and ends up ruining your trip! It's better to omit the person than ruin the whole vibe of the trip, IMHO (from personal experience which I have mistakenly repeated!!)
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:04 PM   #14
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Why do people try to force others to go to WDW to satisfy some need they have. He said no and you booked it anyway; and you wonder why he is grumpy. Go figure.
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:54 PM   #15
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Can you take me instead? I promise I will be super excited about breakfast at H&V, I love it!
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