Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 09-24-2012, 03:58 PM   #1
Patio
DIS Veteran
 
Patio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: PA
Posts: 2,343

DS struggling at college- need advice

My DS is really struggling with college. He's in a big city, 2 hrs away, and his best friend is his roommate. His other good friend is also there, they seem to love their classes and being there. DS is unsure on a major and is finding the adjustment very difficult. He feels all alone because they love it there and he doesn't. He doesn't know how to study as high school came so easy to him, hates not being home and doesn't enjoy the classes he's taking. He went in undecided. I made him promise me he'd speak to his advisor before he makes any decisions. I want him to at least finish out the semester. Any advice?
__________________
2/89 - offsite 2/96 - DXL 3/99 - CBR 12/99 - Embassy Suites @ LBV 2/01 - CBR 12/01- AKL 12/02- AKL 6/04- Dolphin 7/05- Pop Century 1/08- Pop Century 1/09- Dolphin 1/11- Pop Century


Last edited by Patio; 09-29-2012 at 10:38 AM. Reason: put update page 3 in title
Patio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2012, 04:18 PM   #2
sam_gordon
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 9,704

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patio View Post
My DS is really struggling with college. He's in a big city, 2 hrs away, and his best friend is his roommate. His other good friend is also there, they seem to love their classes and being there. DS is unsure on a major and is finding the adjustment very difficult. He feels all alone because they love it there and he doesn't. He doesn't know how to study as high school came so easy to him, hates not being home and doesn't enjoy the classes he's taking. He went in undecided. I made him promise me he'd speak to his advisor before he makes any decisions. I want him to at least finish out the semester. Any advice?
Is he involved in anything? Clubs, athletics (school sponsored or intramural), organizations? Does he go out with his friends? I agree he should at least finish the semester. Encourage him to find some kind of activity he likes and spend time doing that.
__________________
Freedom W. Caribbean June 15 - June 22, 2014 Video
Oasis W. Caribbean June 8 - June 15, 2014 Review
Barcelo Maya Palace June 29-July 6, 2012
Bay Lake Towers, WDW June 1 - June 6, 2011
Polynesian, WDW Dec. 29, 2008 - Jan. 3, 2009
Wilderness Lodge, WDW, June 2005
Polynesian, WDW Sept. 7 - Sept. 14, 2001
Caribbean Beach, June 1993
sam_gordon is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 09-24-2012, 04:21 PM   #3
Christine
Would love to be able to sit on the couch for a few days, get a good book, and do NOTHING!
Considers the DIS as Bladder Training 101
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 23,844

No matter what, try to get him to last the semester. It's just going to take him awhile to find his groove. This *may* NOT be the college for him, but he needs to give it the semester. Two weeks is not long enough to know for sure. He needs to relax, adjust to his new lifestyle, and get used to his classes. After the semester ends, see how he feels.

I don't think his reaction is unusual but I think the worst thing you can do is let him leave. I would only do this under extenuating circumstances.
__________________
Christine

Vacation Home - Indian Creek - July 2012
Vacation Home - Terre Verde Resort - July 2009
Vacation Home - Terre Verde Resort - Easter 2007
Shades of Green - June 2005
Vistana Resort - May 01
Shades of Green - May 99
Shades of Green - Apr 97
CBR & Shades of Green - May 95
Christine is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2012, 04:29 PM   #4
padams
Hey, I've never posted on a locked thread before
I am always Cindy Lou Hoo
We've had them howling under our bedroom
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Neverland USA
Posts: 2,340

Tell him to work on fiinding some new friends. He needs to branch out beyond the high school buddies who love it. There are lots of unsure freshman who aren't wild about their classes. He needs to find some of those peole so he realizes his situation is normal. Plus, he will hopefully have some fun with the new friends.
padams is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2012, 04:20 PM   #5
pigletgirl
You do have a life. It is just in cyber world
If its chocolate I'll eat it!
 
pigletgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 12,775

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patio View Post
My DS is really struggling with college. He's in a big city, 2 hrs away, and his best friend is his roommate. His other good friend is also there, they seem to love their classes and being there. DS is unsure on a major and is finding the adjustment very difficult. He feels all alone because they love it there and he doesn't. He doesn't know how to study as high school came so easy to him, hates not being home and doesn't enjoy the classes he's taking. He went in undecided. I made him promise me he'd speak to his advisor before he makes any decisions. I want him to at least finish out the semester. Any advice?
Yes, tell him to finish the semester and maybe even year. I knew many people whose freshman year were horrible, and then somehow they did get adjusted.

Like the PP said, are there any clubs that would remotely interest him?
__________________
Me DH DD (16mo) DLab DMutt
Past trips: 6/99 POFQ; 3/08 CR; 4/11 Honeymoon CR;9/14 Pop/POFQ
pigletgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2012, 04:33 PM   #6
ZephyrHawk
I can nicker too, but I'm not nearly as embarrassed about that
Please don't ski with your kid on a leash
I firmly believe in ghostly figments of my imagination
 
ZephyrHawk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,715

OP, it sounds from your post as if your DS is a freshman who just started college this year. If so, I have three pieces of advice:

1. There is absolutely no reason on God's green earth that he has to be thinking about a major now. If it was second semester of his junior year, then this would be a different story, but not for a first semester freshman. The only thing that picking a major this early can do is screw you up when (not if, in my experience for most college students it's a when) you change it later. I can count on one hand the people I know who picked a major that early and stuck with it, and half of those people only stuck it out because they felt they had to.

2. A lot of freshmen find the first semester hard. I didn't, but I knew a lot of people who did. My dorm room was a bit of a haven for all my friends who were struggling with issues similar to your son's. A lot of us get to college not knowing how to study or balance our time, because we've never had to do those things before. Most of us pick it up before the end of the first year. It just takes a little getting used to.

3. Extra-curriculars. College is not about academics. Yes, I know that's counter-intuitive. It is also, obviously, about academics. But in my estimation the most important aspect is about finding out who you are and who your friends are now that you're an adult. It's about finding out that the people you thought would always be your friends in high school are on a slow spiraling path towards Facebook acquaintances. If it really were only about getting a good paying job, then everyone would be best served by starting work right out of high school (perhaps combining that with community college). We send our children away to school so that they learn to function outside their comfort zone, so that they meet people outside their social circle, and so that they try something totally new. Suggest that he involve himself in something (anything) outside classes. Heck, if I were an incoming freshman these days I would totally join the local quidditch team! As it was, I chose to try fencing. It was a decision that changed my life and shaped pretty much everything about me today.
__________________

Polynesian Village (1983), Polynesian Village (1986), Grand Floridian (1989), All Star Sports (1997), Disneyland (1998), All Star Movies (2000), Port Orleans - French Quarter (2001), All Star Music (2002), Disneyland (2004), Wilderness Lodge (2007), Pop Century (2010), Saratoga Springs (2013), and Disney Land and Sea Extravaganza - Fantasy/Villas at Wilderness Lodge (coming Dec 2015)
ZephyrHawk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2012, 05:03 PM   #7
a1tinkfans
Spreading Some Pixie Dust Today!
 
a1tinkfans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,933

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZephyrHawk View Post
OP, it sounds from your post as if your DS is a freshman who just started college this year. If so, I have three pieces of advice:

1. There is absolutely no reason on God's green earth that he has to be thinking about a major now. If it was second semester of his junior year, then this would be a different story, but not for a first semester freshman. The only thing that picking a major this early can do is screw you up when (not if, in my experience for most college students it's a when) you change it later. I can count on one hand the people I know who picked a major that early and stuck with it, and half of those people only stuck it out because they felt they had to.

2. A lot of freshmen find the first semester hard. I didn't, but I knew a lot of people who did. My dorm room was a bit of a haven for all my friends who were struggling with issues similar to your son's. A lot of us get to college not knowing how to study or balance our time, because we've never had to do those things before. Most of us pick it up before the end of the first year. It just takes a little getting used to.

3. Extra-curriculars. College is not about academics. Yes, I know that's counter-intuitive. It is also, obviously, about academics. But in my estimation the most important aspect is about finding out who you are and who your friends are now that you're an adult. It's about finding out that the people you thought would always be your friends in high school are on a slow spiraling path towards Facebook acquaintances. If it really were only about getting a good paying job, then everyone would be best served by starting work right out of high school (perhaps combining that with community college). We send our children away to school so that they learn to function outside their comfort zone, so that they meet people outside their social circle, and so that they try something totally new. Suggest that he involve himself in something (anything) outside classes. Heck, if I were an incoming freshman these days I would totally join the local quidditch team! As it was, I chose to try fencing. It was a decision that changed my life and shaped pretty much everything about me today.
Just wanted to say AWESOME advice, and LOVE #3....my own started fencing this past summer and continues at college now
__________________
Where Dreams Come True
a1tinkfans is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2012, 05:57 PM   #8
shelwoj
Mouseketeer
 
shelwoj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Ocqueoc, MI
Posts: 302

Nothing new to add because the advise so far is dead on. We jokingly call our son a second year freshman. He changed majors, schools and states after his first year at college.
__________________
Shelly
shelwoj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2012, 06:25 PM   #9
Patio
DIS Veteran
 
Patio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: PA
Posts: 2,343

Thanks so much for all the advice, I'm gonna have him read these!!! And Dan, thank you for remembering me, it's been a long time, hope your family is doing well!
__________________
2/89 - offsite 2/96 - DXL 3/99 - CBR 12/99 - Embassy Suites @ LBV 2/01 - CBR 12/01- AKL 12/02- AKL 6/04- Dolphin 7/05- Pop Century 1/08- Pop Century 1/09- Dolphin 1/11- Pop Century

Patio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2012, 06:45 AM   #10
Phlip
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 281

Quote:
Originally Posted by a1tinkfans View Post
Just wanted to say AWESOME advice, and LOVE #3....my own started fencing this past summer and continues at college now
Add me to the fan club..awesome advice, exactly what I would say..
Good luck to your DS, OP.
Phlip is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2012, 12:44 PM   #11
VickiVM
Not above flirting with Tag Fairies!
 
VickiVM's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 2,379

Quote:
Originally Posted by a1tinkfans View Post
Just wanted to say AWESOME advice, and LOVE #3....my own started fencing this past summer and continues at college now
Ditto! Don't know what it is about fencing, but my freshman son also signed up for fencing and loves it. No prior experience required and he says he's getting quite a workout. And it was only $20 to join.
VickiVM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2012, 01:23 PM   #12
kacaju
DIS Veteran
 
kacaju's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,774

aww...((HUGS)) being a college freshman mom myself..that would kill me. My dd made the dance team last spring..long before college started. She danced with them over the summer, so by the time we dropped her off she already had built in friends!! I agree with everyone, is he into any clubs or activities to keep busy?
kacaju is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2012, 12:43 PM   #13
Swan4Me
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2,634

Great news OP!
Really crummy about the IPhone-some rotten kids/young adults out there
Swan4Me is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2012, 08:38 PM   #14
PenguinWaiters
Mouseketeer
 
PenguinWaiters's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: NH
Posts: 486

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZephyrHawk View Post
OP, it sounds from your post as if your DS is a freshman who just started college this year. If so, I have three pieces of advice:

1. There is absolutely no reason on God's green earth that he has to be thinking about a major now. If it was second semester of his junior year, then this would be a different story, but not for a first semester freshman. The only thing that picking a major this early can do is screw you up when (not if, in my experience for most college students it's a when) you change it later. I can count on one hand the people I know who picked a major that early and stuck with it, and half of those people only stuck it out because they felt they had to.

2. A lot of freshmen find the first semester hard. I didn't, but I knew a lot of people who did. My dorm room was a bit of a haven for all my friends who were struggling with issues similar to your son's. A lot of us get to college not knowing how to study or balance our time, because we've never had to do those things before. Most of us pick it up before the end of the first year. It just takes a little getting used to.

3. Extra-curriculars. College is not about academics. Yes, I know that's counter-intuitive. It is also, obviously, about academics. But in my estimation the most important aspect is about finding out who you are and who your friends are now that you're an adult. It's about finding out that the people you thought would always be your friends in high school are on a slow spiraling path towards Facebook acquaintances. If it really were only about getting a good paying job, then everyone would be best served by starting work right out of high school (perhaps combining that with community college). We send our children away to school so that they learn to function outside their comfort zone, so that they meet people outside their social circle, and so that they try something totally new. Suggest that he involve himself in something (anything) outside classes. Heck, if I were an incoming freshman these days I would totally join the local quidditch team! As it was, I chose to try fencing. It was a decision that changed my life and shaped pretty much everything about me today.
I work at a University and I wanted to say this is great advice and almost exactly what I tell my students - don't stress about a major, work on building academic skills and find something that you enjoy doing and you will find that you will probably enjoy hanging out with others who enjoy doing that same thing. Joining at least one club or student organization is really important.

In addition to this I would also encourage your son to check out the Learning Center or Tutoring Center on his campus for help with his classes. Many students struggle with studying when they first get to college and so there are probably people on his campus whose job it is to help those students figure out new strategies. Those same people can also provide him with an adult connection to his school which some struggling students find to be extremely helpful.

I hope this helps.
__________________
Me & DH DD-9 DS - 5
PenguinWaiters is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2012, 09:14 PM   #15
Erin1700
At least I am bragging about using soap!
 
Erin1700's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,849

Tell him to take it one day at a time.

At the end of every day, he should ask himself: did I do what I needed to do for my classes today? Did I do something to help myself socially today? (maybe he sees the same kid on the way to class every day, say hello!)

Get through today, then worry about tomorrow.
Erin1700 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:47 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.