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Old 03-14-2011, 12:21 AM   #1
Disneyforus
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Bad news has turned worse for our family

I apologize, this is just a vent...to get some of this out of my head so maybe some of it I can stop thinking about it over and over and over again,


My Wonderful, Sweet, Cared many hours for my kids, Mother In Law was diagnosed the week before last with probable lung cancer, did a lymph node biopsy and got results this past Monday that it is in the nodes too. (she never smoked, but her late husband did) Doctor sent her for a CT of Brain/Abdomen/Pelvis on Tuesday. On Wednesday I get the call that she has 2 large masses in her brain. He called me and my DH because she was leaving that day for her first trip to Disney with my brother in law and his family.
So....we didn't tell her, and let her go on her trip.
We did have to contact my brother in law 1 hour before they were leaving to go to the airport and let him know the terrible news, and also that the Doctor started her on a seizure med and anti inflammatory to help with swelling in the brain. They had to stop and pick them up on their way. We told her it was pre treatment medications.

So, she is in Disney having the time of her life! She sounds like a little kid when we talk to her on the phone (she is 74). She is so happy and we have been getting emailed pictures of her along the way, which I know will be precious memories someday. All of her immediate family at home know, and our hearts break at the thought of her coming home from vacation to face this. It is wonderful to know she is having such a great time at the happiest place on earth....but....we know that with this type of cancer she may not be around for very long.
The one blessing of all this, is that we have had a week to digest the diagnosis and have a family meeting to decide care options and the potential problems we may have to face. She is not allowed to drive her car anymore, washer and dryer have been moved up to the main floor of the house, boarding off the basement stairs, purchasing a lifeline system for her to wear if she is alone for short periods of time, brother in law who is separated from his wife is going to move in to be there for overnights. Scoured through the will for the health wishes....and they were very clearly laid out. My husband has POA and there are only 2 items he needs to take care of with her.

We have our own family vacation planned in just a couple of weeks with my brother and his family...who have never been to florida or disney...I was really looking forward to spending a great weeks vacation with my family...never had a chance to do that before, as adults. The cousins are excited of course.....

So now we don't really know what to do. We can transfer the Villa reservation into my brothers name (for $100 fee) if we can't go....it's so hard to make that decision and know what we should do.
Just tonight our 4 kids were jabbering away at dinner about everything we were going to be doing, our countdown chain etc....
We have told them that Grandma is sick, not that she is terminally sick....though we did discuss that God has us on earth for specific reason and time to accomplish his good work and then when we are done we go to be with him. Our kids seem to readily accept that, and they have been through the loss of Grandpa too so that may help them understand.

My DH and I are Disney fans to the fullest but, we have lost our enthusiasm for this trip in lieu of concern for Mom. When we went through this with my Father in Law a kind Nurse gave us the advice to continue living. You never can predict the timing of things, you could put your life on hold forever over the what ifs...I do know Mom would be angry with us if we denied her grandchildren their trip. She has already told the family that when she dies she will be cremated, no visitation, no service, she wants her ashes placed on top of her husbands casket. (don't know if that is legal)

So, that's my story...it's been a pretty sureal week that seems like 2 weeks.

They went to Magic Kingdom today after seeing Detroit play Phoenex, and stayed for the electromagic parade and fireworks.
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Old 03-14-2011, 12:25 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disneyforus View Post
I apologize, this is just a vent...to get some of this out of my head so maybe some of it I can stop thinking about it over and over and over again,


My Wonderful, Sweet, Cared many hours for my kids, Mother In Law was diagnosed the week before last with probable lung cancer, did a lymph node biopsy and got results this past Monday that it is in the nodes too. (she never smoked, but her late husband did) Doctor sent her for a CT of Brain/Abdomen/Pelvis on Tuesday. On Wednesday I get the call that she has 2 large masses in her brain. He called me and my DH because she was leaving that day for her first trip to Disney with my brother in law and his family.
So....we didn't tell her, and let her go on her trip.
We did have to contact my brother in law 1 hour before they were leaving to go to the airport and let him know the terrible news, and also that the Doctor started her on a seizure med and anti inflammatory to help with swelling in the brain. They had to stop and pick them up on their way. We told her it was pre treatment medications.

So, she is in Disney having the time of her life! She sounds like a little kid when we talk to her on the phone (she is 74). She is so happy and we have been getting emailed pictures of her along the way, which I know will be precious memories someday. All of her immediate family at home know, and our hearts break at the thought of her coming home from vacation to face this. It is wonderful to know she is having such a great time at the happiest place on earth....but....we know that with this type of cancer she may not be around for very long.
The one blessing of all this, is that we have had a week to digest the diagnosis and have a family meeting to decide care options and the potential problems we may have to face. She is not allowed to drive her car anymore, washer and dryer have been moved up to the main floor of the house, boarding off the basement stairs, purchasing a lifeline system for her to wear if she is alone for short periods of time, brother in law who is separated from his wife is going to move in to be there for overnights. Scoured through the will for the health wishes....and they were very clearly laid out. My husband has POA and there are only 2 items he needs to take care of with her.

We have our own family vacation planned in just a couple of weeks with my brother and his family...who have never been to florida or disney...I was really looking forward to spending a great weeks vacation with my family...never had a chance to do that before, as adults. The cousins are excited of course.....

So now we don't really know what to do. We can transfer the Villa reservation into my brothers name (for $100 fee) if we can't go....it's so hard to make that decision and know what we should do.
Just tonight our 4 kids were jabbering away at dinner about everything we were going to be doing, our countdown chain etc....
We have told them that Grandma is sick, not that she is terminally sick....though we did discuss that God has us on earth for specific reason and time to accomplish his good work and then when we are done we go to be with him. Our kids seem to readily accept that, and they have been through the loss of Grandpa too so that may help them understand.

My DH and I are Disney fans to the fullest but, we have lost our enthusiasm for this trip in lieu of concern for Mom. When we went through this with my Father in Law a kind Nurse gave us the advice to continue living. You never can predict the timing of things, you could put your life on hold forever over the what ifs...I do know Mom would be angry with us if we denied her grandchildren their trip. She has already told the family that when she dies she will be cremated, no visitation, no service, she wants her ashes placed on top of her husbands casket. (don't know if that is legal)

So, that's my story...it's been a pretty sureal week that seems like 2 weeks.

They went to Magic Kingdom today after seeing Detroit play Phoenex, and stayed for the electromagic parade and fireworks.
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Old 03-14-2011, 12:44 AM   #3
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Please don't feel any need to apologize. I believe I speak for everyone. This is a place to lean on at any time, for any reason.

I read through your post very teary eyed. I have gone through the identical situation with my late MIL. As you are surely aware, the road is not easy, only with family and loved ones do we get through it, but we do.

I never like to 'suggest' to someone on what to do in regards to an upcoming trip or anything, but I 'feel' like I would continue as planned. It may not be as joyful as you would have hoped for, but with everything coming up in the next while for your family, it might be exactly what you need, and then again it might not. Just my 2 cents.

I will keep your family in my daily thoughts and prayers.

Pop in at ANY time, and please feel welcomed here. It is a great place IMHO to share things we may not want to share at home or with family, especially with young children.
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Old 03-14-2011, 01:30 AM   #4
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I am so sorry that your family is going through this.

It is always hard to make decisions when the future is so uncertain and I have been in a similar situation. When my father was unwell my mum was very insistent that our family continue on with planned vacations etc. It was never easy but my sister and I were always able to arrange things so that one of us could be with mum and dad.

Talk to your family when they return and whatever you decide will be the right decision for you.

Please come here anytime you want to talk, vent or need a .

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Old 03-14-2011, 10:00 AM   #5
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I'm so sorry to hear this and praying for you.

Here's a little input regarding going to WDW...I know it's hard to cancel or postpone a trip, but depending on how your MIL is doing, it might be a good idea to postpone the trip. When I was 7, we went on our first trip to WDW. My mom's friend and her daughter who was around my age were planning on coming with us. Her friend had some type of cancer, not sure what kind, but was originally "Good to go" on the trip. When it came closer to the trip, she wasn't doing so well and obviously didn't come on the trip with us, but gave her daughter the option to go with us still. Her daughter chose to stay at home with her mom, and her mother passed away while we were at WDW. My mother never really said anything about it to me, but I'm sure that she probably regrets not being able to see her friend one last time or even attend the funeral since we were on vacation. Obviously the same thing might not happen in your situation, but I would stay at home and spend as much time with my loved ones as possible since I've seen personally how a similar situation turned out. Best wishes to you.
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Old 03-18-2011, 12:23 PM   #6
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I'm so sorry that your wonderful mother-in-law has such a grave prognosis.

My husband and I had a planned trip to WDW in Dec. '09 with our older son and his wife. My elderly mother lived with DH & I. Any time we went on vacation, one of my sisters would stay with Mom. I fretted over whether to go on this trip. Mom wasn't doing well (she was 92 and had congestive heart failure). She insisted that we go - she even told me she wouldn't leave while we were gone (she passed the following April). My sisters told me that they were so happy that they each got to spend the time with Mom while we were away. My point is: do what you can with her, but live your lives too. I guess if she were obviously in her final days, my opinion might be different.

I see that you weren't soliciting opinions - and everyone's situation is different. You have my deepest sympathy. It will be a difficult time for you and your family.
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Old 03-30-2011, 11:39 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disneyforus View Post
...I do know Mom would be angry with us if we denied her grandchildren their trip. She has already told the family that when she dies she will be cremated, no visitation, no service, she wants her ashes placed on top of her husbands casket. (don't know if that is legal)
.
First, I''m really sorry for your bad news. I know this must be so hard. And I'm glad you're still going on your trip. I think your MIL would be very upset if you cancelled your trip, especially in light of the fact that *she* doesn't feel like she's dying any time soon. I agree with you that you can allow more hope. When my father was dying from lung cancer--and we all knew he was dying--he was still planning projects and trips for "when I get better." He had a lot of hope and we just had to go along with it. He didn't actually express belief that he was nearing death until 48 hrs before he passed. Like your MIL, he wished for a very simple memorial service after cremation. His dearest wish was to be buried at the feet of his mother, so we did that. His cremains went into a special shoebox-size vault box and they opened her grave just big enough to set the box inside on the end of her casket. Then after the grave-side service we all went back to the house for fried chicken and beer. My brother gave the kids rides on his pony until dark. We played charades and reminisced about old times. I have to say, my dad's funeral was one of the most fun, most memorable funerals I have been to. And he would have loved it.

I know this is a bad time for you all. I wouldn't share too much with the kids just yet. Let her enjoy them and let them enjoy her for as long as they can. Believe me, they'll know when the time comes. Kids just sense these things.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:37 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disneyforus View Post
I apologize, this is just a vent...to get some of this out of my head so maybe some of it I can stop thinking about it over and over and over again,


My Wonderful, Sweet, Cared many hours for my kids, Mother In Law was diagnosed the week before last with probable lung cancer, did a lymph node biopsy and got results this past Monday that it is in the nodes too. (she never smoked, but her late husband did) Doctor sent her for a CT of Brain/Abdomen/Pelvis on Tuesday. On Wednesday I get the call that she has 2 large masses in her brain. He called me and my DH because she was leaving that day for her first trip to Disney with my brother in law and his family.
So....we didn't tell her, and let her go on her trip.
We did have to contact my brother in law 1 hour before they were leaving to go to the airport and let him know the terrible news, and also that the Doctor started her on a seizure med and anti inflammatory to help with swelling in the brain. They had to stop and pick them up on their way. We told her it was pre treatment medications.

So, she is in Disney having the time of her life! She sounds like a little kid when we talk to her on the phone (she is 74). She is so happy and we have been getting emailed pictures of her along the way, which I know will be precious memories someday. All of her immediate family at home know, and our hearts break at the thought of her coming home from vacation to face this. It is wonderful to know she is having such a great time at the happiest place on earth....but....we know that with this type of cancer she may not be around for very long.
The one blessing of all this, is that we have had a week to digest the diagnosis and have a family meeting to decide care options and the potential problems we may have to face. She is not allowed to drive her car anymore, washer and dryer have been moved up to the main floor of the house, boarding off the basement stairs, purchasing a lifeline system for her to wear if she is alone for short periods of time, brother in law who is separated from his wife is going to move in to be there for overnights. Scoured through the will for the health wishes....and they were very clearly laid out. My husband has POA and there are only 2 items he needs to take care of with her.

We have our own family vacation planned in just a couple of weeks with my brother and his family...who have never been to florida or disney...I was really looking forward to spending a great weeks vacation with my family...never had a chance to do that before, as adults. The cousins are excited of course.....

So now we don't really know what to do. We can transfer the Villa reservation into my brothers name (for $100 fee) if we can't go....it's so hard to make that decision and know what we should do.
Just tonight our 4 kids were jabbering away at dinner about everything we were going to be doing, our countdown chain etc....
We have told them that Grandma is sick, not that she is terminally sick....though we did discuss that God has us on earth for specific reason and time to accomplish his good work and then when we are done we go to be with him. Our kids seem to readily accept that, and they have been through the loss of Grandpa too so that may help them understand.

My DH and I are Disney fans to the fullest but, we have lost our enthusiasm for this trip in lieu of concern for Mom. When we went through this with my Father in Law a kind Nurse gave us the advice to continue living. You never can predict the timing of things, you could put your life on hold forever over the what ifs...I do know Mom would be angry with us if we denied her grandchildren their trip. She has already told the family that when she dies she will be cremated, no visitation, no service, she wants her ashes placed on top of her husbands casket. (don't know if that is legal)

So, that's my story...it's been a pretty sureal week that seems like 2 weeks.

They went to Magic Kingdom today after seeing Detroit play Phoenex, and stayed for the electromagic parade and fireworks.
Your thread just made me cry. As posted in just another thread prior to responding to this, I just went through this exact same thing 4 months ago. My now fiance and I had a trip planned for Disneyland when I suddenly found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer, not only that but he had just 1 month to live. We also had a trip planned right around that time.

Nothing can take that hurt and pain away of losing a family member, or expecting it to happen but you need to tell yourself, that the more you can continue on with life every day, the stronger you can be for yourself, therefor for the people around you as well-including her. Making those weekly trip projects to countdown the trip, or those things you want to do down there, and making that trip a special one, is what will keep you motivated to stay strong and see the love and the special moments while you have them.

If you give up on all this now, you are going to end up sinking in a deep depression and you dont want to do that. Feel free to email or pm me anytime. Sending all our love to your family during this difficult time.

6 weeks after my dad passed away(just 4 months ago), we went to Disneyland and I know he was happy for us. I know I am being watched over.
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Old 03-31-2011, 09:26 PM   #9
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Your thread just made me cry. As posted in just another thread prior to responding to this, I just went through this exact same thing 4 months ago. My now fiance and I had a trip planned for Disneyland when I suddenly found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer, not only that but he had just 1 month to live. We also had a trip planned right around that time.

Nothing can take that hurt and pain away of losing a family member, or expecting it to happen but you need to tell yourself, that the more you can continue on with life every day, the stronger you can be for yourself, therefor for the people around you as well-including her. Making those weekly trip projects to countdown the trip, or those things you want to do down there, and making that trip a special one, is what will keep you motivated to stay strong and see the love and the special moments while you have them.

If you give up on all this now, you are going to end up sinking in a deep depression and you dont want to do that. Feel free to email or pm me anytime. Sending all our love to your family during this difficult time.

6 weeks after my dad passed away(just 4 months ago), we went to Disneyland and I know he was happy for us. I know I am being watched over.
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Old 03-31-2011, 09:45 PM   #10
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will pray for you and your family.

prayers are on the way.
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Old 06-19-2011, 11:24 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyFairytale View Post
Your thread just made me cry. As posted in just another thread prior to responding to this, I just went through this exact same thing 4 months ago. My now fiance and I had a trip planned for Disneyland when I suddenly found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer, not only that but he had just 1 month to live. We also had a trip planned right around that time.

Nothing can take that hurt and pain away of losing a family member, or expecting it to happen but you need to tell yourself, that the more you can continue on with life every day, the stronger you can be for yourself, therefor for the people around you as well-including her. Making those weekly trip projects to countdown the trip, or those things you want to do down there, and making that trip a special one, is what will keep you motivated to stay strong and see the love and the special moments while you have them.

If you give up on all this now, you are going to end up sinking in a deep depression and you dont want to do that. Feel free to email or pm me anytime. Sending all our love to your family during this difficult time.

6 weeks after my dad passed away(just 4 months ago), we went to Disneyland and I know he was happy for us. I know I am being watched over.
Long time since I stopped in here, you are so right!

My dear Mother in Law passed away 5/25 at home with a brief episode of difficult breathing and just peacefully went. She had been doing pretty good up until the week before....she was getting so weak (no appetite or desire to eat) and had to rely heavily on her walker and help getting up off of chairs. We did have a beautiful day with her on the Saturday before she died....she saw all her Grand Son's play baseball and our oldest perform in a piano recital. She was beaming the whole day, even when it started raining and we didn't have any umbrellas. Sunday she was whipped from all her activity the previous day, Monday she perked up a bit, but her weakness was getting pretty severe, by Tuesday she was needing much assistance to get around. When I cam on Wed, she told me she was done. She wanted to die, and be put out of her misery. We had a quiet day, lots of internal thoughts on her part and I helped where I could. I did some back/neck rubs and then about 4pm her breathing became labored and by 4:30 she was very short of breath and working hard, gave her a couple hospice meds for anxiety and the breathing...took us until almost 6:30 to get her comfy. Most all of the family had come by that time, her son who is studying massage therapy gave her a great foot massage. I needed to take my 4 kids home now that my husband had arrived, m little 5 year old had been there all day with us and was ready to leave, I said my good byes to Mom and listed off all the people who were there and told her I was so proud to have her for a Mom in law. I walked out, got into my car and my husband rushed out to stop me...she had died. It was 7:55pm.

The last few weeks have been sureal, to have lost both of my inlaws now. That whole piece of the family is gone, only the memories remain.
At her memorial we had a special area with all her Disney stuff/PICS...she had such a great trip. Her one thing she always wanted to do!

Thanks to all you on this board who care and support people...it's such an easy place to come and talk in a non threatening/ non judgemental way.
I hope I can help pay it forward and be an encourager to someone going through a rough time as well.
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Old 06-20-2011, 05:52 AM   #12
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:hugI am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 06-20-2011, 08:03 AM   #13
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I have been following this since your first post. I'm so sorry to hear that she passed away, but I'm thankful she had her trip and I'm glad she's no longer suffering. I watched my MIL like this with many of the same types of cancer and I can honestly say that I wouldn't like that to drag on for anyone, I'd rather it be quick and let them go peacefully. I hate to see anyone suffer. I will add your family to my prayers.
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Old 06-20-2011, 02:14 PM   #14
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Disneyforus sorry to read this about your MIL.
My family is going through same thing my dad was diagnosed 4/29.
and continued prayers for you and your family
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