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Old 07-13-2009, 05:12 PM   #1
Ember
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My mum's fight against gallbladder cancer - Update October 1st

It's my first time posting on this board...

On June 24th I found out my mum has terminal, inoperable cancer. It's in the gallbladder and (maybe) the lymph nodes around the liver. She went for a scope last Thursday, so we should have more information by the end of the week.

Anyway, today we went out shopping and all of a sudden my mum said she had pain in her back. I brought her right home (about 20 minutes) and by the time we got here she was in agony.

She was literally writhing on her bed, moaning in pain. I was so scared! I know the doctors said there would be paid but I guess I wasn't expecting this...

I know it's selfish, but I'm only 29 - I'm not ready to be an orphan! And I don't want to have to see my mummy hurting. This isn't fair.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be either disjointed in posting, or selfish. It's been a rough few weeks.

Last edited by Ember; 10-01-2009 at 09:07 PM.
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Old 07-14-2009, 05:26 PM   #2
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You should not apologize for how you feel. I think we would all be scared and we would all be feeling like life isn't fair right now. Giving the journey you are on right now with your mom, you are allowed to feel anything you need to. Hang in there.
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Old 07-14-2009, 06:19 PM   #3
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Hugs for your mum and for you too. I am sure it is so upsetting to see your mum in so much pain and you probably feel like you are helpless to help her. I always wonder if my dh feels that way about me too. But you are there for her and that is important. Just talk to her drs. to make sure that her pain is under control. That is very important. Blessings to you both as you go on this journey together. Your mum is blessed to have you there. I am sure she knows how concerned you are for her and she sees how much you love her too.
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Old 07-14-2009, 06:34 PM   #4
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Hugs for you and your family. You can't help how you feel. You have every right to feel what you do. Just let her know that you are there for her and support her. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 07-14-2009, 07:34 PM   #5
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Don't apologize and don't feel guilty. You are not being selfish. I completely understand. I lost my mom to cancer in '02. I was 40 at the time and I was not ready to be motherless either.

God Bless you all.
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Old 07-16-2009, 06:19 AM   #6
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Do not apologize for posting that here...

I would get on the phone with her doctor and find out exactly what she is taking for pain medication.... she may need some adjustments... My thoughts are this when my husband was in that much pain.....they used oxycontin for the pain, which is I think 12 hours, and if he had break through pain with that drug, he was to take oxycondone... To tell you that we almost had to sell our first born child to get oxycontin is an understatement.. I never understand why they make it so difficult for cancer patients who have inoperable tumors that cause terrible pain to get these kind of pain meds.. and yet, well we all know that some just get whatever they want for pain.

I am no expert here, although I have been at this with my husband 5 years in November, but it sounds to me that she had break through pain which needs to be managed... as the doctor explained it to me, you never want to be chasing the pain, you want to keep visualize the straight line (no pain, mostly comfort).... no jagged highs (the Pain)

One more thought, are they calling her cancer bile duct cancer or just gallbladder? At any rate, it is one of the gastro types, which pancreatic falls under. Are you going to a hospital that has a separate gastro cancer area??? Hopefully, you are getting the proper help you need for yourself and for her. The goal is no pain, when possible, for those with inoperable tumors...

I am here if you need to ask more questions...

Marsha

ps I just went back and reread your post and that the doctor said there would be pain...sure, but it needs to be managed. Is he her oncologist? because I would definitely get him on the phone and say her pain needs to be managed reasonably.....it is about quality of life, if it is inoperable, you need to give her the best quality of life she can have for now... I feel a bit angry and I do hope that he is helping you manage her pain... My God... my heart hurts for her and you.
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Old 08-14-2009, 10:24 AM   #7
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Ember,

I am so sorry for what you are going through with your mum and her illness.

My mother was diagnosed with Gallbladder Cancer in 2003 and she was stage 4 at the time. Her illness progressed quickly and unfortunately she passed away shortly after. I think due to the nature of this type of Cancer the prognosis is not good, and I am just so very sorry. It's also rare, and not diagnosed early.

This August 17th will be 6 years

I will keep you and your mum in my good thoughts and prayers. Please PM me if you'd like to talk off-line as I don't want to give you any information you don't want or need at this time as I know how overwhelming this all can be.

Zalansky
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Old 08-14-2009, 11:47 AM   #8
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Just want you to know you, your mom, and family are in my thoughts & prayers.

Cristy
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Old 09-30-2009, 11:40 AM   #9
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Yesterday we FINALLY met with the oncologist at the Cross Cancer Institute. It has been over three months from the time we received the diagnosis. In Canada, there is no other choice but to wait. The oncologist who initially gave her the diagnosis should have done the referral immediately, instead he did nothing and we had to go through our GP. (The referral process normally takes about three weeks, NOT three months.)

She had a whole series of new tests and very jaundiced. Because of the jaundice she is ineligible for chemo. Had we gotten the referral in a timely manner this option would have been open to us. I am so mad I could quite literally drive my car over that first oncologist. (I won't. But I sure do enjoy thinking about it.) That said, I know it was nothing we did. We were at the doctors office every week asking questions, there really isn't anything else we could have done.

So now we are into palliative care. At some point, my mummy will die. And I will have to go on. I don't know how I will do it.
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Old 09-30-2009, 02:11 PM   #10
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I will keep you all in my thoughts~
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Old 09-30-2009, 03:01 PM   #11
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I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I lost my mom to cancer 7 years ago.
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Old 10-01-2009, 07:48 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember View Post
Yesterday we FINALLY met with the oncologist at the Cross Cancer Institute. It has been over three months from the time we received the diagnosis. In Canada, there is no other choice but to wait. The oncologist who initially gave her the diagnosis should have done the referral immediately, instead he did nothing and we had to go through our GP. (The referral process normally takes about three weeks, NOT three months.)

She had a whole series of new tests and very jaundiced. Because of the jaundice she is ineligible for chemo. Had we gotten the referral in a timely manner this option would have been open to us. I am so mad I could quite literally drive my car over that first oncologist. (I won't. But I sure do enjoy thinking about it.) That said, I know it was nothing we did. We were at the doctors office every week asking questions, there really isn't anything else we could have done.

So now we are into palliative care. At some point, my mummy will die. And I will have to go on. I don't know how I will do it.
I am so very sorry. I know there isn't anything I can say to make it any better. When we were told it all just felt like a bad dream and I keep hoping that we would get a call saying the diagnosis was wrong it was just this minor thing but deep down I knew it was real. It was just hard to accept. Please know that I will be praying for you and your mom.
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:50 PM   #13
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I am so sorry. I have had two of the people I care about the most (my husband and daughter) diagnosed with cancer in the past year. Both are in remission now, but there is always the next Pet Scan that can be bad news...My husband's diagnosis took a month..very rare form..I know how frustrating it can be..My family and I pushed the doctors to get moving. I have watched my baby boy ( boys never grow up) and my baby girl fight this dreadful disease with everything they have...I know it is not easy to watch the one's we love the most suffer. I wish I could reach out and give you a great big hug

The doctor's were not very optimistic with my husband's diagnosis, but I really think God sent us an angel when we met his oncologist. The chemo worked and right now he is cancer free. Is there any way you can get a second opinion? This is why I do not want government health care. Too much red tape to jump through. We pushed hard to get my husband treated. Our surgeon did not want to perform the surgery because he suffered a heart attack, (wanted to wait at least 6 weeks). We said no..(as did his cardiologist, GI, and oncologist). He finally did the surgery 10 days after the heart attack. We pushed the doctors hard. I know how frustrating it can be.

Cancer is such a dreadful disease. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know that there are many here that are thinking and praying for you and your mum.

Last edited by sarasotamom; 10-01-2009 at 07:13 PM. Reason: Spelling
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