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-   -   If you were dating (1 year) living together (5 months)... (http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=3128686)

luvmylittleboy2003 06-18-2013 06:38 PM

If you were dating (1 year) living together (5 months)...
 
And have made it clear that one day (not tomorrow) you would like to get married, would you find it odd that the guy NEVER mentions it, unless someone brings it up...then says 'I have a plan' this coming from someone that can't plan out 30 secs from now!! It just strikes me a little odd! I've made it very clear I don't want to waste my time if he isn't ever interested in being married again!! Thoughts??

If it helps we are in our early 40s and a blended family, we all get along great!!

goofyintoronto 06-18-2013 06:46 PM

So even thou you love him, if he told you he doesnt want to get married until much later in life, if at all...you would leave him? Whats the rush to get that ring on your finger?

If you love him, how can you say being with him is a waste of your time? What if he isnt ready yet? Most men, but not all, tend to gravitate towards marriage at much slower pace than women. If he made it clear that he would like to get married as well, I'm sure he will propose when he is ready. I wouldn't rush him or give him ultimatums.

Scrappy_Tink 06-18-2013 06:47 PM

I think I'd have a "heart-to-heart" talk with him and see what his plans are. Just because he doesn't mention it, doesn't mean he doesn't think about it. If my DH didn't know how important it was to me, we'd probably still be dating, as he was happy just the way things were. He's happy the way things are now too....he just needed a nudge.

kimblebee 06-18-2013 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvmylittleboy2003 (Post 48718561)
And have made it clear that one day (not tomorrow) you would like to get married, would you find it odd that the guy NEVER mentions it, unless someone brings it up...then says 'I have a plan' this coming from someone that can't plan out 30 secs from now!! It just strikes me a little odd! I've made it very clear I don't want to waste my time if he isn't ever interested in being married again!! Thoughts??

If it helps we are in our early 40s and a blended family, we all get along great!!



The rule,guys...

Sorry, I have nothing to add. I thought I did but changed my mind LOL

JessicaR 06-18-2013 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvmylittleboy2003 (Post 48718561)
And have made it clear that one day (not tomorrow) you would like to get married, would you find it odd that the guy NEVER mentions it, unless someone brings it up...then says 'I have a plan' this coming from someone that can't plan out 30 secs from now!! It just strikes me a little odd! I've made it very clear I don't want to waste my time if he isn't ever interested in being married again!! Thoughts??

If it helps we are in our early 40s and a blended family, we all get along great!!

This speaks volumes. You already know the answer. If marrying this guy is really important to you tell him how you feel so you can know where you stand.

DawnM 06-18-2013 06:56 PM

If you dated him for a whole year didn't you know his intentions before moving in with him?

luvmylittleboy2003 06-18-2013 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DawnM (Post 48718686)
If you dated him for a whole year didn't you know his intentions before moving in with him?

I moved in @ 6 months, we've been dating a year total. He said he wasn't saying he didn't want to get married again, but that he would know, at the time, if it was right!!

luvmylittleboy2003 06-18-2013 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JessicaR (Post 48718644)
This speaks volumes. You already know the answer. If marrying this guy is really important to you tell him how you feel so you can know where you stand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrappy_Tink (Post 48718620)
I think I'd have a "heart-to-heart" talk with him and see what his plans are. Just because he doesn't mention it, doesn't mean he doesn't think about it. If my DH didn't know how important it was to me, we'd probably still be dating, as he was happy just the way things were. He's happy the way things are now too....he just needed a nudge.

Thanks, both are very good points!!!

Pigeon 06-18-2013 07:10 PM

I would think that he's not nearly as keen on getting married as you are,

luvmylittleboy2003 06-18-2013 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goofyintoronto (Post 48718615)
So even thou you love him, if he told you he doesnt want to get married until much later in life, if at all...you would leave him? Whats the rush to get that ring on your finger?

If you love him, how can you say being with him is a waste of your time? What if he isnt ready yet? Most men, but not all, tend to gravitate towards marriage at much slower pace than women. If he made it clear that he would like to get married as well, I'm sure he will propose when he is ready. I wouldn't rush him or give him ultimatums.

It's just a personel choice for myself and my son, that's why I asked him from the beginning. I would have never kept dating him if he had answered NO! I'm not in a hurry, but also don't want to invest several years into a relationship if we aren't on the same page.

luvmylittleboy2003 06-18-2013 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pigeon (Post 48718798)
I would think that he's not nearly as keen on getting married as you are,

That's my gut feeling as well!!! My friends have all pretty much said the same. Just nice to have other viewpoints :)

lovemygoofy 06-18-2013 07:19 PM

He told you he wasn't sure he was interested in marriage. You moved in; he got his way. Sounds like you should be having this conversation with him instead of people who can't give you the correct answer.

Robinrs 06-18-2013 07:27 PM

As a person who avoided marriage like the PLAGUE for a lifetime, don't expect him to volunteer it. He's fine with the way things are. If you want it you're going to have to take the lead, it's the only way. If he doesn't follow then you'll get the clue. Maybe it's okay just the way it is. :confused3

goofyintoronto 06-18-2013 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvmylittleboy2003

It's just a personel choice for myself and my son, that's why I asked him from the beginning. I would have never kept dating him if he had answered NO! I'm not in a hurry, but also don't want to invest several years into a relationship if we aren't on the same page.

Fair enough. But you've only been living together for 5 months. (Total together: 1 yr 5 months). I'd give it time. The worst thing you can do is pressure a guy when he isn't ready.

lovemygoofy 06-18-2013 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goofyintoronto (Post 48718944)
Fair enough. But you've only been living together for 5 months. (Total together: 1 yr 5 months). I'd give it time. The worst thing you can do is pressure a guy when he isn't ready.

I think the relationship is total 1 year. She moved in at 6 months and they have been living together another 5 months is the way I understood. (Im probably wrong though)


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