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mjpisani21 05-27-2013 09:28 PM

Bummed...
 
DBF and I have a trip planned for first week of December. I of course have been busy making my plans, doing my research, buying MVMCP tickets, and getting my list of ADRs ready for my 180 day window which is June 4th. I am really excited for this trip because even though we go every year this will be my first disney trip with the Christmas decor. :)

Now for the bummer... Today at dinner BF parents, brother and sister in law and 3 kids say they want to come too. Now I am family friendly and love the kiddos but it seems like when we all vacation together DBFs family ends up fussing over the kids and the brother and his wife the whole time and my bf and I kinda get the shaft. Is it wrong for me to be bummed? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy them all but it is hard for me to let my weeks and months of planning go for some last minute tagalongs. Any tips or suggestions on how to try and make this a pleasant trip? Oh and I should add BF and I are staying at beach club and now there aren't any cheaper rooms available for rest of the family at beach club so they are trying to convince us to stay at a moderate. Not to be grouchy but I like the beach club and I don't want to change!!! Help!!!

Mousemommy1 05-27-2013 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjpisani21 (Post 48518109)
DBF and I have a trip planned for first week of December. I of course have been busy making my plans, doing my research, buying MVMCP tickets, and getting my list of ADRs ready for my 180 day window which is June 4th. I am really excited for this trip because even though we go every year this will be my first disney trip with the Christmas decor. :)

Now for the bummer... Today at dinner BF parents, brother and sister in law and 3 kids say they want to come too. Now I am family friendly and love the kiddos but it seems like when we all vacation together DBFs family ends up fussing over the kids and the brother and his wife the whole time and my bf and I kinda get the shaft. Is it wrong for me to be bummed? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy them all but it is hard for me to let my weeks and months of planning go for some last minute tagalongs. Any tips or suggestions on how to try and make this a pleasant trip? Oh and I should add BF and I are staying at beach club and now there aren't any cheaper rooms available for rest of the family at beach club so they are trying to convince us to stay at a moderate. Not to be grouchy but I like the beach club and I don't want to change!!! Help!!!

This obviously depends on your BF's relationship with his family, but I think that since you guys already had a trip planned, you shouldn't have to change your plans. Let the rest of them stay wherever they book, you already decided on the BC.

And, just make time to spend alone with your BF. This was/is your trip. Is any of his family paying for your part of the trip? If no, then they have no say.

No need to be bummed, just continue on with your plans. You can give them a few times during the trip where you are able to get together and then leave it up to them. :thumbsup2

bumbershoot 05-27-2013 09:36 PM

This is your trip. If they choose to go at the same time it doesn't have to mess with your trip unless you let it.

mjpisani21 05-27-2013 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mousemommy1 (Post 48518194)

This obviously depends on your BF's relationship with his family, but I think that since you guys already had a trip planned, you shouldn't have to change your plans. Let the rest of them stay wherever they book, you already decided on the BC.

And, just make time to spend alone with your BF. This was/is your trip. Is any of his family paying for your part of the trip? If no, then they have no say.

No need to be bummed, just continue on with your plans. You can give them a few times during the trip where you are able to get together and then leave it up to them. :thumbsup2

Yeah I agree. Thanks for your support! It's just hard because BFs family will pay for brother and his family but not us since we can afford it and don't need their help. So we end up paying our way, making the plans, and then basically throwing our plans out the window to try and make everyone happy. BF doesn't like conflict so he does whatever his family says. Makes me feel frustrated sometimes because even though I've been dating BF for almost 7 years sometimes i dont feel like they value my opinion or feelings like that of BF brother and sister in law.

I tried to say we don't need to do everything together. We can book some reservations together and some apart. We shall see. It's hard being a planner but having no voice to say what I think.

AliceIn 05-27-2013 09:45 PM

I would definitely not move to the moderate resort if that is not what you want from the vacation. Let them stay moderate, and you guys stay at the BC. That will allow you to have some dinners and such together, but not have the entire vacation centered around the kids.

sharadoc 05-27-2013 10:05 PM

In sweetest voice: "So sorry, we would have to pay a penalty to change resorts so we're staying at Beach Club. We'd love to meet up with you guys and do things together." Then make sure the phone is turned off half the time.

Plan a couple of meals together, send them a link to easywdw.com and the Disney dining website.

You sound like a sweet person, so you don't seem like you'd be a source of conflict for your BF. If you guys can be on the same page as far as what you both want out of the trip, then you can gameplan the best way to handle his family. As long as you both agree, and can work out details, you'll be fine.

darkwing818 05-27-2013 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliceIn (Post 48518315)
I would definitely not move to the moderate resort if that is not what you want from the vacation. Let them stay moderate, and you guys stay at the BC. That will allow you to have some dinners and such together, but not have the entire vacation centered around the kids.

Leave the Beach Club (our personal favorite) for a moderate; "No :sad2: Way Jose". As others have stated let the "Come Lately's" stay where they wish. Just my opinion. :scratchin

6disneykids 05-27-2013 11:50 PM

I don't think you should change your plans, and it will give you two some separate time away from family.
I think you should have your BF tell his family what your plans are and what meals/parks you all can do together. If you are the one to tell his family ( even if its done in the sweetest way ever), it will more seem like your plans are more important than his family, even if they decided to tag along.
I am not sure if any GF, no matter how long she has been involved with their son, will ever get the same amount of attention as his parents will give to their grand kids, and sometimes that means giving more to the grand kids parents too to be involved.

freckles04 05-27-2013 11:50 PM

The situation above has happened to me, and is why I will forevermore keep our trips a secret until right before we leave! Had family join us for a day and it happened to be MK day. I love my family but we spent half the day trying to continually meet back up, and they came last minute and so couldnt even join us for dinner. DS still talks about missing a lot of MK (it was his first trip).

dizneekrazee 05-28-2013 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjpisani21 (Post 48518289)
Yeah I agree. Thanks for your support! It's just hard because BFs family will pay for brother and his family but not us since we can afford it and don't need their help. So we end up paying our way, making the plans, and then basically throwing our plans out the window to try and make everyone happy. BF doesn't like conflict so he does whatever his family says. Makes me feel frustrated sometimes because even though I've been dating BF for almost 7 years sometimes i dont feel like they value my opinion or feelings like that of BF brother and sister in law.

I tried to say we don't need to do everything together. We can book some reservations together and some apart. We shall see. It's hard being a planner but having no voice to say what I think.

I wonder if our DBFs are brothers :confused3 lol, jk. He sounds just like mine.

Anyhow, I agree with others. Don't change your hotel. Don't change your plans. Maybe see a few ADRs they are interested in, and have a few sit down meals together, but be sure to have some just the 2 of you. Even if it mean leaving the parks a bit earlier and going to DTD together. Without notifying the rest of the group. Like maybe after AK closes.

bumbershoot 05-28-2013 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjpisani21 (Post 48518289)
BF doesn't like conflict so he does whatever his family says. Makes me feel frustrated sometimes because even though I've been dating BF for almost 7 years ....

7 years and he doesn't mind conflict with *you*, but he does with his family? I think you guys need this alone-time to have some serious conversations.

7 years, he'd better be starting to think of you as his family, and if he isn't, well... I think some chats need to happen.



And yes, many families do not take girl/boyfriends or even fiance/es seriously; being welcomed into the family happens, with many families, after vows have been taken. So that makes sense for many families. (my family welcomed DH after a few months of dating...his family welcomed me after I busted my rear to take care of MIL after a series of strokes, 9 years into our *marriage*...thankfully DH had already gone to war with his mother (the main problem) and had made it clear, very early on, that he was on MY side, just as she had taught him to do once he got married)

And yes, children bring the attention of grandparents and parents. It just happens. If you two ever create a family of your own, you will notice it in a more positive light.

So for now, take your own vacations. And have some nice long talks about who, exactly, he needs to start taking care of more, anti-conflict-wise....

dizneekrazee 05-28-2013 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bumbershoot (Post 48519536)
7 years and he doesn't mind conflict with *you*, but he does with his family? I think you guys need this alone-time to have some serious conversations.

7 years, he'd better be starting to think of you as his family, and if he isn't, well... I think some chats need to happen.



And yes, many families do not take girl/boyfriends or even fiance/es seriously; being welcomed into the family happens, with many families, after vows have been taken. So that makes sense for many families.

And yes, children bring the attention of grandparents and parents. It just happens. If you two ever create a family of your own, you will notice it in a more positive light.

So for now, take your own vacations. And have some nice long talks about who, exactly, he needs to start taking care of more, anti-conflict-wise....

This.:thumbsup2

disneylove69 05-28-2013 01:03 AM

Your BF needs to tell the family, "Maybe we can hook up for dinner while we are there." Don't change a thing ;)

mjpisani21 05-28-2013 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bumbershoot (Post 48519536)

7 years and he doesn't mind conflict with *you*, but he does with his family? I think you guys need this alone-time to have some serious conversations.

7 years, he'd better be starting to think of you as his family, and if he isn't, well... I think some chats need to happen.

And yes, many families do not take girl/boyfriends or even fiance/es seriously; being welcomed into the family happens, with many families, after vows have been taken. So that makes sense for many families. (my family welcomed DH after a few months of dating...his family welcomed me after I busted my rear to take care of MIL after a series of strokes, 9 years into our *marriage*...thankfully DH had already gone to war with his mother (the main problem) and had made it clear, very early on, that he was on MY side, just as she had taught him to do once he got married)

And yes, children bring the attention of grandparents and parents. It just happens. If you two ever create a family of your own, you will notice it in a more positive light.

So for now, take your own vacations. And have some nice long talks about who, exactly, he needs to start taking care of more, anti-conflict-wise....

Thanks for the advice. DBF is wonderful. I think his parents and family just try to make him feel in the middle sometimes. I'm pretty go with the flow too and I think that adds to the problem. Since I'm always like yeah whatever they have sorta taken this for granted. I think BF and I will be having some chats with the family about the expectations of this trip. For now I'm planning the meals for the 2 of us. If they want to join they can make reservations for all 9. And you're right about when they change their mindset from GF to family member. It's really a shame that some people act this way. I also think the fact that we are more secure financially and more responsible adds to it. DBFs brother and his wife always have their hands out for something and only come around for free stuff so I think his parents fuss over them more because they're scared the relationship will end if they don't. Again, this is a shame. I just need to not take it personally and be more (in a kind way) vocal to BF and let him handle it.

disnut8 05-28-2013 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjpisani21 (Post 48518109)
DBF and I have a trip planned for first week of December. I of course have been busy making my plans, doing my research, buying MVMCP tickets, and getting my list of ADRs ready for my 180 day window which is June 4th. I am really excited for this trip because even though we go every year this will be my first disney trip with the Christmas decor. :)

Now for the bummer... Today at dinner BF parents, brother and sister in law and 3 kids say they want to come too. Now I am family friendly and love the kiddos but it seems like when we all vacation together DBFs family ends up fussing over the kids and the brother and his wife the whole time and my bf and I kinda get the shaft. Is it wrong for me to be bummed? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy them all but it is hard for me to let my weeks and months of planning go for some last minute tagalongs. Any tips or suggestions on how to try and make this a pleasant trip? Oh and I should add BF and I are staying at beach club and now there aren't any cheaper rooms available for rest of the family at beach club so they are trying to convince us to stay at a moderate. Not to be grouchy but I like the beach club and I don't want to change!!! Help!!!

I wouldn't sweat it. You stay at the Beach Club and offer advice to the others on where they should stay. If they don't want the same resort then just say you can text or call each morning to coordinate plans. If they match up, great. If not, you just move on. We stayed with our son and his family in connecting rooms at Pop Century and there were days we went our separate ways just because they wanted to do things we had no interest in. We also started in the same park but then split up.

And you have until Christmas so there's plenty of time to talk to them about all this. With that many people, there is no way in hell you can all tour together. No way. PM me if you want my trip report with ten people. It was impossible to stay together. Totally impossible and we even stayed at the same resort.


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