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-   -   Spinoff of the Special Snowflake Thread - Your Biggest Parenting Regret (Babies) (http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=3060009)

Christine 02-05-2013 05:22 PM

Spinoff of the Special Snowflake Thread - Your Biggest Parenting Regret (Babies)
 
Okay, I've been reading the "My Friend's Raising Her Own Special Snowflake" thread which, per the DIS, and devolved into a "parenting" thread, specifically crying it out and sleeping through the night/naps, etc.

It got me thinking to when my kids (now adults) were babies and some of the mistakes I made that still kind of bug me today.

My big one is that I spent a lot of time, before my first child was born, reading babycare books so by the time my DD arrived, I had very set ideas on what should be done. It didn't help that my DD was not a very "settled" baby. She didn't sleep much, and both my husband and I worked full time. Anyway, one of my parenting books (or several) were ADAMANT that the baby should NEVER get in the bed with you. It would lead to the baby not being able to sleep on its own, you could smother the baby, etc. I was terrified I'd end up with a toddler who couldn't sleep on her own.

Well one night my DD, who was about 6 weeks old, was having yet another night of fussing and crying. I tried rocking her, walking with her, all sorts of things. It just went on and on. It was about 2 AM and I was just beat. I laid her in the bed with me and held her little hands and she just totally stopped crying. But after a few minutes, I felt TERRIBLE for having her in my bed--just sure I was going to create a "monster" that I put her back in her bed, where she proceeded to cry so we spent more hours walking, swinging, etc.

To this day, I know it's silly, I feel horrible about that and how stupid I was for thinking it would ruin her. She just needed some comfort. Granted, I never ended up having a problem with kids in my bed...but I still feel like I did the wrong thing. Stupid, I know..

Also, neither one of my kids slept through the night until they were 9 months old. Both of them. I'm sure I was causing this with my bad parenting style. I admit to doing CIO at 6 months old (didn't work). Tried it again at 9 months old (worked like a charm).


So, anyone else do anything that they wish they'd one differently?

superme80 02-05-2013 05:41 PM

I would have stayed home more with DS #1. We were always busy and driving places. When Ds #2 came along that stopped. Taking 2 kids out was and still is a huge chore.

jodifla 02-05-2013 05:42 PM

I wish I hadn't listened to all the endless hype about breastfeeding.

One of the happiest days of my life is the day I stopped. My son was happier, too.

minkydog 02-05-2013 05:42 PM

Yeah. I wish I had never started my oldest sleeping with us. I didn't know you were supposed to put them to bed drowsy but awake so they can learn to go to.sleep on their own. He'd start the night in his bed, but somewhere around 2-3am he'd climb into bed with us. I worked the 3-11pm shift, so I was just too exhausted to deal with it. It took us 5-1/2 years to get him to sleep in his bed consistently!

Believe me, I didn't eve start that with #2 &#3!

Soldier's*Sweeties 02-05-2013 05:47 PM

I would have been more consistent in my approach to discipline. Boy am I paying for it now with a snotty little girl and a cry baby boy who just KNOW...Or think(now that I HAVE been putting my foot down and found a method that works) that if they are nasty enough or whine enough I'll give in:sad2:.

I wish I would have let someone watch them occasionally just to ease the separation anxiety. I can count on one hand how many times I left them before they started Pre-K. I think that made it really hard on them when school began.

I was a SAHM for the first few years of the twins' lives. I don't really regret any of the other things people usually do, like cuddling them enough or spending enough time with them.

NOW I wish I had more patience with them. I always wonder if I handled a situation right or was fair...But I think that goes back to me not being consistent. :laughing:

scoutie 02-05-2013 05:48 PM

I wish I would have known that it was ok to take time for myself. I had a lot of working mom guilt and with my first baby, I never took a minute for myself. After I had my second, I realized that it was ok to go to the gym, or meet friends out for lunch. Eight years later, my kids are everything I hoped they would be (happy, healthy, bonded to me), and I wish I would have taken a little me time earlier on.

Pixie Dust for Me! 02-05-2013 05:51 PM

In my case, I wish that I had listened to my mom (a nurse) rather than the LaLeche League consultant who told me that mother's always produce enough milk for their children. Finally, after 6 weeks of trying so hard...even arguing with my pediatrician...I finally decided to supplement with formula. I had a much happier (and less hungry) baby and I was a much happier mom!

I won't even begin to tell you all of the things I tried to produce more milk. Let's just say it was enough to make me cry...while feeling like a "failure as a mother." I wanted to do everything right for this baby. I had so many miscarriages in the past that I wanted to be the "perfect mom."

Well, he's 14 now and I'm still not the "perfect mom." But he's a happy kid, doing well in school and life and makes me feel like I'm just the right mom he needs. (Psssttt....that's the secret. Just be the right mom your kid needs. Perfection is a myth that makes us all crazy!)

Karen

Southernmiss 02-05-2013 05:53 PM

Insisting DS3 try the vegetables on his plate. He would sit at the table until he gagged. Now, I wouldn't insist on it, but just dismiss him from the table.

He is healthy and fine, still a bit of a picky eater, but will be 14 tomorrow !

Christine 02-05-2013 05:58 PM

Interesting about the two breastfeeding comments so far. I have my own "breastfeeding" drama but I didn't comment on it here because, 20 years later, I have no regrets.

I was also told from Day 1 about the virtues of breastfeeding. I'm not arguing it. I do believe it is the ideal situation. But, man, they start on you right away. The day I confided in my best friend that I was pregnant, she said to me "Will you be breastfeeding?" It hadn't even occurred to me.

Anyway, OF COURSE, I was going to breast feed. Just like Pixie Dust For Me! I was going to do everything the right way.

But it didn't work out for me. My DD (yes the same one from my first post who wasn't very easygoing), never took to it well. I would spend well over a 45 minutes having her "eat" and she never got full. She was a "diner" and not an enthusiastic breastfeeder. My best friend was shocked because her daughter could empty two breasts in about 15 minutes tops. She also slept through the night at 4 weeks old. Oh, I was feeling real inadequate. Finally after 6 weeks of struggling, I had to give it up. I was exhausted and miserable.

I tried again with #2, who was a better eater, but I spent 4 weeks bleeding and got a breast infection, I just couldn't take it.

At the time I remember feeling like a huge failure and I cried and cried. I'm sure the hormones didn't help because when I think about it now, I feel like I was such an idiot for letting it make me miserable.

scoutie 02-05-2013 06:01 PM

Quote:

Just be the right mom your kid needs.
That's some great advice. Beautifully said.

lizabu 02-05-2013 06:43 PM

I bought a lot of things I never used like change table, a rocking chair and lots of toys. Babies don't really get as fascinated by toys in real life as they do in the commercials.

Soldier's*Sweeties 02-05-2013 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lizabu (Post 47417891)
I bought a lot of things I never used like change table, a rocking chair and lots of toys. Babies don't really get as fascinated by toys in real life as they do in the commercials.

I know...

Should have just bought a few extra KONG toys. That's what they really wanted.:rotfl:

disney212 02-05-2013 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christine (Post 47417502)
Interesting about the two breastfeeding comments so far. I have my own "breastfeeding" drama but I didn't comment on it here because, 20 years later, I have no regrets.

I was also told from Day 1 about the virtues of breastfeeding. I'm not arguing it. I do believe it is the ideal situation. But, man, they start on you right away. The day I confided in my best friend that I was pregnant, she said to me "Will you be breastfeeding?" It hadn't even occurred to me.

Anyway, OF COURSE, I was going to breast feed. Just like Pixie Dust For Me! I was going to do everything the right way.

But it didn't work out for me. My DD (yes the same one from my first post who wasn't very easygoing), never took to it well. I would spend well over a 45 minutes having her "eat" and she never got full. She was a "diner" and not an enthusiastic breastfeeder. My best friend was shocked because her daughter could empty two breasts in about 15 minutes tops. She also slept through the night at 4 weeks old. Oh, I was feeling real inadequate. Finally after 6 weeks of struggling, I had to give it up. I was exhausted and miserable.

I tried again with #2, who was a better eater, but I spent 4 weeks bleeding and got a breast infection, I just couldn't take it.

At the time I remember feeling like a huge failure and I cried and cried. I'm sure the hormones didn't help because when I think about it now, I feel like I was such an idiot for letting it make me miserable.

Yours is similar to mine. I never planned on breastfeeding with my first because I had to go back to work in 4 weeks (gotta love the 80s with our drive through births and straight back to work) and it turned out that I wouldn't have been able to due to a stroke and blood clots which equal blood thinners after his birth. I gave birth to my daughter 13 months after that, the "league" consultant came in and told me she saw I wasn't planning breast feeding and proceeded to tell me in no uncertain terms how horrible of a mother I was being. When the nurse came in and saw me in tears and her still lecturing me she proceeded to inform her that due to my medications I was unable to breast feed. The consultant made a lame comment about hoping my child wouldn't suffer. If this would have happened to me now I would have left her in tears. BTW, the kids are 24 and 23, both college grads, son get's his masters in May and DD gets hers next year! Both have never been sick (even thought they were both in full time daycare by 6 weeks, she also lectured me on going back to work and having to use a bottle), were both "A" students, speak multiple languages, have great jobs, no allergies, not picky eaters, no crimes and good human beings who volunteer, contribute to charity and give back to their communities (which according to her were only some of evils they faced)!

lorimay 02-05-2013 06:59 PM

Mine was allowing our oldest in our bed.
She didn't leave till the age of 7!!!!

My second NEVER spent a night in our bed.
Lesson learned.


I laugh at my daughter now, her kids find their way to her bed every night.
I warned her what she did to us and she didn't listen and let them sleep with her until a few months ago (2 & 4).
4 bodies in a bed OMG!!!

okeydokey 02-05-2013 07:06 PM

When my daughter was 5 or 6 she was quite stubborn and I would argue back with her, explaining how things were going to be, over and over. One day I thought to myself, What am I doing having this same conversation with her yet again. I realized that I "discussed" things too much with her instead of saying it once and enforcing it. Life was a lot less frustrating for both of us after that.


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