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Gitts2008 10-08-2012 08:17 AM

Help a friend w/ BC
Hello Everyone.

My best friend has just been dx'd with breast cancer (Grade 1 Invasive carcinoma). I feel very helpless :( I am looking for suggestions/tips/advice on how to be the best friend that I can, along with helping her beat this disease.

At this point she does not know the stage or how she and her doctors will proceed. She is going for genetic testing today and an MRI on Weds.

She is trying not to look on the internet for stories or information, since the internet is not always a reliable source. I, of course, am looking and reading and driving myself batty.

It is so not fair. We always planned to be 2 old ladies living together on Miami Beach, like the Golden Girls. I am MAD, SAD, and PISSED! She is so healthy...does not smoke, eat red meat, drink. She exercise and watches what she eats.

This has been a horrible year for my friend. In Feb. her mother passed away at 58. In May, she had a miscarriage and in June a D&C. Now Oct, Dx'd with cancer.

Thanks for letting me get this out and any advice would be helpful.

luvmarypoppins 10-08-2012 07:24 PM

:hug: for your friend.

She is blessed to have such a caring friend in you.

You might also want to post this on the breast cancer survivors thread on the community board. Those ladies are a wealth of information and willing to give advice, encouragement etc. (They have adopted me - I have thy ca)

Be a good listening ear, but not overwhelming too.

Things I appreciated when needed - measl, gift cards for meals. You might want to do gas cards, maybe cleaning or errands if needed.

Its the start of the journey so you will have to wait and see what is needed most.

Blessings to you and your friend.

mommasita 10-08-2012 08:56 PM

I'm so sorry..

I agree with the above... I'd let her know I am there for her 100% in any way she needs. A shoulder, a cry, a ride to appt, anything and everything 24/7..

I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.:hug:

Gitts2008 10-09-2012 06:14 AM

Thank you luvmarypoppins and mommasita. I should have mentioned that I live over 1,000 miles from my friend. I feel like I can do every thing on your list, but it will never be enough.

In the next week, she will have a treatment plan and we will now what will be.

I searched for the BC thread that you mentiojned Mary but I can not find it. Could you post a link?

Thanks again!:grouphug:

mommasita 10-09-2012 12:18 PM

I see now how much more difficult that must be for you..

Perhaps using some modern technology you can feel closer.. Skype or something like that?

She is blessed to have such a caring and thoughtful friend that is you

Aladora 10-10-2012 11:35 PM

I am sorry to read this, more and more young women are being dx with BC and it is hard.

I was dx at 34 with grade 3, stage 2b breast cancer. That was almost 6 years ago. I had genetic testing done and am BRCA2+. What got me through the really tough times were friends like you seem to be, those who might not be in the same city or even province but those who are there when you need them.

I have a great group of friends that I met online when we were all pregnant with our July 2005 babies. When I was dx, they sent me cards, little gifts to make me smile and fudge when all I wanted to do was eat my weight in fudge. They listened to me when I needed to vent and it really helped me. I've known these women for 8 years now and they are some of the most important friends I have.

My best advice is to listen to her when she wants to cry or vent or just talk about what she's going through.

If she is under 40, then I would direct her to the Young Survivor's Coalition. YSC has a great forum site for young breast cancer survivors.

If she wants to talk to someone who has been through cancer and come out the other side, please pm me and I will be more than happy to send her my e-mail.

Please tell your friend that while she is about to go through some hard times, she can get through this.

WDWLVR2 10-21-2012 09:14 PM

Hi There, I was dx'd this past Feb with stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma the same day my second grandbaby was born. It was hard at first, but God is good. He brought that new baby into the world and i was too busy enjoying him instead of focusing on what was happening. You are a great friend to want to find out what you can about b/c, and learning how you can be a support person. I live on the east coast and my aunt lives on the west. Every time I had a chemo treatment, she made sure she sent me a card to lift my spirits. I would say the best thing for me was, my bff takes care of her mom and couldn't see me a lot, she is a good listener, offering words of encouragement (FIGHT LIKE A GIRL) and sometimes she just let me complain about my ailments and reminded me that this isn't a forever treatment. Remind your friend that Cancer is a word, not a sentence. Feel free to private message me if YOU need someone. A lot of times the caregivers/support givers get forgotten. Believe me, I had many many angels that shared in the care I needed. Please send your friends name so I can pray for her. God already knows her name, but I would like to call her by name. oxox..

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