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mmackeymouse 08-10-2012 03:06 PM

Fat and happy?
So, due to a vacation next year, and to be healthy in general, my sister has invited me to do a weight loss challenge and I accepted. I have gained a significant amount of weight in the last couple of years. I will admit that I do cringe when I look in the mirror or see photos of myself.

That said, this would be the 3rd or 4th time in my life, I have attempted to lose weight. Each time, I am successful and each time I gain it back. I know this sounds awful, but honestly, I feel happier when I am not losing weight. I like being able to eat whatever I want.

I don't know if this is a normal thing, or just me, but I am absolutely awful when I am on my weight loss missions. I mean, yes, I get momentary excitement when I actually lose the weight. I stress out. I am anal about the calories I consume. I stress when I am somewhere and don't know the calorie content. I lash out at my friends and family when I have a weight plateau. I have crying fits in stores when something does not fit when I think it should. It makes my family and friends miserable, because they are constantly walking on eggshells around me, plus they don't have healthy eating habits either (which would make things a whole lot easier), so they are always talking about how they have to go through the extra trouble of making sure there is something I can eat.

As it is now, if something doesn't fit, I am like.....big deal, and I go up in size and don't even care. I do not eat a lot, honestly. But, I like being able to go to a restaurant and get the meal I want without crunching the numbers in my head and nearly having a breakdown in the process. I like the fact that if I miss 3 or 4 days in a row at the gym, I don't feel like I might as well just give up.

Pep talks? Suggestions? popcorn::

Figment1990 08-10-2012 03:25 PM

I just wanted to say that I do not think you are crazy for feeling any of the things you said. First, it is very very hard to do a weight loss challenge because someone else asked you to. Unless you are competitive by nature, it doesn't always work. Second, you have to be ready and want to put in the effort that like you said, can be significant and does affect your regular lifestyle. And if you are not bothered by your weight, health or appearance, I've found that it is nearly impossible to be motivated to make changes.

My suggestion would be that it sounds like you get frustrated by the process of "dieting" and not maybe not seeing all the success you want (the shopping trip crying is familiar to me!). Perhaps you could just approach things differently by just making some small changes like adding in a fun exercise that you enjoy, whether that is walking, Pilates, yoga, running, hiking, biking or aerobics or dancing or just playing a league softball or volleyball or anything. Just something u do because you like to do it. And for food, just try to make one small change, like less carbs, or no pop, or more veggies, rather than counting calories (which I know for me works best but can be all consuming and exhausting). And definitely build in "cheats" like smaller servings of ice cream once or twice a week or going out once a week and ordering anything u want. Maybe try those things and see if it helps you build a habit. Remember it takes many times of doing something to form a habit (for me it's usually 21 days for some reason) but once it's a habit it's easier to maintain. Also, I have learned over the years that what has worked in the past does not always work the next time. Especially with exercise. One year, spinning was a good workout for me, and motivated me but now, it's running. Experiment until you find something you like. Even if it's just lifting 5 pound weights while u watch tv (I do that all the time when I'm feeling like a full workout is just too insurmountable)

For me I couldn't lose this weight until I really found myself unhappy with how I looked AND I realized that my knees and feet would feel so much better if I Weighed less. I spent 4 years happily eating pizza and ice cream bc I honestly can say its what I emotionally wanted then. My life was too stressful for me to face a "diet." i do regret it because it has affected my health and now I'm working off that weight and try to focus on my body feeling stronger vs smaller or how it looks. Digging deep to figure out why (if) u want to lose weight is a really important first step, so kudos to you for asking yourself this question. Good luck!

mmackeymouse 08-13-2012 12:47 PM

I genuinely DO want to lose weight. I want to get married and have a family and be a healthy mom someday. That's my #1 motivator. The last time I "dieted" I lost 50 lbs. And I gained it all back!:(

I just wish it was easier. And, I don't necessarily mean that in a lazy way. I am a planner. And a rule follower. And an always-have-my-ducks-in-a-row type of person. So, if someone said to me: "Do x every day for a year and eat y every day for a year, and the end result will be z" I would have absolutely no problem following the plan, because I will know exactly what I need to do and exactly what the outcome will be. With weight loss, it isn't that simple. There are plateaus and water retention and days you can't work out. Sometimes you lose inexplicable amounts of weight, and sometimes you gain weight when you are sure you have lost. Nothing about weight loss is perfectly planned. Nothing is predictable. And, that's my problem.

Also, back to family support. A part of me believes that I am going to have to be able to do it on my own. And if I am going to do it, I have to do it because of my willpower that comes from within. At the same time, I feel like, if my friends and family truly wanted me to succeed, they would help me in any way possible.

THIS is the stress I go through. And I have not even gotten started yet. See why being fat and not worrying about it is sooooooo much easier?

lisah0711 08-13-2012 08:09 PM

Have you ever checked out the website They have tons of articles and motivation information to help you work through this tough "healthy lifestyle" thing.

Here is a great blog from one of the members about their journey called What I Gave Up To Reach My Goal

In just over six months, I have reached my goal of losing 45 pounds, and reaching a healthy BMI. Now moving into maintenance mode and continuing toward a healthier life.

Several friends, coworkers and neighbors have asked what we gave up in order to lose the weight. I actually feel like I gave up very little. Yes, we traded processed foods for many incredibly delicious healthy foods and smaller portions, but I don't believe we gave much of anything up. We gave up a half hour or so a day to make sure we got on the exercise bike or treadmill, or got out walking but didn't feel like we missed out on anything in doing that. I gave up wearing size XXL and am down to a size large. I gave up making excuses for the fact that my weight varied between 230 - 260 pounds, topped out at about 275, and the excuse that I was tall, 6' 6", and the weight was not a problem.

When we started, I was hoping to lose 30 pounds and get down to 230, which was where I had been when we got married. I am now below 215 and at a weight I have not been at in our married lives, 25 years. My goal now is to stay within a 5 pound range between 210 and 215.

What I gave up was a lot of excuses and a marginally healthy life. I gave upma lack of accountability and 15-20 minutes a day to track what I ate and my exercise. I am looking forward to continuing to get healthier, and reach some goals I have related to my physical health and fitness.

There has to be a happy medium between what you are doing, which is not working for you, and the stress of living a healthy lifestyle. When you can find that balance you will be on your way. Good luck! It isn't easy but it is so worth it and you will discover things about yourself that you never knew. :flower3:

OregonGirl 08-14-2012 01:22 PM

Hi Mackey -

So I am going to be brutally honest because, otherwise, my advice won't mean squat.


Originally Posted by mmackeymouse (Post 45781355)
I will admit that I do cringe when I look in the mirror or see photos of myself.

I like being able to eat whatever I want.

I stress out. I am anal about the calories I consume. I stress when I am somewhere and don't know the calorie content.

I have crying fits in stores when something does not fit when I think it should.

I like being able to go to a restaurant and get the meal I want without crunching the numbers in my head and nearly having a breakdown in the process.

So basically, you don't want to diet, but you want to loss weight. The answer is simple. Exercise.

You want to make a lifestyle change, not "go on a diet". Which, fortunately, is in your favor. Diets don't work, but lifestyle changes do.

My lifestyle change was becoming a runner. Never thought of myself as a runner before. Never wanted to run. It's still a love/hate relationship sometimes.

On tax day two years ago, I decided I was going to turn 30 in a few months and didn't want to weigh my highest when I got there. I was on my way. I was a size 18, almost 220 lbs (I'm only 5'4"), and I felt out of breath doing things and I didn't like the way my clothes fit. I felt like my health was going away and I wanted to look good for myself, and for the man I might marry someday, and for the longevity and quality of my life.

So I started walking. Like, a mile. And I was tired. And then I started running for 30 seconds during that mile. And I would do this every other day or so. And then I started pushing it to 2 miles, and I was able to run for 1 minute solid. And then I started being more consistent and going every other day. And then I pushed it to 3 miles. And then one day I decided to "loop" around my house and go 5 miles. I walked the whole thing - but it made me realize I could do that distance. So then I started walk/jogging my 3 mile route and my 5 my route.

Within the first 30 days or so, I felt like going for a walk had become routine. It's only like 30 minutes out of your day. It's just so not a big deal. And throughout the whole thing, I didn't diet. But my eating habits changed. I would go for walks and see gardens growing and decided I wanted to do that. So I planted a garden, which created veggies, which gave me salads, and before I knew it I know longer wanted drive thru of any kind because I had food at home -- that I grew! -- that I could eat. And then I realized I could used my herbs to season proteins. And I was really good at it! And my burgers and steaks are so much better than McDonalds or The Outback, and MUCH cheaper too! And the time needed to cook and go walking and putter in the garden was time I was NOT in front of the TV or the computer or taking naps or having unhealthy snacks.

So fast forward to 28 months later. Yeah, it's not an overnight thing. I now weigh 140 lbs, and I wear a size 8, and I joined LA fitness to tone my muscles, and I RUN AT LEAST 5 MILES EVERY DAY. And I have run a 1/2 marathon in October of last year, and a 1/2 marathon just in February, and will be running a 1/2 marathon in a few weeks. And I am recently married to a wonderful man who is very supportive, and I am in the best shape of my life. AND I EAT WHATEVER I WANT. That's right, I DON'T DIET. I don't count calories. I also don't crave fast junk food anymore but I like cookies and cake and muffins and pastries and yummy beverages just as much as the next person, and I eat those things. I almost have to because I burn at least 500 calories a day during my run so I need the fuel from calories to keep me going. But along the way making the healthy eating choices have come naturally. Your body gets to a point where it wants the good stuff. Not the junk. So while I enjoy cookies and cakes and pastries, its not what I need for running. I eat pastas and proteins and greens and dairy and fruits and nuts and I love it.

Your family may or may not help you, or support you, but honestly you don't really need them. You do this for you. For your goals and dreams. Your family can't really help you anyway. I have occasionally thought to myself "maybe a running partner would be fun", but I actually don't WANT a running partner. It's just me, my music, and the road.

Your exercise time is YOUR time. Your time to listen to your music, or let your mind wander, or mull over your day, or enjoy the little things in your neighborhood, or whatever moves you.

You can't focus on day to day ups and down. Sure, you will have days you don't wanna go exercise and days you wanna eat cake and days you feel fatter then normal, and that's OK. Give it a year or two, and you will see a difference.

I don't really see what there is to stress about. You're sweating the small stuff. You're letting yourself worry about things that don't even matter. Counting calories? Please. You going to count calories every day for the rest of your life? No. But could you step outside for 30 minutes to enjoy life around you while you talk a stroll? Sure. Easy.

Quit stressing. Just do it.

Maybe this post will come off harsh and maybe it will create some motivation for you. All I know it I did it, and I stuck with it, and now it's a part of my life and I don't even think twice about, and it worked. And I'm nobody special. I don't have some magical metabolism that suddenly kicked into gear. I don't swear off all sugars and eat my rice one grain at a time. I don't take weird supplements or diet pills or starve myself. I eat what I want. I run. It works.

- Carey



amykay9377 08-14-2012 02:23 PM


Originally Posted by OregonGirl (Post 45820141)
Hi Mackey -

So I am going to be brutally honest because, otherwise, my advice won't mean squat.

THIS!!! All of it, a thousand times over!!!

I completely agree with everything you just said.

I'm at the beginning of my exercise/weight loss journey. I've lost 15 pounds and a pant size. I'm beginning to want good stuff, not pie. I have found that I LIKE run/walking outside and look forward to my long runs (walks) on the weekend. The thought of doing the treadmill is boring! I count calories still, but I'm exercising too!

It's old and cliche, but Nike's got it right.

Just do it.

disney_girl125 08-15-2012 06:24 PM

Carey I loved your post!!! I'm the same size you were when you started out and i'm just starting out too. I started couch25k about a month ago. My goal is to run a half marathon at disney world! My first 5k will be in about 4 weeks. So, hopefully running will be my thing too! I never was a runner before. I did weight watchers in the past even came a few pounds from my goal weight. I gained it all back and then some. Now, I just do couch25k and I don't diet. I try to make better choices and eat less watching my portion sizes, but I don't diet.

OregonGirl 08-15-2012 06:33 PM

Amy, Disney Girl, Mackey - you ladies can all totally do it! :)

Even though I run 5 miles a day, I don't run any races unless they are at Disney. Once you do your first 1/2 marathon with them, you will be hooked. Even if you decide you just want to walk/run them. It's a great way to stay motivated (because you always have this 'mini-vacation' coming up), and a great way to stay committed because you have to maintain a minimum 15 minute per mile pace (typically a fast walk) to finish the 13 mile route.

Making healthy eating choices naturally, but not focusing on dieting or counting calories, I think is really the secret. If a person is dieting via watching more specifically the sweets and snacks and portion sizes, that's always a great way to help jump start plateaus also.


- Carey



MellieluvsDisney 08-15-2012 09:11 PM

Love all the advice and posts here! :thumbsup2

I have dieted most of my life, wanting to look better, buy better clothes and I would compare myself to other women in the hopes of looking like them. I would start my weight loss journey and then go back to my old ways after 2 or 3 weeks.

In May, I had a wake up call. I didn't like what I was seeing in the mirror, I was tired of being at the same weight and not losing, and I was tired of saying I would do it, and do nothing. Something clicked in my mind when I told myself that this was for life. I had to change the way I was thinking. I stopped comparing myself to others, and I stopped worrying about what others would think if I went to Weight Watchers to lose weight. Right then, I made a commitment to myself.

It's my 12th week of doing WW, and I've lost 14 pounds so far and I have 36 more to go. This is the longest that I have been on any weight loss program. Usually, I would quit after 2 or 3 weeks. This time, I really want it, and I am doing it for MYSELF. What changed also is that I'm much more relax about my weight loss than I was before. I don't count on Saturdays, NEVER. It's my day off. That was really important for me to have just one day where I did not count what I was eating. I also exercise everyday, but I was already pretty active, it's just that I was eating too much.

I just went on vacation for a week and I did not count either and I enjoyed myself and went back on program right after we got home.

I'm in it for the long run. If it takes me 2 years to lose the weight, I'm ok with that! The goal is to change my life one day at a time and to have a healthy weight loss and a healthy future.

Just to clarify, this is what works for ME. You have to find something that will work for yourself and you have to be ready in your mind to make a commitment. Healthy eating, counting calories, eating less sugar...whatever works for you, will do it!

Good luck!

Sleepless Knight 08-22-2012 08:49 PM

Because of an old back injury, I can't really run without aggravating it. So my only option is to walk the race. Those 2-3 hour long training sessions seem to take forever even with assorted Disney podcasts to keep me company. I was strongly considering hanging up my running shoes after the 2012 Coast to Coast challenge at the Wine & Dine 1/2. After all, I accomplished the 2011 Disneyland 1/2 and with the Coast to Coast done, I would have accomplished a Disney race on each coast.

But recently I had an epiphany about what endurance races really mean. They're not easy. It's especially hard when I start to hurt just minutes into the session or race itself, and giving up seems easier. But when this happened last year less than 1 mile into the Disneyland 1/2 after an ill fated attempt to run for 1 minute, I was not going to quit at the very beginning. I'd paid too much to try and wanted that medal. So, I switched back to walking and about 3 hours later I crossed that finish line.

In my recent long distance sessions, I've again wondered why I signed up for this. But I realized yesterday what I've gained from not giving up. It would have been easier to give up after I felt pain shooting all throughout my legs less than 1 mile in, but I kept going. Yes, I slowed down, but I still finished and accomplished something that seemed impossible at the beginning of the race or even months earlier when I started to train.

A lot of wonderful things in life are just like that. They don't come quickly or easily. They require a lot of time and effort. And sometimes even family members think we're crazy. But as we keep enduring in spite of the challenges, we find out that we can accomplish more than we originally thought. And that is worth doing.

MacyMay 09-11-2012 08:46 AM

Discipline is an important factor if you want to lose weight. You can also set a goal on why you would want to lose those extra pounds. That's basically what's on my list if I wanted to lose my weight again. It is really important to set rules to yourself so you'll be successful in losing your weight. :goodvibes

Daisybelle 09-14-2012 06:08 PM

[QUOTE=OregonGirl;45820141]Hi Mackey -

So I am going to be brutally honest because, otherwise, my advice won't mean squat.]

Carey, This post is exactly what I needed to read on exactly this day. Thank you for taking the time to post it! ::yes::

OregonGirl 09-15-2012 11:29 PM

Daisy, happy to help. :)

I posted this in the 2012 Disneyland Half thread (which I ran two weeks ago), and it seems actually more appropriate to go ahead and post it here too:

I stumbled across a really embarrassing photo the other day and had the courage to show my husband. Because we're all in this thing to be healthy, I feel strangely comfortable sharing this picture with all of you. To the left is me at my fattest. 220 lbs, size 18 pants, 28 years old, never exercised. To the right is me just a few months ago at a family reunion. 145 lbs, size 8 pants, 32 years old, a runner. Not bad, eh?

- Carey



disney_girl125 09-16-2012 07:38 AM

Carey, wow you look great!!!! Congrats on that and the marathon. I want that to be me down the I just graduated from couch25k. But sometimes I get out there to run my 30 minutes and can't finish. I really have to be in a running mood to get it done. Did you have days like that?

OregonGirl 09-28-2012 04:09 PM

Disney Girl - Thanks!

I totally have days like that. And since my last half marathon on September 2nd of 2012 (Disneyland Half), I ran it well and I felt good afterwards, except my right shin was hurting and because of that I have been on an almost 100% rest/lazy break.

Starting October, I plan to get back into my routine, but yeah there are definitely times when I think to myself "I'm looking good and don't have to push", and then I get a little squishier, and so I work hard again to fit into my skinny jeans, and that works, and then I go back to thinking I can eat more crappy foods because I am looking good again, and then I gain a few pounds. It's never horrible in any one direction, but there are definite peaks and valleys.

:) - Carey



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