What do you do with hand me downs?

I have the oldest kids in my family and have handed down a ton of stuff.
I do not expect it back.

I got a few hand-me-downs from my sister, who had kept things from my nephews. Things that I knew were special, I gave back to her. Everything else I donated when I gave my stuff to our church's pregnancy center and clothing ministry. These days, I keep some stuff from my older son for my younger son and the rest I donate. I give most of my younger son's clothes to a family I know at church, or donate.

If I can't pay it forward to someone else I just bring it to Goodwill

Thanks for all the answers! It's mostly what I expected but more saying "do what you want with it" than I thought.

Eastern said:

A friend once asked if she could use my maternity clothing, and I said ok. I was very surprised when she saw me after her baby was born and told me that she gave it all away! I was upset, but in retrospect, I shouldn't have given her the items I didn't want back. Another time, a neighbor borrowed some hardcover books from me, and then sold them at a garage sale I was having (I guess this happens more than we think!) I was caught off-guard and didn't say anything because I was so surprised. I would probably ask the person before selling the stuff/passing it on. Maybe I would have felt better if I had been asked first.

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This is what I was thinking for the stuff I got from neighbors. Even though most of it they flat out told me they were giving me (there was no "borrow" about it), I think I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by selling it. There are only a handful of things I'd do this with though.

gardengalB4 said:

I would ask the person you got the items from....

One time I gave a friend some clothing for her family.
For whatever reason- she decided to try to sell it at the
garage sale I was having (I asked her if she would like to participate).
Wow-
I wish she hadn't done that!
It wouldn't have bothered me if she'd donated it
or took it to a garage sale elsewhere...

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How awkward! I totally agree that folks can do what they want when I give stuff away. If they want to go through the hassle of selling it at a yard sale, more power to them.

But to have them expect me to go through the work of selling it at my garage sale? Then I would want the profit!

My fiance's family has been very clear on hand me downs on what is to be kept "in the family" and what can be just given away. There are a few outfits that were actually my fiance's and his mom has allowed each grandchild since then use them because they were kept in excellent shape and are classic outfits. Every time they are given to someone new it is with the clear instruction that it is just a borrow and they are to be given back to be cleaned and put back in storage.

With the rest it doesn't really matter what happens to it. I've gotten stuff as an adult from sisters and was specifically told take what you like and then do whatever you want with the rest. Usually I donate it instead of trying to sell it myself.

I will say I was a little miffed when I bought something brand new for a family member just to see it for sale on their Facebook a week after they received it. I polity told them next time if they are hurting for money don't ask me to buy something for your kids tell me so I can give you a gift card to help where it is actually needed. If it had happened once it wouldn't have been a big deal but it seemed everything they were selling were recent gifts they had received for their child's birthday.

I never loan anyone something that I want back or act as a third party and borrow things from friend to loan to someone else. I learned this lesson the hard way when I was 21. A guy who was a good friend of mine (Project Engineer) who lived at the same apartment complex that I lived at -- before I even knew him had a drunk driving incident (first incident ever, sad circumstances getting drunk after a girlfriend breakup, other driver was drunk too, but other driver was killed, mother's against drunk driving were in the court room, and judge was feeling pressure to be tough on drunk driving politically.) This guy was convicted to go to a Juvenile Detention Center for a year (company lawyers got him on work release for the last nine months of that sentence.) Long story, but I was one of the people on his visitation list, and he said he could really use some reading materials and told me how dismal their library was. As an avid reader I really felt for him and the other people there. I'm fine that I loaned my own book collection and that these went all over to all kinds of people and I never got the books back, but I was quite upset that I got my best friend to loan me some of her books and that she never got those back. That bugged me to death and taught me a good lesson. My dear friend though still remained my friend and was even maid of honor in my wedding, a good year later. So I guess the good news is that it did not ruin our friendship, but I still feel bad about this to this day. And I think I was pretty foolish and naïve for me to have done this. I guess I should give myself a break though. I was only 21 and really and truly thinking I was doing the right thing and helping people out.

All in all I'm sure this good literature was great for the people in the detention center and probably some of it even inspirational perhaps. After this, though, anything I ever loan - stuff or money I only loan with the upfront thought that there is a very good chance I will never see any of this again and only go through with this if I am OK with that.

KarenAylwood said:

Thanks for all the answers! It's mostly what I expected but more saying "do what you want with it" than I thought.



This is what I was thinking for the stuff I got from neighbors. Even though most of it they flat out told me they were giving me (there was no "borrow" about it), I think I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by selling it. There are only a handful of things I'd do this with though.

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Yes, the difference in my situation is that the woman asked me if she could borrow my clothes. I didn't offer! It still bothers me because there were a couple items that had sentimental value. I just thought I would get it all back.

Once the item is yours, you can do with it as you choose.

My wife used to resell clothes at a local "bring in your old kids clothes and resell them" event. But, it got to be too much work. Now we just give them away to friends or donate them.

Personally if I give something away it is that persons and they can do as they see fit. I had clothes I didn't want (cheap sale finds and even a few things a friend had given me but didn't really fit) so I gave them a close friend as she lost weight and told her anything you don't want I can take back to donate it or you can. I never got anything back so I assume she donated some of it, but what I realized is some items she stashed away and has pulled out as needed (she kept a dress that she wore to a wedding 5 years later, a top to my friends bachelorette like 3 years later etc). Likewise I got some designer hand me downs several years ago from my mother's coworker (her daughter was a shopaholic and would purge out impulse buys 1-2 times a year). There was a website like threadup (like twice) that I sent a bag of items in, including those designer goods. I ended up taking a store credit that I went towards one very nice designer dress still in my closet. I never thought twice about it as I have a sort of attitude that things flow freely, I give things away, and people give me things. I can tell you its normally a one way street too. The friend I gave items to never gave me anything as a hand me down, but likewise I have a friend who always gives me hand me downs but never wants anything as a hand me down lol.

Where it becomes blurry is if you aren't sure if someone lent you something or not. I would review the items and think if they could have been lent to you (large items) or given (clothes that aren't worth much). If many items came from neighbors and you want to sell, you could potentially put it towards something your neighbors could enjoy too unless you have a goal for that cash in mind (for ex. a new outdoor play toy that you let other children use when playing with your children).

I have some stuff that my mum gave me that I am going to sell and she knows it. She doesn't mind as she knows I am frugal with my money and she gave me those items as she didn't want them anyway (an extra set of kitchen knives she got as a gift, a set of side tables/coffee table she got at a yard sale for $50 that was actually replaced my a nice cherry wood coffee table she gave me as a recent hand me down). Maybe at least giving notice might make things less awkward if you are going to sell their hand me downs at a yard sale?

Edited to add: Someone maybe might want something back now as they have a sudden use for it where they didn't when they gave it away so its also good to ask for that reason. I am preggers right now and my SIL youngest is 5 so most of her baby stuff is given away. If someone she gave something too offered it back she would happily take it to give back to me. So there may be one or two people that will be very grateful that you offered the big items back to them.

I get a lot of hand me downs from a friend. I also buy my daughter a good amount of clothes.

I sell the best stuff individually. I sell the "eh" stuff to a resale shop in town; and give away what they don't take.

I take all the $$ from the clothes and split it. 1/2 goes into my daughters account and the other 1/2 goes into my friend's kids bank account

By the time they go to college....it will probably buy 1 book

I donate. Once I'm done with the stuff, I just want it gone. And if you gave it to me and didn't tell me that you want it back (which I'd probably give you the side eye and not take it in the first place if you said that), I'd figure that you gave it to me, it's mine, and I can do what I want with it when I'm done.