Ever treated differently because you are frugal?

loves to dive said:
Does it count if you get it from your DH? I'm a bookkeeper for a living so penny pinching is just what I do, I've worked for this company for 26 years and have the same stamp pad that I got the first week I got here. I just have a roller ink refill that I refill it with. It won't even close all the way. I bring my lunch to work most days and if I put something in a zip lock bag, like a sandwich or crackers, etc., I'll re-use that bag over and over and over again. I also buy the store brand of the bags. Makes my DH so mad when he goes to grab a bag and comes up with one of my used ones I've put back in the drawer. He is one of those that grew up middle class, while not rich they had enough to afford what they wanted and since they lived out in the country they didn't really buy a lot. I grew up poorer than a church mouse, we had to re-use those sandwich bags. DH thinks because we can afford to buy pretty much what we want (within reason) I should let go of the purse strings. Not happening baby. I buy most of my clothes from Old Navy, not because of cost (although trust me I'll wait until those sun dresses go on half price then get an on line discount on top of that) but because they fit me better than anything else. I also only carry Dooney and Bourke or Anuska handbags, neither brand is cheap.
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I am also the frugal one, not cheap but frugal. I will not pay extra for something just because of brand name. I will say though that living through very lean times taught me what is good in generic and what is not. I don't buy things just to display them and we have what we need. My kids are growing up having a bit more than what is the bare minimum but we are doing our best to teach them value not just worth.
 
4HppyCamprs said:
we have what we need. My kids are growing up having a bit more than what is the bare minimum but we are doing our best to teach them value not just worth.
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that a tremendously valuable lesson to teach them-I think far too many people (young and old alike) confuse wants for needs, worth for value.

I think an equally valuable lesson to teach our kids is that whatever lifestyle they are/can remember growing up in is not nesc. what we (their parents) have experienced our entire adult (or married if applicable) lives. too many kids/young adults just assume that their parents upon reaching adulthood/graduating from college/getting married just *poofed* into the type of housing/lifestyle/job the kids currently have/can recall within their earlier childhood. I've known far too many now well into adulthood people who thought this way so it made total sense to overbuy into their first home ('I grew up in a house like this, mom and dad could afford it so I must be able to too'), rack up massive debt to furnish them ('mom and dad always had x brand of appliances, furniture, electronics....so it must be affordable to me too'), more debt with over the top vacations ('we went to x, y, or z every summer growing up so that's the norm no matter how much it costs'), and have unrealistic initial/entry level job/income expectations ('mom/dad graduated from college and work in x position I'll do the same').

what the kiddos don't realize unless mom/dad share it with them is-it's unlikely parents started out in the house the kids grew up in (I think most of us started out in less than stellar apartments, did 'starter homes' that we moved up from...), the furnishings have taken us years and years to acquire over time (and some of the better brands/electronics we opted against during our leaner days until we could afford them/save up for them), the vacations? well I know dh and I couldn't afford much when we started out so the trips our kids have taken with us in no way reflect our more modest travels early on (and though the kids are in the photos from some of those lower key/less expensive ones-they don't remember them), our job positions? sure didn't have those straight out the gate-worked our way through what we had to in order to get by and worked our way up to better positions over time.

unless parents share this information with their kids they won't learn it-as was pointed out when I hit up when of dd's elementary teachers some years ago to try out an assignment as an experiment on this. I asked her to have the kids just write down (in class w/no forewarning so they couldn't do research beforehand) what jobs their parents had worked-and what they thought their parent's first job was. these were not little kids-we're talking 6th grade-8th graders (combo class) but by and large every kid listed just the job/profession their parent currently had. step 2 was to go home and ask their parents to provide the job information to bring back in a sealed envelope (so kids couldn't see it ahead of time). when those kids opened those envelopes and found out their parents hadn't just *poofed* into their current jobs they were crazy shocked. shocked to learn of all the years of fast food/minimum wage jobs to get through college, shocked that they had held multiple lower level jobs in their current fields while promoting up, even worked second and third jobs when the kids were younger to stretch funds. the teacher got allot of positive feedback from the parents on the conversations it evoked when those kids got home that night-and how it changed the kid's perspectives on realistic goals and expectations.
 
barkley said:
that a tremendously valuable lesson to teach them-I think far too many people (young and old alike) confuse wants for needs, worth for value.

I think an equally valuable lesson to teach our kids is that whatever lifestyle they are/can remember growing up in is not nesc. what we (their parents) have experienced our entire adult (or married if applicable) lives. too many kids/young adults just assume that their parents upon reaching adulthood/graduating from college/getting married just *poofed* into the type of housing/lifestyle/job the kids currently have/can recall within their earlier childhood. I've known far too many now well into adulthood people who thought this way so it made total sense to overbuy into their first home ('I grew up in a house like this, mom and dad could afford it so I must be able to too'), rack up massive debt to furnish them ('mom and dad always had x brand of appliances, furniture, electronics....so it must be affordable to me too'), more debt with over the top vacations ('we went to x, y, or z every summer growing up so that's the norm no matter how much it costs'), and have unrealistic initial/entry level job/income expectations ('mom/dad graduated from college and work in x position I'll do the same').

what the kiddos don't realize unless mom/dad share it with them is-it's unlikely parents started out in the house the kids grew up in (I think most of us started out in less than stellar apartments, did 'starter homes' that we moved up from...), the furnishings have taken us years and years to acquire over time (and some of the better brands/electronics we opted against during our leaner days until we could afford them/save up for them), the vacations? well I know dh and I couldn't afford much when we started out so the trips our kids have taken with us in no way reflect our more modest travels early on (and though the kids are in the photos from some of those lower key/less expensive ones-they don't remember them), our job positions? sure didn't have those straight out the gate-worked our way through what we had to in order to get by and worked our way up to better positions over time.

unless parents share this information with their kids they won't learn it-as was pointed out when I hit up when of dd's elementary teachers some years ago to try out an assignment as an experiment on this. I asked her to have the kids just write down (in class w/no forewarning so they couldn't do research beforehand) what jobs their parents had worked-and what they thought their parent's first job was. these were not little kids-we're talking 6th grade-8th graders (combo class) but by and large every kid listed just the job/profession their parent currently had. step 2 was to go home and ask their parents to provide the job information to bring back in a sealed envelope (so kids couldn't see it ahead of time). when those kids opened those envelopes and found out their parents hadn't just *poofed* into their current jobs they were crazy shocked. shocked to learn of all the years of fast food/minimum wage jobs to get through college, shocked that they had held multiple lower level jobs in their current fields while promoting up, even worked second and third jobs when the kids were younger to stretch funds. the teacher got allot of positive feedback from the parents on the conversations it evoked when those kids got home that night-and how it changed the kid's perspectives on realistic goals and expectations.
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Yes, yes, yes!! Since our oldest is 11 and we didn't have kids until our late 20s they have not really experienced any true hardship and while we enjoy little luxuries it does seem as if they on occasion think that things just poof into existence. We are still working on how to get them to understand that while we enjoy our lifestyle nothing comes free..... We work really hard for what we have.
 
4HppyCamprs said:
Yes, yes, yes!! Since our oldest is 11 and we didn't have kids until our late 20s they have not really experienced any true hardship and while we enjoy little luxuries it does seem as if they on occasion think that things just poof into existence. We are still working on how to get them to understand that while we enjoy our lifestyle nothing comes free..... We work really hard for what we have.
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my dd has been raised this way as well, but she really had some of the principles we've taught her driven home to her by virtue of recently seeing the movie 'the big short'. I've never seen her so angry about what she's seen in a movie before-she came home to visit a couple of days after seeing it and just kept going on and on about how she didn't know who to be angrier at-the lenders or the people 'who had to know they couldn't afford the houses they were buying-let alone the money they kept borrowing out of them'. she said she remembers dh and I talking about the housing bubble, how we considered ourselves insanely fortunate to have sold right before it burst, and how from time to time we would talk about all the foreclosures that were in the neighborhood we had left-but until she saw the movie and had the whole thing spelled out to her it didn't sink in.
 


I drive a 2001 Honda. Its new to me, my first Honda was a 1992 that I sold in 2012 to buy the 2001. I used to get some strange looks in the 1992 as it had some rust rot (apparently it was very common with that batch of cars) and a few dents. I used to joke that people would move out of my way as they were afraid I was gonna wreck their nice car (for the record I bought it with the dents). I am always willing to speak up and ask questions so I know that sometimes sales people think I'm cheap. I am also known for walking around with a bag of coupons. My mother is the type that can't be bothered if its not a high enough amount, where I gave the cashier at Bed Bath & Beyond two 20% off coupons for the 2.99 clearance items I was buying last week.

Actually the strange thing for me is when the opposite happens. I work in fashion and sometimes when I wear my fun, fancy stuff I can't get salespeople to stop following me:scared: I used to work in retail so I assumed they were looking for sales or shoplifters, but my mother pointed out that I don't exactly blend in sometimes.
 
shoot i wore pajamas when i went shopping for my new car :P I wish they'd given me a discount for that i'm a poor college kid anyway right?
No i got a discount on my car, but that has more to do with being fairly smart than looking fairly poor.
 
I wouldn't mind if I thought I was getting deals because of it! I have never encountered that, though. I've had some terribly bad service that I suspect was based on my appearance - I'm a jeans-and-tees sort of girl, I wear my hair long and natural, I bite my nails so they're always short and unpolished, and I don't wear much/any makeup most days. So I don't exactly scream "disposable income" and sales people, especially at the camera shop, jewelers, and other higher-end specialty shops sometimes find me rather invisible. And DH has it even worse - he works in construction and we live in a small town, so he tends to stop on the way home if there's something he wants to buy. Salespeople are not at all attentive to someone in dirty jeans and work boots!
 


When I lived in the UK I used to get stared at or ignored in shops sometimes, firstly because I look younger than my actual age, and also because I wear older clothes (I haven't been clothes shopping in years!). Personally, I don't see the point of dressing up just to go out to the shops etc., but I certainly felt judged because people assumed I couldn't afford the items I was browsing, but in fact I'm just frugal! The money I save by not buying 'stuff' is used to go on holidays, namely WDW!
 
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eliza61 said:
You do realize that you are doing the very same thing?? dontcha. from you're last sentence You are assuming that folks who drive new or luxury cars can't afford the things tthat are important to them.

If you looked in my garage you'd see a 2013 Infiniti, doesn't mean I'm not frugal. it means I finally traded in my 12 year old Nissan Maxima and treated myself to a luxury car.

lol, a discount is a discount. I love my Infiniti, I work 50 miles each way from my home. I'm up and down 95 so I have no problem admitting having Sirius satelite radio is nice. Is it the most important thing in my life? No but when you spend an hour each way in city traffic having some great fleetwood Mac tunes makes the day nicer.

I've never gotten any looks but then I live in major cities all my life (NYC, Philly and DC). I think in NY where there is great wealth, people are use to going into Saks 5th ave looking "ratty" and then dropping 7K on a pocket book so there is a little less judgement.
I worked in Macy's on 34th street during Christmas holidays and that was the first thing that they made you aware of, you never know when customers with substantial wealth will roll in, treat everyone like they have a million dollar net worth.

I really think that's an old concept. thankfully I see individualism celebrated. Most women I see out and about are in nice jeans, although it's made the price of jeans ridiculous. You really can't tell who is frugal and who is not from how folks dress.
(What's up with the jeans with holes in them? :)

We have a mall near me called hte King of Prussa mall, one wing of it has very high end stores. Louie Vuitton, channel, that kind of stuff. you see all shapes and sizes of folks. I go in LV all the time, knowing full well I'm not buying. sales folks are as sweet as can be to everyone. offer bottled water to anyone walking in the door.
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Ha! I also live near the King of Prussia mall - hi neighbor! I've certainly received "the look" at a high end store there. I was browsing designer evening wear for a special occasion & was dressed casually. None of the sales associates wanted to assist me until I mentioned it was either a new dress or a new horse...then they were scrambling all over me lol! And to the OP...yes, I understand what you mean! I'm known for being frugal, but don't mind dropping some $$$ for something special once in awhile. People really shouldn't judge others simply because they choose not to show the world what they have...everyone has different priorities when it comes to what they choose to spend their money on.
 
halfpintpeggy said:
Ha! I also live near the King of Prussia mall - hi neighbor! I've certainly received "the look" at a high end store there. I was browsing designer evening wear for a special occasion & was dressed casually. None of the sales associates wanted to assist me until I mentioned it was either a new dress or a new horse...then they were scrambling all over me lol! And to the OP...yes, I understand what you mean! I'm known for being frugal, but don't mind dropping some $$$ for something special once in awhile. People really shouldn't judge others simply because they choose not to show the world what they have...everyone has different priorities when it comes to what they choose to spend their money on.
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Oh I agree, nowadays, I just don't know s how much we can really correlate receiving a discount (in op's case) to the car one drives.

Now when you go to KOP do you notice how folks are dressed? Pretty much everyone looks the same, lol. Women are in jeans or leggings and now in the winter, most gals I see are in riding boots (pants/leggings tucked in), uggs or sneakers. How could anyone possible tell who is frugal and who is a spend thrift?

Most department stores, the staff aren't paid in commission except in stores like Sears where they sell appliances. Don't feel to bad, Neiman Marcus, Nordstroms, Macy's lol the associates are indifferent to everyone.

I think "unusually" dressed gets more attention, for example last summer there was a trend with the teenage girls for wearing pajama bottoms as pants or the stupidity of young men wearing their pants below their equator so you see their draws.

Heck, I wish how I looked equaled the size of my discount, I'd go to the mall looking ratty every time but sadly it gets me the same discount I get when if I'm Louie from head to toe. usually whatever the coupon says.
 
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I don't think I've ever been treated differently for being frugal. I believe I have been looked at or treated differently due to my age in certain situations and/or race. One particular time was at LeCellier. XH and I were about 25 and on our first "big" on site WDW stay with our two kids that were 9 and 3. We got a lot of stares and odd looks. It felt like they thought we didn't belong there. It could've been because we had small kids but I didn't get that vibe. This was from other patrons and not the staff. I noticed it and told my XH and he said "screw them. My money is just as good as theirs." Obviously we were teen parents but at the time we made 6 figures and worked hard. Our waiter was excellent from start to finish and we gave him a really nice tip.
 
I don't think so...I'm not into clothes and hate shopping so clearance rack it is, we have 2 cars but DH's is a 97 Honda CRV that is getting a bit beat up now with 387,000ish miles on it, my "new" car was bought slightly used with savings...from looking at us we don't look like much, but have a nice home, savings accounts, retirement savings, and take vacations. From being frugal is how we do it. Simple cars, simple lives, but spend on what we really love
 
It's nice that so many of the stories on this thread come with endings that would make Zorro very happy.

However, to say "I was judged unfairly! I COULD REALLY AFFORD _____! I HAVE MONEY AND DID NOT DESERVE SUCH TREATMENT!" carries the subtle implication that people who are truly poor do, indeed, deserve this treatment - you just aren't one of THEM.

No need to defend your financial situation to impress some anonymous message board posters. People who treat others differently based on their perceived class suck whether they're wrong or right.
 
niffer5150 said:
yes but it doesn't really bother me. i've been rudely chased off a car lot because the sales guy thought i couldn't afford it. i walked over to the lot next door and bought a car cash. his arrogance cost him a sale, which sucks for him. the opinion of such a person is nothing i'd be concerned about. most of the wealthy people i know are extremely frugal and a couple could be mistaken for hobos if you didn't know better. you never know if the exotic supercar in the parking lot belongs to the surf bum napping on the beach.
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I had a car salesman do the exact same thing! I understand that when you work commission things can get tense, but why would you risk alienating any potential customer when that customer could be your meal ticket? One salesman was "helping" me (I hate being pressured and I was trying to send him away) so I told him that I was just looking right now and before I could get any more words out to ask the man for his card--this is what I always do in these situations because I can't stand it when salesmen try to sell me on anything, but I take their card and when I decide to make a purchase I make sure the person gets the credit for it--this other salesman nearby made a rude comment about people wasting the salesmen's time just looking. I turned to the salesman who was helping me and told him that his buddy just lost him a cash sale because there was no way I returning to this dealership. Went to the one down the road where they allowed me time on the lot to do my advance looking so I could figure out what I wanted, brought my husband back when he was done with work and we made a cash purchase. The salesman's disdain for me could have had something to do with the 15 year old car I drove, or because I was wearing a spit-up stained shirt and had my hair in a messy bun. There's still no excuse for abandoning common courtesy.
 
MrsCobraBubbles said:
I had a car salesman do the exact same thing! I understand that when you work commission things can get tense, but why would you risk alienating any potential customer when that customer could be your meal ticket? One salesman was "helping" me (I hate being pressured and I was trying to send him away) so I told him that I was just looking right now and before I could get any more words out to ask the man for his card--this is what I always do in these situations because I can't stand it when salesmen try to sell me on anything, but I take their card and when I decide to make a purchase I make sure the person gets the credit for it--this other salesman nearby made a rude comment about people wasting the salesmen's time just looking. I turned to the salesman who was helping me and told him that his buddy just lost him a cash sale because there was no way I returning to this dealership. Went to the one down the road where they allowed me time on the lot to do my advance looking so I could figure out what I wanted, brought my husband back when he was done with work and we made a cash purchase. The salesman's disdain for me could have had something to do with the 15 year old car I drove, or because I was wearing a spit-up stained shirt and had my hair in a messy bun. There's still no excuse for abandoning common courtesy.
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This is why buying a car, in general, is a stressful experience. Sometimes, I feel that this is because there are still plenty of car salesmen who are sexist. It was not that long ago that while I was looking for a car, some salesman came up to me and said, "Shopping without the Mr. today?" I mean really, why in world would that at all be an appropriate comment? At that time, I did not have a Mr. and was perfectly capable of buying and affording a car by myself. I was in my mid-30's. If he wanted to make same talk, he should have mentioned the weather. Needless to say, I left that dealership and never looked back.
 
hollypoast said:
Its funny the assumptions people make. I'm fairly certain I was given a substantial discount today because when I rolled up in my 2003 Honda Civic the business owner assumed that I couldn't afford the service I was purchasing. I got that look...

I love my little Honda Civic. Does it have a little rust, sure, but its dependable and I can drive back and forth to work for around $10 per week. I would much rather drive an old car so I can afford other things that are more important to me like traveling and having new adventures.

Have you ever gotten "that look"? Does it bother you?
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Well, at least the guy was trying to help you out. For all he knew, you could have been as poor as possible, or as wealthy as could be. Yes, he did make an assumption...but he could have treated you terribly because of it. :)
 
we own a 2003 Honda - still running well
no new car in the future
 
Hibiscus said:
It's nice that so many of the stories on this thread come with endings that would make Zorro very happy.

However, to say "I was judged unfairly! I COULD REALLY AFFORD _____! I HAVE MONEY AND DID NOT DESERVE SUCH TREATMENT!" carries the subtle implication that people who are truly poor do, indeed, deserve this treatment - you just aren't one of THEM.

No need to defend your financial situation to impress some anonymous message board posters. People who treat others differently based on their perceived class suck whether they're wrong or right.
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I agree with your comment regarding how people treat others suck when its based on their perceived class but I don't think it's necessary to basically tell people to stop putting their personal financial experiences on here because your impression is that they are trying to "impress some anonymous board posters" especially when the whole thread is about 1 person's experience regarding their financial situation. I mean this in no offense at all but it's like the person who posts on a new story "why is this news"...well it was enough of news for that person to read the story AND comment on it so if it wasn't really important enough to them then they wouldn't have responded to the story at all.
 
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