everyone ages 3+ needs a FP+ just like they need a park ticket.
not sure why you would think that disney would bend the rules for you.
I wasn't trying to bend rules either. On our last trip, our DD was almost 3 (didn't need a ticket) and I was surprised that she was allowed to go with any of our party that had a fast pass for something. I thought there would be some way to track it. She will be 4 on our next trip, so I thought they may be lenient with small kids. But, now I know. I will ask plenty more dumb questions before our trip, i'm sure...lol