Would you vacation with couple that is separating?

crisi · Nov 15, 2015

msmama said:
I agree with someone else that saying that you wanting to "discuss" might be making it worse. Sure, discuss where you're eating, what you're doing, but wanting to discuss how they are going to handle issues if they come up is, frankly, none of your business (to be blunt).

I've traveled several times with my ex husband. We get along much better now that when we were married (it's much easier to overlook things knowing you can go your seperate ways when you get home). We've also traveled with other people and there have been no issues because we are adults who are doing what's best for our family.

If your sister and brother and law are adults, then trust them to handle their personal business personally.

I disagree, how to handle issues that impact her and her family on their vacation are ABSOLUTELY her business. If her sister and brother in law were adults, they wouldn't blame her for taking a Disney trip away from their kids for just wanting to talk about it. They've already proven they aren't adults.

North of Mouse · Nov 15, 2015

notsosnowwhite said:
We are facing this situation. Earlier in the year we made plans to travel with DSis and DBIL to Disney this Christmas. Although they have had marital problems for the last two years, they had started counseling and seemed to be working things out. Over the past month my sister has shared that things are getting worse despite counseling- they are separating, but going to remain living in the same house.

This has put us in a difficult situation. While we were making plans to get together to plan next weekend, I asked if both spouses were still planning on vacationing. I said that I would much rather talk about this face to face, and I didn't want to make anyone upset - just wanted to get a heads up on the situation. This led to a very strong reaction from my sister saying they wouldn't have any drama, everything is fine, and if we were uncomfortable we could cancel. (We will still be going no matter what they decide.) She then cancelled the plans for the weekend.

Today we are getting emails and texts from the wanting us to know that everything would be fine, they are doing much better, and implying that we will be taking vacation away from the kids.

I have made it clear that we can talk about this. We have not said we don't want to vacation together, but I feel it's important to talk about this and all the factors. It's quickly ramping up to drama, which I don't do.

It's very confusing to me to be told that they can't get along to stay married, but I'm making them sad / upset by implying they might not be able to get along on a vacation to Disney. What would you do?

Wonder 'why' they would cancel plans to talk about it 'face to face' with ya'll?? I'm 'with' you, in that there must be a discussion about this with you together before fully committing to a trip together, and if they won't do this, then why? Think that this is a reasonable expectation from you.

Pumbaa_ · Nov 26, 2015

My initial reaction was much stronger than heck no and would earn me points :rolleyes:

It's one thing to share a vacation, it's a whole 'nother sharing living space, cooking space, bathroom space and vacation with another family that is on the fast track to divorce

Bail now and bail fast! Get your own living space and if you have to, plan on some park together

Getting to orlando and in the same townhouse....what if it all goes south? YOUR family vacation will be deeply impacted.

Good luck with this one

Accident · Nov 27, 2015

I have to agree, I would have no problem vacationing with them as long as I had my own accommodations. That way I can easily do something else when they are bringing the trip down or still have the vacation if they don't make it or leave early.

Happyinwonerland · Nov 27, 2015

I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole. Bring sis and the kids, leave BIL home, and enjoy your trip. If both come, there will be drama. What if sis thinks her soon to be ex is flirting with the waitress? Sis gets sent a drink by an admirer at the bar? New love interest back home texts or calls one of them? Divorce is messy, and it will ruin your trip. Just say no.

ETA: if they had been divorced for several years and had both healed and moved on, I would say it could work out fine. But the separation is too fresh, wounds are too raw. Things will be tense
Not only will your vacation be ruined, but the kids will be exposed to a ton of adults problems that they shouldn't have to know about.

scrappinginontario · Nov 27, 2015

I find vacationing with family stressful at the best of times. Love to do it but for short periods of time with lots of options for each family to do their own thing. Disney in itself is stressful, especially the more people and options you add.

If you decide to move forward with this I would recommend setting things up with some together time and some apart time and make it clear that each can change on the fly if they want.

We went to Disney this past Sept with my Bro and SIL who we get along with really well. We'd planned our fist 3 days together and after the first 2 just kinda changed things up on the fly so that each family could do what was best for them. We met for a meal almost every day but other than that a lot of time was spent separately.

happymommy · Nov 27, 2015

I agree that vacation with family as an adult is already stressful. It's not really a vacation IMHO! I've done it, and basically am not ever going to do it again!
I don't understand whose children are or are not going. It's over Christmas, so I don't know if you can find other arrangements for a hotel.
No freaking way, though, would I want to be vacationing with them. They need to work through what issues they have.

Would you vacation with couple that is separating?

crisi

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North of Mouse

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Pumbaa_

>Hakuna Matata!<

Accident

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Happyinwonerland

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scrappinginontario

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happymommy

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