Grandparents College Funds

AnnaFloridaLover · Nov 25, 2015

NFLDERS said:
For some people it's not always about money either I suppose; I had to re-evaluate my reply. DH, and I both worked in our chosen careers for almost 40 yrs, and retired (11 yrs to date) at 55ish. For some it's more about building character as is in our case.

When our grands were born we were met with comments about spoiling them being grandparents; We replied that we didn't spoil their fathers, and would not be spoiling them.

Don't get me wrong gifts are given, and at times generous Disney cruise from Canada with grandchild ie.

So spoiling them with a Disney cruise is fine but money for a college education is not? I guess we all have our priorities.

Paying for in part or entirely for your own education does not a character make.

Kimberlyann11 · Nov 25, 2015

OP, please tell your grandkids before graduation. My mother has a VERY generous amount put away for DDs education (and did the same for niece) and it is allowing her to look at some schools that she wouldn't have had a chance of even thinking about without my mom's gift. While she would be grateful to find out about the account at graduation, she would also wonder why the heck grandma didn't tell her so that she could have expanded her horizons.

NFLDERS · Nov 25, 2015

Allison said:
Your original quote was about money. You didn't understand how people could put away for retirement and college so that their children didn't have to take care of them.

Sorry, you are right. I wasn't expressing my understanding that people in general (according to reports) are not putting away enough because they may not be able to or are not considering the amount needed in their retirement. I went back, and edited to include our opinion.

MickeySP · Nov 25, 2015

NFLDERS said:
For some people it's not always about money either I suppose; I had to re-evaluate my reply. DH, and I both worked in our chosen careers for almost 40 yrs, and retired (11 yrs to date) at 55ish. For some it's more about building character as is in our case.

When our grands were born we were met with comments about spoiling them being grandparents; We replied that we didn't spoil their fathers, and would not be spoiling them.

Don't get me wrong gifts are given, and at times generous Disney cruise from Canada with grandchild ie.

So a Disney cruise builds character? Not sure how that works. I didn't spoil DS, my parents took care of that, now I spoil my grandkids. I expect my DS will spoil his. Money does not build character in any shape given, good parenting, instilling values and being an example builds character.

Or maybe I should just get them jobs in the salt mines - hard work builds character. But then they would hate MickeySP & it would probably make then grumpy. :wave:

Dancind · Nov 25, 2015

I wish, wouldn't even have minded a surprise. My parents could have very easily afforded to set up generous college accounts for the grandkids. Mom was a very successful realtor, owned a company. After she died, Dad moved to Las Vegas NV and proceeded to lose it all playing cards.

ZephyrHawk · Nov 25, 2015

My parents have set up a college fund for my daughter. I have access to their fund, but I would never touch it. We have our own fund going for her, as well. DD is my only child, and I'm my parents' only child, so that probably makes a difference in their decision to participate in college funding. All their money will ultimately be mine/DD's eventually anyways, so it's not a hard decision.

NewRVLady · Nov 26, 2015

lustergirl said:
I have a college fund setup for my new grandson.

Not I

His parents have an account set up for my Grandson-I gave him $$ at his Baptism ( as did many of the relatives) that went to that account

Blackadder337 · Nov 26, 2015

I started a college investment fund for my daughter 2 days after she was born. For the first 2 or 3 years of her life, we told friends and family that instead of buying extra birthday / xmas / holiday gifts for our daughter, we would appreciate college donations instead. I mean how many onesie's and stuffed Elmo dolls etc... can one child have especially at that age? So that worked out well. Now at gift giving occasions, sometimes she gets a gift, or sometimes she gets a slightly smaller gift, with a little money to be put away.

I don't necessarily have a problem with a fund being created as a 'surprise' but once the discussion of "where to go, what to apply for" begins, I would like those that have the surprise money to let us know about it before any decisions are made. Any extra money could make a difference in which school is applied to or which program etc.

elphaba91 · Nov 26, 2015

I think it would be best to tell them a couple of years before graduation, when they start looking at colleges. That solves the problem of a) the parents not saving because they think you've got it covered; b) you making a promise of funds that you're (for whatever reason) unable to keep and upsetting people and c) the granddaughter not being able to plan accordingly. Plus, you'll still get to give the nice surprise, it will just be on something like her 16th birthday instead of graduation.

aprilgail · Nov 26, 2015

I think its awesome for a grandparent to put money away for their grandchild. I agree with telling them before they start looking at colleges though- no need to tell them now. My mom has a college fund for my daughter and my brother also has a 529 college fund for her that he puts money in every week. I am very grateful that they both do that for her!

disykat · Nov 27, 2015

I think it's great when grandparents can help, especially for first generation college students. However, I don't see it as anything expected. (In fact, I was horrified when my kids brought home college planning sheets from school in junior high school which listed grandparents as a source of college funds and suggested talking to them - I told my kids not to dare mention it!) My parents put me through school, which gave me a leg up to do the same with my kids. My kids are getting out debt free which should help them do the same for their kids. Etc. etc. I just finished paying for my kid's college so I consider myself done!

At this point we have no intention of helping grand-kid's college expenses, but I can see us maybe wanting to help if special circumstances warrant or make it easy to do so without taking away our ability to enjoy our turn to travel and enjoy our financial freedom from child raising responsibilities.

NFLDERS · Nov 27, 2015

disykat said:
I think it's great when grandparents can help, especially for first generation college students. However, I don't see it as anything expected. (In fact, I was horrified when my kids brought home college planning sheets from school in junior high school which listed grandparents as a source of college funds and suggested talking to them - I told my kids not to dare mention it!) My parents put me through school, which gave me a leg up to do the same with my kids. My kids are getting out debt free which should help them do the same for their kids. Etc. etc. I just finished paying for my kid's college so I consider myself done!

At this point we have no intention of helping grand-kid's college expenses, but I can see us maybe wanting to help if special circumstances warrant or make it easy to do so without taking away our ability to enjoy our turn to travel and enjoy our financial freedom from child raising responsibilities.

^This. I could not have explained our (DH & I) stance better, and I failed miserably in my posts trying to. :duck:

wilkeliza · Nov 27, 2015

NFLDERS said:
^This. I could not have explained our (DH & I) stance better, and I failed miserably in my posts trying to.

If you don't want to help then that's okay. Many grandparents love to help with their grandchildren where the can. I don't expect my fiance's parents (mine are not in the picture for different reasons) to help but if they do I won't deny them that.

disykat · Nov 27, 2015

I think NFLDERS and I are on the same page. To me, college help is a parent's job.

If for some reason my kids were unable to help I would step in and offer, but I certainly don't anticipate having to do so. In my mind, if I'm going to treat my grandchildren to something it will be something their parents aren't planning to provide. All the parents in my family have helped their kids with college to the best of their abilities. (whether it was tuition, a free place to live, food, or all of it.) Grandparent help has never been needed, so never considered or offered. Grandparents were further removed from the "needs" and more in the "extras" category.

I'm really proud of putting my kids through school and considered it part of my "job" as a parent. I want my kids to have that too and my role will be further removed. I look forward to spending lots of time with grandchildren but don't really plan for any of my involvement to be as a "provider." DH's parents tried to provide our kids some things like their first bike etc. and it hurt my feelings - I wanted that to be my job as a parent. We had to negotiate them back a bit to extras, not the big stuff.

That doesn't mean it doesn't work for some people, I'm just explaining the other side.

MickeySP · Nov 27, 2015

Who said I was a "provider"? We have more discretionary funds than parents, it is not my job, it is my pleasure :goodvibes

.

disykat · Nov 27, 2015

MickeySP said:
Who said I was a "provider"? We have more discretionary funds than parents, it is not my job, it is my pleasure.

Sometimes posts evolve beyond the OP. I wasn't saying you were anything. I was discussing the side of those of us who are more likely to take the grandkids on a vacation than pay for college and why we might feel that way. Neither side is wrong. Just different opinions. It will be my pleasure to watch my children pay for their kids college!

MomofKatie · Nov 28, 2015

Both sets of grandparents set up accounts for each of their grandchildren for college. My DH and I, as well as my brother and DH's sister and BIL are all very appreciative of their generosity. So far, every grandchild has used at least part of their savings for college expenses- 2 nephews got full ride ROTC scholarships, so they will have the money for a down payment on a house or other major expense.

Between both college funds, my DD will be able to cover about $5000/year of her college costs. It is a HUGE help and we are grateful to our parents. They didn't have to contribute to their grandkids' educations, but they generously decided to, and it is definitely appreciated.

aprilgail · Nov 28, 2015

disykat said:
DH's parents tried to provide our kids some things like their first bike etc. and it hurt my feelings - I wanted that to be my job as a parent. We had to negotiate them back a bit to extras, not the big stuff.

.

That stuff to me didn't matter- my mom bought my daughters first shoes, my brother bought her first bike. I didn't see that as any big deal, glad they cared enough to want to be involved. She is 16 now and my mom gave her a car, its all good to me LOL.

teller80 · Nov 28, 2015

elphaba91 said:
I think it would be best to tell them a couple of years before graduation, when they start looking at colleges. That solves the problem of a) the parents not saving because they think you've got it covered; b) you making a promise of funds that you're (for whatever reason) unable to keep and upsetting people and c) the granddaughter not being able to plan accordingly. Plus, you'll still get to give the nice surprise, it will just be on something like her 16th birthday instead of graduation.

This. What if you end up having 15 grandchildren, would you be able to do for #15 what you did for #1?

NewRVLady · Nov 28, 2015

disykat said:
Sometimes posts evolve beyond the OP. I wasn't saying you were anything. I was discussing the side of those of us who are more likely to take the grandkids on a vacation than pay for college and why we might feel that way. Neither side is wrong. Just different opinions. It will be my pleasure to watch my children pay for their kids college!

I agree- I would rather have a fun experience with my grandkids than feel my extra $$ has to up to a college fund...we are already in that mode as the fun grandparents that go on trip with our first grandchild ( his first hotel trip- first big pool-first wineries )

Grandparents College Funds

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