WWYD. Goody my 1st WWYD

MickeySP · Oct 9, 2015

ok, confession, I actually know what I'm doing. Heck, got married,had a baby, got divorced, bought a house & got recently engaged without DIS advice but I just wanna here perspective.

So I got a wedding invitation from a friend of my DS, he is more to me than that. We took him in for 6 year when his Mom's husband threw him out at 17. He stayed for through HS graduation, through trade school & I was present not his "parents" at both grads.

Problem - he and my DS are having a tiff. It is stupid to me, but to the young & dumb it seems to matter. He said something about DIL, my DS said something about his fiancée. None of which I know is true on either side.

Now dilemma, marrying guy wants me to essentially be mother of groom, aisle, dance, toast etc. My DS is being all - DON'T!!!! My DIL is acting 12, the fiancée is acting 16. They are all late 20s, one just 30.

Now WWYD?

Skywalker · Oct 9, 2015

I would go the wedding and do exactly what was asked of me by the friend - it would seem you hold a special place in his life for all you did for him. Your son, on the other hand, is trying to use you as a weapon in some lame battle. Also, if it was two of your children having a spat, would you stay away from the wedding of one just to suit the other? I wouldn't. I know the friend is not your actual child, but it seems like a very special relationship itself. Your son and his wife will have to grow up sometime and realize the world doesn't revolve around them - might as well be now.

hereyago · Oct 9, 2015

Tell everuone that you are not picking sides and they have to grow up and work it out themselves. Stand in the wedding if you want, you can only decide that.

MrsDuck · Oct 9, 2015

MickeySP said:
ok, confession, I actually know what I'm doing. Heck, got married,had a baby, got divorced, bought a house & got recently engaged without DIS advice but I just wanna here perspective.

So I got a wedding invitation from a friend of my DS, he is more to me than that. We took him in for 6 year when his Mom's husband threw him out at 17. He stayed for through HS graduation, through trade school & I was present not his "parents" at both grads.

Problem - he and my DS are having a tiff. It is stupid to me, but to the young & dumb it seems to matter. He said something about DIL, my DS said something about his fiancée. None of which I know is true on either side.

Now dilemma, marrying guy wants me to essentially be mother of groom, aisle, dance, toast etc. My DS is being all - DON'T!!!! My DIL is acting 12, the fiancée is acting 16. They are all late 20s, one just 30.

Now WWYD?

I'd be there for DS's friend. Sounds like you're the only parent figure in his life and I think it's incredibly touching he wants you invovled to that extent. If your kid and his wife are grumpy about it, whatever.

Skywalker · Oct 9, 2015

MickeySP said:
ok, confession, I actually know what I'm doing. Heck, got married,had a baby, got divorced, bought a house & got recently engaged without DIS advice but I just wanna here perspective.

So I got a wedding invitation from a friend of my DS, he is more to me than that. We took him in for 6 year when his Mom's husband threw him out at 17. He stayed for through HS graduation, through trade school & I was present not his "parents" at both grads.

Problem - he and my DS are having a tiff. It is stupid to me, but to the young & dumb it seems to matter. He said something about DIL, my DS said something about his fiancée. None of which I know is true on either side.

Now dilemma, marrying guy wants me to essentially be mother of groom, aisle, dance, toast etc. My DS is being all - DON'T!!!! My DIL is acting 12, the fiancée is acting 16. They are all late 20s, one just 30.

Now WWYD?

Not a controversial thread but this is the first I was like, ever the first poster so didn't want to neglect The Rule lol.

Skywalker · Oct 9, 2015

Dang!

MickeySP · Oct 9, 2015

Skywalker said:
Not a controversial thread but this is the first I was like, ever the first poster so didn't want to neglect The Rule lol.

I am a stickler for rules :rotfl2:

aejammers · Oct 9, 2015

Agree with Skywalker. You wouldn't take sides if they were biological children. Don't take sides now. Go and be "Mom" at the wedding. Plus, how long until the wedding? By then everyone may have made up. And you would kick yourself for not being there for this friend.

MickeySP · Oct 9, 2015

Btw I do recognize that autocorrect did "here" instead of "hear". I could just hear ( got it right) the grammar...police cringing. :thumbsup2

fly girl · Oct 9, 2015

I'm with everyone else, be there for this kid.

Whatever tiff is between them it is not your issue, not your problem.

You've given your heart and your home to this young man when he needed it most. And now he wants to acknowledge that by having you to be a part of his special day. That has to touch you (it made my heart smile) -- you did good!

Hopefully they'll grow up and get over it before the wedding. If not, too bad. You follow what you want to do.

spinandmarty · Oct 9, 2015

also had one of my kids friends move in with us when mother got remarried, wasn't new step dad that wanted her out but her mother, basically lived with us for three years... I call her my daughter that really isn't... if I had to choose between her and my daughter, no question it would be my daughter.... But in your situation I think I would be like this; isn't about you son, it's about your friend and me, he lived with us for six years, We were a part of each others lives, I am honored that he cares enough for me to ask me to do this for him... Son if you don't want to go and support him that's fine, but don't try to tell me what to do about someone I care about.....

ashley0139 · Oct 9, 2015

Please be there for the friend. Sounds like everyone involved is acting like a child, including your DS. He wants you to miss an important event in someone's life because they made a comment he didn't like? When they make up, you will regret not being there if you aren't.

NewRVLady · Oct 9, 2015

Will the real parents be there?
It may cause drama in that respect- that you are sitting in the Moms place
Doing the Mom son dance is just weird- unless you adopted him IMO

Personally - if my son asked me not to do something involving HIS friend, I wouldn't

Planogirl · Oct 9, 2015

I would go personally. I would tell all of them to grow up and at least "act" like adults and to otherwise leave me out of it.

fly girl · Oct 9, 2015

NewRVLady said:
Personally - if my son asked me not to do something involving HIS friend, I wouldn't

If it was just his friend I would be with you.

However, this isn't just a friend. She took this kid in, gave him a home, treated him like a son during a pivotal time in his life.

Her son needs to recognize that and not put her in the middle. He's in his 20's, let mom do what she wants to do. She's earned it!

wenrob · Oct 9, 2015

I think I would go fiddle in the middle on this one. I would attend the wedding but would not accept the "mom" role. Regardless of the role you played in his life, that's guaranteed to bring drama into all who's involved lives. A nice gesture to honor you? Sure. Full on, "I'm the mother of the groom," no way. I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole.

Just to toss in a little different perspective, your son is standing up for his wife. As women, isn't that what we all want, our husband to back us up? Isn't that the advice given on the regular on the DIS when someone's husband doesn't "man up?" Take a second to pat yourself on the back that you raised a kid who takes that seriously.

I'd probably sit my son down and have a heart to heart and let him know this isn't my battle and that I would be attending. If it were a very serious issue between them, I'd choose my kid hands down.

mnrose · Oct 9, 2015

I would do what YOU want. This is about the young man who clearly considers you a mother figure and you, no one else.

A couple of my brothers got in a tiff YEARS ago, and my mother refused to involve herself in their drama. She loved them both.

wishesuponastar · Oct 9, 2015

NewRVLady said:
Will the real parents be there?
It may cause drama in that respect- that you are sitting in the Moms place
Doing the Mom son dance is just weird- unless you adopted him IMO

Personally - if my son asked me not to do something involving HIS friend, I wouldn't

I agree That if his mom will be at the wedding I would not want to stand in as mother of groom...that's bound to cause drama. so I would go to the wedding to support this important young man though.

hegsag · Oct 9, 2015

wenrob said:
I think I would go fiddle in the middle on this one. I would attend the wedding but would not accept the "mom" role. Regardless of the role you played in his life, that's guaranteed to bring drama into all who's involved lives. A nice gesture to honor you? Sure. Full on, "I'm the mother of the groom," no way. I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole.

I have to disagree with you. I think it's awesome for Mickey and for this young man that he has a woman in his life that he considers motherly to him and would like her to help celebrate his big day. Lots of times, brides that don't have a father to walk them down the aisle will often have someone they consider fatherly or that are very close to her to walk her down the aisle. Why can't this young man have the same thing?

wenrob · Oct 9, 2015

hegsag said:
I have to disagree with you. I think it's awesome for Mickey and for this young man that he has a woman in his life that he considers motherly to him and would like her to help celebrate his big day. Lots of times, brides that don't have a father to walk them down the aisle will often have someone they consider fatherly or that are very close to her to walk her down the aisle. Why can't this young man have the same thing?

I said, I wouldn't do it. We have no idea if his bio mom will be there or not. If she is then you've got a whole lot of drama to contend with. As someone who sought out a chapel that had love seats instead of benches so my Dad/Stepmom and Mom/Stepdad could both sit front row and pretty much held my breath the entire day hoping it all didn't blow up it's not something I personally would put myself in the middle of.

WWYD. Goody my 1st WWYD

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