Need help - grandma spoiled "it's just people in costumes" to my 4YO

Not sure where to post this, so apologies. And apologies for a very long post, but I need to vent and seek wisdom from the board.

I have been pretty excited about my family's first trip to the world. Daughter is 4YO, son is 2YO (actually both would say "and a half!" and be right). All were pretty excited about the trip, particularly about seeing Mickey Mouse in the flesh. They also want to see his clubhouse, but I have warned that his clubhouse is somewhere else.

My daughter has never been into the princesses, and she is downright scared of Elsa due to her "magic powers." As a 3YO she "froze" in terror when she saw Elsa at a birthday party, but we just avoided Elsa at the time.

I thought it had worn off, but just this last week, right before we leave, she brought it back up. Says she scared about the trip because she doesn't want to see Elsa (which really simplifies my trip planning to be honest). I reassured her that we could avoid Elsa, that Elsa is nice, that she saved her sister in the end, that Elsa has her powers under control at the end of the movie, and that Elsa probably wears gloves at DW anyway (was wrong about the last fact). But bottom line, I was trying to keep it under control without (1) spoiling anything, but also (2) not outright lying by saying Elsa is real. It was a fine balance, but I was working on it. I had her excited about Mickey and everyone else, and I also was relieved about not having to squeeze in a trip to DHS for the last few days of frozen summer fun. (Off topic, I have at least one or two FP+ to Meet Anna and Elsa, probably will switch out of those soon!)

Then yesterday--3 days before we are in the Kingdom--my mom spoils the mystery of it when she was watching the kids. To reassure my daughter, she said "don't worry, Elsa isn't real. It's just a person in a costume." My daughter told me about it today. I let it die because I didn't know how to handle it. She's a pretty smart girl, so I think she will deduce that (1) all of the other characters are likely people in costumes; and (2) if she continues on the path, I may lose the mystery on Santa and all of the others later this year.

My question to you all, other than the need to let this frustration out to someone, is: What, if anything, should I do?

I'm inclined not to bring it back up and only address it if she does. Picking at a scab just makes it worse, and she might start thinking about it in a more thoughtful manner if I try to jump in with an explanation.

I'm also hesitant to outright lie about anything. I was hoping to be able to side step questions for the next few years with the whole "Well, what do you think? Do you think X is real? Does he/she seem real?" So if the subject comes up (or if I raise it), I don't know if I can say: "Grandma was wrong; everyone at Disney is real. Believe because Daddy wants to see that magic in your eyes."

I know I'm likely overreacting on all this. I can take the criticism if you coat it with a kind word. I just really wanted the first trip to have that "magic" that only a 4YO believing it is true can feel. It may even be more about me than her or her brother. She will still have a blast, and so will I. But if this unravels to nix Santa as well . . .

Thanks in advance. Apologies again.

I doubt it will unravel Santa.. FWIW, I think you handled it well. Last year my 5 year old concluded( or maybe her older sibs encouraged) her to believe that the characters at our local theme park ( Bugs Bunny, et al) were robots. They then told her they were people in costumes. None of it has taken away from her love of seeing the characters, shows, etc. I am not even sure what she believes, and I don't bring it up. I wouldn't worry. Have a great trip!

I actually think you mum did the right thing. There is no point in letting kids have fears about something you can fix by telling the truth. We told my daughter the truth about Santa about 4 as she was getting massively scared about this strange man coming in her house.

My kids never believed the characters were real. On the first visit (oldest were 2 and 4), the characters still walked around, and my 2 year old was afraid, so we told them people were inside the costumes.

I have to say, all 5 of mine believed in Santa until around age 10 or so - apples and oranges.

You're overreacting.

Honestly, your mom did the exact right thing. It's selfish to let a child be afraid of something because you don't want to ruin the "magic." Sometimes you have to step outside of yourself and see things from her perspective. If you were terrified of something that you thought was real, would you be happy that everyone went on letting you think it was real when they knew it wasn't?

For what it's worth, my daughter never believed the characters were real and it didn't destroy the magic. It also didn't affect her belief in Santa.

My DD always knew they were people in costumes and it never ruined the "magic". She also always knew that Santa was not real. In both cases I told her to keep the information to herself. So, if she brings it up I would just suggest to ask her to keep quiet about it around other children.

i wouldn't focus on it, even if she has that knowledge, it won't ruin any magic. Heck, I STILL get excited to see Mickey and I am well aware it's a chick in a mouse costume

I don't think you're over reacting and I don't think it was the Grandma's place to tell your daughter that (maybe a little chat with Grandma about referring stuff like this back to you?). BUT I don't think it has to ruin the magic for you or your daughter. Disney has a wonderful way of sucking you in no matter what you believe (or how old you are). I totally know that the characters are not real, but that doesn't stop me from having fun and interacting with them. I think your daughter will get caught up in the Disney magic and will have a blast meeting her favorite Disney Characters, especially if she sees you having fun.

My DD just turned 4 today. We live near Times Square so we see lots of characters with their heads off (!!!) and also deal with Santacon every year (if you think the idea of Santa coming into your house is scary, you haven't seen hundreds of drunk, puking swearing Santas...) Anyway. She has never thought that the furry characters are anything but people in costumes and that has not detracted from her enjoyment at WDW.. She also thinks that Santacon is just a bunch of people dressing up like Santa for fun. Honestly I am not sure if she thinks the princesses are "real" or just people in costume - I haven't asked her, but she plays along when they are in character and to me, the magic is there in her great big smile no matter whether she thinks they are real or just someone in costume. I think it's just as exciting either way for them.

And way to go on getting out of scrambling for A&E FPs!!

My kids (6, 4 and 2 years old) "know" the characters are people dressed up, but they still interact with them as if they were real. At that age, I don't think they really understand the difference anyway.

My little brother was very young when we took him to Disney the first time. He was anxious about meeting fur characters so we told him the truth, they are just people in costumes. That helped him to relax but didn't brake the magic at all for him, because as we were walking into the Playhouse Disney show Eli saw Handy Manny in a photo line and yelled gleefully "It's MANNY!!!" so...grain of salt.

Your mom should have ran it by you first, but your little one will have an amazing time no matter what!

My 4 year old told ME that they were just people in costumes. And I told them they were real!! But he still thinks Santa is real.

Thanks everyone. I appreciated each of your thoughts and perspectives. I took a day off from thinking about it and I am over it. If my daughter had asked me point blank, I would have told her the truth (or maybe evaded, not sure, but I would probably not lie about it). I still remember turning to my dad when I was about four or five and saying "Santa's not real is he dad." And he said "you're right, he's not." I felt good that he respected me enough to answer straight, and that I had it figured out on my own. But there was also that hollow feeling, that pang of growing up and leaving a little something behind. Even at 4 or 5. It's inevitable though. Great to hear that character defeat does not necessarily mean Santa defeat. Something really cool about believing in that magic while you can. Anyway, thanks again to you all. I can't wait for a great trip, and I will wish for great trips for each of you

Another idea- maybe you could go with the not real for face characters (who look different in every pic depending on the person playing the part), but you might be able to keep the costumed / furry ones real for a while longer bc they look the same every time? Or maybe just a story about Elsa being so popular she has to have assistants play her part so that everyone gets to take a pic with her...

We also told our kids they were just people in costumes when they were fearful of them, around that age I think. My youngest will tell me they are just people in costumes, then run up to them for a hug, autograph, and pic. I think telling her took away the fear without taking the fun. It's still exciting to see the most "real" version of a character you can. Heck plenty of adults (myself included) get excited.

FWIW she's 7 now and still 100% believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Although when she visits Santa or the Easter Bunny at the mall, she knows they are not the real deal, but they are Santa's/Bunny's helpers and report back to them.

Happy to report that she loves greeting characters and was beside herself with joy over each one so far. Same with my 2YO son. Not sure what she thinks about real or not because we didn't bring it back up, but she's happy so I am as well. Thanks all

We were camping at Fort Wilderness when my daughter (9) told my son (6) the characters were not real, Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny were all fake too!! We had one crushed son and a daughter I was so upset at!!