Was I wrong to say no to my guests plans?

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Given her history, you made the right decision. Also, from the way you relayed the conversation, it was as if she was telling you that she was arriving that late/early rather than asking you. Had it been more of a "hey, if you don't mind, we are planning on leaving here at 10 and arriving at 3:30am to beat the traffic. If that's a problem, let me know." Sounds like she was being the inconsiderate one, not you.
 
NO WAY, NO HOW....

I don't function on no sleep.
I am not getting any younger.
And, the very thought of asking somebody to get up in the middle of the night to welcome me, is beyond astounding.
'HOW RUDE' does not even come close.
There are just no words...

And, that doesn't even address the issues such as hyper barking dogs, young kids, neighbors, etc.

There are 'TAKERS' in this world.
And, there are 'DOORMATS'.

Just because there happen to be the former, does not make me feel obligated to be the latter.

PS: From my experience, these kind of people are only concerned with their own convenience and entitlement.
I can see the guests arriving in the middle of the night...
Myself being miserable and dysfunctional on no sleep....
Then after all of that, all plans have to be ditched anyhow, because no way they are getting up a 9:00 am, and they sleep till 1:00 or 2:00 in the afternoon. People like this just seem to have no concept, whatsoever, of how their whims can negatively impact others. And, sometimes it seeams that they just don't care, either.

Remember just how the previous plans for their arrival went...
Nothing like was planned.
Ended up a arriving at midnight.

When people show you who they are.. Believe them.
 
Y
Dizlvr said:
There are these things called hotels.
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Yes, there are, but it sounds like there were communication issues, and the OP's cousin wasn't planning on spending the night at a hotel (or in this case, 2 hours...). I live outside of NYC, in a nice town, but the closest hotel from me is less than 3 miles away from me is over $125 a night, and a little seedy (had a huge drug bust a month ago). I don't know if I'd be comfortable finding a place today outside of Boston that late at night. I'm sure that if the cousin knew they wouldn't be welcome, they would have found a suitable hotel. I'm sure their day at the beach isn't going to be great, having only a couple hours of sleep the night before they are guests in their cousin's home. But at least the OP doesn't miss out on 15 minutes of sleep!
 
mjkacmom said:
Y

Yes, there are, but it sounds like there were communication issues, and the OP's cousin wasn't planning on spending the night at a hotel (or in this case, 2 hours...). I live outside of NYC, in a nice town, but the closest hotel from me is less than 3 miles away from me is over $125 a night, and a little seedy (had a huge drug bust a month ago). I don't know if I'd be comfortable finding a place today outside of Boston that late at night. I'm sure that if the cousin knew they wouldn't be welcome, they would have found a suitable hotel. I'm sure their day at the beach isn't going to be great, having only a couple hours of sleep the night before they are guests in their cousin's home. But at least the OP doesn't miss out on 15 minutes of sleep!
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Then the cousin should have asked the OP if arriving at 3:30 AM was okay when they first made plans to travel to the OP's house. I assume that this cousin is an adult so yeah I'm not going to worry about an adult finding a hotel or having to pay for it, that is what it means to be responsible. If they can't manage that maybe they shouldn't be traveling in the first place.
 
mjkacmom said:
Y

Yes, there are, but it sounds like there were communication issues, and the OP's cousin wasn't planning on spending the night at a hotel (or in this case, 2 hours...). I live outside of NYC, in a nice town, but the closest hotel from me is less than 3 miles away from me is over $125 a night, and a little seedy (had a huge drug bust a month ago). I don't know if I'd be comfortable finding a place today outside of Boston that late at night. I'm sure that if the cousin knew they wouldn't be welcome, they would have found a suitable hotel. I'm sure their day at the beach isn't going to be great, having only a couple hours of sleep the night before they are guests in their cousin's home. But at least the OP doesn't miss out on 15 minutes of sleep!
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I'm sorry, this is ridiculous. I'm assuming cousin is over the age of 12 and knows that when they stay late somewhere, having drinks with friends, there is a consequence elsewhere. Cousin decided to take that consequence (which is fine. I've made similar trade offs in the past) and has had to make arrangements to accommodate her new schedule.

If she doesn't want to sleep elsewhere, leave earlier.
 
It is a 3 hour drive from DC to Philadelphia, is I imagine they left home around 6 or so (or even earlier because traffic is a nightmare), had dinner from 9 - 10, and then were getting on the road to drive the final 5 hours to Boston (almost always a crappy drive, so best done at night). Maybe, in the cousin's mind, she was planning on arriving at 3:30 all along (ie early Sunday morning). Now it's 10 pm, and they find themselves in the position of finding a safe hotel in an unfamiliar area, at 3am. Nope, wouldn't do that to friends or family. If someone I know needs a place to crash at 3 am, they are always more than welcome. I can't imagine refusing them at 3:30, but then be willing on opening my door to them at 6.
 
mjkacmom said:
It is a 3 hour drive from DC to Philadelphia, is I imagine they left home around 6 or so (or even earlier because traffic is a nightmare), had dinner from 9 - 10, and then were getting on the road to drive the final 5 hours to Boston (almost always a crappy drive, so best done at night). Maybe, in the cousin's mind, she was planning on arriving at 3:30 all along (ie early Sunday morning). Now it's 10 pm, and they find themselves in the position of finding a safe hotel in an unfamiliar area, at 3am. Nope, wouldn't do that to friends or family. If someone I know needs a place to crash at 3 am, they are always more than welcome. I can't imagine refusing them at 3:30, but then be willing on opening my door to them at 6.
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That is what the internet is for, use it before you travel and find a place. Its not impossible, and not every area is bad even checking in at 3AM. I'd have no problem refusing them. Its not like they came to the OP's door and she turned them away, they were told before they got on the road that they can't come that early. Any capable adult can find a place to stay in a safe area, if they can't then I stand by what I said, they shouldn't travel at all.
 
mjkacmom said:
It is a 3 hour drive from DC to Philadelphia, is I imagine they left home around 6 or so (or even earlier because traffic is a nightmare), had dinner from 9 - 10, and then were getting on the road to drive the final 5 hours to Boston (almost always a crappy drive, so best done at night). Maybe, in the cousin's mind, she was planning on arriving at 3:30 all along (ie early Sunday morning). Now it's 10 pm, and they find themselves in the position of finding a safe hotel in an unfamiliar area, at 3am. Nope, wouldn't do that to friends or family. If someone I know needs a place to crash at 3 am, they are always more than welcome. I can't imagine refusing them at 3:30, but then be willing on opening my door to them at 6.
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Agree with the bolded wholeheartedly. 3:30am or 6am, either way, my family knows they would be letting themselves in. I don't get up that early, and they know it! (But they love me anyway!):rotfl:
 
Th
Dizlvr said:
That is what the internet is for, use it before you travel and find a place. Its not impossible, and not every area is bad even checking in at 3AM. I'd have no problem refusing them. Its not like they came to the OP's door and she turned them away, they were told before they got on the road that they can't come that early. Any capable adult can find a place to stay in a safe area, if they can't then I stand by what I said, they shouldn't travel at all.
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they were already on the road, almost halfway there! This wasn't a week before, let's go to plan B, this is at 10 pm, with five of the nine hours left to drive. If it were me, there is no way I'm spending $100+ to sleep somewhere rot two hours. Maybe the OP could've offered up her driveway, at least.
 
missbrooke06 said:
I have a strict "my house, everyone's else's rules" policy. Also if I had a 3:30 guest, I would have a baby spinach and feta cheese quiche with thick sliced bacon, local organic fruit, fresh squeezed juice from my juicer, banana oat muffins, and French pressed coffee ready when they walked in.
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I cant tell if youre being serious or sarcastic. Either way..LOL!!! :lmao: :rotfl2:
 
Since when does being a good host mean being a doormat?

If I had nothing planned the day after their arrival, I'd be annoyed but would probably allow it. But I wouldn't get much sleep after they arrived, so with a day at the beach planned I'd be upset my day at the beach was ruined to accommodate their schedule last minute.

I have some friends who've planned to stay at my house twice following events involving alcohol. On both occasions they decided to cab it home without letting me know. I no longer offer to allow them to stay. Twice I went through all the cleaning and prep for guests for no reason. Sorry, but no more.
 
I would have done the same OP. we no longer have our dogs but I know what that can be like. I would never leave my door unlocked all night. Ever. Cousin plans on being in at 3:30 but sounds like plans could change at last minute and it may very well end up being 6:00am. Who knows. I don't sleep well and would not sleep well knowing guests are coming in the middle of the night. Nor would I easily go back to sleep. I would never do this to someone and wouldn't expect someone to assume it would be ok for me. Honestly, we don't stay at friends or family anymore ourselves, we prefer a hotel.
 
mjkacmom said:
Th

they were already on the road, almost halfway there! This wasn't a week before, let's go to plan B, this is at 10 pm, with five of the nine hours left to drive. If it were me, there is no way I'm spending $100+ to sleep somewhere rot two hours. Maybe the OP could've offered up her driveway, at least.
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So you would expect your loved one to let you in because you weren't considerate enough to ask if it was okay to arrive in the middle of the night prior to your traveling, or smart enough to plan ahead and find hotels on the road?
Thankfully I don't know anyone in my family or of my friends who would be that rude, so its a moot point for me. I wouldn't have to tell someone they couldn't come at 3:30 AM because they wouldn't have planned on it in the first place, they aren't that rude.
 
DD's in-laws came for a visit a few years ago (before she was married). They left after work and got here in the early morning hours (he worked until midnight). It was fine. DD and I woke up between 4 and 5, when they called to say there were almost here. When they arrived we all said hello and went back to bed. I always have trouble going back to sleep but it was fine.

They are coming again later this month. Not sure what the arrival will be. It doesn't matter. I'm always happy to see them so if they arrive at 3:30 am so be it.
 
I probably would have left a key under the mat. But the next time I'd take it upon myself to ask about specific arrival times beforehand and request to be told if things changed. I'd be annoyed and there certainly would be no coffee or pastries. I'd accommodate, but just this once.
 
TipsyTraveler said:
I would've told them the door will be unlocked and gone to bed.
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Same here.

**edited to add**Actually, I'd probably wake up as soon as the car pulled into the driveway. I would get up and help them settle in, if necessary. It really wouldn't bother me.
 
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