Minor etiquette dilemma, re SSM

Gumbo4x4 · Jul 28, 2015

So, I just found out yesterday that my cousin & her partner were quietly married a couple weeks ago. I'd like to send a congratulatory card, as would my parents. How do I address it? Use both their full maiden names (eg Jane Doe & Sue Smith)?

Goofy_Disney_Dad · Jul 28, 2015

Gumbo4x4 said:
So, I just found out yesterday that my cousin & her partner were quietly married a couple weeks ago. I'd like to send a congratulatory card, as would my parents. How do I address it? Use both their full maiden names (eg Jane Doe & Sue Smith)?

Now this is something I hadn't thought of. Do you know if either took the others name? I'd start there of course, but I'd go with both names if they hadn't.

Christine · Jul 28, 2015

I would send a card and use the names that you know them by right now. Until they make an announcement of a change, I wouldn't assume anything. It will be fine to use their actual names as they were prior to the marriage.

PennyInPink · Jul 28, 2015

Or, " The Happy Couple", then the address.

Gumbo4x4 · Jul 28, 2015

Goofy_Disney_Dad said:
Now this is something I hadn't thought of. Do you know if either took the others name? I'd start there of course, but I'd go with both names if they hadn't.

I don't, so that's the challenge.

Okay, now I feel silly as I bet my uncle could tell me. Duh!

Rhombus · Jul 28, 2015

Jane Doe and Sue Smith is probably the safest choice.

Disneylover99 · Jul 28, 2015

Were you chummy with your cousin growing up?
If so, I would go with Jane and Sue, "The Happy Couple".
But I'm not a fan of formalities.

Gumbo4x4 · Jul 28, 2015

Disneylover99 said:
Were you chummy with your cousin growing up?
If so, I would go with Jane and Sue, "The Happy Couple".
But I'm not a fan of formalities.

Very! We lived close and she often babysat my sister & I. I considered just using the first names, but I hate doing that for something that goes in the mail.

Wishing on a star · Jul 28, 2015

Yep, I would go with Jane Doe and Sue Smith....

Miss Manners was written WAY before this kind of thing even existed like it does today.
So, I wouldn't be to worried about looking there for any answers!

Anesthesia Fine · Jul 28, 2015

Yep, I'd go with Jane Doe and Sue Smith!

DopeyDame · Jul 28, 2015

I'd treat it just like any other wedding where the bride doesn't change her name. So, like PPs said, just Jane Doe and Sue Smith on the outside of the envelope, and Jane and Sue (or whatever you call them) on the inside.

TheIncredibles! · Jul 28, 2015

You could address it as The Doe-Smith Family

NHdisneylover · Jul 28, 2015

I like your idea to ask your uncle (or the brides themselves, but maybe you want to surprise them). I know same sex couples who hyphenated their names, couples who each kept their own couples who both use the last name one already had and a couple who combined parts of each of their last names to create a new name they both use. I also know straight couples who did all but that last one (including at least two in which the man took the woman's last name). I usually just ask ANY couple of they changed last names and if so to what.

MickeySP · Jul 28, 2015

Gumbo4x4 said:
I don't, so that's the challenge.

Okay, now I feel silly as I bet my uncle could tell me. Duh!

I would ask the uncle. Otherwise both names, heck some hetero couples don't take names anymore.

tcufrog · Jul 28, 2015

I would ask. Just mention that you wish to be respectful and so you want to know what their preferred method of address is going forward. I'm sure they'll be glad you asked as long you're polite and don't make it a big deal since I bet lots of other people have gotten it wrong. I'm head room parent for my son's grade and recently a same sex couple joined the grade. When I made my standard introductory call to the family welcoming them to school I slipped into the conversation a question in which I asked one of the fathers whether his husband or partner ____ would be at the upcoming back to school event. He answered by saying my partner will be able to attend and that was that. The issue was settled without me making a big deal about it and he knew I cared enough to make sure I got form of address correct.

Micca · Jul 28, 2015

How about "Hey Cuz & New Cuz In-Law"

mr.bungle · Jul 28, 2015

I would send them a singing telegram. Problem solved!

3 MEN AND A BOAT · Jul 28, 2015

I'd probably just address it to your cousin and in the letter tell her congratulations to you and Sue.
Also I 2nd the singing telegram.

mnrose · Jul 28, 2015

TheIncredibles! said:
You could address it as The Doe-Smith Family

+ 1 on this.

sam_gordon · Jul 28, 2015

Anesthesia Fine said:
Yep, I'd go with Jane Doe and Sue Smith!

DopeyDame said:
I'd treat it just like any other wedding where the bride doesn't change her name. So, like PPs said, just Jane Doe and Sue Smith on the outside of the envelope, and Jane and Sue (or whatever you call them) on the inside.

I think Gumbo's problem is he doesn't KNOW if one of them have taken the other's name or not. The above are good suggestions if they each kept their name, but what if one of them DID change? Wouldn't it be "rude" to use her maiden name?

Minor etiquette dilemma, re SSM

Note to the ladies who forgot to

Can go Grumpy on occasion too...

DIS Veteran

Mouseketeer

Note to the ladies who forgot to

Registered

DIS Veteran

Note to the ladies who forgot to

DIS Veteran

DIS Veteran

DIS Veteran

Winner (?) of the Crazy MIL Award

DIS Veteran

Cruisin with sunnies & cold longnecks

DIS Veteran

SAHG: Stay At Home Grandfather

DIS Veteran

DIS Veteran

Queen of all she surveys

DIS Veteran

Share this page