BD party vent-was my neighbor out of line?

Bluestars · May 3, 2015

lauradis said:
why not... it is easier to just say not my problem...protect my children... and what wait, hope they move, grow out of it on their own, don't cause another child to kill themselves, or worst yet shoot up a school or cause someone else too.

Sticking your head in the sand and ignoring social issues around you is never a good plan for life.

While raising my kids, my first priority was to protect my children. If they associated with kids who behaved inappropriately, then I would limit their contact with those kids. That is not bullying. That is being actively involved in raising my children. I made sure my kids never bullied anybody. That behavior wouldn't have been tolerated by my kids or to my kids. That is completely different than including children who are socially awkward or different. If the child isn't harming my children, then my children have been encouraged to treat that person with kindness. However, there is no way my kids should have had to tolerate a bully. Just like my kids didn't associate with the kids who did drugs, skipped school, or had other behavior issues. It wasn't up to me to raise other people's children. It was my job to protect my kids.

MSLRAC · May 3, 2015

lauradis said:
why not... it is easier to just say not my problem...protect my children... and what wait, hope they move, grow out of it on their own, don't cause another child to kill themselves, or worst yet shoot up a school or cause someone else too.

Sticking your head in the sand and ignoring social issues around you is never a good plan for life.

I can promise you that I do not stick my head in the sand and ignore social issues around me. I am a teacher and I deal with bratty kids that are bullies every single day. I've not even got a full year under my belt yet but I can already tell you that teachers don't get all that far in dealing with this behavior so every other adult that comes into contact with these kid isn't likely to have much luck either. I've found that some do have serious issues at home that cause their behavior but more often than not, it's that the parents allowing the behavior and even encouraging it that is causing the behavior. They don't care, don't want to parent their kids, blame other kids or the teacher, and/or think it's just so cute that their little snowflake is so sassy and strong willed. When actually, the child is mean and hurtful and destructive and the other kids no longer want to associate with them because of that.

I think the OP was more than gracious to allow the child to stay and I think the neighbor that invited the kid is the one burying her head in the sand and I hope that she doesn't live to regret giving this girl the benefit of the doubt.

barkley · May 3, 2015

MSLRAC said:
I can promise you that I do not stick my head in the sand and ignore social issues around me. I am a teacher and I deal with bratty kids that are bullies every single day. I've not even got a full year under my belt yet but I can already tell you that teachers don't get all that far in dealing with this behavior so every other adult that comes into contact with these kid isn't likely to have much luck either. I've found that some do have serious issues at home that cause their behavior but more often than not, it's that the parents allowing the behavior and even encouraging it that is causing the behavior. They don't care, don't want to parent their kids, blame other kids or the teacher, and/or think it's just so cute that their little snowflake is so sassy and strong willed. When actually, the child is mean and hurtful and destructive and the other kids no longer want to associate with them because of that.

I think the OP was more than gracious to allow the child to stay and I think the neighbor that invited the kid is the one burying her head in the sand and I hope that she doesn't live to regret giving this girl the benefit of the doubt.

I've also known parents who model/encourage this type of behavior in their kids. w/one in particular the dad saw this type of bullying behavior w/females as his god given mandate, and w/males saw it as a means of displaying his leadership/management dominance. the dad actively modeled this for his son who was encouraged to emulate his dad's behaviors. I've know women to encourage it in their daughters w/ the mind set that 'mean girls get ahead'.

bcwife76 · May 3, 2015

The neighbour was WAY out of line letting this kid tag along. But I think you did the right thing in letting the girl stay; I'm glad she wasn't badly behaved at the party at least!

Anesthesia Fine · May 3, 2015

bcwife76 said:
The neighbour was WAY out of line letting this kid tag along. But I think you did the right thing in letting the girl stay; I'm glad she wasn't badly behaved at the party at least!

I want to second all of this!

As for the rest, let me just tell you: I have neighbors whose kids would steal from my house whenever they came over. I'll be godd**ned if I ever let them past my front gate again. Period. I get the whole "it takes a village" spiel, but at the same time, I am also a firm believer in putting on my own oxygen mask before assisting others.

sunshinehighway · May 3, 2015

Disneylover99 said:
I wonder how this would catch on as a birthday theme if the kids haven't watched the movies or read the books?
Maybe "Game of Thrones" parties will be the next trend.

I think it's because there are Hunger Games toys.
It seems like they see the toys and movie promos so they think they know what it's about.

Game of Thrones parties. :rotfl:

It sounds ridiculous but if they marketed Game of Thrones toys to kids, they'd probably be splitting up into Lannisters and Starks.

Disneylover99 · May 3, 2015

sunshinehighway said:
I think it's because there are Hunger Games toys.
It seems like they see the toys and movie promos so they think they know what it's about.

Game of Thrones parties.
It sounds ridiculous but if they marketed Game of Thrones toys to kids, they'd probably be splitting up into Lannisters and Starks.

Wow. I didn't realize there were Hunger Game toys. Like, a bow and arrow? Did they come with McDonald's Happy Meals? :hyper:

Game of Throne parties would be kind of cool. :cool1:

But nobody would want to be Joffrey. :scared1:

Luvstotravel · May 3, 2015

I just want to say that I want my next birthday party to be based on "The Road", by Cormac McCarthy.

AnAmericanInDisney · May 3, 2015

District 1 or 2 would be the natural choice for a bully.

Disneylover99 · May 3, 2015

Luvstotravel said:
I just want to say that I want my next birthday party to be based on "The Road", by Cormac McCarthy.

So, "the good guys" versus "the cannibals"? Fun times!! :rotfl2:

barkley · May 3, 2015

so long as none of you opt for a lord of the flies theme-PARTY ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BadgerGirl84 · May 3, 2015

Maybe if you have a Hunger Games party you can serve berries the kids can eat if they want to stop playing the "game" and pretend to attempt suicide like in the movie too? Just a party food idea to go with the theme.

Wishing on a star · May 4, 2015

Yes, there you go, badgerGirl.
Suicide as way to play the game.
I hadn't thought of that one.
Hunger Games... as a game for kids... OMG????

Sorry, but suicide is just too close of a subject for me right now.
A man in our neighborhood just recently committed suicide, and, when he was found, my son was up at the house next door, where DS is close to an older gentleman, and does all of his yard work.

This is like the third time in the last few months that somebody that my son knows has had something happen related to suicide, or threat of suicide.

Sad...
So sad.

BadgerGirl84 · May 4, 2015

My point was that the books and movies have very serious violence, killing and suicide themes...I am struggling to see how it translates into a fun party theme. Although a quick google search led to lots of Hunger Games party pictures and blog postings, so I guess it's "a thing."

sunshinehighway · May 4, 2015

BadgerGirl84 said:
My point was that the books and movies have very serious violence, killing and suicide themes...I am struggling to see how it translates into a fun party theme. Although a quick google search led to lots of Hunger Games party pictures and blog postings, so I guess it's "a thing."

It's because kids don't understand what the books and movies are really about. Toy stores sell dolls and action figures of the characters so kids just see " cool" teens fighting and kicking butt.
It's sorta like kids playing war. They don't understand the horrors of war so they are chasing each other around, good guys vs. bad guys.

mom2rtk · May 4, 2015

Bluestars said:
While raising my kids, my first priority was to protect my children. If they associated with kids who behaved inappropriately, then I would limit their contact with those kids. That is not bullying. That is being actively involved in raising my children. I made sure my kids never bullied anybody. That behavior wouldn't have been tolerated by my kids or to my kids. That is completely different than including children who are socially awkward or different. If the child isn't harming my children, then my children have been encouraged to treat that person with kindness. However, there is no way my kids should have had to tolerate a bully. Just like my kids didn't associate with the kids who did drugs, skipped school, or had other behavior issues. It wasn't up to me to raise other people's children. It was my job to protect my kids.

Yep. To all of that. :thumbsup2

I wanted to teach my kids to control what they can control in life. In a bully situation? Avoidance is the first priority.

ColoradoDisneyFreaks · May 4, 2015

Refusing to allow a bully at a party that they weren't invited to isn't bullying the child, it's letting that child know that they can't always get what they want, and that their behaviors have consequences. It's also letting your own children know that they are more important to you than someone who was mean to them. Why would you want to force your child to interact with someone who has tormented them?

I only give so many chances with kids in the neighborhood. I've have some who have learned that they can't behave like crazy people at my house and now are welcome, and others that I've told they can't come back because of how they behave, neither is bullying a child. Not everyone gets a trophy in life, and the whole idea of letting bratty, mean, or bullying kids have an infinite number of chances, is just reinforcing the idea that acting like a jerk gets you what you want.

sk!mom · May 4, 2015

Disneyland1084 said:
this bully is on my **** list. Thankfully she behaved well today, but I know what she's like. So, was my neighbor out of line?

Yes, your neighbor was out of line to invite someone to a party that she wasn't hosting. I'm glad that she was allowed to stay and that she behaved well.

However, I'm really bothered by the above quote. She's a child for God's sake. The quote makes you sound like a bully.

I'm another who hopes her label wears off. And another who wonders what in the world 9 year olds do at a Hunger Games Party?

Eltonian · May 4, 2015

Laura66 said:
You know! We see all these stories on the news about children having birthday parties that no ones attends because the birthday kids have some sort of social dosorder. Everyone is (here included) up in arms about how mean the classmates and their parents are because no one attends!
Well, most of those kids have anger issues and boundary issues because of their disorders.
Maybe that's what this girl has - maybe not. Was your neighbor and the girl out of line? Sure.
But I'll continue to be in the camp that says you don't invite everyone except one. That's hurtful.
I'd continue to invite her over - and send her home when she does not follow my house rules. But that's just me.

If it were my child's party, my child should be allowed to invite who they want. I'm not worried about fairness. My child's birthday is about my child, nothing or no one else.

Eltonian · May 4, 2015

mousehockey37 said:
This is a gray area. How to stop bullying? Do you yourself take on the bully? Get someone else? Go to the parent of the bully?

This is a touchy subject that there's no answer to. If you choose to act, that bully can go home and say you did A, B, C and in fact you didn't do anything... That can bring about harassment lawsuits, child endangerment lawsuits, lawsuits, lawsuits, lawsuits...

Pertaining to this thread and the OP, I would've looked at the parent of the friend who invited the bully and said.. "Well, this wasn't your party to plan, that kid wasn't invited, so now YOU can take your kid and the bully, home."

Totally agree

BD party vent-was my neighbor out of line?

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