This is the reason why i wouldn't even make the suggestion to my daughter to go round the parks on her own (she's 13). Yes i know she would most likely be safe, but i don't feel the need to push her to be independent on a family holiday at such a young age and she doesn't feel the need to do her own thing on holiday. Tbh i don't think she would find it much fun anyway my children (17 and 13) want us all to ride the rides together.
Letting my 12-year-old have a little "independent " time in each land?
- Thread starter judeis
- Start date
This is the reason why i wouldn't even make the suggestion to my daughter to go round the parks on her own (she's 13). Yes i know she would most likely be safe, but i don't feel the need to push her to be independent on a family holiday at such a young age and she doesn't feel the need to do her own thing on holiday. Tbh i don't think she would find it much fun anyway my children (17 and 13) want us all to ride the rides together.
staceyeileen
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2009
I don't have a pre-teen yet, but I imagine I'd treat it the same as I do other alone-time activities in daily life. I think the mall is a pretty good analogy (except Disney has even MORE security). At 12-13, my parents used to drop me and a group of friends off at the mall or to see a movie and pick us up a few hours later. We didn't even have cell phones! I think she'll be fine if you are already trusting her to have alone time elsewhere 
lugnut33
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2008
I had no problem letting my kids go around for short times alone. They always had their phone and we were never far away (in same park). I have no doubt that it helped my daughter decide to be a Rotary exchange student in Sweden for this past year (yes, full year abroad as a senior in high school, we miss her but we do not regret the decision to let her go).
Tonka's Skipper
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2010
Disney is the most safe venue going, but no place is 100%. Years ago when we brought the kids at 13 or so the rules were simple.
1. Stay at the park we are at.
2. Stay together.
3. Meet us at assigned places/ meals about every 3 hours or so. (no cells phones back then).
4. Usual rules about other teens or people in general. Our kids were typical siblings, and fought often, but let a outsider bother a brother or sister.........that outsider was in for trouble. They were and are very protective.
AKK
1. Stay at the park we are at.
2. Stay together.
3. Meet us at assigned places/ meals about every 3 hours or so. (no cells phones back then).
4. Usual rules about other teens or people in general. Our kids were typical siblings, and fought often, but let a outsider bother a brother or sister.........that outsider was in for trouble. They were and are very protective.
AKK
Candleshoe
Trying to build a better mousetrip.
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2004
We let our 12 year old go ride Space Mountain as many times as she could while we were at Hall of Presidents.
I see no problem with it whatsover. 12 is not a baby. She had also already taken YMCA courses on baby-sitting. If she's old enough to watch someone else's child, she's old enough for independence. You can really see the shift in helicopter parenting these days. I know it's hard to cut the apron strings but it's important for their growth as well!
mickeyluv'r
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2005
Ah, parenting threads often take a sour turn.
I like the post that talks about missing out on family time. My extended family is fine with splitting up for short periods for practical purposes, but we usually emphasize that our WDW trips are about together family time. As in, what sets WDW apart from other vacation destinations is that is among the rare places where the given activity is fun for everyone. We also prize that while maybe the older kids don't see Small world the same as the babies- going on kiddie attractions together means everyone is valued, and the joy of the little ones is often a nice reward for all.
That said, we are happy to do short split ups when they expedite our overall vacation experience- like using the single rider lines, splitting up for bathroom breaks/procuring food or water, splitting up within in a gift shop (Japan!), etc. Under old FP-, 13 was fine for FP runner. We've often done small split ups during shows. Turtle Talk encourages -rather young- kids to sit away from their folks.
The other caveat I'll add is that ALL rides can get stuck/stopped. A few weeks ago, we were on Harry Potter and it stopped. A young girl was screaming during the entire stoppage because she was stopped by a dementor and was absolutely terrified. It was a troubling experience for everyone in ear shot. It may have been helpful if the family had discussed the possibility ahead of riding.
I like the post that talks about missing out on family time. My extended family is fine with splitting up for short periods for practical purposes, but we usually emphasize that our WDW trips are about together family time. As in, what sets WDW apart from other vacation destinations is that is among the rare places where the given activity is fun for everyone. We also prize that while maybe the older kids don't see Small world the same as the babies- going on kiddie attractions together means everyone is valued, and the joy of the little ones is often a nice reward for all.
That said, we are happy to do short split ups when they expedite our overall vacation experience- like using the single rider lines, splitting up for bathroom breaks/procuring food or water, splitting up within in a gift shop (Japan!), etc. Under old FP-, 13 was fine for FP runner. We've often done small split ups during shows. Turtle Talk encourages -rather young- kids to sit away from their folks.
The other caveat I'll add is that ALL rides can get stuck/stopped. A few weeks ago, we were on Harry Potter and it stopped. A young girl was screaming during the entire stoppage because she was stopped by a dementor and was absolutely terrified. It was a troubling experience for everyone in ear shot. It may have been helpful if the family had discussed the possibility ahead of riding.
ZoZo
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2005
WDW web site says that a child under the age of 14 must be accompanied by a guest age 14 or older to enter a park. It doesn't say that guests under age 14 must be accompanied by an adult at all times.
MakiraMarlena
It's a big black fish to you
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2005
this isn't exactly correct. A child under 14 cannot ENTER a park unless accompanied by someone age 14 or older (doesn't even have to be an adult). A child under 7 cannot enter an attraction unless accompanied by someone age 14 or older. Once in the park, a 12 year old can be alone or can enter attractions alone, if that is the parents' choice.
Personally I can't see anything wrong with it if the 12 year old wants to, is responsible, has learned basic safety, has a phone and knows where and when to meet up again. I don't honestly care about whether you are willing to sacrifice "family time" or not - that is up to you entirely.
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I M Fearless
WDW Enthusiast
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2014
I think there are negative effects produced both by giving too much and too little independence. We often hear about the negative side of giving too much freedom to kids, but we often forget about the dangers of not allowing children to develop independence at an early age. There are risks either way.
My advice would be that whatever you decide is right for your situation, try and plan for all eventualities.
For example, have everyone's cell numbers written on paper as well as on a cell phone. Phone's can get lost or broken, or run out of battery.
Talk to your child about possible scenarios and ask them how they would solve the problem, take note of their ideas and get a sense for what they would think to do.
It is impossible to predict every eventuality in life but I think that allowing children to gradually develop the skills to problem solve for themselves is in their best interests.
I think as parents you know your child best to know how fast to let them try out new situations.
I think gradually increasing a child's independence is going to feel safest for both you and her, there are always set backs in life but it is often life experience and good support that help us overcome them. Giving her the opportunity to have both in the right amount and at the right stage in her development is key here, and I think parents are best placed to judge what is right for their family.
My advice would be that whatever you decide is right for your situation, try and plan for all eventualities.
For example, have everyone's cell numbers written on paper as well as on a cell phone. Phone's can get lost or broken, or run out of battery.
Talk to your child about possible scenarios and ask them how they would solve the problem, take note of their ideas and get a sense for what they would think to do.
It is impossible to predict every eventuality in life but I think that allowing children to gradually develop the skills to problem solve for themselves is in their best interests.
I think as parents you know your child best to know how fast to let them try out new situations.
I think gradually increasing a child's independence is going to feel safest for both you and her, there are always set backs in life but it is often life experience and good support that help us overcome them. Giving her the opportunity to have both in the right amount and at the right stage in her development is key here, and I think parents are best placed to judge what is right for their family.
starsweeper
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2009
If your kid is responsible and follows directions, I see no problem allowing a limited amount of time to explore alone at age 12, especially in the same land. I have two 8yos that individually I worry about but together as a unit they do great. On our trip a couple weeks ago, I let them go off to do standby for 7DMT while my preschoolers and I rode other rides in Fantasyland. They both had iPods to text back and forth with me, let me know when they were off the ride and asked where to meet, and were waiting for us at our ride exit. We repeated this in Frontierland for them to ride BTMRR and Splash then meet up at the Liberty riverboat without a problem. They know my cell number, know to stop a CM and ask for assistance if they think they are lost, and we carry a portable battery to keep all our devices charged to stay in communication.
Simba's Girl
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2000
Might as well add my views and plans for our August trip. Especially since I have 3 DDs 15, 12 and 8-which is the ages we are discussing.
As far as the RULES go, all 3 of my kids can enter a park as long as they are with DH or I OR DD 15. The 12 & 8 year old can't enter by themselves or together HOWEVER they can enter a ride together and ride together (just like anyone else in the family) alone or separately. BUT If I ever see those 2 riding anything together I'm going to have to see if pigs are flying they bicker so much! Every one of us can ride a ride alone, we are all over the age of 7.
I get the "family vacation time" argument and that is why I will arrange our 3 primary FPs and we will ride those together. We will also eat meals together. I do forsee my kiddos, at least the 2 older ones taking off and enjoying themselves and making their own memories together. I hope they take the 8 year old with them sometime to have sibling time too, but my DH is wary of this so we will see. Most likely they will be in the same park as us, or that we are headed to later on (e.g.: I am napping as I have an autoimmune disorder that makes me very tired). I am OK with letting them go off to a park alone primarily because when we go DD15 will be 2 months shy of being able to drive. WDW is a great place for her/them to learn how to navigate the world of transportation (we live in a very rural area). I have a cousin who is 40 and still scared to ride public transit in Boston, I DO NOT want my kids scared to navigate their world. My oldest has babysat a friends kid for the last 3 years and they both are home alone with the youngest often. All of my kids are very responsible. Of course we will have safety rules, check in by text etc...but honestly I have NO problem with my older 2 in a land, never mind park, alone and I would consider letting the youngest go off alone in the same LAND as me or DH. Although it is a family vacation, it is everyone's individual vacation as well and sometimes we all need a break from each other-especially while staying in a small hotel room. I honestly think that our vacation will be one of the most fun we've ever had because the kids will be able to make their OWN memories, together. DH & I won't vacation with them forever (In fact this may be the 15 YO's last vacation with us for quite a while), its time to give them growing-up time.
As far as the RULES go, all 3 of my kids can enter a park as long as they are with DH or I OR DD 15. The 12 & 8 year old can't enter by themselves or together HOWEVER they can enter a ride together and ride together (just like anyone else in the family) alone or separately. BUT If I ever see those 2 riding anything together I'm going to have to see if pigs are flying they bicker so much! Every one of us can ride a ride alone, we are all over the age of 7.
I get the "family vacation time" argument and that is why I will arrange our 3 primary FPs and we will ride those together. We will also eat meals together. I do forsee my kiddos, at least the 2 older ones taking off and enjoying themselves and making their own memories together. I hope they take the 8 year old with them sometime to have sibling time too, but my DH is wary of this so we will see. Most likely they will be in the same park as us, or that we are headed to later on (e.g.: I am napping as I have an autoimmune disorder that makes me very tired). I am OK with letting them go off to a park alone primarily because when we go DD15 will be 2 months shy of being able to drive. WDW is a great place for her/them to learn how to navigate the world of transportation (we live in a very rural area). I have a cousin who is 40 and still scared to ride public transit in Boston, I DO NOT want my kids scared to navigate their world. My oldest has babysat a friends kid for the last 3 years and they both are home alone with the youngest often. All of my kids are very responsible. Of course we will have safety rules, check in by text etc...but honestly I have NO problem with my older 2 in a land, never mind park, alone and I would consider letting the youngest go off alone in the same LAND as me or DH. Although it is a family vacation, it is everyone's individual vacation as well and sometimes we all need a break from each other-especially while staying in a small hotel room. I honestly think that our vacation will be one of the most fun we've ever had because the kids will be able to make their OWN memories, together. DH & I won't vacation with them forever (In fact this may be the 15 YO's last vacation with us for quite a while), its time to give them growing-up time.
mickeyluv'r
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2005
As always with parenting threads, you know your children best. What often happens in threads like these is that everyone thinks of the kids they know or themselves at that age, and what they experienced. I'm sure we can all think up worst case scenarios, and also universally agree healthy kids need to learn to move on their own.
Funny thing is, I've seen elementary schools that allow most kids to roam unaccompanied, middle schools where every child had to be escorted all the time, and high schools where hallways and hall passes were closely limited to emergencies and highly checked- especially certain students.
That's why these so often end up turning sour. There's no universal answer.
Funny thing is, I've seen elementary schools that allow most kids to roam unaccompanied, middle schools where every child had to be escorted all the time, and high schools where hallways and hall passes were closely limited to emergencies and highly checked- especially certain students.
That's why these so often end up turning sour. There's no universal answer.
momimouse27
Just a Big Kid!
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2005
Well, I think this is a personal decision. The fact that you're thinking of doing it probably means you feel enough trust to let go a little You really know your child best. I have a 21 year old, an 18 year old and a 12 year old. My two girls were fully off on their own doing what they wanted at about 14-15. We have been so often, they know the place well, but my middle child is awful about orienting herself and she got lost the first couple of times-no big deal, she had a phone and we found each other. I like your idea of staying in the same land so that you'll be nearby but it will allow a little independence.
No, you don't want to completely lose the family time, but kids appreciate the ability of a parent allowing them to feel a little independence. Even now that my girls are adults, we get together and ride certain things and plan some FP+ together. My son, who is 12, also has ASD so he may never ride or go off alone. When he turned 10, he wanted desperately to have a ride vehicle alone(crowds were very low) So, we allowed him to ride in a different vehicle on Buzz and then again on the TTA(his favorite ride). That meant so much to him. He felt like a "big boy"
One idea...maybe he could text you every 30 minutes or so with an update on what ride he's on or what he's doing. That way you feel more secure. Really, Disney is one of the safer places you can give a kid some breathing room.
I'm going back to add that I really love Simba's Girl's post. These are great points. Sometimes I catch myself being a helicopter parent :/ and Disney is one place I've felt I can safely let my kids go off on their own a bit. I loved the point that it's good to made your own memories and that sometimes we need a break from each other. That is verrryyy true of our family!
You really know your child best. I have a 21 year old, an 18 year old and a 12 year old. My two girls were fully off on their own doing what they wanted at about 14-15. We have been so often, they know the place well, but my middle child is awful about orienting herself and she got lost the first couple of times-no big deal, she had a phone and we found each other. I like your idea of staying in the same land so that you'll be nearby but it will allow a little independence.No, you don't want to completely lose the family time, but kids appreciate the ability of a parent allowing them to feel a little independence. Even now that my girls are adults, we get together and ride certain things and plan some FP+ together. My son, who is 12, also has ASD so he may never ride or go off alone. When he turned 10, he wanted desperately to have a ride vehicle alone(crowds were very low) So, we allowed him to ride in a different vehicle on Buzz and then again on the TTA(his favorite ride). That meant so much to him. He felt like a "big boy"
One idea...maybe he could text you every 30 minutes or so with an update on what ride he's on or what he's doing. That way you feel more secure. Really, Disney is one of the safer places you can give a kid some breathing room.
I'm going back to add that I really love Simba's Girl's post. These are great points. Sometimes I catch myself being a helicopter parent :/ and Disney is one place I've felt I can safely let my kids go off on their own a bit. I loved the point that it's good to made your own memories and that sometimes we need a break from each other. That is verrryyy true of our family!
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famy27
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2007
I took my two DDs to WDW by myself in September, as DH was out of vacation time. Older DD was 8 at the time, and the younger one was 2. So, child swap wasn't an option. If older DD wanted to ride, she had to ride alone. I got her FP+s in advance for the "big" rides, and then I let her decide what she wanted to do. I also set her up with charging privileges on her MB.
We started with Soarin'. I dropped her off at the FP queue, and the toddler and I wandered over to do Nemo. When we got back 20-30 minutes later, she was done riding and was sitting on the designated bench eating a Snickers bar. She had a great time, and was very excited to ride be herself the next day. So, she did TT while the little one and I waited in the post-ride area. At MK, she did Space while we did WtP. When she got off Space, she went to the FP kiosks and booked 4th FPs for all of us. I don't think she was by herself for more than 45 minutes, but it certainly made her feel very mature.
We started with Soarin'. I dropped her off at the FP queue, and the toddler and I wandered over to do Nemo. When we got back 20-30 minutes later, she was done riding and was sitting on the designated bench eating a Snickers bar. She had a great time, and was very excited to ride be herself the next day. So, she did TT while the little one and I waited in the post-ride area. At MK, she did Space while we did WtP. When she got off Space, she went to the FP kiosks and booked 4th FPs for all of us. I don't think she was by herself for more than 45 minutes, but it certainly made her feel very mature.
I spoke at length with a CM on this subject in Epcot on Saturday. The rule is that you cannot enter the park unsupervised under age 14 and you cannot ride alone under age 7. That's it. They absolutely can be alone in the park as long as you are. This came up because I made the decision to let my 7 year old ride Mission:Space without me and since I am a rule follower, I wanted to clarify first. She rode three times and did amazing. Twice I walked her to through the ride and exited through to the exit. The last time I allowed her to walk thru the queue on her own.
She has many classmates who I know would never be able to do this. But I knew for a fact she could and she did. By the time she is twelve I hope she will be ready to have independant park time, should she want it. I see no other way so prepare her to do so then to start training her now. If she had been trapped in the ride, I know she would have been scared, but she would have survived and learned a lesson about adversity and coping.
She has many classmates who I know would never be able to do this. But I knew for a fact she could and she did. By the time she is twelve I hope she will be ready to have independant park time, should she want it. I see no other way so prepare her to do so then to start training her now. If she had been trapped in the ride, I know she would have been scared, but she would have survived and learned a lesson about adversity and coping.
Minniesgal
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2013
When my daughter was 12 we used to find a bench to sit on and let her and her younger brother go ride something then meet us back where we were sitting. It worked fine and while we were nervous while they were away they were both responsible and knew where to go if they got totally lost.
My youngest is now 11 almost 12 I'm not sure we would do that with him until 14. Depends on the child.
My youngest is now 11 almost 12 I'm not sure we would do that with him until 14. Depends on the child.
tinkerbesh
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2011
You know your kid best, so do what feels right for you.
Also wanted to say that I was raised in NYC and was allowed to wander my neighborhood with friends at that age and taking public transportation all over the city by myself by 13/14. I also have friends that grew up living very sheltered lives in other areas of the country. We all made it to adulthood in our own way. I guess that's just my long way of saying whatever you decide is fine societally, so just do what you feel works best.
Also wanted to say that I was raised in NYC and was allowed to wander my neighborhood with friends at that age and taking public transportation all over the city by myself by 13/14. I also have friends that grew up living very sheltered lives in other areas of the country. We all made it to adulthood in our own way. I guess that's just my long way of saying whatever you decide is fine societally, so just do what you feel works best.
julluvsdisney
"A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're f
- Joined
- May 12, 2009
Each child is different. My oldest DS is 13 and I would have no issue letting him hangout in the same land as us doing his own thing. My youngest DS is almost 7 and while I wouldnt let him go off on his own yet, I wouldnt have an issue letting him ride a ride with his older brother without me. I think independence is great for kids! Helicopter parenting only causes children more issues in the long run.
When I was a kid my parents brought us to Disneyland. I was 16 and my brother was 14 and they spent the day in San Diego and let us take the shuttle from the hotel over to the park for the day and we had a great time! This was long before cell phones. We survived! And now we are 2 very independent adults!
Your daughter will be fine! Have a great trip!
When I was a kid my parents brought us to Disneyland. I was 16 and my brother was 14 and they spent the day in San Diego and let us take the shuttle from the hotel over to the park for the day and we had a great time! This was long before cell phones. We survived! And now we are 2 very independent adults!
Your daughter will be fine! Have a great trip!
I think everything about this scenario is as safe as you can get moving beyond hovering. 12 is more than old enough and being in the same section with a standard meeting place and a phone if a ride gets stuck is fine.
For my oldest who is 10 now, I would expect him to get around the parks and even back to the resort if he wanted (calling/texting me) by the time he is 12. I foresee my youngest son needing to be older. Depends on the kid.
For my oldest who is 10 now, I would expect him to get around the parks and even back to the resort if he wanted (calling/texting me) by the time he is 12. I foresee my youngest son needing to be older. Depends on the kid.
At 12 we let our kids go off on their own in the park we were in...but they were with others (their sibling(s) and/or cousin(s)...never solo). At 14 we let them come and go from the parks on their own (also never solo but with sibling(s) and/or cousin(s)). DS was 15/16 when we let him come and go solo. I have twin DDs who just turned 16 and they stick together all the time so I don't know if they will ever come and go solo. In August our trip will be us and 2 other couples with a total of 8 of our kids who range in age from 14 to 22...so they will be entirely cut loose and I expect they will always be in pairs or groups. It is nice to be at this point and we will enjoy this trip.
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