How do you handle a friend who always has to be right?

Sheree Bobbins · Apr 18, 2015

I come to the Dis with my relationship questions. This is the same friend who called me "curt" a few months back. Since our friendship deepened, I notice that she has this characteristic of always having the last word, or being "right."

Because I value the friendship, I say nothing. But does it really matter who is "right?" For instance, I say, my sister really suffered with the flu last week. Here I am feeling sorry for my sister. My friend, says, "It probably wasn't the flu. It was the Norowalk virus. Look it up and you'll see I am right."

Well, I was still wanting sympathy for my sister, but I did go and look it up. And DANG, my friend was right. I guess I don't always want an intellectual respone, but a humane one.

Anyone else bothered by this?

Gumbo4x4 · Apr 18, 2015

LuvGoofy6 · Apr 18, 2015

I work with someone like this and she started grating on all our last nerves. It was dumb little things. Someone might say, "I'm looking forward to the weather today, it's supposed to be 70 degrees." She'd pipe in and say, "Nooo, it's supposed to be 72." Like 2 degrees matters enough to correct a person?? We all decided to point out when she was wrong but in a different way. When discussing the date of our principal's birthday, she corrected the person. Well, she ended up being wrong one of us said, "Oh, XXX was wrong. She's NEVER wrong. Mark this date on the calendar!" We did it in a fun and teasing type of voice. After that happening to her a few times she caught on and asked a friend, "Am I that bad at always correcting people?" and got an honest answer. She still works with me and still likes to be right but it isn't as bad as it once was. And like your friend, she is right many times but she felt the need to take on things that didn't really matter.

Ceila · Apr 18, 2015

I have little patience for people like that, so I generally just don't socialize with them voluntarily. I definitely wouldn't maintain a close friendship with someone like that.

low-key · Apr 18, 2015

I have that said of me also, but it isnt I got to be right, I would gladly admit if Im worng, but Im not

Sheree Bobbins · Apr 18, 2015

LuvGoofy6,
Your response is very helpful to me. I find she gets on my nerves. I have to quickly tell myself that it doesn't matter. She's been wrong before so I tell myself this. Sounds like your colleagues got the message to her, in a gentle way. Good for you, all.

LilyWDW · Apr 18, 2015

Not really. I would have said "Sorry to hear that, however..." and explained the flu thing (which is NOT a stomach ailment). Some people are just that way. Some people are more in tune with their logical sides then their emotional sides. Does it make them a bit cold? Sometimes.

Sheree Bobbins · Apr 18, 2015

LOL, low-key!

bdcp · Apr 18, 2015

All I'm going to say is it's how her mind works. She's not trying to be that way anymore than any other person is with their personality traits. Just as some people are naturally empathetic to the point of suffering for everyone. You either accept her the way she is or you don't, but remember there's probably something about you that she tolerates because she values the friendship.

Goofy_Disney_Dad · Apr 18, 2015

I just come here, where it's confirmed over and over again.

low-key · Apr 18, 2015

Sheree Bobbins said:
LOL, low-key!

I thought I was wrong once, but I was wrong :teeth:

Sheree Bobbins · Apr 18, 2015

bdcp, wise words indeed!

Laura66 · Apr 18, 2015

bdcp said:
All I'm going to say is it's how her mind works. She's not trying to be that way anymore than any other person is with their personality traits. Just as some people are naturally empathetic to the point of suffering for everyone. You either accept her the way she is or you don't, but remember there's probably something about you that she tolerates because she values the friendship.

Best advise ever. And not just for this situation!

DisReno · Apr 18, 2015

I've learned finally...the only people we really get to choose in life is our friends...We cannot choose our family members, coworkers or neighbors(well not without a lot of hassle...you can always move or quit, but it's not always feasible).

So, in that lesson, I've learned to hang out with people that I enjoy, that are positive and lift me up. If I make a new friend, and I realize it's drama or a lot of negativity, I move on. I just don't need it.

You don't need a lot of advice...if she causes you stress, move on.

Wishing on a star · Apr 18, 2015

OMG!!! Yes, I agree that this is just the way her mind and personality works.
There are two kinds of these people... Some truly are negative and just HAVE to be right and to one-up. (Narcissism)
And, some, just are that way... they know something... or feel sure that they know something.. and that is how they think and operate.
Just kind of the way they are.
In fact, in a way they think that offering up their info/knowledge might be a good and helpful response.
They just don't get the other 'social' stuff.

I have absolutely NO patience with the first kind of person mentioned above.
I would have a lot more patience with the second kind of person above.

And, PS: I think I might end up being a bit 'curt' at times with somebody who was always doing this 'I am right' thing?
So, then, they are right about the other person being 'curt' as well, just like everything else!!!

Can't win for losing!!!

Cantw8 · Apr 18, 2015

I just let him think he's right while smiling sweetly :goodvibes

low-key · Apr 18, 2015

Cantw8 said:
I just let him think he's right while smiling sweetly

I dont remember it being sweetly

emer95 · Apr 18, 2015

I think your friend is my coworker! She's a nice person and means well, but corrects everyone about everything, especially if it's even remotely medical. I can't stand when she starts educating ME about MY daughter's medical condition. She has a way of sounding very condescending when she speaks. We've all had enough.

Mizzoufan · Apr 18, 2015

In one ear out the other.

mom2rtk · Apr 18, 2015

At least here on the DIS we can block people like that.

OP, just make sure you are getting what you want out of the friendship. Over time it's easy to build resentment when you just let it all go.

How do you handle a friend who always has to be right?

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