Wills - Do you have one and where did you get it?

Handbag Lady · Mar 26, 2015

Uhm, 46! LOL!

Happy Snowman · Mar 26, 2015

AlohaNow said:
While we’re on the topic here, I’m curious at what age most of you set up your first will?

We were early 30's, maybe 32 or so? Our kids were little, babies and toddlers then.

mommasita · Mar 26, 2015

AlohaNow said:
While we’re on the topic here, I’m curious at what age most of you set up your first will?

I had my firstborn at 26, and did so then.. I worked for a law firm prior to that, and it was instilled in my brain ..LOL

bballmom56 · Mar 26, 2015

Luvchefmic said:
BIG mistake tvguy, a neutral party should be the executor or the executrix NOT one of your children. If there is a dispute you are setting them up for a world of hurt and anger. My husband and his sister haven't spoken in over 10 years with a similar arrangement as you have set up. It can leave one feeling " snubbed" and one feeling " favored".

Such a shame.

Not necessarily. I know many situations where it worked out just fine. I am sure there are just as many that caused problems. My brother was executor of my last surviving parent's will. I was fine with that, I had no doubt he would handle everything fairly. It's just the relationship we have. For our will, we spoke with both of our kids. My D is far more detail and paperwork oriented than S and is willing to do it. S is just fine with that.

JanaDee · Mar 26, 2015

AlohaNow said:
While we’re on the topic here, I’m curious at what age most of you set up your first will?

We did our first one when our son was about a year old, so we were 23.

JanaDee · Mar 26, 2015

bballmom56 said:
Not necessarily. I know many situations where it worked out just fine. I am sure there are just as many that caused problems. My brother was executor of my last surviving parent's will. I was fine with that, I had no doubt he would handle everything fairly. It's just the relationship we have. For our will, we spoke with both of our kids. My D is far more detail and paperwork oriented than S and is willing to do it. S is just fine with that.

I agree it doesn't necessarily lead to issues.

mrsheppo · Mar 26, 2015

I need to update mine and DH. My brother died yesterday and had no will. A dear friend of his gave me a list of his final wishes that I am trying to take care of. He also had only a small life insurance policy that he named his friend as beneficiary and since I have been designated the closest next of kin, I am trying to honor his wishes. Even though he had no spouse or kids, it would have help to have a will so I can make sure what little he has goes to the people he wanted to have them.

Handbag Lady · Mar 26, 2015

mrsheppo said:
I need to update mine and DH. My brother died yesterday and had no will. A dear friend of his gave me a list of his final wishes that I am trying to take care of. He also had only a small life insurance policy that he named his friend as beneficiary and since I have been designated the closest next of kin, I am trying to honor his wishes. Even though he had no spouse or kids, it would have help to have a will so I can make sure what little he has goes to the people he wanted to have them.

I am so sorry for your loss. We're hoping to avoid having someone have the same stress you are having on top of your grief. Please remember to take care of yourself during this time. One day at a time, one item at a time. :daisy:

tvguy · Mar 26, 2015

Luvchefmic said:
BIG mistake tvguy, a neutral party should be the executor or the executrix NOT one of your children. If there is a dispute you are setting them up for a world of hurt and anger. My husband and his sister haven't spoken in over 10 years with a similar arrangement as you have set up. It can leave one feeling " snubbed" and one feeling " favored".

Such a shame.

If they want to fight over the 40 year old couch, or lawn mower, go for it. No way to know for sure, but it was discussed, and all 4 of us agreed that none of us wanted to spend any of their inheritance paying an independent executor.

Having been through the process 4 times now, my experience is a small portion of personal property will be sold at a garage sale, the rest will go to Goodwill or the dump. My mom had a brand new (5 weeks old) $3,500 mattress that I had to take to the dump.

tvguy · Mar 26, 2015

The American Bar Association seems to discourage independent executors.
http://www.americanbar.org/content/...tical/books/wills/chapter_10.authcheckdam.pdf

Tiffylv · Mar 26, 2015

tigercat · Mar 27, 2015

We had our first will done after we had had our 4 children so at 24. We then did a will off of a site. I didn't like the will done by husband because it put my one dd and I as executors if he died. My dd hates me and thinks I am really stupid. I finally convinced him to go to a real lawyer last year and had everything drawn out.
tigercat

barkley · Mar 27, 2015

minkydog said:
We had wills done after my father died with an invalid will. He had printed something off the internet, had it signed, but never notarized. The attorney laughed when he read it. As soon as I came home from the funeral, we found an attorney who specializes in elder law/special needs law. At the time, our kids were 9,11, & 17 and we needed separate guardians for all of them. We have a disabled son who will never live unsupervised (indeed, he lives in a group home now.) We had to set up a Special Needs Trust for him--he cannot directly inherit because he would lose his SSI, Medicaid, and Medicare. Any money or property he comes into has to be named Special Needs Trust for Christian __________ rather than just his name.

We updated our wills last summer, before DH had open heart surgery. The outcome didn't look good and we wanted to make sure that everything was in order. I also took the time to write an addendum to the will. It's not a legal document, but it details what I want done with my stuff. For instance, MILs china goes to DD21. The piano goes to DS28. The camper can be kept or sold. The dog goes to DS28. That sort of thing. Now, the kids *may* decide to do things differently, but I don't feel strongly enough about this stuff to put it in the will. We have made our attorney the executor of our estate. The kids are still young adults and I'm sure they would have no idea how to proceed with things, pay off debts, file probate, etc. We have also contacted our financial guy and he will help them wade through the investments and taxes.

Just recently we had to start applying for guardianship for Christian. He has to be declared incompetent by the court so that we will have the right to make decisions for him. DH & I will be co-guardians. After we die, DD21 & DS28 can apply for his guardianship. In the interim, the attorney will be his guardian until the kids are ready to take on that responsibility.

minkydog-we just finished up the guardianship process w/our son and while things vary state to state you might want to look into something we did. while dh and I are co-guardians of ds we were able to name a stand-by guardian as well. while our dd is WAY too young at this point to ever take on the responsibility for her brother it provides her with the same decision making powers if something comes up and dh and I were out of town. the other advantage (per our attorney) is b/c the stand-by had to go through all the same background checks and guardian ad litem inquiries as we did, if something happened to both dh and I it would be a smooth and easy transition for her to become the actual guardian vs. the much more costly and time consuming process to start from square one as a new applicant.

winterman · Mar 27, 2015

DH and l put off making wills because we didn't know who to select as guardian for our 2 children. We finally did one when our son was old enough to be guardian of his sister. It was still in effect when DH died about 15 years later, but it didn't come into play because everything that we had was jointly owned. The only exception was our IRAs and I was his beneficiary.

I went to a lawyer less than a month after DH died and had a new one drawn. My kids are aware that everything is to be evenly divided between the 2 of them and DS is the executor.

MSLRAC · Mar 27, 2015

DH and I went to a lawyer and had wills done right after our oldest was born...so we were 25 and 26. We updated them 3 years ago when we moved.

7165red · Mar 27, 2015

Handbag Lady said:
Do you do a joint will or an individual will? Did you add in your pets? Did you go to your lawyer to draw one up or do one of those self-will thingies?

Weird questions, but we got to thinking last night that we want to include our cat in our will. In CASE something happens to us both like a car crash, we want to make sure that our kitty is fed and looked after and not sent to a kitty pound and we're thinking of leaving all of our money to someone who will look after her for us or they don't get the cash.

What other crazy things can we add in?

7165red · Mar 27, 2015

Handbag Lady said:
Do you do a joint will or an individual will? Did you add in your pets? Did you go to your lawyer to draw one up or do one of those self-will thingies?

Weird questions, but we got to thinking last night that we want to include our cat in our will. In CASE something happens to us both like a car crash, we want to make sure that our kitty is fed and looked after and not sent to a kitty pound and we're thinking of leaving all of our money to someone who will look after her for us or they don't get the cash.

What other crazy things can we add in?

Luv Bunnies · Mar 27, 2015

Luvchefmic said:
BIG mistake tvguy, a neutral party should be the executor or the executrix NOT one of your children. If there is a dispute you are setting them up for a world of hurt and anger. My husband and his sister haven't spoken in over 10 years with a similar arrangement as you have set up. It can leave one feeling " snubbed" and one feeling " favored".

Such a shame.

I think it depends on the family and the relationship between the kids. My MIL had a trust with my DH and his brother as co-trustees. The four of us (BIL, SIL, DH, and myself) gathered at the house and went through each room. BIL and SIL had just bought a house and wanted one of the bedroom sets. They also wanted the refrigerator (we had just bought a new one) and the piano (we already had one). They were going to have it all shipped to their house several states away. In return, they suggested we take MIL's almost new car. We each took whatever knick-knacks and kitchen items we wanted. We didn't argue over one, single thing. We split all of the cash evenly. We sold the house and split the proceeds. There were a few valuable items that we decided we would all co-own until we figured out what to do with them. We each took what we could store. That was almost 19 years ago. We still co-own the items. We might get around to selling them. We trust them and they trust us. We would never sell the items we're holding without consulting them.

My parents also have a trust. Their wills say that my sister, brother and I will share and share alike. My sister is the executor. She's the oldest and she's an accountant. None of us has any worries about not getting our fair share when the time comes, which I hope is not anytime soon. I have 100% faith in my sister.

Happy Snowman · Mar 27, 2015

I'm executor for my parents will. It's just my sister and I and one niece that are in the will. It is to be split in 1/3rds. That will be the easy part. It will be dealing with the possessions that will be interesting. I keep asking my Mom to make a list or put names on items...I hope she is listening.

usd2bmd · Mar 29, 2015

AlohaNow said:
While we’re on the topic here, I’m curious at what age most of you set up your first will?

Later than we should have. My husband and I were in our early 30's. We have one daughter and should have done it sooner. She was already school age at the time. We should probably think about updating it now as she is 19 and in college now.

Wills - Do you have one and where did you get it?

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