Another kid WWYD post so upset right now

roliepolieoliefan

roliepolieoliefan

DIS Veteran
Joined
Dec 4, 2000
My DD is in 5th grade. 11 years old. There's a boy in her class that "liked" her.
Since November this little crush was going on. They bought something small for each other for Christmas. Obviously they never went anywhere together alone. But a group of kids usually walk to Starbucks after school on Fridays. Sometimes they did that with the group but that's it.

DD was really upset Tuesday, crying . Found out " boyfriend" "broke up" with her. His excuse was she was cheating on him because she was talking to another boy in their class. Huh?
A little possessive at 11.
But it didn't stop there. He sent her nasty messages tuesday evening on Instagram.
Blocked him. Then he had his friend do it on Wednesday Blocked all his friends.

She has a snapchat account but doesn't go on it that often. Lo and behold I just looked at it a few min ago and there's a message from him that read: go die in a ditch by a terrorist.

I am so ticked I want to string that kid up.
She hadn't talked to him today. She was with me all day (snow day) and all her electronics are taken away for a completely unrelated reason.

This can't go on. Do I just let it play out? Call the parents ? ( I don't know them)
I'm beyond ticked.
Kind of scary too that if he acts like this at 11, what will he be like in say 10 years ?

Any advice appreciated.
 
I totally understand why you are upset and also why she would be. My best parent advice is at 11 years old, just get rid of the social media. She has a whole lifetime of drama via these accounts. Have her make friends the good old fashioned way and learn communications skills and coping skills.

Again, I understand, but 11 is too young to have these accounts. Good luck whatever you choose to do.
 
Go up to the school tomorrow and show them the messages from the boy and his friends, especially the last one if it is still available for you to show them. The school will take it seriously and the situation will be dealt with.
 
Unfortunately none of the messages are still available.
DD deleted the first ones he sent because she was upset and the latest one was sent via snapchat which they go away in 10 seconds , something like that.
None of these messages though actually happened on school property or school time.
Believe me I'm not making excuses not to go to the school but on Wednesday a senior in our high school committed suicide.
My son ( a sophomore) didn't know him but he has a friend who's older sister did.
Same story: teased relentlessly and the school did nothing.
You'll never see it on the news either. Don't want to mess up our outstanding school reputation.
 
roliepolieoliefan said:
My DD is in 5th grade. 11 years old. There's a boy in her class that "liked" her.
Since November this little crush was going on. They bought something small for each other for Christmas. Obviously they never went anywhere together alone. But a group of kids usually walk to Starbucks after school on Fridays. Sometimes they did that with the group but that's it.

DD was really upset Tuesday, crying . Found out " boyfriend" "broke up" with her. His excuse was she was cheating on him because she was talking to another boy in their class. Huh?
A little possessive at 11.
But it didn't stop there. He sent her nasty messages tuesday evening on Instagram.
Blocked him. Then he had his friend do it on Wednesday Blocked all his friends.

She has a snapchat account but doesn't go on it that often. Lo and behold I just looked at it a few min ago and there's a message from him that read: go die in a ditch by a terrorist.

I am so ticked I want to string that kid up.
She hadn't talked to him today. She was with me all day (snow day) and all her electronics are taken away for a completely unrelated reason.

This can't go on. Do I just let it play out? Call the parents ? ( I don't know them)
I'm beyond ticked.
Kind of scary too that if he acts like this at 11, what will he be like in say 10 years ?

Any advice appreciated.
Click to expand...

The rule.
 
You should report to school and as a parent I would want to know what my child was saying. Take a screen shot of the next messages.
 
How well do you know the parents? If you know them reasonably well, I would start there. Call them and tell them what is going on. Gauge their response and if they seem receptive to listening and acting on this, it should take care of the issue. If they do not, then go meet with the school principal. Just make sure you go in as calmly as possible and print off copies of the texts/posts/etc.

I am assuming your daughter knows this already, but it might be a good time to reinforce that hanging out with boys like this is not good and that if anyone treats her like this in the future she needs to let you know.
 
I wouldn't go to the school.
Kids say things they don't fully understand the impact of. Besides you don't know what your daughter was saying to him.
If it continues then it's time to talk to the school.
You should just talk to his parents. That's the most obvious first step.
Also, 11 year olds going to Starbucks and on Instagram and Snapchat? Terrible idea.
Besides, I think they both require users be at least 13. It doesn't sound like 11 year olds should have accounts or be using their parents accounts as their own.
 
Last edited:
Do you know the parents? My kids are similar ages (d's 13, and twins who will turn 11 next week) and I would start there. And as a parent if my kid was doing something so incredibly mean/stupid, I would want to know. If it continues after, then I would get school involved. My guess is that at 11 it won't last long, but all kids involved should learn and learn fast that this is unacceptable. Def teach your dd to stand up for herself.

It's so different than when I was a kid. There may have been a mean/hurt note, maybe a couple of remarks, but none of the bombardment that electronics and social media can bring. And I personally haven't allowed snapchat yet. You can always screen capture anything he says though if you keep it.
 
Don't know the parents at all. I could pass them on the street and wouldn't know them.
If I did I would definetly go that route.

I had a long talk with DD this morning. She says he says nothing to her in school.
Typical: big tough man behind his computer but not so much face to face.
I'm sure this will go away soon. It's just right now especially for DD it's difficult for her.
 
"Relationships" at this age are all about the drama, partially because they have little to no turf in which to exist in reality. You said it yourself, they don't actually go anywhere and do anything, so what exactly is the "relationship"? The Starbucks outings is pretty big doings at their age. What's different about it these days is the social media component.

I wouldn't approach the school at this point because it sounds like there is zero intent to physically harm anyone. You don't know the parents so that shuts out that possibility. Personally I'd let the thing blow over in real life -- which it sounds like it mostly has, and then possibly review reporting the problem to the social media sites to see if their terms have been violated.

Of course your DD has hurt feelings. Look at it this way, it's helping her build that thicker skin needed to move forward in the world of dating and relationships.
 
The kid has sent multiple nasty-grams from multiple sources, even enlisting friends to do it. What's to say it will end there? What if he does bring a knife, a gun, etc just to scare her or threaten her? No way I'd let this go. Not in the messed up world we live in today. Even if this kid is totally harmless, he needs to made aware by people of authority that his behavior is completely unacceptable. HE'S the one who needs to build thicker skin.
 
Jennasis said:
Time to scare the kid straight. Call the principle and the police (non-emergency # of course) and report the threats.
Click to expand...
Or maybe go old-school on it. Have your DH text (or whatever) and identify himself to the little twerp. Let him know that you, as the parents are constantly monitoring your DD's phone and any further nastiness will result in a call to his parents, the principal and the police - in that order. And FWIW, I'd be discouraging both social media and any girlfriend/boyfriend nonsense at this age. I'll bet your DD still plays with toys and maybe sleeps with a nightlite. What's the rush?
 
Jennasis said:
The kid has sent multiple nasty-grams from multiple sources, even enlisting friends to do it. What's to say it will end there? What if he does bring a knife, a gun, etc just to scare her or threaten her? No way I'd let this go. Not in the messed up world we live in today. Even if this kid is totally harmless, he needs to made aware by people of authority that his behavior is completely unacceptable. HE'S the one who needs to build thicker skin.
Click to expand...

I'm basing my opinion on the actual details that OP has given, and the sense that OP and her DD get about the intent behind these messages. If there was even a piece of OP that was questioning the intent I would have a different take. She's upset (understandably) about her DD being hurt, wants this boy to knock it off and taste his own medicine perhaps, yet her mother's instinct doesn't fear more than her DD's feelings getting hurt. IMO your suggestion is akin to using an elephant gun to get rid of a fly.

ETA, except for the social media component this is no different than the torrid romances at this age that existed ten, 20, 30 years ago. Anybody ever read any Little House on the Prairie or Anne of Green Gables?
 
JanaDee said:
There is no reason to report it to the school or police. The kid is 11. Eleven year old boys AND girls say stupid stuff. Ignore it and tell DD to ignore him. No need for parents to get involved in tween drama.
Click to expand...
This! Really - they do not think before they say stuff - and you don't that your daughter had not said anything to add to the drama!
 
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