Don't forget she wants to buy a house, also. Obviously choices have to be made. They can't have it all unless they have unlimited funds. This should be something she realizes at 35.
I would also say please take your IRA off the table. You can't borrow money for retirement, as you can for a house or wedding.
If it were my daughter I'd recommend she cut back on wedding costs if they're not something she and her fiance can comfortably afford on their own (with perhaps a little help from parents, if they can comfortably afford it), and concentrate on buying a home. But then again, I'm not a fan of lavish spending on a wedding. DH and I paid for our own with minimal help from our parents at ages much younger than your daughter. I sometimes wish we didn't spend anything on a wedding and bought a house a year or two earlier than we did, when prices were literally skyrocketing.
Mature people understand the economy tanked and circumstances for many changed.
This is basically what I was going to post.
I wish my parents would have offered us a set amount of money because DH & I would have used it toward our home rather than a wedding. (My parents insisted on, planned, and mostly paid for our wedding despite DH and I feeling it was unnecessary.) They're now trying to do that with my sister (last one in the family to get married). Instead of taking the money (maybe spend a modest amount on a wedding and put the rest toward house), she has decided to postpone the wedding a year so she can save up enough (to add on top of what my parents have offered to contribute) to have the type of wedding she wants. I just don't get it.