Parents...make up your minds!

[cijay]

Wow. Defensive much? The PP was referencing the examples you gave, not every possible scenario. In the third scenario in your OP, the child wasn't lost. You took it upon yourself to initiate contact when it wasn't wanted or needed. I wouldn't have done what any of the parents did, but I definitely think you were in the wrong in approaching the girl at the table.

No, not defensive, just inviting people to use names. When you go out with people and you learn their name, do you just keep calling them "person in green shirt?"

So you don't talk to people at the table next to you? Wow. I guess friendly is passé. But if the mother is so hyper...why would she leave her at a table by herself in this particular area? I know there are paranoid people (I'm seeing it now) but people have to pick a side and get on it.

 

[cijay]

double post

 

[Hrhpd]

But now I am curious. What would you do (universal 'you') if you found a lost child? Just leave them there?

The child at the table was not lost. There was no need for an employee to approach her.

 

[cijay]

The child at the table was not lost. There was no need for an employee to approach her.

An employee didn't approach her. Nobody did. I was sitting eating and asked her a question.

But I mean, in general. If you saw a lost child what would you do?

 

[DisneyOma]

The bolding says it all.

So may people says "I will never" in reference to kids and then when they have kids change their tune.

The 6 yr old begged to play with the toys while mom shopped and mom was already on her last nerve so she let her.

The little boy on the escalator ( you know he was not yet 3 because you engaged his parents in conversation?) just learned that the escalator is not some really mean beast and was so excited he wanted to do it by himself. I can't tell you how many times my kids said "me do" and had to do something several times in a row to prove how big they were. Matter of fact 4 yr old grand just did the escalator up and down 20 times today to show me how big they were.

The 5 yr old (again how do you know her age?) at the food court who was sitting at a table playing with a game still within moms sight and you thought it was appropriate to engage her in conversation and then get upset when mom corrects her? You saw mom drop her at the table and walk off to get food and you engaged the kid in conversation. I think that is creepy.

Sometimes it is better to just mind your own business.

Escalators have warnings on them for a reason - What would you have done if the 21st time your 'grand' went down, he got complacent, he fell and his face got chewed off? If you were my parent, you would not be taking my kids any place ever again.

Would you let your grand at age 6 be by himself in a large department store?

From the other point of view, sometimes you just have to give kids a little freedom. Not saying the parents in the three instances were right or wrong, I don't have enough info.

Often, parents get blasted for being too protective and the term helicopter parent gets tossed around a lot. People say you have to give kids freedom or the will be scared of their own shadow, unable to function, unable to be without mom or dad, wimpy, clingy etc. Yet when you give them a little freedom, you get blamed for being neglectful. It's hard being a parent, you are constantly judged on small snippets of time.

Large department stores - my kids were 12 and 10 when they were allowed to go to the toy section together, without me. When they were little they didn't have to be tethered to the cart, but they had to stay in sight. I watched them very closely. They were allowed to go get something off the shelves further down the aisle and bring it back to me. That was practice for paying attention to location.

Until their armpits were taller than the side of the escalator, they held my hand. They could hold onto the railing too, but I had them strongly by the hand. I've had a shoe catch on the bottom, and I've seen someone slip off a step and go tumbling down. Those metal edges rip like dragon teeth.

 

[Skywalker]

I might agree that the parent who left the child alone while they wandered away to shop for half an hour was neglectful, but not the other two.

While yes escalators could potentially be dangerous, I don't consider them on par with playing with rattlesnakes or anything and if the parents were right there I would mind my own business on that one.

And the lady in the food court did nothing wrong. The child waited at a table while she went to order food in the food court. When did this become such a horrible thing to do? She was right there. And maybe she was trying to help her child take baby steps to independence by leaving her alone at a table while she was close by. Then you put the kid in an impossible situation because then she had to choose between obeying the no talking to strangers rule or being really rude to the nice lady asking about her toy.

So I guess bottom line if a crying child comes up to you in your store because they are lost then fine help them, but don't go seeking out situations where you can disapprove of the parents and interject yourselves into their lives.

 

[maxiesmom]

The bolding says it all.

So may people says "I will never" in reference to kids and then when they have kids change their tune.

The 6 yr old begged to play with the toys while mom shopped and mom was already on her last nerve so she let her.

The little boy on the escalator ( you know he was not yet 3 because you engaged his parents in conversation?) just learned that the escalator is not some really mean beast and was so excited he wanted to do it by himself. I can't tell you how many times my kids said "me do" and had to do something several times in a row to prove how big they were. Matter of fact 4 yr old grand just did the escalator up and down 20 times today to show me how big they were.

The 5 yr old (again how do you know her age?) at the food court who was sitting at a table playing with a game still within moms sight and you thought it was appropriate to engage her in conversation and then get upset when mom corrects her? You saw mom drop her at the table and walk off to get food and you engaged the kid in conversation. I think that is creepy.

Sometimes it is better to just mind your own business.

It has more to do with common sense than with having children. Any parent who lets their child play with or on an escalator is a moron, plain and simple. I too work at a mall and have seen children hurt on our escalator, one as the parent was nearby, watching their child pat the escalator as it moved. Got their hands pretty tore up. What would you have done if your 4 year old grandchild got their shoe caught while you were not next to them? Or tripped and got a finger stuck?

And by the way, toy sections in stores are not babysitting drop off points. They are not there so that your kids can play with (and in many cases ruin) toys. They are goods for sale. If your child is getting on your last nerve you take them home, you don't drop them off somewhere else in the store so that they don't bother you. Or maybe wander off and get lost.

 

[Allons-y!]

No, not defensive, just inviting people to use names. When you go out with people and you learn their name, do you just keep calling them "person in green shirt?"

Um, nowhere did I mention your name thing. But, since you brought it up, I've been on these boards for far less time than you've been here and I already see that people use OP all the time. Getting to know the posting style of an internet board is just common "netiquette."

So you don't talk to people at the table next to you? Wow. I guess friendly is passé.

In general, no, I don't start conversations with random people at tables near me, especially a child. There are many ways people can be friendly without feeling the need to talk to random shoppers in the mall food court.

But if the mother is so hyper...why would she leave her at a table by herself in this particular area? I know there are paranoid people (I'm seeing it now) but people have to pick a side and get on it.

How can you not see the difference?? She gave her child her instructions that she believed would keep her safe - one being to not talk to strangers. The child broke that rule. Of course the mom was upset!

An employee didn't approach her. Nobody did. I was sitting eating and asked her a question.

Most rational people know that children are taught not to talk to strangers - why would you attempt to have a child go against their parents' teaching by trying to engage them in conversation?? Now that you've admitted that you didn't even think the child was lost, your behavior is even more in the wrong and odd.

But I mean, in general. If you saw a lost child what would you do?

Lost children are a completely different story. I have only dealt with a truly lost child once. She was around kindergarten age and walking around a the women's clothing department in a store calling for her mother. I spoke to the child and asked if she was lost. When she said yes, I asked her to let me help her find a store worker who could help her find her mom. She agreed, and we walked to a cashier. Then I stayed with her at the counter until her mom was located. The mom was distraught, and she thanked the staff and me profusely for helping her child. I would do the same thing again if in a similar situation.

I would never approach a child, though, who I wasn't reasonably sure was lost. The time or two when I wasn't sure, I stayed in the same general area to make sure the child met up with a parent or older sibling, which happened every time.

 

[ronandannette]

An employee didn't approach her. Nobody did. I was sitting eating and asked her a question.

But I mean, in general. If you saw a lost child what would you do?

That depends on how I determined the child to be "lost". The little girl in your example was not the slightest bit lost - you watched her mother seat her at a table and then go to pick up lunch. Presumably, she planned to come right back and if the kid exhibited no signs of distress, it wouldn't have even pinged my radar. The kid in the first example, although not technically lost, obviously was in distress. Apparently he'd been left in the toy department, probably at his own request and with strict instructions to "wait here for Mom", but he reached a point where he felt lost and probably did what he'd been taught to do - identify an employee and ask for help. The fact that your store has a protocol for this must mean it happens relatively frequently and you followed procedure. My guess is Mom behaved a little rudely because she was embarrassed, not because she thought you were a real threat to her kid.

Given your examples, it seems like you are a person with a strong protective instinct. That's noble in a lot of ways but perhaps it also causes you to be hyper-aware of what's happening around you to a level that other people simply are not. It doesn't make anyone else negligent or uncaring, nor does it make you correct about how perilous any given situation actually is. Try to relax.

...Yes, lady, you were the one who left your kid out to these wolves you fear. The food court is in an area where it's pretty easy to buy anything from a joint to a gun. While I know the kid is no more at risk than anywhere else (as a matter of fact I have no doubt if there WAS a predator who tried to make off with her, all the "freaks" there would make mincemeat out of them) but what could have gone on around her? A bad deal over drugs or a gun. As i left, I said to her "you know, people who kidnap children freak when the children talk to other people for fear they'll talk."

Sorry, I just have to ask...whereabouts in Edmonton is this gang-banger, freak's haven of a food court?
(I'm waiting for Kimblebee to chime in about how none of this could possibly be happening in Canada because it is a crime-free utopia! Extra points if she works in "free" healthcare! )

 

[marlynnp]

Sorry, I guess it wasn't clear. Do you want me to help your kid or do you want me to ignore them? Is the world this abyss of danger or is your child okay to be left in toy departments, sat at tables a long way away from you are or play on mechanical stairs? I can guarantee that if anything had happened, those parents would be blubbering on the news about the evils of the world.

But YOU were NOT asked to help their kid!
So, yes OP, you should ignore them and do your own darn job. If there's a real problem call security and let them handle it.

 

[MIGrandma]

I understand what the OP is talking about. My DD previously worked as a zone supervisor at our local Wal-Mart and she shares stories with me quite often. One time she observed a young child 3-4 years old completely alone in the bathroom. The child walked out and DD followed to see where she went. There is a small game room right by the check-outs and that's where the child went. My DD assumed the mother was in there, but she wasn't. DD stood observing the check-outs and another worker came up to her and DD told her about the child. They kept watching the check-outs to see if the mother was checking out, and watching out for the child. As they were talking, and watching the mother finally walked up to them and yelled about them looking at her child. My DD just told her they were concerned that a child that young was alone. She kept yelling at them and they finally just told the woman to "have a nice day" and walked away.

I don't understand how parents can allow their young children the freedom like that. If it was my child, or grandchild, they would not be going into the bathroom alone and they would not be in the games area alone while I was checking out. They would be sitting in the front of the cart where they're supposed to be.

 

[SparklePixie]

Sorry, I guess it wasn't clear. Do you want me to help your kid or do you want me to ignore them? Is the world this abyss of danger or is your child okay to be left in toy departments, sat at tables a long way away from you are or play on mechanical stairs? I can guarantee that if anything had happened, those parents would be blubbering on the news about the evils of the world.

OP, your point is lost amongst the hyperbole and drama. It isn't up to you to confront every parent you believe is doing something wrong. Do the job you're paid to do.

 

[NewRVLady]

Oh, I know what OP stands for, just thought I'd welcome people to use my name.

.

Most people have a username that is an odd mix of letters and numbers-its just easier to say OP

 

[wilkeliza]

When a child is truly lost (crying, screaming mommy/daddy, etx) I will help but if I see a kid alone but not in distress I might watch them closely if I work in that area but I don't go talk to the kid. Most of the time I shake my head, wonder where their parents are, and possibly comment to my fiance if he is with me how sad it is the kid is alone. I can't tell you how many times in NYC I've had to not do anything even though I wanted to because not everyone has the same rules for their kids. Some people put their 6 year olds alone on the subway to go to school. If the parents think that is okay or if it is their only choice because of their jobs etc that is on them and not for me to intervine. I just had an 8/9 year old ask me for directions back to his hotel.

I definitly don't talk to children unless their parents are with them and their parents seem okay with it. I just never want to put a child in the situation if breaking the stranger danger rule.

 

[NewRVLady]

Having no kids of my own...please explain the reasoning...

Child, approx. 6 left in our toys area while "mummy is going to do some shopping." Half an hour later, 6year old is wandering around in tears. I told her to come up to the front with me and we'll page her. (We don't take children's hands unless they take ours first, we have a special bench we have them sit on at thye front.) 6year old ran up to the front, I walked behind.

By the time we got to the front other was doing the magpie (that's what I call the honey Boo Boo's mother type of mannerisms) calling the kid's name. She ran to her mother, I followed to make sure she's in her mother's care again.

Mother said to thee kid "I told you never take anyone else's hand!" I just jokingly said "do you think I can keep up with her?" Kid said "she works here." (apron, vest and nametag). Motther said "It doesn't matter, people are crazy, they work everywhere." (In my head I said "yes and some abandon their kids for 1/2hr. Does the name Adam Walsh mean anything to you?")

."

I can see Mother's panic here-she left child to look at the toys....you then walk her to front of store-near doors to outside-if I was that Mother I'd be upset also.
Altho you were doing what you thought was OK-Mother saw her kid being led away and she panicked. Does not make that a bad Mom

 

[lustergirl]

Aaah nowhere but the DIS people will start bickering about the title of a thread and what it means?

 

[maxiesmom]

I can see Mother's panic here-she left child to look at the toys....you then walk her to front of store-near doors to outside-if I was that Mother I'd be upset also.
Altho you were doing what you thought was OK-Mother saw her kid being led away and she panicked. Does not make that a bad Mom

Sure it does. The child could have wandered off on her own. The child could have been taken by a stranger. No excuse for leaving a 6 year old alone in store.

 

[Kimberlyann11]

I can see Mother's panic here-she left child to look at the toys....you then walk her to front of store-near doors to outside-if I was that Mother I'd be upset also.
Altho you were doing what you thought was OK-Mother saw her kid being led away and she panicked. Does not make that a bad Mom

Leaving a kid that age alone to look at the toys and be babysat by mall workers who have better things to do is what makes her a crap mom.

 

[Missy1961]

There is so much here, OP, that I don't know where to start.

But I do get the frustration of workers with parents who use toy departments as babysitting areas. I don't have answers for that except the fact that some parents are bad parents.

But talking to a kid at a table in a food court that you know isn't lost? Sorry, if I was the parent of that kid, I'd be annoyed at you. I'm not a parent, but an aunt of 14. I've often taken 5 of them to a food court in a mall. They never wanted the same food, so I'd sit them at a central located table, and take them to their choice of food, and leave the others in the care of the oldest. Usually, two of them wanted one thing, two of them wanted another and I'd have what the other wanted. And I was never that far away. So if some stranger talked to them, I'd be pissed at them.

And of course, if a child is clearly lost, I'd help them in a heartbeat. And I'm sure store employees would help as well.

And I'm sorry, but I use OP all the time. Especially when threads got long. That is common everywhere on the internet.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Most rational people know that children are taught not to talk to strangers...

I know this is true, but I actually think it's really sad. What kind of world are we asking our children to grow up in by teaching them that everyone is a monster?

We have to talk to "strangers" every day - greet the cashier at the market, thank the person who kindly holds the door for us. I never wanted my child to be afraid to do those things. He was taught not to go off with strangers without my permission, certainly. But he was never taught that he couldn't talk to people. He would have missed out on so much!