Hucifer's recipe for disaster

[hucifer]

This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun.
--Chevy Chase


My trip so far has been a comedy of errors. See that dark cloud looming over it? Trust me, it's up there. It's been following me around town since I started planning. Hovering...all lugubrious and foreboding. But time may be on my side, my friend. [Slowly rubs hands together with a malicious grin and satanic stare.] Oh yes, my precious. Time. Plenty of time. [grin widens, hands rub faster]

Anyway, there's still nine months to fix this hot mess. And soon the benevolent Disney deities will see my predicament from above, take pity on me, and blow that damn cloud away. Then they will drench my plans with a bucket of pixie dust and a squirt of plucky Mickey enthusiasm because that's what they do. They fix things.

You: Why do I care?
Me: I don't know, you read this far. You must be mildly curious.
You: Actually, I was absentmindedly perusing the pre-trip report board and I accidentally clicked---
Me: Alright, stop begging. Ill continue.

It all started in early October. I found this little nugget on Pinterest: New! Simple Recipe For Planning An Unsuccessful Vacation. As you can imagine, it piqued my interest. And like anything posted on Pinterest, it sounded like the next best thing from sliced bread, so I thought I would give it a try.

-----------

Destination: Disaster
Serves one family​

1 expensive ingredient (preferred: no prior experience)
Dash sarcasm
1 steaming pile of travel agent
1 (or more) apathetic family members
Optional: three useless travel agents for garnish
Optional: (quantity as desired) The in-laws

Combine all ingredients until well blended. Place in pressure cooker. Cook on high until it reaches the consistency of a goopy mess.
Serve with a tossed green salad.

Congratulations! Youve got the potential to have a disastrous vacation.
------------

[dramatic pause]

I could think of a better way to start planning for my sons first trip to WDW. How many years have I fantasized about planning this vacation? Since before he was even a twinkle in my husbands eye? In those years of fantasies...has not everything about the trip--from planning to execution--gone flawlessly in my mind?

[August 2006, standing in my bathroom with a used pregnancy stick in my left hand, my flip cell phone in my right]
Me: Darling, I'm going to make reservations for our child's first trip to Disney World. Shall I dial the Disney Reservation line myself, or will you?
Him: Shouldn't we see what the stick says first?

Have I not waited (oh so patiently, may I add) until my one and only son reached the perfect age for his first experience with Mickey? Have I not earned this ridiculously anticipated moment? Should it not be filled with immeasurable joy and wonder? WELL???


Here's my story.



Ingredient #1: Strange, new, expensive contraption
Ingredient #2: dash of sarcasm
Optional ingredient: The in-laws
Ingredient #3: Steaming pile of travel agent
Optional ingredient: more clueless travel agents
Ingredient #4. (Or #5? I lost track): apathetic family members

 

[englishrose47]

Wow I think I am numero uno!!!!!

 

[englishrose47]

Sounds like a well panned trip o me !!!!

 

[hucifer]

Wow I think I am numero uno!!!!!

I believe you are indeed. Welcome, Rose!


[suppressed giggling]
A reader! I'm so excited!

 

[hucifer]

Sounds like a well panned trip o me !!!!

You ninja-posted on me. Sneaky girl.

And yes, I've got this planning thing NAILED.

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Reporting for duty!

Great to "see" you again Hucifer!

Can't wait to see how this one turns out.

 

[marvali]

Recipe for Disaster? Don't you have a box full of those in your kitchen???

Jumping on board then heading back to read! At least Rosie didn't get your "top of page!"

***********************************************************************************

Okay, all caught up now! And I promise it probably won't stay that way, but I'll try to do my best!

That is one interesting recipe, or at least I'm sure it will be by the time you get done perfecting it.

I'm just glad you found this perfect time to celebrate your son's first trip! If you waited much longer, you would have had to buy another adult ticket......

 

[glennbo123]

Okay, I just not noticed a bunch of strange activity over my thread, and I'll have to deal with those bums later, but I wanted to get over here and try to get on page one of what promises to be a very entertaining journey from one of my favorite trip report writers.

So you started planning this trip before you even looked at the pregnancy stick results? Yeah, that's early. But I'm sure that it will all work out juuuust fine. Well okay, I confess that I'm hoping for at least enough drama to keep us a little entertained. But I know that I don't have to worry about that!

Looking forward to it!

 

[englishrose47]

Okay, I just not noticed a bunch of strange activity over my thread, and I'll have to deal with those bums later, but I wanted to get over here and try to get on page one of what promises to be a very entertaining journey from one of my favorite trip report writers.

So you started planning this trip before you even looked at the pregnancy stick results? Yeah, that's early. But I'm sure that it will all work out juuuust fine. Well okay, I confess that I'm hoping for at least enough drama to keep us a little entertained. But I know that I don't have to worry about that!

Looking forward to it!

He lives !!!Good to hear from you Glenn !!!!

 

[hucifer]

Reporting for duty!

Great to "see" you again Hucifer!

Can't wait to see how this one turns out.

Yay! Great Biscuit! So glad you're still hanging out in the TR boards. I see a trip in your near future...does this mean a much long-awaited TR from you next year? Do you still have all the names of the folks who asked to be contacted when you do write another one?

Recipe for Disaster? Don't you have a box full of those in your kitchen???

Hey!

That is one interesting recipe, or at least I'm sure it will be by the time you get done perfecting it.

Not to pat myself on the back too hard, but I think this is one recipe I have perfected.

I'm just glad you found this perfect time to celebrate your son's first trip! If you waited much longer, you would have had to buy another adult ticket......

I had to hurry before he turned eighteen. Just eleven years short. Made it!

Okay, I just not noticed a bunch of strange activity over my thread, and I'll have to deal with those bums later, but I wanted to get over here and try to get on page one of what promises to be a very entertaining journey from one of my favorite trip report writers.

I know it's strange to see activity on your thread, but the locals were getting restless. They were hoping to motivate you into...oh, I don't know...updating or something.

So you started planning this trip before you even looked at the pregnancy stick results? Yeah, that's early. But I'm sure that it will all work out juuuust fine. Well okay, I confess that I'm hoping for at least enough drama to keep us a little entertained. But I know that I don't have to worry about that!

Looking forward to it!

Drama? Be careful what you ask for. I wasn't kidding about the "comedy of errors."

He lives !!!Good to hear from you Glenn !!!!

Isn't that weird that he posted here and not there?

 

[Suziannie]

[August 2006, standing in my bathroom with a used pregnancy stick in my left hand, my flip cell phone in my right]
Me: Darling, I’m going to make reservations for our child’s first trip to Disney World. Shall I dial the Disney Reservation line myself, or will you?
Him: Shouldn’t we see what the stick says first?

Have I not waited (oh so patiently, may I add) until my one and only son reached the perfect age for his first experience with Mickey? Have I not earned this ridiculously anticipated moment? Should it not be filled with immeasurable joy and wonder? WELL???

I pretty much started saving and planning for my daughters first trip the day we found out it was a girl! Mostly because we went to WDW about 2 weeks before finding out so it was kind of fresh on my mind.

We (Ok, me) jumped the gun and instead of saving up for a week long stay in a monorail resort when she turns 4 we're going now and opting for a value or Shades of Green when she turns 4.

Hope your trip is wonderful!!

 

[hucifer]

I pretty much started saving and planning for my daughters first trip the day we found out it was a girl! Mostly because we went to WDW about 2 weeks before finding out so it was kind of fresh on my mind.

We (Ok, me) jumped the gun and instead of saving up for a week long stay in a monorail resort when she turns 4 we're going now and opting for a value or Shades of Green when she turns 4.

Hope your trip is wonderful!!

Oh, I love the Shades. Beautiful, quiet, wonderful resort. When she's four, she'll be primed and ready for full-on princess time.

 

[hucifer]

My parents never took me camping. You know why? Because they loved me.
-- Jim Gaffigan

We play this little game, our family. We call it the Camper Game. Whenever we start up the car, our points start back to zero. Along the way to our destination (school, church, city dump, prison, etc.), we point out all the campers that we see. If you see a camper first and call it, you get a point. Whoever gets the most points by the time we get to the adult bookstore or grandma's house is the winner. Not a terribly complicated game. It includes motor homes, fifth wheels, travel trailers, and pop-ups. My six-year-old son Patrick rocks at this game. Mostly because if he's losing he'll suddenly declare that he isn't playing anymore, and that he's going to doodle in his notebook. This null-and-voids any and all points and no winner is pronounced since he is the one who's keeping score. And no, we didn't name him after the damned starfish.

We made up this game because my son loves to camp. Who doesn't love sleeping on the cold, hard ground with only thin sheet of nylon separating you from millions of hungry, creepy, flesh-eating insects? Who doesn't love to crap in the woods and wipe with leaves? Bathe in a lake thats four degrees? Right? We own a big tent and Dan sometimes pitches it in the backyard on a summer weekend. He'll grill up some burgers for dinner and build a fire in the metal fire pit thingee. We'll make smores, sit outside with the mosquitoes until were tired of slapping ourselves, and then Dan and Patrick will crawl into their sleeping bags while mama crawls into the king-sized bed in the air conditioned house. It's all very rustic and bonding. I highly recommend it.

What the heck does this have to do with Disney World? you may ask. Ah, be patient, gentle reader. And get used to my digressions. They usually serve a purpose to set up the story. Not always, though, I gotta be honest.

About a month ago, Patrick and I are at my aunt's house. She's having a party for my cousin and were all congregating on her back porch, enjoying the food, conversation, and the warm, late-summer air. Patrick ceases his food free-for-all for a moment, looks up from his plate, and says with a mouthful of egg roll, Camper! He's eyeing my aunt's fifth wheel, which is sitting on her driveway next to the house. I make an off-handed comment about asking to borrow it some time, and the next thing I know, my aunt is offering it to us for $5,000. Not that were in the market for a camper, but even I know that its underpriced for a 27' fifth wheel. I told her that we'd talk to Dan and consider her offer.

I love the outdoors. I'm all over hiking and kayaking and woods exploring and bike riding and gardening and sun worshipping. But there's a time to say good-bye to the outdoors. It's called the indoors. I love the indoors. I'm all over beds and air conditioning, running water and flushable toilets, plug outlets, standing up, and the occasional mirror. All of these things are missing from tents. Therefore, I am not a tent lover. I come about my disdain for tents pretty honestly.

But a camper? I can definitely do one of those...combining my love of outdoors with the amenities of the indoors. Mama like. I know, I know, you damn tent purists out there are saying it isn't real camping. Those of you can bite me. I'll show you where.

So we went home and told Dan the good news. He was giddy like a schoolgirl. Not only with the price, but the fact that Mama was actually flirting with the idea of camping. So we rushed back over to my aunt's house and took a look at it. The camper was clean and well designed. We liked it. But we had to discuss things.

[Dan and I, whispering in a tight huddle]
Me: If we buy this, we'll have to buy a truck to haul it with.
Dan: I'm not driving a truck. I don't like trucks. I like my car. A truck won't even fit in our garage.
Me: We'd have to store it in our driveway all the time. I will have to learn to back up without hitting it.
Dan: You know how much trucks cost?
Me: Do you know how bad I am at backing up?

We turn to my aunt. "This isnt going to work."

You: For Petes sake, Hucifer. Will you get on with it? Are we ever going to get to your point?
Me: Oh, are you still with me? Yes, eventually.

We went home, defeated. But...it was too late. We caught the bug. We really wanted a camper in our hot little hands now. Dan combs the Internets for used campers as fast as he can before mama changes her mind. He's looking for Hucifer-approved campers. You know, ones with running hot water and plug outlets. And an occasional mirror. But one that doesn't require a new truck. After a few days of searching and links to a few potential buys, I get a call from Dan at work.

"You know," he says. "The Novi Expo Center is having an RV show this weekend."

"Okay..." I say, wondering where this is going.

"We can go there, look around, figure out what we like, and look for a used one with those features."

It sounded like a fantastic idea. We had every incentive to follow that plan. I swear to the Disney deities this is true. We were just looking. We just went to get ideas. We only wanted to see what options there were. Honest engine.

[We walk hand-in-hand into the Expo Center. Wide-eyed. Innocent. With the purest of intentions.]

Okay, you know how registers in the supermarket have those impulse-buy items? You'll be standing in line behind Big Bertha and her cartload of frozen Weight Watcher dinners while you're holding your basketful of milk, Brillo pads, Virginia Slims, and taco shells, and the only thing to do is read the tabloid headlines or peruse the items for sale there. Then somehow that pocket flashlight or leopard-print coin purse ends up in your basket. And when you get home you stare at those Spongebob nail clippers and try to contemplate what temporarily possessed you to give away hard-earned cash for it.

I guess Dan and I were in a giant supermarket line of sorts, seeing all the impulse-buy items for sale. Not realizing that we were hypnotized by them. Until it was too late.

[We stumble out of the Expo Center. Wide-eyed. Dazed. Travel trailer keys in hand.]

It was all a blur. I remember that all three of us were really enjoying ourselves, climbing into dozens of campers, ogling the newest features, watching Patrick jump on the beds. Gathering ideas. Taking notes. Then we saw this really pretty travel trailer...and the price was soooooo reasonable...and we got all dreamy-eyed...and then I blacked out.

Then, yada yada yada, were signing on the dotted line and I'm handing them a check.

I pulled Dan to the side. "What the heck just happened? Did I dream that?"

He turns, looks at me as if I just murdered his parents and their blood was still all over my face. "What...did...we...do"? Apparently, he was suffering from Sticker Shock. Or, Post-Purchase Stress Disorder.

At the dinner table, staring at his plate as if I served him a dead rat with pickled testicle garnish. "What...did...we...do?"

Settling down for bed, Dan turns his head to look at me like I sold Patrick to the gypsies. "What...did...we...do?"

This is what we did.​

In the middle of the night, he jerks in his sleep and suddenly bolts upright. "We need a towing vehicle!"


Dan went back out searching the Internets again, as quickly as he could, so that when our trailer was ready we could actually tow it home. Looking for a vehicle to pull this mammoth 27-foot travel trailer we just purchased. He had his heart set on a Grand Cherokee, but its towing capacity didnt make the cut. He slowly began to realize that his options were basically narrowed down to these choices:

A truck.

So here we were, back at our original issue. He doesn't want a truck. A truck won't fit in our garage. Trucks costs a lot of freaking money. Mama can't back up with a truck in the driveway. Truck owners are the devil. Blah blah blah.

But we had a new camper and no other choice. It was buy a truck, or dump the trailer. Dan caved. He bought a used Ram 1500 (with a Hemi, Dan gleefully added) which had a large towing capacity. And, if he parks very, very carefully, he can squeeze this mammoth beast in the garage. With millimeters to spare! And I don't have to slam into it every time I back out of the garage.

This is what the devil drives.​

(Why yes, we ARE made of money. Why do you ask?)

Okay, you're with me so far? Because here is where all that buildup leads:

Me: [twirling my hair with my finger, looking as sweet as possible] You know...ahem...just thinking out loud here...hee hee...we have lots of places to explore with that new travel trailer of ours.
Dan: Yes we do.
Me: We could start going to national parks.
Dan: Of course.
Me: Or other places that have campgrounds.
Dan: Isn't that the point?
Me: Oh! Get this. Hee hee. I hear that--ahem--Disney World has campgrounds.
Dan: Really.
Me: And Patrick is the perfect age next year.
Dan: [silence]
Me: For Disney World, I mean.
Dan: [silence]
Me: ...I'm just sayin.
Dan: [long pause] Actually, that sounds like a good idea.
Me: And it would cost a lot less than--wait. What?

No argument? He was going for it? All it took was the promise to use our camper? But wait, bimbo brain...this means that you actually have to go camping at Disney World. No plush accommodations. No room service. No fancy resort room, no monorail at our doorstop. Just us and some prefabricated wood composite sheeting with a bed and a six-gallon hot water tank. Swatting at mosquitoes. Making my own meals. Doing my own dishes. Denied from long, hot showers. Just us in a confined space with a loud and energetic seven-year-old.

Ah crap. What the heck did I just get myself into?

This is what the heck I got myself into.​

Next installment: Ingredient #2: dash of sarcasm

 

[glennbo123]

I used to camp a lot (travel trailer camp) growing up, but we never got into it with our kids for all of the reasons that you mentioned in your chapter -- need something to tow it with, where the heck would we park it?, it seems like a lot of work (thanks mom and dad for doing it for us, but um yeah, it seems like a lot of work), and then of course, the expense.

Your description of getting the bug sounds like when we bought into DVC though...got the bug, started searching the internets, and then the next thing you know, signed on the dotted line.

We'll have to get Dan (FauntleroyFan07) over here -- he's camped at Disney.

 

[englishrose47]

Great update about how you became PioneersGo West Young Man Oh Orlando I prolly East !!!One of the Trips in The People and Place Book is a Wyoming Wagon Train , I keep mentioning it to Carol but she says : Ain't no way I am sleeping under a wagon " and this from A Boy Scout Den Mother Yes Dan camped at Disney and he seemed to enjoy the Campground !! Just a little tip I hear the campground during Christmas is extremely well decorated !!!

 

[Suziannie]

Oh, I love the Shades. Beautiful, quiet, wonderful resort. When she's four, she'll be primed and ready for full-on princess time.

I really can't wait to see Shades! I've heard great things about the resort-bad things about the food though.

I'm glad so many agree that it's a nice resort though!

 

[Suziannie]

Wow! I'm so excited to hear how the trip goes with the camper. I've always been curious about the campsites there and have heard great things about them. We love to camp and I'm pretty sure my husband would love to try it.

 

[glennbo123]

Yes Dan camped at Disney and he seemed to enjoy the Campground !!

That's Dan your co-worker, not Dan, Hucifer's husband....you're going to confuse our poor Hucifer.

 

[jedijill]

Oh my, you are off to an epic start! I think 200 points at the Villas of the Grand Floridian may have been cheaper than a new trailer and a truck!

Jill in CO

 

[Backstage_Gal]

That was a very entertaining introduction, can't wait how it all turns out