Jessa Duggar (of the Duggar Family) is courting

[DawnM]

There are many people who homeschool on this board, and many of them end up with kids who do just fine in college. A HS diploma IS a real high school diploma according to the state.

With what, a homeschool "diploma" and the clothes on her back? That would make for such a great future for her. She is pretty much stuck with whatever marriage her father arranges for her.

 

[Granny square]

There are many people who homeschool on this board, and many of them end up with kids who do just fine in college. A HS diploma IS a real high school diploma according to the state.

Lol, no kidding. If rit could take my son's diploma then I wouldn't worry about it being good enough. It will get you into colleges, the military etc because the process has proven to be a good "bet".

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I don't really see an adult asking her father's permission to court or text or whatever as that different than asking a father's hand for marriage or giving the bride away. I wouldn't have been happy with any of the above, but lots of people seem to want their fathers to have some sort of role in it. As long as it's their choice and they have the freedom to choose otherwise, I don't see a big issue.

An adult asking permission to court or text is being control; asking for the hand in marriage and giving the bride away (or simply, walking down the aisle...no "giving" involved) are often symbolic or tradition.

Doesn't a woman need to marry young to have a couple dozen kids? Methinks the elder DDs are on the road to spinsterhood . . .

Every year that goes by, one less child to be born.

Otoh, the person who was my bf is a control fiend who won't let her son date until he is done with law school...

Is he living at home, or did she go live with him? Is she accounting for all his time not in class? Odd.

 

[anniemae]

The poor girl, she will be under such scrutiny. the photo of the three of them on a date is strange. Michelle is off to the side looking like, "tee hee, don't forget about me." I think it will be hard to get to know each other with so much outside influence and "participation" in there dates and conversations. The article said something like "the whole family is involved in this relationship."

Whatever works for them is fine by me, not my business. I think it's strange, but they seem to have raised decent kids so they must be doing something right! She is a beautiful girl and I hope it works out.

 

[cheer25mom]

There are many people who homeschool on this board, and many of them end up with kids who do just fine in college. A HS diploma IS a real high school diploma according to the state.

Lol, no kidding. If rit could take my son's diploma then I wouldn't worry about it being good enough. It will get you into colleges, the military etc because the process has proven to be a good "bet".

Not a slam on homeschool at all. I have some wonderful friends who do a great job with it. The Duggars however don't. Their particular brand of "homeschool" is really no more than can you read, make change, and quote the bible incessantly. They use Gothard homeschool and it is definitely NOT a well rounded program. They don't teach science, read secular books of any kid even classic literature, and it doesn't teach any critical thinking or analysis lest the children question Mom and Dad's dictates. It won't get them very far outside thier little world.

 

[SydSim]

Every year that goes by, one less child to be born.

Ok I'm confused. Since they are Stepford kids and only think the way that their parents think, why aren't the older girls married yet? How can that be? The DISers say that all kids have to follow in the same path as Michelle and Jim Bob, but it doesn't appear to be that way, now does it?

Isn't everyone in the household brainwashed to think and do the same things against their will?

And on that note, how the heck do the girls escape the house and go to their nursing/midwifery training? Aren't they exposed to other people with, EGAD, different lifestyles? Oh my, even Josh escaped the cult and actually spoke to and has business with other people when he sold cars!

Lets face it, many, if not most families bring up their kids in a way that resembles their own beliefs. Both parents went to college, they expect that their kid will too. Parents are a certain faith and take kids to their place of worship and expect the kids to follow that same faith, but may be accepting if they choose otherwise.

Yes some of their practices can appear to be quite extreme to us, but these kids seem intelligent and I have no doubt that if the day comes when one of them thinks "You know, this lifestyle is all well and good, but I think there's something else out there for me", they would be able to voice that to their parents (even if Jim Bob and Michelle may not like it).

 

[chobie]

Seems like the only way for the girls to limit how many kids the have is to put off "courting" as long as possible.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I really don't see the issue here. Both Jessa and the gentleman seem to be comfortable with this arrangement. Both are adults and able to make their own life choices. This was, at one time, very much the norm in society. Sure, things have changed for the majority, but this family chooses to still exercise courtship with parental permission and chaperoning. If it works for them, more power to them.

 

[cheer25mom]

Ok I'm confused. Since they are Stepford kids and only think the way that their parents think, why aren't the older girls married yet? How can that be? The DISers say that all kids have to follow in the same path as Michelle and Jim Bob, but it doesn't appear to be that way, now does it?

Isn't everyone in the household brainwashed to think and do the same things against their will?

And on that note, how the heck do the girls escape the house and go to their nursing/midwifery training? Aren't they exposed to other people with, EGAD, different lifestyles? Oh my, even Josh escaped the cult and actually spoke to and has business with other people when he sold cars!

Lets face it, many, if not most families bring up their kids in a way that resembles their own beliefs. Both parents went to college, they expect that their kid will too. Parents are a certain faith and take kids to their place of worship and expect the kids to follow that same faith, but may be accepting if they choose otherwise.

Yes some of their practices can appear to be quite extreme to us, but these kids seem intelligent and I have no doubt that if the day comes when one of them thinks "You know, this lifestyle is all well and good, but I think there's something else out there for me", they would be able to voice that to their parents (even if Jim Bob and Michelle may not like it).

They aren't married because they are needed to raise the little ones still at home. I am sure once the little ones are older the pressure to marry will begin in earnest. Their "training" happens under very controlled circumstances with only like minded people or strict supervision. The parent's goal is to have them exposed to as little outside infulence as possible and that the girls never work outside the home. They have siad so on numerous occasions. Josh does have abusiness, but oly AFTER they felt sure he was firmly entrenched in thier belief system. I honestly believe this is a cult situation and these kids don't have choices. YMMV. I don't think any of them will ever be accepted if they rebel. I don't think any of them are brave enough to do so either.

I have major porblems with many of thier child rearing techniques as well. The one with the most info out there is blanket training. They use switches on infants as young as 6 months so that they can keep them on a blanket on the floor while they teach the other kids. If the baby leaves the blaket it is hit with the switch. Michelle will not admit to doing it now,but when the first of the TV special aired, she did an interview advocating it.

 

[PlutosFriend]

but she is 20, if she wanted out, she could just leave. I think it's quite the reflection on the family that they don't. So far all the adult children have continued the lifestyle. I guess people could come up with all sorts of reasoning and claims of brainwash but after all the TV, crews, media etc, they stay.

We're totally opposite it seems but I like to hear about them, it's an interesting life.

We are totally opposite here too, but somehow I love watching them. The children all seem happy and well rounded!

How are they going to support themselves? I'm sure daddy dugger will give him a job.

Her 18 year old fella seems to have his own business..

I read on Starcasm.net that he owns his own windshield repair shop. Not many 18 year olds that I know own their own buisness

Yes, this.

I really don't see the issue here. Both Jessa and the gentleman seem to be comfortable with this arrangement. Both are adults and able to make their own life choices. This was, at one time, very much the norm in society. Sure, things have changed for the majority, but this family chooses to still exercise courtship with parental permission and chaperoning. If it works for them, more power to them.

I am so different from their family, but I love watching. I drink beer, curse, and heck I don't even go to church!

 

[LisaR]

I don't really see an adult asking her father's permission to court or text or whatever as that different than asking a father's hand for marriage or giving the bride away. I wouldn't have been happy with any of the above, but lots of people seem to want their fathers to have some sort of role in it. As long as it's their choice and they have the freedom to choose otherwise, I don't see a big issue.

You don't see any difference between a father deciding who his daughter can date, making rules for what they are allowed to do on the date, accompanying them on said date, and reading and approving all text messages versus a one time courtesy gesture where a guy asks his soon to be FIL for his DD's hand in marriage?


Their lifestyle is not for me. I am also not a fan of any human who controls another human. That is the one and only part of their lifestyle that I truly hate. The rest doesn't bother me. There are much worse family dynamics in this world. I do wish they were given an opportunity to spread their wings a bit more.

 

[Granny square]

. Is he living at home, or did she go live with him? Is she accounting for all his time not in class? Odd.

Crazy. Mom is a controlling witch who'd probably still be nursing him if she could. Still nursing the 3.5 year old frequently.

She's trying to convince the son that unless he can afford a family he has no right to encourage a girl.

Breaks my heart. Our friendship ended when I told her that he needed to be allowed to grow up:/

 

[kidshop]

You don't see any difference between a father deciding who his daughter can date, making rules for what they are allowed to do on the date, accompanying them on said date, and reading and approving all text messages versus a one time courtesy gesture where a guy asks his soon to be FIL for his DD's hand in marriage?


Their lifestyle is not for me. I am also not a fan of any human who controls another human. That is the one and only part of their lifestyle that I truly hate. The rest doesn't bother me. There are much worse family dynamics in this world. I do wish they were given an opportunity to spread their wings a bit more.

Jim bob and Michelle were 'free' as teenagers and got to pick each for themselves. Their children are not allowed this same freedom. I think it is sad for the kids.

 

[Granny square]

But courting couples DO pick one another. My nephew in law and my niece were college friends. Attraction grew, he went and faked to my brother about taking her out and committed made himself accountable for not playing with her heart. Db did not read texts and such. So those are differences

Courting is really just saying not randomly dating.

But I've never known any courting couple except two Indian friends who's relationships were picked for them.

 

[chobie]

Jim bob and Michelle were 'free' as teenagers and got to pick each for themselves. Their children are not allowed this same freedom. I think it is sad for the kids.

Yes, that's part of what bothers me about them. They were not raised that strictly, went to public schools, wore immodest clothes, etc, but don't trust their own children to have those freedoms and still make good choices on their lives.

 

[DawnM]

About 4 years ago now they switched to the Switched on Schoolhouse curriculum.

That is pretty mainstream as far as academics go.

ETA: I went to their blog. Looks like they actually use a variety of things now, including things that many HSers use. http://duggarsblog.blogspot.com/2011/03/duggars-on-homeschool-curricula.html

Not a slam on homeschool at all. I have some wonderful friends who do a great job with it. The Duggars however don't. Their particular brand of "homeschool" is really no more than can you read, make change, and quote the bible incessantly. They use Gothard homeschool and it is definitely NOT a well rounded program. They don't teach science, read secular books of any kid even classic literature, and it doesn't teach any critical thinking or analysis lest the children question Mom and Dad's dictates. It won't get them very far outside thier little world.

 

[SydSim]

They aren't married because they are needed to raise the little ones still at home. I am sure once the little ones are older the pressure to marry will begin in earnest. Their "training" happens under very controlled circumstances with only like minded people or strict supervision. The parent's goal is to have them exposed to as little outside infulence as possible and that the girls never work outside the home.

You know, I have heard them say that being a mom and homemaker are honorable professions for their daughters and they highly encourage it, but I haven't heard them say that their goal is that the girls never work outside the home. If that's the case, why did they allow them to study nursing/midwifery? Can you post a link to that conversation? I'd really like to see that, because I have always been under the impression that they had high hopes that the girls choose homemaking, but not that their goal was to have them not work outside of the home.

Maybe I missed something. Since they're very conservative, I can understand trying to limit outside influences because this world is kinda wacky. Heck, I don't want my DD hanging out with a bunch of crackheads, alcoholics and hussies!

 

[disykat]

You don't see any difference between a father deciding who his daughter can date, making rules for what they are allowed to do on the date, accompanying them on said date, and reading and approving all text messages versus a one time courtesy gesture where a guy asks his soon to be FIL for his DD's hand in marriage?


.

I didn't say I didn't see "any difference," I said to me it doesn't seem that different. Historically and traditionally, it has been very common for fathers to be involved in the whole process of marrying off their daughters. Degree is simply a matter of opinion. Obviously everyone's mileage is going to vary on what they think is appropriate.

 

[Robbi]

Why does anyone here care about how the Duggars raise their children? It has zero impact on my life. If it did, I'd care but it doesn't.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Why does anyone here care about how the Duggars raise their children? It has zero impact on my life. If it did, I'd care but it doesn't.

Define "care". I see it as a discussion and expressing of opinions. You know, like on a 'discussion' board. Do others' opinions about how the Duggars raise their children impact your life?