This is the worst week of my life

[BlueIvy]

Generally (and I stress generally, every place is different) is she presses charges, the first thing they will do is actually pick him up and arrest him. Once she presses charges she doesn't have to be in the city for them to arrest him. Now she may want to leave a phone number just in case there are some additional questions. Now you don't have to have injuries for a file a domestic abuse charge (I can't remember if op had any or not).

Yes I have visible injuries .. I'm actually really upset about that. I never had a scar on my face until now . My leg is still blue where he kicked me with the strength of a horse . The nails mark on my neck are pretty much gone . The police took pictures of everything and I took additional photos ...they're stored in a photobucket account . He still hasn't been arrested and I'm not surprised I was told by a friend it takes awhile because they have other priorities like finding rapists/murderors etc.

 

[BlueIvy]

I've read all the posts and wanted to chime in to say I hope you and your kids have a fabulous time, I'm glad you decided to go. I think that you will easily be able to afford food with the suggestions posted. We always take snacks, like everywhere we go and that helps tremendously.

I would also encourage you to stay strong and seek help. Stay far away from this man. Things will only get worse. GL and big hugs.

Thank you..yes I am staying far away from him. I am so glad I did not give in and respond to his apology letter. I almost did...I so wanted to ask him why did he cheat on me and lie to me if he loved me ...but than I felt it was such an asanine stupid thing to ask considering he just brutally beat me up and for me to be more concerned about the cheating. I'm glad I just gave it to the detective and didn't respond. If I would've responded I know he would've sucked me back in and I would've ultimately dropped the charges.

 

[marthachick]

You will probably not want to do TS meals. DS was worried about "wasting time" waiting for TS meals when we were there with him. Lol. You should be fine with $400. The past 8 months have been horrible for us (completely different situation) and sometimes you just need to get away! Set a small amount for each child to get souvenirs and help them find something in their price range. Hope you have a wonderful time.

 

[Shmily1]

Congratulations on your trip. Even more congratulations on your determination! Go on your trip and enjoy the things that matter most--Your children. Think of your good times with them. Let him be history and don't let him rent space in your day or your mind. Stay strong and don't back down. You will have plenty of money for your trip so go and enjoy! Then tell us all about how much fun you had.

 

[bumbershoot]

Yes I have visible injuries .. I'm actually really upset about that. I never had a scar on my face until now . My leg is still blue where he kicked me with the strength of a horse . The nails mark on my neck are pretty much gone .

Once the open wounds have healed, I would recommend Arnica. Cream or even the pellets; it helps with healing. Works REALLY well on bruises, so get it on your leg asap.

I almost did...I so wanted to ask him why did he cheat on me and lie to me if he loved me ...but than I felt it was such an asanine stupid thing to ask considering he just brutally beat me up and for me to be more concerned about the cheating.

I'm so glad you didn't respond. The answer to that question is truly impossible. Most people will just lie. Or if they don't lie, it's either bewildering or devastating. I'm pretty sure that my dad still "loved" my mom while he was doing what he was doing. It's just that the definition of "love" isn't what anyone should think of as love. Something gets twisted somewhere in some peoples' minds, and it's impossible for others to really comprehend. So ultimately the answer is useless, and I'm so glad you didn't ask.

And...what you said at the end there, "I know he would've sucked me back in and I would've ultimately dropped the charges"....that's another reason "intimate terrorism" (the newer word for "domestic violence", according to an old friend who works to fight it) gets a lower attention rate from the police. Because so many people DO go back and DO drop the charges. And then the more people that do that, the more cynical the police get, and the more likely they are to assume that the *next* person will drop the charges as well.

I'm glad that you know yourself and know what to do to keep that from happening.

My mom has since passed away, but to the end if she heard this one particular song she would shudder in horror, because it was the song my dad would play as he sweet talked her back into his life. He wouldn't be there to do that IF the cops had ever actually arrested him, of course (she would NOT have dropped the charges), but they never did, so he was around to do that.

Good for you.



I also wanted to mention that while some are focusing on "she saved for that long and ended up with 1K", but that's not true, is it? Haven't you said something about the trip having ALREADY cost 5K? So you saved for that long and got 6K. Which is pretty darned good.

 

[keiraliz]

I have nothing else to add because you've already gotten such wonderful advice. I will say that you are such a strong woman, and I hope that you have a speedy recovery from all of your injuries. I'm so glad you decided to go on your vacation. Go and have fun. Enjoy spending time with your kids! Hearing about how excited they are brought a smile to my face, and I'm sure you and your kids are going to make some wonderful memories. You deserve to get away for awhile. Have a fun, safe, and relaxing trip!

 

[JoShan1719]

First of all, I'm so so sorry this happened to you.

Second, I haven't read all the responses so these may have been suggested already, but just a few budget-saving tips off the top of my head:

1. Water is free at all locations
2. A few of the quick service places have really good toppings bars. I've made salads at Cosmic Rays and Pecos Bill and then shared the fries with my boyfriend when we've gone on a budget.
3. Maybe grab some snacks from the dollar store before you leave. You'll have lots of munchies that won't cost a lot and sometimes they have things like Disney-themed gummies or whatnot

Good luck to you, I really hope you all have a wonderful trip and show that jerk that you're much stronger than he thinks.

 

[BlueIvy]

Once the open wounds have healed, I would recommend Arnica. Cream or even the pellets; it helps with healing. Works REALLY well on bruises, so get it on your leg asap.




I'm so glad you didn't respond. The answer to that question is truly impossible. Most people will just lie. Or if they don't lie, it's either bewildering or devastating. I'm pretty sure that my dad still "loved" my mom while he was doing what he was doing. It's just that the definition of "love" isn't what anyone should think of as love. Something gets twisted somewhere in some peoples' minds, and it's impossible for others to really comprehend. So ultimately the answer is useless, and I'm so glad you didn't ask.

And...what you said at the end there, "I know he would've sucked me back in and I would've ultimately dropped the charges"....that's another reason "intimate terrorism" (the newer word for "domestic violence", according to an old friend who works to fight it) gets a lower attention rate from the police. Because so many people DO go back and DO drop the charges. And then the more people that do that, the more cynical the police get, and the more likely they are to assume that the *next* person will drop the charges as well.

I'm glad that you know yourself and know what to do to keep that from happening.

My mom has since passed away, but to the end if she heard this one particular song she would shudder in horror, because it was the song my dad would play as he sweet talked her back into his life. He wouldn't be there to do that IF the cops had ever actually arrested him, of course (she would NOT have dropped the charges), but they never did, so he was around to do that.

Good for you.



I also wanted to mention that while some are focusing on "she saved for that long and ended up with 1K", but that's not true, is it? Haven't you said something about the trip having ALREADY cost 5K? So you saved for that long and got 6K. Which is pretty darned good.

Omg...he just sent me another apology via his friend Its starting to weigh heavily on me.. Im just going to block the whole situation out of my mind. I leave in the morning..Im still packing.. I will have no cellphone service onboard (a blessing i can truly escape) .

The lunchables my kids wanted as a treat went on sale today ... instead of $3.99 each they were 2 for $4.00 .

I bought the mugs we would need. Im pretty much all set . My grandfather gave me $100 to go towards the trip I'm going to use it for any extras my kids might want. I don't need anything extra. I'm going to be happy just being able to escape. Im bringing plenty of books. I plan on reading and relaxing and getting snorkel gear for castaway cay...thats my one and only splurge for myself

 

[pryncess527]

Omg...he just sent me another apology via his friend Its starting to weigh heavily on me.. Im just going to block the whole situation out of my mind. I leave in the morning..Im still packing.. I will have no cellphone service onboard (a blessing i can truly escape) .

The lunchables my kids wanted as a treat went on sale today ... instead of $3.99 each they were 2 for $4.00 .

I bought the mugs we would need. Im pretty much all set . My grandfather gave me $100 to go towards the trip I'm going to use it for any extras my kids might want. I don't need anything extra. I'm going to be happy just being able to escape. Im bringing plenty of books. I plan on reading and relaxing and getting snorkel gear for castaway cay...thats my one and only splurge for myself

Stay strong and have a great trip with your kids

 

[mrsksomeday]

Omg...he just sent me another apology via his friend Its starting to weigh heavily on me.. Im just going to block the whole situation out of my mind. I leave in the morning..Im still packing.. I will have no cellphone service onboard (a blessing i can truly escape) .

Is there a restraining order against him? If so, wouldn't these apologies break it? Tell the police officer about it.

If you even think of possibly forgiving him, remember how it felt when he scratched you, kicked you and hit you in the face. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you want to have that or worse happen to you again. Think about your children, they should never have someone like that in their lives.

HE IS NO GOOD, nothing he can ever say can make things right again. He is not the man you thought he was, he killed that guy when he cheated on you and beat you up.

Change your cell number (give the new one to the police) and change your email addresses.

 

[ZehnJahren]

God bless you, have a great, great trip!

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Wow...at all the rude responses calling me a liar and a scam artist. I haven't asked anyone for a penny nor would I accept any handouts. I provided details of my assault because I still think about it constantly . I don't have any support system. When my mom learned I was assaulted she didn't even bother to call me until the next day. I refused to pick up the phone when I finally did talk to her she blamed me and said I deserved it for going through his phone and called me a drama queen when I told her I was pressing charges. My brother refused to come over to help protect me just in case he came back. He said he didn't care and it's my fault. I shouldn't have touched his phone.

I don't have any friends. Not even one . I'm an introvert and I find social situations to be excruciating so I have no friends. It's just me and my two kids.

He never hit me with his hands prior to that night he beat me. He did call me names sometimes ....and in general he could be very disrespectful but I never imagined he'd beat the crap out of me.

I'm not a liar . I just wanted advice/support. He was my boyfriend we did not live together. He never had a key to my apartment .

WRONG you have us as a your friend. Yes there are going to be the Debbie Downers on here but there are those of us that will support you. We will stand beside you and offer any advise you need.
Don't be afraid to ask us for advise...
Now put on your happy face because you have a DISNEY trip to take

 

[marthachick]

Omg...he just sent me another apology via his friend Its starting to weigh heavily on me.. Im just going to block the whole situation out of my mind. I leave in the morning..Im still packing.. I will have no cellphone service onboard (a blessing i can truly escape) .

Remember! This man BEAT AND KICKED you in front of your kids!!!! This is inexcusable and unforgivable!!!! Do not reply. Do not engage. Do not go back. Next time he may hurt your children. And that would be your fault. Go,have a blast and try to forget this loser.

 

[Karlzmom]

Remember! This man BEAT AND KICKED you in front of your kids!!!! This is inexcusable and unforgivable!!!! Do not reply. Do not engage. Do not go back. Next time he may hurt your children. And that would be your fault. Go,have a blast and try to forget this loser.

Have you obtained a restraining order? Does it state not contact through 3d parties? If not, you should. If so, then you should contact your local law enforcement to document the violation. Most communities have victim assistance programs that can help you obtain the right orders.

 

[bumbershoot]

Its starting to weigh heavily on me..

What, exactly, is weighing heavily on your mind?

That he committed a crime, against you, and he doesn't want to go to jail for it? Rightfully go to jail for brutally beating another human being?

What is the problem that's weighing on you? He chose to cheat and he chose to hurt you grievously. He should be dead to you.

Your kids are watching. Right now they are seeing a strong woman who is DONE, the FIRST time, with a person who hurts them. Don't let them see a woman who will let a "man" come sniveling back.

My mom divorced my dad by the time I was 4 and we hadn't lived WITH him since I was 2, but it still messed me up in relationships. I was in my late 20s when I finally sorted it all through in my mind and got a clue. My brother, thankfully, was so young he doesn't remember much of it at all. My husband got to live with violence his whole life living at home, how lucky for him, and thankfully he managed to stop the cycle of abuse because he could see it clearly enough. (his sister, however, made continued choices similar to their mom) It could have easily gone the other way, with him learning that THAT is how you treat a woman.

Don't let your kids learn that abuse = relationship. Not for a boyfriend who wasn't even a boyfriend the whole time he was with you.

 

[wilkeliza]

Omg...he just sent me another apology via his friend Its starting to weigh heavily on me.. Im just going to block the whole situation out of my mind. I leave in the morning..Im still packing.. I will have no cellphone service onboard (a blessing i can truly escape) .

The lunchables my kids wanted as a treat went on sale today ... instead of $3.99 each they were 2 for $4.00 .

I bought the mugs we would need. Im pretty much all set . My grandfather gave me $100 to go towards the trip I'm going to use it for any extras my kids might want. I don't need anything extra. I'm going to be happy just being able to escape. Im bringing plenty of books. I plan on reading and relaxing and getting snorkel gear for castaway cay...thats my one and only splurge for myself

Don't let him occupy your life at all. If anyone you know is friends with him cut them out of your life. A mutual acquaintance or friend who will deliver messages from him is not your friend. Don't even give them the time of day or allow them around you or your children. If they are not mutual friends but just someone he sent to your house then make sure you restraining order has a third party clause and if necessary get a restraining order for his friends and even his mother. Let the DA know that you are feeling harassed by these people to drop the charges and forgive him.

Most of all don't let him ruin this special time with your kids? Do you have someone looking after your place while you are gone?

 

[luv2sleep]

I haven't read all of the posts but I want to let you like you have friends here. I'm also an introverted single mom and I have to make huge efforts to make friends because it doesn't come easily. I'm
so sorry he did this to you. I hope you never go bank to him. He will hit again and could kill you next time. Feel free to pm if you'd like.

 

[SplashMo]

Enjoy the trip. I am sure you will have some reflective moments on the trip and know that leaving him and not going back is the correct thing to do.

I will echo what others are saying to never go back to him, be alone with him, date him, etc. As sad as this day is it could have been worse. Our community lost a teacher from a similar incident. it was one punch and it was in front of her child as well.

Be proud of yourself and your children. Never look back. You are going to do great.

 

[BlueIvy]

Have you obtained a restraining order? Does it state not contact through 3d parties? If not, you should. If so, then you should contact your local law enforcement to document the violation. Most communities have victim assistance programs that can help you obtain the right orders.

I went to the criminal courthouse to obtain a restraining order as soon as I could . The clerk behind the desk told me that she cannot issue me a restraining order without him having been arrested first. I thought the police issued a warrant as soon as I was attacked and that was wrong as well. The detective is the one who issued the warrant. I don't know why they haven't arrested him yet . I sent the detective another email yesterday asking him to keep in contact with me about any updates reguarding my case.

He's getting in contact with me via facebook through his female friend. (She's more like my friend now) . She told me he keeps asking her to tell me how sorry he is . She sent me a message he wrote her and I just rolled my eyes he went on and on about how much he loves my kids . I told her to tell him that I don't want to hear his fake I'm sorrys and to never speak to or contact me again.

This is precisely why I'm deleting my facebook. I want there to be no possible way I will hear from him.

 

[BlueIvy]

Enjoy the trip. I am sure you will have some reflective moments on the trip and know that leaving him and not going back is the correct thing to do.

I will echo what others are saying to never go back to him, be alone with him, date him, etc. As sad as this day is it could have been worse. Our community lost a teacher from a similar incident. it was one punch and it was in front of her child as well.

Be proud of yourself and your children. Never look back. You are going to do great.

Wow...she died from one punch? I could've died as well. When he kicked me and I fell into the bathtub my head hit the faucet nearly breaking it off . If I would've lost consciousness he probaly would've just ran out the door leaving my body with my kids...I feel sick just thinking about that scenario.