Little Kids and peeing in the pool - what would you do?

[AndreaA]

If a stranger said something to my child that was inappropriate, yes, I would place a phone call to deal with the situation so that, I didn't escalate the issue. I'm not sure I know anyone who wouldn't.

And you would get no satisfaction with the results because the OP said NOTHING that was inappropriate. We're not talking about someone yelling at a stranger's kid, swearing, threatening or using any derogatory language whatsoever.

If you really don't know anyone who feels appropriately mortified rather than affronted when their child is corrected for behavior that THEY should have corrected, then again, I fear for the state of this entitled, selfish, "me, me, me" society we have become.

 

[Gracefulskinny]

I guess I fail to see how the OP "disciplined" the child. OP stated a fact: I heard you say you peed in the pool. Then said: There is no peeing in this pool. It is not allowed.

The child wasn't even scolded...OP did not say, "You are disgusting and a bad child." Nothing along the lines of that. OP did not say, "You need to be punished for what your did." Heck...OP did not even say, "You cannot come in here." All OP did was state a fact. If stating FACTS is now considered a form of "discipline" then I find that incredibly concerning. If kids can not handle hearing someone else say what they did...then they are in for a rough life.

What the OP stated was corrective and accusatory. (Whether her statement was true or not). It is not alright to make such statements to someone elses child.


Note: If you look through the thread you will notice that those with any kind of experience in raising and dealing with children are all saying the same thing. Maybe you inexperienced folk should wise up.

What that kid did was not equal to the reprimand he received. And again may I remind you as an outsider have no way of knowing what the situation was with that kid and his family. I can think of many examples of why such behavior could be deemed okay.

 

[Mousemommy1]

I guess I fail to see how the OP "disciplined" the child. OP stated a fact: I heard you say you peed in the pool. Then said: There is no peeing in this pool. It is not allowed.

The child wasn't even scolded...OP did not say, "You are disgusting and a bad child." Nothing along the lines of that. OP did not say, "You need to be punished for what your did." Heck...OP did not even say, "You cannot come in here." All OP did was state a fact. If stating FACTS is now considered a form of "discipline" then I find that incredibly concerning. If kids can not handle hearing someone else say what they did...then they are in for a rough life.

This exactly. Had the OP been nasty or rude to the child that's one thing, however, OP was not. OP had a right to speak up, and I think it's pretty clear that had the OP talked to the parents not much would have come from it based on their reaction to the child's admission.

If the OP had done talked to my children in this situation I would have just been upset at my kids for lacking any sort of manners and furthermore for trying to lie about it when confronted.

Yes, it is a problem that kids are not allowed by some parents to be held responsible for their bad behavior. It only gets worse as they get older....

But, everyone has their different parenting styles. I'm going to stick with mine and make sure my kids are held responsible for their actions, whether they receive negative or positive results for their actions.

 

[maxiesmom]

What that kid did was not equal to the reprimand he received. And again may I remind you as an outsider have no way of knowing what the situation was with that kid and his family. I can think of many examples of why such behavior could be deemed okay.

Really??? When is it ok to have a kid pee in the pool? And when is it ok for a parent to encourage such behavior?

 

[OurBigTrip]

Do you really not see the difference between trying to "discipline" a child who has done nothing wrong and is simply upset, and speaking up to a child who has BROKEN A BASIC RULE OF CIVILITY? Really? Good grief. I fear for our entire society.

Your standard, as stated previously, is that you would correct a child who was doing something you found objectionable and that was disturbing your family.

I find it objectionable that a four year old would whine and cry and throw a fit over losing a stuffed animal or a blanket, and it disturbs my family.

Why shouldn't I say something, using the criteria that you laid out?

 

[OurBigTrip]

Yes, it is a problem that kids are not allowed by some parents to be held responsible for their bad behavior. It only gets worse as they get older....

But, everyone has their different parenting styles. I'm going to stick with mine and make sure my kids are held responsible for their actions, whether they receive negative or positive results for their actions.

I believe that kids should be held responsible for their actions - by their parents, loved ones or recognized authority figures.

Not by total strangers at a theme park pool.

 

[AndreaA]

What the OP stated was corrective and accusatory. (Whether her statement was true or not). It is not alright to make such statements to someone elses child.


Note: If you look through the thread you will notice that those with any kind of experience in raising and dealing with children are all saying the same thing. Maybe you inexperienced folk should wise up.

What that kid did was not equal to the reprimand he received. And again may I remind you as an outsider have no way of knowing what the situation was with that kid and his family. I can think of many examples of why such behavior could be deemed okay.

And what, exactly, was the reprimand? When the OP stated the facts? When she told him he couldn't do that near her? I would LOVE to know an example of when peeing in the pool and LAUGHING about it is deemed okay.

Oh, and if you'll see my signature, I've got TWO kids near the age of the kid mentioned in the OP. If either one of them peed in a pool and joyfully shouted about it, you can bet they would be sitting in time out on the side, at the very least, and I would not be laughing.

To OBT, obviously I was speaking of actions which are universally accepted as disturbing: running around a restaurant, poking other people, stealing food off plates, peeing in pools, etc.. all fall into those categories. Crying because one is upset does not. In fact, it usually leads to others trying to comfort the child in acts frequently referred to as "pixie dust" on this board.

 

[OurBigTrip]

To OBT, obviously I was speaking of actions which are universally accepted as disturbing: running around a restaurant, poking other people, stealing food off plates, peeing in pools, etc.. all fall into those categories. Crying because one is upset does not. In fact, it usually leads to others trying to comfort the child in acts frequently referred to as "pixie dust" on this board.

In other words, behavior that your kids might and probably have engaged in is OK, even if it is objectionable to others and disturbs their families, but behavior that you're sure your kids would NEVER engage in should be corrected by total strangers until the child cries.

 

[AndreaA]

In other words, behavior that your kids might and probably have engaged in is OK, even if it is objectionable to others and disturbs their families, but behavior that you're sure your kids would NEVER engage in should be corrected by total strangers until the child cries.

Not true at all. I've had my boys get overly rambunctious (not running around, but too loud for my tastes - one of them has sensory issues and is sometimes overstimulated) and I absolutely corrected them MYSELF. If I hadn't done so and they'd escalated to actually running around, then I would fully expect someone else to say something to them.

 

[OurBigTrip]

Not true at all. I've had my boys get overly rambunctious (not running around, but too loud for my tastes - one of them has sensory issues and is sometimes overstimulated) and I absolutely corrected them MYSELF. If I hadn't done so and they'd escalated to actually running around, then I would fully expect someone else to say something to them.

Fair enough - then if I'm in line behind them and they're whining and crying over a lost lovey, and it's disturbing me and my family, but you're doing nothing to correct the behavior, you would have no problem with me telling them to suck it and quit crying, right?

 

[Gracefulskinny]

Really??? When is it ok to have a kid pee in the pool? And when is it ok for a parent to encourage such behavior?

A few examples:

1} a kid that's potty training with a swim diaper on under his swim suit

2} a kid with development issues and a parent that recognizes that you can't do anything about it now so its a non issue

3} A kid from a confused and rough background that is dealing with psychological issues and a parent that is picking and choosing their battles

4} A parent that fought a battle to get the kid to go the bathroom before they went to the pool only to have the kid go as soon as they hit the water.

5} A child that has a fixation issue. Calling attention to the behavior would only just keep the more interruptive (the loud announcing) behavior going


The above examples wouldn't necessarily be noticeable to the every day stranger.

I should also state that a parent laughing something off is not a parent that encourages that behavior. Sometimes its just a resignation for what has occured.

I believe that kids should be held responsible for their actions - by their parents, loved ones or recognized authority figures.

Not by total strangers at a theme park pool.

This! Absoultely 100% yes!


By the way... It is my understanding that there are posted signs saying that the hot tubs are for adults only. It would have be much less confrontational to just direct them to one of those said signs. After all there is a reason for such a rule.

(The key differences here are that there is a posted sign against the action and said rule is for the child's own safety. )

 

[AndreaA]

Fair enough - then if I'm in line behind them and they're whining and crying over a lost lovey, and it's disturbing me and my family, but you're doing nothing to correct the behavior, you would have no problem with me telling them to suck it and quit crying, right?

Fortunately that wouldn't happen to me because if my child was crying and disturbing others I would a) already be comforting them and b)going back to the resort to find it or buy another - and that actually DID HAPPEN on our last trip. Lost pacifier = immediate trip to the babycarecenter.

That's the difference between me and the parent in the OP - I'd already be actively PARENTING, with no need for help.

And I don't buy that laughing it off is just "resignation". It would take nothing for the father to have said something simple like, "we don't do that in the pool, son," and none of your examples are reason for him not to have done so.

 

[OurBigTrip]

Fortunately that wouldn't happen to me because if my child was crying and disturbing others I would a) already be comforting them and b)going back to the resort to find it or buy another - and that actually DID HAPPEN on our last trip. Lost pacifier = immediate trip to the babycarecenter.

That's the difference between me and the parent in the OP - I'd already be actively PARENTING, with no need for help.

And I don't buy that laughing it off is just "resignation". It would take nothing for the father to have said something simple like, "we don't do that in the pool, son," and none of your examples are reason for him not to have done so.

Again, fair enough - so a total stranger tells your child to suck it up and quit whining over a stuffed animal, and you wouldn't say a word?

 

[AndreaA]

Again, fair enough - so a total stranger tells your child to suck it up and quit whining over a stuffed animal, and you wouldn't say a word?

If I was already dealing with the situation, then yes I would say something. Something to the effect of, "I'm already dealing with it, thank you, and please don't use foul language in front of my child."

The difference is that the father in this case DIDN'T DEAL WITH IT. I'm not sure how much clearer that can be made! And the OP DIDN'T discipline or otherwise chastise the child. She stated the facts: you peed in the other pool, don't pee in this pool, it's not allowed. Period.

I'd like to turn it around and ask, if a child was actively teasing, laughing at and bothering your child and the parent was either not there or doing nothing, would you stand by and say nothing? Make YOUR well-behaved child leave?

 

[Gracefulskinny]

and none of your examples are reason for him not to have done so.

I'm so glad your such a perfect parent that you feel you can condescend and judge others.

Would I have done differently in that situation.... I'd like to think I would. But, if it had been a long day of traveling everybody was worn out and tension had been high and I was in a new time zone and my kids were wired, who knows how I would have reacted.

 

[OurBigTrip]

I'm so glad your such a perfect parent that you feel you can condescend and judge others.

Exactly! Given the details that AndreaA has offered up, I would vehemently disagree with her self-assessment as a perfect parent, but to each her own!

 

[AndreaA]

Exactly! Given the details that AndreaA has offered up, I would vehemently disagree with her self-assessment as a perfect parent, but to each her own!

And since I flat out denied being a perfect parent (as with the admission that my children DO sometimes act up) your disagreement is sort of a moot point.

 

[OurBigTrip]

If I was already dealing with the situation, then yes I would say something. Something to the effect of, "I'm already dealing with it, thank you, and please don't use foul language in front of my child."

What foul language? "Suck it up"? "Quit whining"?

Bottom line, you would respond because YOU don't want anyone else to correct your child, yet you feel that you have the right to correct other people's children if you don't like their behavior.

I'd like to turn it around and ask, if a child was actively teasing, laughing at and bothering your child and the parent was either not there or doing nothing, would you stand by and say nothing? Make YOUR well-behaved child leave?

I would say something to the parent, not the child. If the parent did nothing, then I would remove my child from the situation.

 

[maxiesmom]

A few examples:

1} a kid that's potty training with a swim diaper on under his swim suit

2} a kid with development issues and a parent that recognizes that you can't do anything about it now so its a non issue

3} A kid from a confused and rough background that is dealing with psychological issues and a parent that is picking and choosing their battles

4} A parent that fought a battle to get the kid to go the bathroom before they went to the pool only to have the kid go as soon as they hit the water.

5} A child that has a fixation issue. Calling attention to the behavior would only just keep the more interruptive (the loud announcing) behavior going


The above examples wouldn't necessarily be noticeable to the every day stranger.

Sorry but none of those things make it ok for a kid to pee in the pool. Understandable when accidents happen maybe. But that is not what happened here. And if someone had a child with any of the above issues I would wager they would be more attentive to that child around the pool. And not laugh about it.

 

[AndreaA]

What foul language? "Suck it up"? "Quit whining"?

Bottom line, you would respond because YOU don't want anyone else to correct your child, yet you feel that you have the right to correct other people's children if you don't like their behavior.

I feel I have the right if the parent is NOT THERE and NOT RESPONDING. That is the big difference. If my child was not behaving and I wasn't there or was ignoring it, then I have no problem with someone else stepping in. If I disagree with the correction, then I'll say something. No contradiction there. If the grandfather in the OP wanted to tell the OP that he thought it was fine if his kid peed in the pool, then that's his right as well. Fact is, the grandfather realized it was unacceptable and apologized.

I would say something to the parent, not the child. If the parent did nothing, then I would remove my child from the situation.

Well then we will have to agree to disagree. I would not allow my child to be bullied and would tell the other child to stop. My child should not be deprived of fun by a child who is misbehaving.