Allowing DD (10) and friend (9) to roam ship?

[Topscot]

I don't think anyone walks the perfect parenting line between being over protective and under protective. We all do our best based on what we know about the world and what we know about our children.

The hardest thing about parenting IMO is pulling back a little....taking the training wheels off.....letting them go to the mall with friends....letting them drive the car...first date....spend the night with friends....go camping with his buddies.....going to girl scout summer camp....

We want to protect our children but we also want to prepare them to face the real world. Be too protective and you will find yourseld sending a 'child' off to college instead of a young adult. Not be protective enough and we put them in a situation they are not prepared for yet.

Read the various opinions on the matter but in the end, trust your instincts as a parent. Only you know your child.

Yep, this is exactly what I am going through right now. She has been going to Girl Scout camp since age 6. I don't know those camp counselors, anything could happen there. So does that mean I don't send her? No, I understand that something horrible could happen at anytime, but I can't keep her tied to me forever.

 

[Topscot]

If they are old enough to understand and follow basic safety procedures, such as: they stay together, they do not go into a non-public space with anybody no matter what they say, they do not go into anyone else's stateroom, and they do not allow anyone into their own stateroom, they'll most likely be OK if they keep their wave phones with them.

You know your own kids and you know if they are likely to be able to keep track of the wave phone and to follow your directions.

I think these are great rules! Good place to start when talking to the girls.


I just want to thank everyone for the great replies. I read every single one of them and took everyone's opinions to heart. Everyone had valid points and different experiences. I grew up in Canada during the 70's/ 80's and was out of the house from morning until dark. My parents never knew where I was. Come to find out that one of Canada's worst serial killers was also growing up blocks away and ended going to school with my sister. I would walk home from my job at Wendy's where I would get off at 2am, while this creep was starting to attack girls in the area. Stupid thing to do, I know, but there was no way I could ask my parents to pick me up. Just wasn't done in my family. I was scared to death and hyperaware as I walked down the street.

Now I have an only DD who is struggling with wanting independence. This was a kid who I just recently started allowing to play in front of the house and ride her bike to school. I have told her every horror story about kids being abducted that's come across the news, hoping that she'll be safe. All I can do is inform her what to do in different situations and hope to God she stays safe. I think a little bit of freedom on the ship will be good for her. She'll have lots of rules, but I will be able to loosen that tie a little bit. She will be with her best friend and they watch out for each other. She is a very well mannered girl, so I don't worry about her acting inappropriately or rudely towards other passengers. I trust her, it's the other people I don't trust. But she can't stay a child forever. Better to learn in baby steps than 1 big disaster when she goes off to college.

There is a great article regarding the different parenting styles of American and European parents that my DH pointed me to (he is from Scotland). Doesn't talk so much about the risks of kids and child molesters, but more about letting kids experience life in order to help them become responsible, well-rounded adults.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris...n-parents-got-it-all-backwards_b_3202328.html

 

[Bonniec]

I say it's just different parenting styles. My husband is also from Scotland and he is far more protecting than I am.

 

[JnDRader]

Growing up if I didn't make myself disappear outside my butt got stuck doing chores ! We spent all day outside frequently blocks away from the house. This was as a 6-9 year old. As we got older it transitioned to miles from the house. We struggle now letting our now 11yo daughter ride her bike out of ear shot. She does go into a wooded "green" area behind our house regularly though. But then she has her bow and arrows then.

The ship is a controlled environment and about as secure as anything outside a home. We feel better about letting her roam there, with a friend, then we would at an amusement park or resort. It's a place where she can put to practice things we've taught her on how to behave. Or not . We have to start giving her enough slack to learn how to interact with others on her own. She knows the rules, she knows to be aware, and she knows to stay in touch. Honestly a DCL cruise ship is about a perfect place as we could find to let her gain some measure of independence while keeping our peace of mind. Can something bad happen? Yes. Is it likely to? Nope.

 

[klineyqueen]

My DS is 10 and asked me if he would have roaming privileges and be allowed to sign himself out of the club. I just gave him a look of "yeah right." The only place he can freely roam is the baseball field where he plays - and I can pretty much see every inch of it. I am not about to start free roaming on a cruise ship - at least not at 10. But to each their own. As one previous poster stated....if even for my own sanity. I don't want to have to worry about their safety. But Good Luck with whatever you choose.

 

[klineyqueen]

My DS is 10 and asked me if he would have roaming privileges and be allowed to sign himself out of the club. I just gave him a look of "yeah right." The only place he can freely roam is the baseball field where he plays - and I can pretty much see every inch of it. I am not about to start free roaming on a cruise ship - at least not at 10. But to each their own. As one previous poster stated....if even for my own sanity. I don't want to have to worry about their safety. But Good Luck with whatever you choose.

I must add....I am sending them each to church summer camp this year. I sent my son last year and I missed him terribly. I do know they need to spread their wings. But it has to be baby steps!

 

[ashley0139]

My family went on our first cruise when I was 11. There were no phones or pagers then. I had pretty much full freedom, signing myself out of the club, whatever. I remember a group of doing scavenger hunts during the kids program and going in and out of each others rooms and running around the ship looking for stuff. So much fun! I also went to lunch in the buffet by myself when my friends had to go somewhere else. I loved having that freedom on the ship. I still remember my mom telling me how proud she was of me for being so responsible and going and eating by myself even though no one was with me. I don't have kids yet, but I remember that cruise and my freedom so clearly, I would love to give them that freedom in the future. And now with Wave phones it's even better.

 

[yaddakal]

To each its own in this one. I would not let my soon to be ten year old roam, mainly because of the pool. There are no lifeguards and I would never forgive myself if something happened. My son was on the swim team and is awesome but the crowds plus no lifeguards plus most parents not watching freaks me out:-(

 

[Bonniec]

I don't think the ship is a secured environment at all. I think it gives the illusion because they can't drive away with your kids and Disney has the additional illusion of the bubble. What better place for a pedo to work? With most of the employees coming from other countries there is no way they are doing background checks. There are a lot of stories out there about things happening to kids on cruise ships. And it's not the pools (other than the one), its the employees grabbing the kids. Even one about a 16 year old being raped in her very own stateroom by the stateroom host.

I'm not saying these things can't happen anywhere and parents have to do what they think is best. But I have to cringe at all the posts saying a cruise is safer and it's the perfect place to allow kids to test their freedom. I'm sure the pedophiles think the same thing. No way would I allow a 9 or 10 year old to go off alone.

 

[expeditioneverestgrl]

Are the ten yo and nine yo mature enough to roam around the ship?

 

[gssmks]

When my DD was 10, we cruised alone on the Magic. I wanted to go Palo Brunch with a Dis group I meet on here. I took my DD to the pool for just the period of time that it took for me to meet up the group and eat brunch. When I returned to the pool, my DD was standing by the railing waiting on me. The pool had become too crowded and some of the bigger boys were pushing and shoving. She got scared and so she got out of the pool and went to sit down to wait on me. An adult woman started screaming at her saying that she was trying to steal one of their lounge chairs. By the time I got back to her she was scared to death. It was a terrible experience for my daughter. I felt so horrible that I had left her there alone. She will 16 when we cruise next, and it will be her first time roaming the ship alone. I will still worrry about her.

 

[luv2sleep]

When my DD was 10, we cruised alone on the Magic. I wanted to go Palo Brunch with a Dis group I meet on here. I took my DD to the pool for just the period of time that it took for me to meet up the group and eat brunch. When I returned to the pool, my DD was standing by the railing waiting on me. The pool had become too crowded and some of the bigger boys were pushing and shoving. She got scared and so she got out of the pool and went to sit down to wait on me. An adult woman started screaming at her saying that she was trying to steal one of their lounge chairs. By the time I got back to her she was scared to death. It was a terrible experience for my daughter. I felt so horrible that I had left her there alone. She will 16 when we cruise next, and it will be her first time roaming the ship alone. I will still worrry about her.

Why didn't you just have her go to the club instead?

 

[wwwosie]

When my DD was 10, we cruised alone on the Magic. I wanted to go Palo Brunch with a Dis group I meet on here. I took my DD to the pool for just the period of time that it took for me to meet up the group and eat brunch. When I returned to the pool, my DD was standing by the railing waiting on me. The pool had become too crowded and some of the bigger boys were pushing and shoving. She got scared and so she got out of the pool and went to sit down to wait on me. An adult woman started screaming at her saying that she was trying to steal one of their lounge chairs. By the time I got back to her she was scared to death. It was a terrible experience for my daughter. I felt so horrible that I had left her there alone. She will 16 when we cruise next, and it will be her first time roaming the ship alone. I will still worrry about her.

I sure hope you got a chance to tell that horrible woman that it wasn't "her" lounge chair! For goodness sakes! She was 10! Some adults! And it's natural to worry... enjoy your next trip!

 

[gssmks]

Why didn't you just have her go to the club instead?

Oh, that's the point. If I had it to do over I would. She wanted to swim while I was gone. I was reluctant to let her. I had never allowed her to be alone anywhere like that before. But, she begged and I finally thought "Oh well, it is Disney. I'm sure she will be fine". It didn't turn out fine. I am just thankful that nothing more serious happened. She was very scared and uncomfortable for while, but when I think about what could have happened. Just think, those boys who were pushing and shoving could have actually ended up in a more physical altercation and she would have been there alone. I just never thought about any of that when I agreed to let her go swimming while I ate.

But, a separate issue, she did not enjoy the clubs on any of our cruises. There were specific activities that she wanted to go to, but she did not want to be taken and left for long periods of time. If he had another friend her age that she already knew she may have liked it better.

 

[luv2sleep]

Oh, that's the point. If I had it to do over I would. She wanted to swim while I was gone. I was reluctant to let her. I had never allowed her to be alone anywhere like that before. But, she begged and I finally thought "Oh well, it is Disney. I'm sure she will be fine". It didn't turn out fine. I am just thankful that nothing more serious happened. She was very scared and uncomfortable for while, but when I think about what could have happened. Just think, those boys who were pushing and shoving could have actually ended up in a more physical altercation and she would have been there alone. I just never thought about any of that when I agreed to let her go swimming while I ate.

But, a separate issue, she did not enjoy the clubs on any of our cruises. There were specific activities that she wanted to go to, but she did not want to be taken and left for long periods of time. If he had another friend her age that she already knew she may have liked it better.

Ah that makes sense. Poor girl. What a disaster. Adults just should not treat kids that way! The pools are disappointing. I really wish they were bigger and had lifeguards like the resorts do.

 

[wwwosie]

Oh, that's the point. If I had it to do over I would. She wanted to swim while I was gone. I was reluctant to let her. I had never allowed her to be alone anywhere like that before. But, she begged and I finally thought "Oh well, it is Disney. I'm sure she will be fine". It didn't turn out fine. I am just thankful that nothing more serious happened. She was very scared and uncomfortable for while, but when I think about what could have happened. Just think, those boys who were pushing and shoving could have actually ended up in a more physical altercation and she would have been there alone. I just never thought about any of that when I agreed to let her go swimming while I ate.

But, a separate issue, she did not enjoy the clubs on any of our cruises. There were specific activities that she wanted to go to, but she did not want to be taken and left for long periods of time. If he had another friend her age that she already knew she may have liked it better.

The problem was the kids and the pool and the rude woman, so don't beat yourself up, those things cannot be controlled.

 

[gssmks]

I sure hope you got a chance to tell that horrible woman that it wasn't "her" lounge chair! For goodness sakes! She was 10! Some adults! And it's natural to worry... enjoy your next trip!

You have no idea how badly I want to tell her to shove her lounge chair. She was still there and my daughter showed me which one she was, but there were probably a hundred of little kids running around and I figured my satisfaction in telling her off wasn't worth scaring all of them. It would have just made me look like the big mean Mommy up at the pool. Then after that, it seemed like we ran in to her every where we went.

 

[gssmks]

Ah that makes sense. Poor girl. What a disaster. Adults just should not treat kids that way! The pools are disappointing. I really wish they were bigger and had lifeguards like the resorts do.

The family pool definitely needs to be bigger. There have been times when there were so many people in it that no one could move around and I have just told my daughter no.

 

[danfromca]

I don't think the ship is a secured environment at all. I think it gives the illusion because they can't drive away with your kids and Disney has the additional illusion of the bubble. What better place for a pedo to work? With most of the employees coming from other countries there is no way they are doing background checks. There are a lot of stories out there about things happening to kids on cruise ships. And it's not the pools (other than the one), its the employees grabbing the kids. Even one about a 16 year old being raped in her very own stateroom by the stateroom host.

I'm not saying these things can't happen anywhere and parents have to do what they think is best. But I have to cringe at all the posts saying a cruise is safer and it's the perfect place to allow kids to test their freedom. I'm sure the pedophiles think the same thing. No way would I allow a 9 or 10 year old to go off alone.

It's not that the ship is a secured environment, it's that it is probably lower risk than just about anywhere else.
There are not a "lot" of stories of things happening to kids on cruise ships - there are some, but it's very small considering the number of kids who go on cruises.

I'd bet, if someone did a statistical analysis, they'd find that a cruise ship is safer than most schools (and there ARE a lot of stories of things happening to kids at school). And most parents have no problems sending their kids off to school.

There is no such thing as perfect security. But for parents looking for a lower risk place to give their kids more opportunity to be independent, a Disney cruise is one of the better places.

Every parent has to find a balance that works for them.
Granting too much independence increases the risk that something bad might happen.
Granting too little independence increases the risk that the kid will grow up into a fearful adult who is incapable of functioning independently and unable to deal with even the smallest crisis or conflict.

What I find most "curious" are those parents who are so sure of their own perspective, that they consider parents who choose a different standard to be bad parents.....