Another wedding/shower thread.

[daughtersrus]

Back in the day the wedding shower was given by a bridesmaid or a family member and you only invited people to wedding showers that were going to be invited to the wedding.

How would you feel if you were invited (by email if that matters) by the bride to a wedding shower that you know that you will not be invited to the wedding?

If it matters, this is in a "cover your plate" with your wedding gift area in addition to a shower gift.

 

[babyrich]

Back in the day the wedding shower was given by a bridesmaid or a family member and you only invited people to wedding showers that were going to be invited to the wedding.

How would you feel if you were invited (by email if that matters) by the bride to a wedding shower that you know that you will not be invited to the wedding?

If it matters, this is in a "cover your plate" with your wedding gift area in addition to a shower gift.

Are you co-workers? we have bridal or baby showers at my office and most of the time are not invited to the wedding.

Maybe they are limited on the guest list but she wanted to invite you to celebrate a portion of the event with her.

 

[RadioNate]

Depends on WHY I wasn't being invited to the wedding. Co-workers? Destination wedding? Out of town wedding (the grooms location or her hometown?)

I actually think less people are out for the "gift grab" than this board assumes.

 

[babyrich]

I think I would rather go to the shower only. You dont have to give a gift for a wedding if youre not invited.

 

[Janepod]

Well, I am clutching my pearls at the horror of an emailed shower invitation. Fetch mama her smelling salts.

How would I feel? I would roll my eyes, then I would decline the evite and never think of it again. I wouldn't attend or send a gift, to the shower or the wedding. That's my typical response to blatant gift grabs.

 

[LuvLDM]

The Bride invited you to the shower? Does that mean she is hosting her own shower?
If so that's seriously tacky.

 

[design_mom]

I learned the same etiquette rules that you did, and I would not do what you say has been done. However, I wouldn't get overly offended by it, either.

I would attend/not attend depending on whether I felt like it (relationship to the bride, my schedule, etc.) I think the only time I would get particularly hurt is if I was invited to the shower with the expectation that I would also be invited to the wedding. Then end up not being invited. But since you know in advance that you are not invited to the wedding, then it wouldn't be a big deal.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Back in the day the wedding shower was given by a bridesmaid or a family member and you only invited people to wedding showers that were going to be invited to the wedding.

How would you feel if you were invited (by email if that matters) by the bride to a wedding shower that you know that you will not be invited to the wedding?

If it matters, this is in a "cover your plate" with your wedding gift area in addition to a shower gift.

I don't consider the maid of honor, a bridesmaid, or member of the bride's family hosting the shower as a "back in the day" type thing. It's proper ettiquitte. A shower hosted by the bride herself or even her mother would be very tacky and in poor taste.

Just as bad is sending out an EMAIL invitation for a shower. Shower invitations should be paper and mailed...even if they are just cheap paper invitations from the dollar store. The only exception I could see for this is if a boss or co-worker is hosting a work shower--I could perhaps see an email invite over company email for that.

Also just as bad is inviting someone to the shower who is not invited to the wedding--that is just something you should NOT do.

If I were in your position, I would politely decline.

 

[Robbi]

Sorry but this is a gift grab. Only people invited to the wedding are supposed to be invited to a bridal or couple's shower. The shower also is not supposed to be made up of every single woman or couple who are invited to the wedding. The guests are supposed to be only those closest to the bride/couple.

 

[pearlieq]

Depends on WHY I wasn't being invited to the wedding. Co-workers? Destination wedding? Out of town wedding (the grooms location or her hometown?)

I actually think less people are out for the "gift grab" than this board assumes.

My thoughts exactly. I'd need more context to decide what to do.

There are greedy opportunists in the world, but there are many more well-intentioned, slightly clueless people who probably just wanted to see you at their party or thought you'd enjoy coming.

 

[daughtersrus]

Thanks everyone for the comments. It's good to know that I'm not the only one. For those that asked, it's not a work situation but family. They're having a small wedding so only a few are invited but it looks like everyone else is being invited to the showers.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks everyone for the comments. It's good to know that I'm not the only one. For those that asked, it's not a work situation but family. They're having a small wedding so only a few are invited but it looks like everyone else is being invited to the showers.

Well then I suppose it matters how "close" you are to the bride/groom and if you want to go to the shower?

When is the last time you saw this person? How often do you socialize with them?

If you are not close and really do not socialize, then "delete".

 

[Disney Doll]

If I felt like going to the shower or sending a gift, I would.
Inviting via email is tacky.
Ther bride inviting you to her shower is tacky.

Since it is a family member, I would probably have "another commitment" but would send a smallish gift to keep peace in the family.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

There are many reasons you may not be invited to the wedding (such as a destination wedding and only close family members are attending), but a shower invitation from the Bride herself is just plain tacky.

 

[Mama Who]

Back in the day the wedding shower was given by a bridesmaid or a family member and you only invited people to wedding showers that were going to be invited to the wedding.

How would you feel if you were invited (by email if that matters) by the bride to a wedding shower that you know that you will not be invited to the wedding?

If it matters, this is in a "cover your plate" with your wedding gift area in addition to a shower gift.

I would feel like the victim of the bride's bad manners. I would decline to go.

If I am not invited to the wedding but you want me to join you in celebrating, invite me to a hen night, bachelorette party, engagement dinner, or other non-gift focused event. Better yet, throw a wedding that allows you to afford to include everyone who matters to you.

 

[pearlieq]

For those that asked, it's not a work situation but family. They're having a small wedding so only a few are invited but it looks like everyone else is being invited to the showers.

That would irk me a bit. I'd understand for a co-worker, but I'm not too keen on the idea of a family member who didn't want me as a guest as the actual event but is happy to invite me to bring a gift to a shower.

Usually when a couple has a small or destination wedding they throw a casual reception or party at a later date to celebrate with everyone who couldn't be there. That's gracious. Inviting someone to a shower only just seems greedy and tacky.

 

[Turn the Page]

When I got married my ex MILs best friend threw me a shower in my ILs hometown which was about 2 hours away from where we lived and where the wedding was held. I had only met one of the women who attended before, all the others were my MILs church friends.

After the shower I found out that she was not planning to extend wedding invitations to most of the people she had invited to the shower for various reasons. The one woman I met that day that I actually liked was not invited to the wedding because "she is divorced and wouldn't have anyone to ride with."

I felt so bad about the situation because I had always been taught that if you are invited to the shower then you are invited to the wedding. It's tacky to invite someone to the shower but not the wedding. Unfortunately, since they were my ex MILs friends whom I had never met I didn't know any of them and wasn't able to convince my MIL they needed to be invited.

I about died laughing a few weeks later when my MIL called to say she heard from her best friend that the woman in question had been planning to come to the wedding but hadn't been invited. She asked me what she should do and I told her to just call the woman up and say we hadn't gotten her RSVP and needed to know if she was able to make it or not and when she said she hadn't gotten an invitation just tell her it must have gotten lost in the mail or something and we really hope she can make it. My MIL didn't want to do that so she just ignored the situation. I felt so bad for that poor woman. I guess I should have just put my foot down and sent out invitations anyway but that would have started World War III with my ILs.