Last time We've been there in 2000, but i don't assume it did change drastically since then. Every Island has something unique and wonderful to offer. But Waikiki beach and Honolulu is like any other larger city with a Downtown and a night life that's associated with it. And I'm not talking clubs or dancing, just talking a walk on the beach or anywhere else after the sunset is kind of impossible, without those street and building lights we're all used to. It gets dark out there!
On Maui, Kauai and Hawaii Islands, most people kind of disappear with the sunset just to reappear along with the sunrise. Very relaxing, but might be too much for some.
Yet there's so many unique things to do. like on Maui, you have one of a kind black sand beaches in Hana. Just driving there is an experience you'll never forget. 60 Miles ride that take on average 3 hours to get there. Or there's a service that takes you to the top of Haleakaka volcano (10,000 ft) to watch the above the clouds sunrise and then they put you on a bike and you'll ride it downhill. They'll have a guide in front so you don't hurt your self speeding. And the submerged crater of Molokini is one of the top 10 best scuba diving and snorkeling spots in the world. But i did see people leaving Maui wearing cast, be careful.
And the beaches are more dangerous with deeper water and powerful waves compared with those found on Oahu where you can walk a long way in a shallow water. Unless you go to the Sunset Beach, the water will be shallow and warm.
There is a reason why they call Oahu the gathering Island.
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Now what's best for your family? Only you know what you, your kids and wife like to do on vacation...