Late people. I hate it!!!

[pacrosby]

Honestly I'm looking at this thread as a kind of light-hearted 'pet peeve' type thread.

Some people are perpetually late, some people are always on time. Can't we discuss it without it being a life or death topic?

Nobody is calling names, or, making it out to be life or death, but can't anything simply be discussed anymore without it having to be world war 3?

Nobody is saying anyone is raising their kids wrong, or, not treating their MIL right, or making accusations about spousal abuse.

Come on.....It's a thread about some folks running late and some not.

If anyone thinks someone should lighten up on this lightweight topic, then it maybe it's being taken a little too seriously.

IDK Bob...I'd love to take you at your word but I read your posts. And the posts of many others. Seems to me more than a few have their panties all in a bunch about this topic Perhaps we should ALL try to be alittle more understanding of others.

 

[Christine]

Honestly I'm looking at this thread as a kind of light-hearted 'pet peeve' type thread.

Some people are perpetually late, some people are always on time. Can't we discuss it without it being a life or death topic?Nobody is calling names, or, making it out to be life or death, but can't anything simply be discussed anymore without it having to be world war 3?

Nobody is saying anyone is raising their kids wrong, or, not treating their MIL right, or making accusations about spousal abuse.

Come on.....It's a thread about some folks running late and some not.

If anyone thinks someone should lighten up on this lightweight topic, then it maybe it's being taken a little too seriously.

Re: bolded part. In a nutshell, no we cannot have a discussion without it turning into World War 3. This is because, on any discussion on the DIS, there is a right and wrong (well, not in ALL cases). Increasingly, over time, the folks in the "wrong" have been unable to admit their faults. Rather than just admit they are in the wrong, they get defensive, enraged and try to justify their bad behavior.

Agreeing to a time to meet someone, attend something with someone, etc. is a commitment. By showing up late all the time, you definitely breaching unwritten rules of socialization and professionalism. There are certainly many excusable absences for being late and most rational people accept them. However, this thread is clearly about the habitual abusers and their inability to be on time anywhere. I'm sure there are many reasons for their behavior. My MIL is one of them. She is neither selfish or self-centered. She is a 75 year old woman who has had undiagnosed ADHD all her life (you don't need to be a doctor to see it). She cannot organize herself enough to ever make it on time. However, if she really, really, really knows that there is a "punishment" for being late (she won't be admitted to the event for instance) she gives herself way more time to get ready and she can avoid it.

 

[Mel522]

As someone who is often a couple minutes late to pretty much everything, I just wanted to comment on a few things.

I missed out where I typed that I don't care all that much. Oh, thats because I never said that. That seems to be the conclusion you are drawing. Whatever, I can't control your conclusions.....and this is something that I don't call all that much about.

Something I deleted because my other post got too long was my thoughts on why some folks are always early. It's because they enjoy being smug and feeling superior to folks who are on time or a bit late. I have a friend like that. He watches the clock like a hawk and points out the arrival time of most other people all the time. It's very obnoxious. Does it really matter what time people arrive at a casual gathering of friends to watch a football game...no meal planned, everyone bringing snacks? So what if somebody misses the kickoff? but he will smile smugly and point out that Joe got there 11 minutes after kickoff. It obviously makes him feel good.

And yes, I do care about keeping other people waiting. But when I am kept waiting a few minutes I just ride with it. Life is too short to get my panties in a twist over it.

While I found your first point to be pretty much right on target for me as well, I have issues with this one. People who are early don't do it to make people who are on time or late feel bad. And although there are people like your friend who love to point out others faults, most will not. I have one friend who always points out how many minutes late I am when I pick her up when we hang out. No "thank you for driving me around," just "your 3 minutes late." No one else ever comments on my tardiness. Even the people I know hate it the most will just accept that it was only a few minutes and let it go.

People who are early do it because it is just who they are. Much like you and I are people who are late because that is just who we are. It is probably just as hard for them to show up late as we find it to show up early.

I went to a seminar about understanding different
personality types. The speaker said that
chronic lateness is a hardwired
trait that usually goes along with a very
humble personality ("oh, my presence isn't very
valuable to anyone, they are just
as well off without me so no need
for me to hurry"). She said to look
at this as an admirable quality (humility).
I don't buy it, but quite a few people in the
audience applauded and said they were
so glad someone finally understood them?!!

I have a very humble personality, and it has nothing to do with why I am late. I suspect the people that applauded just wanted something admirable to blame for their tardiness. I am late because I don't manage my time well and am frankly a little lazy in the morning. Things I think will only take 2 minutes end up taking 5. The simplest solution to this problem would be to get up earlier, but that is where the lazy in the morning part comes in. I do find that I am often early to things in the evening, but unfortunately most things I do that have a set time are during the morning.

I just want to conclude by saying that I don't like being late. It is the single most thing I hate about myself, but for what ever reason I cannot break the cycle. I agree with others that it is very rude. I am a very nice person, and I hate the fact that I always end up being rude and disrespectful to the people that are important to me.

 

[laurafergie]

I went to a seminar about understanding different
personality types. The speaker said that
chronic lateness is a hardwired
trait that usually goes along with a very
humble personality ("oh, my presence isn't very
valuable to anyone, they are just
as well off without me so no need
for me to hurry"). She said to look
at this as an admirable quality (humility).
I don't buy it, but quite a few people in the
audience applauded and said they were
so glad someone finally understood them?!!

OMG!
I have two relatives (uncle and aunt not married to each other, different families) that are completely over the top about being late to events. Uncle is typically 1-2 hours late, without fail. Aunt is ALWAYS 4+ hours. Aunt completely MISSED my cousin's wedding rehearsal dinner and expected us the go bug catering to find the food that was now gone.

In no way are these people humble. In fact, I think they are the Most self absorbed people I have ever met.

Just like in everything, there are always degrees. now the folks that habitualy run 10-15 minutes behind, I think it's more of a time management problem and I try not to sweat the small stuff.

FWIW, I am an exactly on time person, and will circle the block, or read in my car to accomplish it.

 

[Disney Doll]

Habitual latenes is rude.
It's not humble or loveable or anything other than rude.
The message is "Your time is not important to me".

AAD, ADHD, OCD...I don't care what the reason is. If someone with one of these issues can get themselves somewhere on time when it suits them, then they can gte themseleves somewhere on time all the time.

I have a friend like this. Drove me crazy until the day she was late. I called her, she said "Oh, I got caught up in something and haven't left my house yet. I'll be there in about 20 minutes". I told her to go right to the event because we were not waiting 20 minutes. I could tell she was a bit "put out" but she didn't say anything.

Now she's generally on time. If she's not going to be on time she calls and tells me she'll meet me wherever we're going. She also knows that if she does meet me somewhere that I will only wait a certain amount of time before I leave.

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

DH and I live by the old saying: If you are 10 minutes early, you are on time. If you are on time, you are late. If you are late, you are left out.

Just read the thread, and this post jumped out at me.

I've never heard this "old saying", and I'm in my 50s. I dislike it! If I'm on time, then I'm on time! This seems very passive-aggressive to me.

We had reservations for 5:15 at Sanaa at the Animal Kingdom Lodge on Friday evening. We got on the monorail at the Magic Kingdom at 4:30, and showed up at Sanaa at exactly 5:15. If they'd said we were late, I would have been royally ticked.

 

[MomofKatie]

Just read the thread, and this post jumped out at me.

I've never heard this "old saying", and I'm in my 50s. I dislike it! If I'm on time, then I'm on time! This seems very passive-aggressive to me.

We had reservations for 5:15 at Sanaa at the Animal Kingdom Lodge on Friday evening. We got on the monorail at the Magic Kingdom at 4:30, and showed up at Sanaa at exactly 5:15. If they'd said we were late, I would have been royally ticked.

Both DH and I heard it from our parents when we were young, so...

It simply means that if you don't plan for a little extra time to get places, say an extra 10 minutes, you will end up late more often than on time. And that ain't good (especially for those of us who want to make sure we are on time).

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

Both DH and I heard it from our parents when we were young, so...

It simply means that if you don't plan for a little extra time to get places, say an extra 10 minutes, you will end up late more often than on time. And that ain't good (especially for those of us who want to make sure we are on time).

I understand what it means. It's just dumb. I'm always on time. I consider myself to be on time when I show up on time, certainly not late.

 

[Hrhpd]

Both DH and I heard it from our parents when we were young, so...

It simply means that if you don't plan for a little extra time to get places, say an extra 10 minutes, you will end up late more often than on time. And that ain't good (especially for those of us who want to make sure we are on time).

If you are going to an event at somebody's house and you arrive 10 minutes early, do you ring the doorbell or do you wait around till the actual start time of the event?

I have to agree with others that it is far more rude to people to show up at their house 10 minutes early than 10 minutes late.

Oh, and the saying I always heard is that arriving 10 minutes after the start time is regarded as being "fashionably late" and most people I know actually plan on this when hosting an event.

 

[LilyWDW]

If you are going to an event at somebody's house and you arrive 10 minutes early, do you ring the doorbell or do you wait around till the actual start time of the event?

I have to agree with others that it is far more rude to people to show up at their house 10 minutes early than 10 minutes late.

Oh, and the saying I always heard is that arriving 10 minutes after the start time is regarded as being "fashionably late" and most people I know actually plan on this when hosting an event.

I am always early for events. That said, I would NEVER show up at someones house 10 minutes early. I would find somewhere to wait until the actual event time so that I would not put my host out. However, I have always been taught to make sure I give myself enough time to get somewhere so I plan for possible issues such as traffic. It always seems when I give myself that extra time the drive goes smooth, but the ONE time I cut it too close is when you get behind the person going 10 under the speed limit and you hit every light.

On top of that, if I was a host, I would be okay with my guests arriving within 10 minutes on either side of the start time. I would make sure I was ready at least 10 minutes early (I don't understand people who are getting ready up to the start time as I see that as being unprepared) and would not hold it against anyone who was up to 10 minutes late. More then that though and the guest is being rude to the host and the other guests.

For meeting people places (such as a restaurant) I will always aim to be a bit early. I would rather wait in my car in the parking lot then make my friend wait for me. I do find it VERY rude for people to be late in these situations. If you say "I will meet you at 5" then you should be there at 5 (obviously I would not get mad for things out of your hands such as an accident that has them stuck).... not 5:15. Keeping people waiting is rude no matter how you try to explain it.

 

[kaligal]

People who routinely show up late are self-centered and rude.

But people who continue to put up with these flakes have only themselves to blame. If you allow yourselves to be treated poorly, it eventually becomes your fault.

 

[Ccann]

I hate being late. Always have and always will. Before getting married I was always early. If I arrived to early I would sit in the car a wait a little bit, especially arriving at someone's house. I would wait at least until someone else went in.

When I got married and had kids, it seems like I am always rushed but not because of me but because of DH. I started to have panic attacks because of it... silly i know!!! he would say we will get there when we get there...i have a saying with my softball teams, if your five minutes early your on time, if your on time you are late and if your are late your running...
So his family is 3 hours away. I might be known to wake up late or have to load the dishwasher or wait until the washing machine is done so I can put the clothes in the dryer before we leave... Oh then I have to put my makeup on... You get the idea I love paybacks.... He's in the back... Honey we should have left by now come on you knew I wanted to leave at 8 am its already 830.... While I say its okay we will get there when we get there...

 

[pacrosby]

I am always early for events. That said, I would NEVER show up at someones house 10 minutes early. I would find somewhere to wait until the actual event time so that I would not put my host out. However, I have always been taught to make sure I give myself enough time to get somewhere so I plan for possible issues such as traffic. It always seems when I give myself that extra time the drive goes smooth, but the ONE time I cut it too close is when you get behind the person going 10 under the speed limit and you hit every light.

On top of that, if I was a host, I would be okay with my guests arriving within 10 minutes on either side of the start time. I would make sure I was ready at least 10 minutes early (I don't understand people who are getting ready up to the start time as I see that as being unprepared) and would not hold it against anyone who was up to 10 minutes late. More then that though and the guest is being rude to the host and the other guests.

For meeting people places (such as a restaurant) I will always aim to be a bit early. I would rather wait in my car in the parking lot then make my friend wait for me. I do find it VERY rude for people to be late in these situations. If you say "I will meet you at 5" then you should be there at 5 (obviously I would not get mad for things out of your hands such as an accident that has them stuck).... not 5:15. Keeping people waiting is rude no matter how you try to explain it.

This is all fine and good provided you have that extra time to plan for....which sometimes people simply don't. Maybe they got home late from work through no fault of their own. Maybe their kid was sick. Maybe you wanted to meet at 5 because you wanted to be home by 7 and they knew it was going to be tight but they were trying to accomodate your schedule. Sometimes it's like a house of cards and when the first thing goes wrong (out of your control) everything that follows comes crashing down after it. And the busier someone's life, the more likely that is.

For that very reason when I make plans with people I generally say something like...we'll meet at X "at about 5" with the understanding that some will arrive alittle before, and some alittle after, but eventually we will all be together. It gives everybody plenty of wiggle room. And no one is ever left hanging...and angry.

ETA: the only exception being a party at my house...then it's "be here at 5 and not a second sooner". You can call me unprepared all you want but, since you don't live my life, you wouldn't know what you were talking about. (and imo that attitude screams of your own self centeredness : "What? You're not sitting around waiting for ME? How dare you have anything else to do but make yourself ready for MY arrival?!)

 

[Disney Doll]

This is all fine and good provided you have that extra time to plan for....which sometimes people simply don't. Maybe they got home late from work through no fault of their own. Maybe their kid was sick. Maybe you wanted to meet at 5 because you wanted to be home by 7 and they knew it was going to be tight but they were trying to accomodate your schedule. Sometimes it's like a house of cards and when the first thing goes wrong (out of your control) everything that follows comes crashing down after it. And the busier someone's life, the more likely that is.

For that very reason when I make plans with people I generally say something like...we'll meet at X "at about 5" with the understanding that some will arrive alittle before, and some alittle after, but eventually we will all be together. It gives everybody plenty of wiggle room. And no one is ever left hanging...and angry.

ETA: the only exception being a party at my house...then it's "be here at 5 and not a second sooner". You can call me unprepared all you want but, since you don't live my life, you wouldn't know what you were talking about. (and imo that attitude screams of your own self centeredness : "What? You're not sitting around waiting for ME? How dare you have anything else to do but make yourself ready for MY arrival?!)

We're talking about habitual lateness....not the occasonal "such and such happened" lateness.

 

[MomofKatie]

If you are going to an event at somebody's house and you arrive 10 minutes early, do you ring the doorbell or do you wait around till the actual start time of the event?

I have to agree with others that it is far more rude to people to show up at their house 10 minutes early than 10 minutes late.

Oh, and the saying I always heard is that arriving 10 minutes after the start time is regarded as being "fashionably late" and most people I know actually plan on this when hosting an event.

As I have posted several times on this thread, no, I don't ring someone's doorbell 10 minutes early. I realize most folks don't appreciate early comers (as I'm sure they don't appreciate people who are always late). But I plan my time so I am not rushing to arrive on time or late. I like to have a little extra time. I will simply wait in the car or drive around the block until the start time of the event.

And, I consider it far more rude to be late than a bit early. YMMV, but that is just a core difference between "always lates" and "always punctuals".

 

[kaligal]

And, I consider it far more rude to be late than a bit early. YMMV, but that is just a core difference between "always lates" and "always punctuals".

Yup. People get reputations. Everyone knows who is reliable and who will show up late, flustered and with a story about how X Y and Z went wrong or how they thought it was for 3:00, not 2:30.

You have your responsible people and you have your flakes.

 

[pacrosby]

We're talking about habitual lateness....not the occasonal "such and such happened" lateness.

Actually, on this thread, people seem to be talking about all sorts of different kinds of lateness.

My point was simply to illustrate that you can't throw everyone in a single category. Not everyone who is late is rude and self centered. And yes, that even includes those who might do it alittle more often that you might like. And depending on how you look at it, those who think they are could share the same title. It's still all about 'me, me, me', no matter how you slice it.

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

DH and I live by the old saying: If you are 10 minutes early, you are on time. If you are on time, you are late. If you are late, you are left out.

As I have posted several times on this thread, no, I don't ring someone's doorbell 10 minutes early. I realize most folks don't appreciate early comers (as I'm sure they don't appreciate people who are always late). But I plan my time so I am not rushing to arrive on time or late. I like to have a little extra time. I will simply wait in the car or drive around the block until the start time of the event.

And, I consider it far more rude to be late than a bit early. YMMV, but that is just a core difference between "always lates" and "always punctuals".

You're contradicting yourself. Either you're 10 minutes early, and thus "on time", according to your "old saying", or you're right on time according to the clock, which is late, according to the "old saying".

Which is why this is a stupid expression. I'm so glad I never heard of it before, and don't believe it's true. Why can't "on time" just be called "on time"?

 

[MomofKatie]

You're contradicting yourself. Either you're 10 minutes early, and thus "on time", according to your "old saying", or you're right on time according to the clock, which is late, according to the "old saying".

Which is why this is a stupid expression. I'm so glad I never heard of it before, and don't believe it's true. Why can't "on time" just be called "on time"?

Oh, goodness- just forget I said anything. I didn't make up the saying...

 

[PizzieDuster]

Wow. I have to admit, although I would have been ticked off, there's a time to cut bait. If it was obvious that we weren't expected, I would have left, headed home and caught the second half. I can't imagine running to the grocery store for food, etc unless it was my sister or BFF!!

I know, I know, I know you guys! Trust me. NEVER AGAIN!

I guess it's not often the Iowa Hawkeyes are in a college football bowl game on New Years day.

I must love my hubby very very much...but lesson learned I promise! As I'm watching him snooze with his Iowa sweatshirt on right now. Boys and their "team".

Just in case any one cares, that man preferred boxers ewww