3 weeks out and I don't want to go now.

[meggiebeth]

I have re-read my post and can't for the life of me see what you would construe as my being nasty to you. Now I am confused!

I didn't think you were nasty at all. You were actually very polite and I totally agree with you. Maybe it's the way things are read over the Internet, but I didn't think you were being nasty.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[phoenixleigh]

I have re-read my post and can't for the life of me see what you would construe as my being nasty to you. Now I am confused!

I didn't think you were nasty at all. You were actually very polite and I totally agree with you. Maybe it's the way things are read over the Internet, but I didn't think you were being nasty.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

I agree. I think this person needs to stop making this post about them rather than the OP

 

[trwprid]

Nice. You don't agree with my comments, so you call me a troll.

Maybe not a troll, but perhaps being a bit too black-and-white.

Telling the OP to act in way that's outside of her personality isn't helpful. There's not a switch you can throw so that you're suddenly in control of a difficult situation. There are emotions entwined in all that, too. Can't separate all that stuff out.

 

[violetmonarch]

I just re-read your first post. Does your mother use ASL to communicate? Or is she an "old age" hard of hearing who doesn't wear her hearing aids?

Reason for asking--DCL has several cruises that they pre-arrange to have a pair of ASL interpreters on board, and will attempt to book a team of interpreters for any other cruise upon request. This is true if even ONE guest needs the services. The interpreters will spend as much or as little time with the family as desired (meals, activities, etc or just interpret the stage shows--your choice...or mom's, really). They are fun to watch (we always tried to get seats across the aisle from the reserved section in the theater when we knew they were on board. My daughter was studying ASL in school, and Angela (one of the interpreters) very graciously talked to her about interpreting for Disney and showed her some of the special DCL signs.

If your mother needs special services from DCL, by all means request them now. ANything that makes your life easier is a plus, right?

And if you want to book a cruise while on board, you can prepare a card/letter in advance to drop in the future cruise box. Just specify dates, cabin, people, etc. The future cruise desk will contact you with a "quote" and all you need to do is leave a phone message to have it booked. You don't even need the 10 minutes to meet with the agent! And it honestly doesn't matter what they book--anything can be changed once you're back home.

Thank you. She is not deaf, but does need to use a hearing aid (she lost hers so she is going without one atm). Sometimes she can get rude about waiters or cashiers and such if they speak too low. Usually, if I am there, I just politely ask them to speak up...I think she gets touchy and just does not like that she cannot hear. Again, her pride...
I have a special needs form that I am taking to the port so that they can be aware of her needs. Yes, I plan on re-booking and I am not too concerned about her trying to wedge her way into this one, because I told her over and over again that "the kids and I" are going. Thru some encouragement (thank you all) I will stand my ground.

No need to be nasty with me. Sure the mom forced her way on the boat; I'm not buying that. The OP is a grown adult, she could and perhaps should have explained that mom wasn't invited on the cruise. The OP clearly made the reservation for her, as the OP complained that her mom was not computer savy and didn't want to participate in the planning. If the OP didn't want her mom on the cruise, she shouldn't have invited her to go.

Thanks for your input.

Obviously too late for that now. I am sure if the OP could do it over again, they would lie to Mom

Thank you. I won't lie...just stand my ground more.

On the classic ships the bed can be split into two twin size beds.

Some adults have better relationships with their moms than others. Some personalities just mesh better than others. Mom has to want to change as much as the dtr. After 40+ years of banging my head against a brick wall in my relationship with my mom, I've realized she won't change because she doesn't think she needs to. She feels our relationship is my problem, she's totally blameless. It's better for me to just stop banging my head against the wall -- it feels so good when I stop.

Thank you. Yes, I am going to work the bed issue out somehow. Earplugs and a full schedule, I think will help...as a previous poster mentioned. She invited herself, sure...but I said yes after a while of her "I wish I could go see something nice" line. I said yes to her, okay...my rationale being that this could be a way to mend a loss of 23 years being distant. I am attempting to rise above the petty nature of her fight-picking to just go and make at least one good memory with her. I know that if I didn't try, she'd never think to do it. You could say that it was a foolish attempt, but I honestly was just hoping she would behave. Now...I know better.

Please, guys! Stop feeding the troll...



Sayhello

Thank you!

I agree. I think this person needs to stop making this post about them rather than the OP

Thank you!

 

[disneykelly73]

DEFINITELY ask to split the bed!!!!! no reason you should not get one half of the bed.. none at all!!! Either that, or your 13 yr old daughter shares the bed w/you and she takes one of the coverter beds.. they are all beds.. all just as comfy.. I mean.. its not like she can expect you to sleep on the floor, and please tell me you will stand your ground and not allow her to guilt you into doing it!!! the converter beds are super comfy, but are singles!

After all, she wanted to see the Ocean....

 

[boundfordisney]

there is soo much to see and do so Im sure you will have a great holiday! Even your mom may surprise you and relax once you are onboard, with all the smiling everyone onboard is doing how could she help but not join in! try and keep positive thoughts and just go with the flow, as they say when your smiling the whole world smiles with you! some disney magic may just do the trick, pixie dust and magical memories to you and your family including MOM. hope to see a great trip report once you get back!

 

[violetmonarch]

DEFINITELY ask to split the bed!!!!! no reason you should not get one half of the bed.. none at all!!! Either that, or your 13 yr old daughter shares the bed w/you and she takes one of the coverter beds.. they are all beds.. all just as comfy.. I mean.. its not like she can expect you to sleep on the floor, and please tell me you will stand your ground and not allow her to guilt you into doing it!!! the converter beds are super comfy, but are singles!

After all, she wanted to see the Ocean....

Thank you. Yes, I heard the bed can be split...but since my DD13 wants the upper berth and I have my DS4 that usually shares my bed when we travel, I actually think I am going to insist that I keep the bed together for DS and I, and let her enjoy the convertible bed I did tell her that in the beginning, so I am going to stand my ground

there is soo much to see and do so Im sure you will have a great holiday! Even your mom may surprise you and relax once you are onboard, with all the smiling everyone onboard is doing how could she help but not join in! try and keep positive thoughts and just go with the flow, as they say when your smiling the whole world smiles with you! some disney magic may just do the trick, pixie dust and magical memories to you and your family including MOM. hope to see a great trip report once you get back!

Thank you. I think that I might have to insist she have those DOTD's and perhaps that will loosen her up a bit. I know I SURE could use a few, too!

 

[Weedy]

I agree with you 100% that your Mom is out of line. Just a thought though. The bunk beds are not as comfy as the beds. But the beds and the couch are right next to each other. You could sleep in the bed by the couch and would be able to touch him. BUT do what you think is best for you and your children. You don't need to make this decision until you see your cabin. Then you can ask your cabin Stewart to set up the beds how you want. Good luck and have a great cruise

 

[Wendy&Grumpy]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

Don't let it ruin the vacation for you and your kids!

I think when she started in with how it's not fair that you and the kids do the dolphin encounter when she can only watch, I would have asked her how fair it would be to make the kids miss out just because she can't go in the water?!

Ugh, selfishness is no fun.

 

[auntie]

I'm sorry, but what good is travel insurance going to do her at this point? "My mother decided to be a jerk and not come on the cruise" would only be covered if you had "Cancel for any Reason" coverage, and I really don't think she can get that 3 weeks before the cruise. Most insurance won't pay out just because someone doesn't want to go on a cruise.

Sayhello

I do realize that "mom is a PITA" isn't covered under travel insurance. That being said, there are other things that are covered. IF...the OP felt her decision to cruise with mom was going to turn out to be the disaster she predicts , she may want to look into what other types of situations are covered and then "apply" them to her own.

Please..no fifty lashes with a wet noodle. We're all adults, I was just putting it out there as an option the OP may have wanted to explore. No more, no less.

On a personal note, way too much drama for me. I don't imagine that OP's mom just suddenly became argumentative and irrational. This type of behavior is a life time in the making. Not excusing mom's behavior, but also figure this isn't anything new, and the OP herself bares some responsibility in having created the situation.
Perhaps a step back, with a bit less planning. Maybe go with the flow. It's a vacation. If mom isn't able to participate in particular activities that she paid for, well, then it's her loss. Why worry that her physical limitations will prevent her from doing so. It will be apparent quicklly enough, and she can either move on or observe her family during the excursions.

Two days ago they found a mass in my mom's colon. She hasn't always been the easiest person to deal with. At some point, the parent/child relationship reverses itself. Now, she's scared and suffering. I'd give anything for her to be a PITA again.

_____________

 

[jodical]

Thank you all so much for your advice and also for caring enough to even offer any.
I really appreciate the encouragement. True, that this has been a difficult relationship...we were not close at all for about 23 years. I had to try to forgive her for things she allowed to happen for my own sake, not for her.
Unfortunately, she has still not understood the gravity of what was done, and that she has to change her behaviour if she wants to really have a relationship with me and my kids now and in the future.
I have been letting it go so that I don't have the problem of letting it get me upset, but this event really was the last time that I could turn a blind eye.
Perhaps I need to take another break from her again...all the stress just makes my medical conditions worse.
I have decided that I am going to go on this trip and be the bigger person (yet again) and allow her to join us. The only time I really expect to encounter her is in the room to sleep, at MDR (maybe) and on the excursion, if she goes.
I have told her this, and she is still mad at me...but that is nothing new.
Hopefully, some time apart will make her realize that she is throwing away her flesh and blood by holding tight to her pride. Pride can't help you when you are sick, can't cook for you, can't make conversation, or comfort you.
I hope that I have good things to report in the future...and please PM me if you'd like to see any pics on my FB page, post-cruise.
Thank you all again for being part advisers and part counselors, lol.

Love, love, love your attitude!

You've had some great advice and you've now got your head screwed on straight. I wish you the best of luck on your trip and I hope you ALL have the time of your lives! Would enjoy seeing some photos of the (hopefully ) smiling faces after your return! HAVE FUN!!!

 

[violetmonarch]

I agree with you 100% that your Mom is out of line. Just a thought though. The bunk beds are not as comfy as the beds. But the beds and the couch are right next to each other. You could sleep in the bed by the couch and would be able to touch him. BUT do what you think is best for you and your children. You don't need to make this decision until you see your cabin. Then you can ask your cabin Stewart to set up the beds how you want. Good luck and have a great cruise

Thank you. Yes, in the end we will figure out the sleeping situation when we are actually there. Remind me: I need earplugs! lol. I can sleep anywhere really, so we will see.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

Don't let it ruin the vacation for you and your kids!

I think when she started in with how it's not fair that you and the kids do the dolphin encounter when she can only watch, I would have asked her how fair it would be to make the kids miss out just because she can't go in the water?!

Ugh, selfishness is no fun.

Thank you. Yes, that was my thought, too. And once it became apparent that she was going to pout about it and be vocal non-stop about it, I decided to cancel it. Still doing the rays, which no one but me wanted to do in the beginning, but my DD is thrilled. All I care about is getting some good candid pics of the kids...you know the type where they get completely shocked...yup, that's the best souvenir! I hope that she can understand that the pics I will be buying will be sans her. Anyhoo...

Love, love, love your attitude!

You've had some great advice and you've now got your head screwed on straight. I wish you the best of luck on your trip and I hope you ALL have the time of your lives! Would enjoy seeing some photos of the (hopefully ) smiling faces after your return! HAVE FUN!!!

Thank you! Yes, I will surely post what I can from the trip...that is if anyone wants to read, lol. I am not the most computer savvy so the pics might be hard to post but I will try. Oops...I have no camera! Remind me to buy one!

 

[MrProjectionist]

Wow...just caught up on your thread and wanted to wish you the best! What a dramatic mother! I certainly hope things work out in the end!

 

[nkochrn]

If you can get her to back out of going you can change the person in a stateroom for a fee of $50.00. This is what I was told when I called about canceling my cruise b/c I need to be home with my dying father. They said if the rest of my crew would want to go I could replace myself with another person, but there's no way I was letting my family go without me!

 

[aprincessatlast]

I am sorry that the OP is not enjoying her cruise planning, but it sounds like she brought this on herself.

1. Why did you invite your mother if you don't get along with her and wouldn't enjoy traveling with her?

2. From what I can see, many of your complaints that are causing you so much stress are minor. For example, you complain that your mother doesn't want to use the internet. So what? What does that have to do with your enjoyment of the cruise. Also, she is expecting you to arrange all the planning. Well, you did book the cruise, and invited her to go. To me that seems like a resonable expectation, and something you should be doing anyway.

3. It sounds like the OP feels that she is better than her mother and is embarassed by her. She wouldn't be the first person who feels this way and this in itself doesn't necessarily make her a bad person. However, to threaten her mother that shw will now not let her go seems like a rotten thing to do.

4. I almost forgot. I got a kick out of your mother not wanting to participate in buying FE stuff. That demonstrates to me that she has more sense than you give her credit for.


Mike

These boards are so funny! I completely expected this thread to go in a different direction. As always there are two sides. True the mother invited herself however it is convenient that the daughter gets the kids sail free promo by her going.

OP sit back and relax, enjoy your vacay. It will be like no other, even with your mom coming along! Remember parents traveled very differently not so long ago so don't be to hard on your mom but then again do not let her take over either. I say go on that dolphin excursion!

 

[violetmonarch]

Wow...just caught up on your thread and wanted to wish you the best! What a dramatic mother! I certainly hope things work out in the end!

Thank you. I hope so too! It's rapidly approaching, too

If you can get her to back out of going you can change the person in a stateroom for a fee of $50.00. This is what I was told when I called about canceling my cruise b/c I need to be home with my dying father. They said if the rest of my crew would want to go I could replace myself with another person, but there's no way I was letting my family go without me!

Thank you. I thought about doing that but in all honesty, most of my friends cannot get off work or get a passport in this short of time and all of them are married, so I cannot expect to kidnap the wife while her family sits behind on a cruise. It's okay...what doesn't kill me, right?

These boards are so funny! I completely expected this thread to go in a different direction. As always there are two sides. True the mother invited herself however it is convenient that the daughter gets the kids sail free promo by her going.

OP sit back and relax, enjoy your vacay. It will be like no other, even with your mom coming along! Remember parents traveled very differently not so long ago so don't be to hard on your mom but then again do not let her take over either. I say go on that dolphin excursion!

Thank you. Actually, I was booked originally before a KSF offer was present. I was fine going alone and having to pay for the kids, because that was my plan. Anyway, I am saving the dolphins for next time. I can't do two excursions this time if I wanna pay for the next cruise. Keeping the Rays

 

[loveadobie]

I think this whole situation started off in a downhill spiral when mom invited herself on the family trip, and the OP it seems was unable to stand up and say "sorry mom, this trip is planned for my children and myself, can we just plan something at a later time."

Now OP is changing plans, to try and include mom into something that she was not originally planned for. The OP is frustrated, and rightfully feeling like she is no longer in control. This is an unfortunate mess.

Can daughter/mom/ and grandkids plan an event later that would truly be something everyone would look forward to. This idea of handing mom a navigator and highlighter in this situation seems like a disaster in the making. Mom would really feel put out if she was suddenly not included.

 

[allstar]

You are going to have a great time theres is so much and you will have so much fun together!!!!!

 

[JKSWonder]

I can totally sympathize.

On our very first Disney cruise we made the extreme mistake of letting my mother in law know we we going. We should have kept that information to ourselves until it was too late to do much good for her, since next thing I know she called us to let us know that she had booked her own cabin and brought along my SIL and my niece to boot!

I love them, I do, but this was supposed to be a vacation for just my little family. I was upset that it was taken away from me, without any consultation whatsoever.

I did all the stuff I wanted to do anyway (they had no funds for excursions), but it was very uncomfortable. I had wanted my daughter to do more kid club stuff, since she is shy and needs the socialization, but with my niece there she refused to go often.

I tried my best to let everything that bothered me go, so that it wouldn't put a damper my vacation. I hope you are able to do the same and enjoy the vacation you have been looking forward to for so long.

 

[Grammy4Lizzy]

One of the kids would be free anyway.